Shameless begging... (and a thought)

[elisi]

This is a plea to those of you who are good at capping! As those who read my 'Why We Fight' post know, there is a specific moment that I'd *love* to have a cap of (so I can bribe an icon maker into iconning it. Heh.).

It's towards the very, very end of scene 13 (on the DVD), when Angel sends Spike up the ladder after Lawson. Because he [Angel] smiles! It's very small, and very short, but it's definitely an affectionate smile and I really, really want it! *looks pleading* I'll write a drabble of your choice in exchange if you like!

*hugs and kisses to hesadevil!* Look! She even made a mini youtube video of the smile!!! (changed link so now you can actually see it! *facepalm*)

(*loves Angel to tiny little pieces*)

And just to stop this post from being completely pointless, a few more thoughts on what Lawson needed from Angel.

Thinking about the whole father/Sire-hood a little more, then I guess Lawson is like an illegitimate child looking up his father, always having felt a void in his life. Unable to really live because of all the unanswered questions, the pain of having been rejected. And then when he finds him, being rejected all over again - his father can't 'fix' him, can't be a real father to him - they have nothing in common.

To look at this from a vampire POV we see in the Fanged Four family how the bonds between them are very strong. Darla spends years teaching Angelus, and Angelus does the same with William (and Dru I guess, but less so, what with her being crazy). It's a very twisted sort of family, but it's a family nonetheless. And they're powerful because of it. The average graveyard vamps (turned apparently for the fun of it) that Buffy stakes in half a minute, just drift - have no common purpose or bonds. And I think that Lawson needed that family structure: For a moment imagine what Angelus could have done with him - a bright, driven young fledgling like that would have been a joy for him to teach. Angelus could have given him a mission. But Angel couldn't give Lawson that, and that's what he rallies against - what he should have had. So... I don't think he got a piece of soul - he got a void where his Sire should have been.

Because here's a thought:

Spike: "Dru may have sired me, but you - you made me a monster!"

Lawson in effect says the opposite:

"You sired me, but then you didn't make me into a monster!"

I think he could probably have rivalled Spike, but instead he just drifted, purposeless and lonely. Sure Spike had his problems with Angel(us), but they came *from* their relationship, not neglect.

So going back the mirroring of Connor - Connor needed Angel, but found it hard to see beyond Angelus. Lawson needed Angelus, but only ever got Angel. And neither ever had the relationship they had hoped - the guidance and purpose they craved.


Oh - and something else. Angel warns Lawson that he'll stake him if ever they cross paths again. Spike does *not* get that warning! Interesting...

ETA: Now I really want to read a fic where Lawson turns up in LA in S4 when Angelus was around, because it would be *so* much fun! I could totally see Angelus playing Lawson and Connor against each other, and loving every minute. I doubt that such a fic exists though... germaine_pet - feel like writing it? *g*

ETA2: Ended up writing it myself: His Real Father.

Comments

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Is this the one?

[elisi]

Oh no. I should have made that clear - it's Angel's smile I want! Spike has just gone up the ladder and Angel smiles this tiny little smile. I described it yesterday like this:

It’s the same smile I imagine a parent smiles when their teenage son has been caught smoking, crashed his motorbike, continually skipped school and then come home drunk at 3am before passing out on his bed. A ‘Yes he’s an idiot, but hey - he’s still my boy. Not like I wasn’t just as bad, back in the day. Sure he's a hell-raiser, but I gotta admit - the kid's got spirit!’

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

The best I can come up with is this one. As you say, it's very fast and difficult to capture. Plus, the lighting's atrocious and very red.

[elisi]

Oooh that's lovely. And yes, it's horribly dark and RED and quick.

But thank you so much! *is very happy*

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

You're verey welcome. It's the beginning of the smile. He blinks in the next frame where the smile is more evident so his eyes are closed. I hope someone can iconise it better than I have for you. All I do is crop and fiddle with lighting and 'noise', I'm no good at layers and textures and stuff.

I see bendy1 is bored and in th mood for icon making.

[elisi]

You're verey welcome.
Thank you again - I wouldn't even know where to start doing this kinda thing. 'Tis as mystery. Oh and would you like a drabble?

It's the beginning of the smile. He blinks in the next frame where the smile is more evident so his eyes are closed.
Oh but... See now I'm thinking that if I had that cap as well, and maybe the one after that again, then maybe I could have an animated icon... *hits self over head* Sorry, now I'm being presumptious and pushy and stuff. I'll just go away and look after my children like I should. Please ignore me.

