Burn down the patriarchy

[elisi]

So, we went to see Barbie! We were dressed as pink as possible and it was awesome. Possibly more thoughts later.

However I have been waiting for a good moment to post a link to this thread (in my head I refer to it as 'the Thread of Threads'), and this seems the perfect tie-in:

Metafilter: “Where’s My Cut?”: On Unpaid Emotional Labor
Housework is not work. Sex work is not work. Emotional work is not work. Why? Because they don’t take effort? No, because women are supposed to provide them uncompensated, out of the goodness of our hearts.

We are told frequently that women are more intuitive, more empathetic, more innately willing and able to offer succor and advice. How convenient that this cultural construct gives men an excuse to be emotionally lazy. How convenient that it casts feelings-based work as "an internal need, an aspiration, supposedly coming from the depths of our female character."

Read the linked article first (it is quite short) and then you have an almost endless discussion to delve into. I have been reading for almost two weeks and I am still not done (it's 2058 comments long). It will make you angry and amazed and determined and might change how you see the world.

ETA: The article/thread is from 2015. Now we have a song! (With thanks to Promethia <3)

Watch on YouTube

The lyrics are AMAZING: "I know you're a smart man and weaponise the false incompetence--It's dominance under guise."

Comments

[kazzy_cee]

I would add that raising and educating a child is also work :)

[elisi]

Oh very much so! But this about... (it's so difficult to pin down, because it's a hydra that keeps growing) how raising a child involves stuff like this:

I thought about this thread this morning as I went through my daughter's school uniform drawer to find the one skirt that would both look OK in school pictures (because I was the only one who remembered it was picture day) and had built in shorts (because it's one of the days she has gym, and she insists on wearing a skirt with built in shorts on gym day -- but not pants, never pants on gym day wtf I don't know either) and I knew it was in the drawer, because I planned the laundry last week and rotated the order in which she wore various pieces of uniform to ensure that this particular skirt would be clean on this particular day.

Just one of those incredibly minor things, but I probably thought about it for 3 or 4 minutes every day for a week.

[promethia_tenk]

I read a very good article once about the unacknowledged labor of coordinating things. That even if men seem to be doing an equal amount of housework or child-rearing work, it still mostly falls on women to plan all of it--keep track of all the dates and the needs and what needs to happen when--and men are like 'what, I'm helping' but they have to be told everything that needs to be done instead of being proactive and keeping track of it themselves. Which seems small but actually completely eats your attention and mental energy when you're the one doing it.

[elisi]

The thread is alllllll about that. (And more. But so much about this.)

And yes the 'I'm helping' or 'Just tell me what to do' - they talk about who 'owns' the task, and even if you delegate *you* are the person who has to keep tabs on it. The difference (as someone put it) between moving house and helping out by carrying boxes.

(Have you seen Barbie yet?)

[promethia_tenk]

I'm currently in a struggle about this with my boss of all things. We keep trying to get him into shape, and he keeps resisting responsibility. And it's like 'it is not my job to keep track of whether everybody is getting paid for the week. I should not have to remind you that there are new people whose times need to be added manually. I have my own department to run; I should not have to be managing you.'

(Have you seen Barbie yet?)
Not yet. I do want to, but I didn't have time last weekend, and now it's Good Omens time.

[elisi]

We keep trying to get him into shape, and he keeps resisting responsibility. And it's like 'it is not my job to keep track of whether everybody is getting paid for the week. I should not have to remind you that there are new people whose times need to be added manually. I have my own department to run; I should not have to be managing you.'
Ooof. The whole thread is full of stories like this. Husbands, fathers, managers etc etc. Alas there is no magic solution, but reading [some of] it might be helpful.

Not yet. I do want to, but I didn't have time last weekend, and now it's Good Omens time.
It is a lot of fun, very feminist, very pink, full of in-jokes and I enjoyed it hugely. Please watch is at all possible - just imagine how much Crowley would love it.

[kazzy_cee]

The thing that frustrates me the most is that you CAN pay for a housekeeper or a therapist (someone to listen to you) but when family members do it for free (and it is usually women) it's just accepted. So, yes, I do see what the article is trying to say.

[elisi]

but when family members do it for free (and it is usually women) it's just accepted. So, yes, I do see what the article is trying to say.
This. I have more thoughts, but I am going to put them within the framework of Barbie (because the movie is a perfect showcase).

Please read the thread, you'll get very angry! :)

[conuly]

Or an admin.

You can make a decent income keeping somebody's calendar for them, making the appointments, and ensuring they get flowers for their wife on their anniversary - but if you're married to them instead of employed by them, then all of a sudden it's nothing.

[elisi]

but if you're married to them instead of employed by them, then all of a sudden it's nothing.
Exactly. You're just handed the itinerary and told to get on with it... (NotAllMen of course)

[promethia_tenk]

https://youtu.be/fMtnktpF_t0

[elisi]

Yeah, that.

[promethia_tenk]

The most cathartic song.

I wasn't even aware of this one, but YouTube immediately served it up:

https://youtu.be/jvU4xWsN7-A

Every more on point.

[elisi]

Daaaaamn. That's Emotional Labour The Song! I'm adding that to the post. >:)