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TW Fic: Dear Jack.
Hello there. I bring you fic. Could possibly be the first post-S3 fic on LJ, who knows? Anyway, it's something I've had in my head for at least a year, but finally wrote it down tonight. (It's very short, and not really a fic at all to be honest. I just don't know what else to call it.) Notes etc under cut. Thank you's to Kathy for the super swift beta.
I don't think this needs much explaining, really. My thinking is that Ianto wrote it after Owen died (the first time), and gave it to Martha to look after. (If he hid it in the Hub, Jack might find it...)
Dear Jack
If you are holding this letter, then I am dead. I hope that I was doing something brave and heroic. (If it was a weevil, please lie in the report.)
But, that is not why I am writing this. I know you, Jack, and whatever happened you will blame yourself. Don't. Because I came to you. Always remember that. I sought you out, and I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. I'd seen with my own eyes what's out there, and what it does to people.
After Lisa died I could have walked away, but I didn't - Torchwood was the only thing I had left. Torchwood and you. And I hated you for that, I think, but I also clung on like a drowning man. Everyone needs something to believe in, a reason to go on... I fantasised about killing myself back then, so many times, but I knew that you needed me, that there was a job to get done, so I'd always leave it until tomorrow. Do you need me? A little bit, I hope. What I know is that I needed you - still do, at time of writing, and that's not likely to change.
And, in case I never get round to actually saying it - I love you. We all do. (Even Owen, although he'll never say it.) It's you who keeps us here, you who gives us purpose. None of us want to be anywhere else, trust me.
There is only one more thing. A last request, if you will. Could you please put me next to Lisa? I kept a space empty.
Yours,
Ianto Jones
I don't think this needs much explaining, really. My thinking is that Ianto wrote it after Owen died (the first time), and gave it to Martha to look after. (If he hid it in the Hub, Jack might find it...)
Dear Jack
If you are holding this letter, then I am dead. I hope that I was doing something brave and heroic. (If it was a weevil, please lie in the report.)
But, that is not why I am writing this. I know you, Jack, and whatever happened you will blame yourself. Don't. Because I came to you. Always remember that. I sought you out, and I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. I'd seen with my own eyes what's out there, and what it does to people.
After Lisa died I could have walked away, but I didn't - Torchwood was the only thing I had left. Torchwood and you. And I hated you for that, I think, but I also clung on like a drowning man. Everyone needs something to believe in, a reason to go on... I fantasised about killing myself back then, so many times, but I knew that you needed me, that there was a job to get done, so I'd always leave it until tomorrow. Do you need me? A little bit, I hope. What I know is that I needed you - still do, at time of writing, and that's not likely to change.
And, in case I never get round to actually saying it - I love you. We all do. (Even Owen, although he'll never say it.) It's you who keeps us here, you who gives us purpose. None of us want to be anywhere else, trust me.
There is only one more thing. A last request, if you will. Could you please put me next to Lisa? I kept a space empty.
Yours,
Ianto Jones
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*bursts into tears*
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But this is good. This is a little bit of the closure I think I need. Thank you for writing it.
Could you please put me next to Lisa? I kept a space empty.
Very touching. And very, very realistic, since Ianto would have written this before the Hub blew up.
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Sorry, I know that feeling. (I can't even look at icons anymore...)
But this is good. This is a little bit of the closure I think I need. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you for reading. And I'm glad it provided some closure, it's something I'm desperately searching for myself at the moment...
Very touching. And very, very realistic, since Ianto would have written this before the Hub blew up.
As I said above, I've had it in my head for *ages*... and then when I finally wrote it down that last line had suddenly got another layer...
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Brilliant. And so, so sad, especially the last sentence.
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Brilliant. And so, so sad, especially the last sentence.
As I said above, I've had the thing in my head for ages, never thinking that canon would make that last line so very poignant. *mourns for the Hub* Anyway, thank you again.
(I need more CoE icons. Except they all make me sad...)
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Ianto's death didn't hit me that hard in context because it's always different when you know it's coming and particularly when you've known it's coming even before you knew the character, and because by that point in the whole thing it was sort of a drop in the bucket, and of course because he's not *my* character in that way.
But this hurts and is some good closure at the same time.
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I wonder if it would have affected me differently if I'd known what was coming... Although knowing that the best way to hurt the hero is to kill those he loves, I had been preparing myself for this ever since they first got together. (And, originally, Ianto was supposed to have had Owen's fate in S2.) Still, it hurt in ways no other story has ever hurt me, and I still struggle to articulate why. I just know that he was *mine*. I usually feel through a story (like the Doctor losing Rose, or Donna's fate - I feel for the Doctor), but with Ianto it was personal.
But this hurts and is some good closure at the same time.
Like I said, I'd had it planned out for ages, but that night I suddenly knew I had to write it. Because despite everything, it was Ianto's choice through and through, and I needed to acknowledge that. Oh and the last line, about Lisa, was something I'd always wanted to put in there, but I'd never anticipated how it would sting...
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I know at least for me the big difference is in knowing a character is going to die from the very beginning. If you've always known their fate, it feels less like them being taken from you and more like the . . . natural order of things, if you will. Not that that can't be sad too, but it's what was always meant to be.
Still, it hurt in ways no other story has ever hurt me, and I still struggle to articulate why. I just know that he was *mine*. I usually feel through a story (like the Doctor losing Rose, or Donna's fate - I feel for the Doctor), but with Ianto it was personal.
*nods* I don't think I've ever had anything quite the like. Of course, American television tends to string its characters along until they're warped beyond all recognition, rather than killing them off honorably. It's a different sort of pain.
Because despite everything, it was Ianto's choice through and through, and I needed to acknowledge that.
Like I said, an honorable death.
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Oh yes. (And this works for River's story beautifully.)
*nods* I don't think I've ever had anything quite the like.
I didn't know it was possible to have something like that. :(
Of course, American television tends to string its characters along until they're warped beyond all recognition, rather than killing them off honorably. It's a different sort of pain.
Oh I am familiar with that. And on supernatural shows very few characters ever stay dead... (Darla, on BtVS & Angel, dies onscreen [counts] 4 times - and even then she turns up as a ghost later on. Not that I mind. Darla was AWESOME!)
Like I said, an honorable death.
I'm not sure I can think of something more honourable than dying for the children of the world...