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to finish the final chapter of Soul Searching at the moment and have had some ideas that need getting down and saving, but give me a few days and I'll see what I can come up with. I can't do animations - haven't the patience. But I'll have a go at capping the smile sequence for you.
No need for a drabble, although if you're in the mood and have the time after you've seen to the family, you might have a go at writing one to put up on gen_storyteller if you can bear the thought of writing genfic. Maybe a drabble taking place in a 'missing scene' from Season 1 AtS, before Spike attacks Angel; a Spike meets Lawson drabble? I'm very taken with the notion that what Lawson was 'suffering' was the void where his Sire's attention should have been, rather than some remnant of a soul.

If this doesn't tickle the Muse, we're announcing a challenge on gen_storyteller in conjunction with SDFA soon that will call for authors to write missing scenes of this sort, so maybe later in the year you might give it some thought.

[elisi]

But I'll have a go at capping the smile sequence for you.
Squee! *bounces* And there's no hurry at all. Please concentrate on the important stuff - and good luck with the writing. :)

if you can bear the thought of writing genfic.
You know that's quite funny, because most of my work is genfic. I've only written two properly shippy fics (although they are the two longest), but all the rest is gen, more or less. I've been meaning to post some of it on gen_storyteller, but just not got round to it yet. And I'll let the plotbunnies work on Lawson...

we're announcing a challenge on gen_storyteller in conjunction with SDFA soon that will call for authors to write missing scenes of this sort
I'll definitely look out for that! And THANK YOU again! *hugs*

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

I had a go at making a vido clip of the smile with the freedbie that came with Windows XP. (Distraction tactics - the chapter has ground to a halt)



If I can do it with the full sized caps, I should be able to iconise it.

[elisi]

SQUEE!!!!!!

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Now I really appreciate how much work goes into those music vids of spikeylover's. I used only 5 caps and it took me ages to animate a couple of seconds' worth.

[elisi]

I used only 5 caps and it took me ages to animate a couple of seconds' worth.
In which case I'm even more grateful!

Darcy does a lot of video editing and it takes *forever*! I never felt any impulse to try! *g* Writing takes up more than enough time...

[elisi]

Oh - meant to reply to this as well:

I'm very taken with the notion that what Lawson was 'suffering' was the void where his Sire's attention should have been, rather than some remnant of a soul.

I think it's rather a neat theory - we see how each of the fanged four don't coppe very well when alone. (I'd give examples, but you'd know them all anyway and I don't have the time...)

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

I think that there's an affectionate smile from Angel at the end of "Damaged" as well.

I guess that Angel can't help remembering William when watching Spike. It's like when you knew someone as a kid, no matter what that person has done afterwards as a teenager or as an adult, you can't forget the kid he/she was once upon a time...

There's a reason the monks gave Buffy fake memories of baby Dawn!

[elisi]

I think that there's an affectionate smile from Angel at the end of "Damaged" as well.
I *love* the end of 'Damage'!

I guess that Angel can't help remembering William when watching Spike.
It's just so sweet! Spike is a unrepentant evil monster, and yet Angel still likes him. Makes my shippy little heart very happy! :)

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

No, no, no you won't make me 'ship them! I wouldn't 'ship Buffy/Giles or Buffy/Dawn either btw.

Now Giles/Dawn...I think I could!

PS: Sorry for the typo about "Damage"

[elisi]

No, no, no you won't make me 'ship them!
But they're the shippiest ship ever! And the only ship that Joss never sank (except for Willow/Kennedy). It doesn't have to be a slashy ship btw, but they're *definitely* a ship! Go on...

Now Giles/Dawn...I think I could!
Eeeep! That's just - *wrong*! (Don't ask me why Dawn/Ethan is fine, but Dawn/Giles absolutely not. That's just how my brain works.)

PS: Sorry for the typo about "Damage"
Please - I can barely spell 'Spike'...

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Of course they are a 'ship...btw WWF pointed out by putting them in a ship, even though it's a submarine, it's still a ship.

As for Giles/Dawn the thing is that I don't see Giles as Dawn's surrogate father, he doesn't have with her the relationship he has with Buffy. Also I can't imagine any female character not having a crush on Giles! I just can picture Dawn trying to seduce him. LOL

[elisi]

Of course they are a 'ship...btw WWF pointed out by putting them in a ship, even though it's a submarine, it's still a ship.
Heee! But it's such a *good* ship! She sails true in all conditions! Get on board, go on!

I just can picture Dawn trying to seduce him. LOL
Now I must go bleach my brain again... He slept with her mother for goodness sake! It's *wrong*! And not the fun, naughty kind of wrong either!

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

The only fic remotely like that I can think of off hand is Origins: Revelations, by Niamh.

It's a very interesting story, though the author really dislikes several characters. I'm not sure it's quite what you wanted though-- Lawson has more interactions with Spike.

[elisi]

Thanks for the rec, although I do have problems with writers who dislike those they write about... (And also I don't have time for reading. Woe.)

[morgantree.livejournal.com]

I think Lawson's problem is twofold: Sired by Angel instead of Angelus, so no proper guidance; and sired for "heroic," nearly altruistic purposes, which means his birth is conlicted at the core... which brings us back to Connor, I guess...

[elisi]

sired for "heroic," nearly altruistic purposes, which means his birth is conlicted at the core
Oh that's a good point! *loves you brain*

which brings us back to Connor, I guess...
As always... Lawson really is the anti-Connor.

[moscow-watcher.livejournal.com]

I tried to make an avi of the scene in question but the lighting is so horrible I couldn't make anything good. Maybe these two avis could make up for it?

[elisi]

Awww, they're so sweet! I have room for no more userpics (*wail!*), so these'll have to go in a folder for now, but I'll be doing a clearout at some point... the first one especially is just wonderful! ::hugs the sweet boys::

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

I hate to horn in but oh my god, I really...really...

by any chance are those shareable? *prays*

[moscow-watcher.livejournal.com]

Mel - it's up to Elisi. The avis are hers now. If she doesn't mind...

I may try to make a bunny!Spike avi for you. (I'm still giggling as I recall your fic).

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

heeheee. I'd be honored. I'm hoping for a uh..plot bunny *cough* for another installment of the bunny fic

[elisi]

Apparently it's up to me, so I say: Snag away! Nothing that brilliant should be monopolised! :)

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

yay! thank you muchly. I shall pet them regularly :)

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

the lighting is so horrible I couldn't make anything good.
And if Moscow can't make an animated gif of it, no one can.

I've tried. But as soon as you crop the screencaps and reduce them to 100x100 pixels, you can't see the smile at all on an animated gif that small. I have some icon sized 'stills' of each frame, so if you want any, I can send them to you.

[elisi]

I have some icon sized 'stills' of each frame, so if you want any, I can send them to you.
Yes please. :) And could I have the original caps as well? It occurred to me that maybe I could talk someone into making a wallpaper, which would probably work a lot better.

And HUGE THANK YOUs again - I really am incredibly grateful for all your hard work!

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the only cap I kept was the first one I posted back up the page with its matching icon. The others got lost in the attempt to make an animated icon.

I have, however, uploaded icon sized based on the caps together with my attempt at an animated gif - on my Photobucket account

[elisi]

I have, however, uploaded icon sized based on the caps together with my attempt at an animated gif
Ooooh thank you! And I'm impressed with the quality to be honest - although dark they're very clear.

And I really, really hope it didn't eat up too much time and effort! *is immensely grateful*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

here by way of su herald...some very interesting connections. thanks for uh...thinking! :)

and I would definitely be down for s4 angelus-lawson-connor mindfucking...that would be so entertaining.

[elisi]

some very interesting connections. thanks for uh...thinking! :)
Hee! My pleasure - I can't seem to help it! *g*

And I think I'm going to *have* to write some S4 angelus-connor-lawson mindfucking. If nothing else, then just a ficlet. *shakes fist at ev0l plotbunny*

[lynnenne]

I would, except that I already have a list of fics that I still have to get around to writing. But I'll keep it in mind. ;)

[elisi]

I think I might have to write it myself now... Ive got a scene in my head now with dialogue and stuff. *sigh* Someone give me time!!!!

And speaking of Connor, you've seen yhlee's Fighting It, right? It might be the best Angel(us)/Connor/Family vid I've ever seen!

[yourlibrarian]

Oh - and something else. Angel warns Lawson that he'll stake him if ever they cross paths again. Spike does *not* get that warning! Interesting...

Great point. And I like your reading of Lawson as the illegitimate son. It makes sense.

[elisi]

Great point.
Ah, Spike & Angel...

And I like your reading of Lawson as the illegitimate son. It makes sense.
Thanks! :) I guess that makes Connor the wanted son (who got kidnapped and stuff), and Spike the adopted son.

[redsrule1.livejournal.com]

I don't think he got a piece of soul - he got a void where his Sire should have been.
Excellent point. I'd pondered that one myself, but you came to good conclusion!

[elisi]

I'd pondered that one myself, but you came to good conclusion!
Thanks! :)