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Fic: Dating the Cleverest Boy in the World. Chapter 16.
This chapter was supposed to be longer, but this particular scene grew and fitted nicely into its own chapter. Also, this way I get to post it now. :) With many thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_redjay for the look-through. (All mistakes mine, as it has been edited greatly since.)
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. And on AO3 here.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Spring 2027 (the day after Chapter 15)
Characters (this chapter): Jamie and Alex (OCs)
Rating: Teen
Wordcount: 3500 words.
Feedback: Will make me happier than you can imagine.
Chapter 16
Josh told me. If you would like to talk, I’ll be in my flat Monday morning. Drop by any time.
S.
The door was unlocked, so Jamie walked straight in, hanging hir coat on one of the pegs before doing a swift telepathic scan just to make sure that there was no one apart from hirself and Alex in the flat - and was stunned by what sie picked up.
Walking into the large open plan seating area, Jamie looked at Alex as if sie’d never seen him before. Which sie supposed sie hadn’t.
“You’re an alien,” sie said - a statement, not a question - still trying to wrap hir mind around what sie could pick up.
He was golden and bright. Something sie had never imagined, something utterly unknown and different tugging on all hir senses. ‘So much more alien’ Josh had said... Sie was beginning to see what he meant.
Alex held hir eyes, then nodded.
“Yes.”
Seeing that Jamie was still rather speechless he motioned hir closer.
“Come on, sit down. It’s... interesting to let my shields down. I generally have them set extra secure when you’re around. I feel... sort of naked?”
Jamie took a seat and nodded, still mesmerised by the tantalising nature of what sie could sense. He tilted his head.
“Nice to find out what you are, by the way. I suspected Star Poet - what with the very obvious telepathy - but wasn’t sure how that could even work.”
“So... you knew?” Jamie asked, and he smiled.
“Oh yes, the second I saw you. No ordinary human in this time would even know how to shield their thoughts. The fact that you didn’t just do it, but did it instinctively - and extremely effectively - was hugely telling. But you read human too - whatever you were, it was integral, you weren’t something hiding in a skin suit. I can’t tell you how pleased I was that Josh found you - for both your sakes.”
The smiled widened into a grin.
“To be perfectly honest I don’t know that someone only human would ever have been enough to keep his attention for any length of time.”
‘Thanks,” sie replied drily, yet unable to stop hirself from glancing at the ring on hir finger.
Yesterday - once they had gotten back from Cardiff - had been more or less one long party as Josh had told everyone he could possibly think of the good news, from his mother all the way through to distant acquaintances. Jamie had spent the day being hugged and congratulated by more people in afternoon than sie generally interacted with in a year (people at the bar didn’t count - they were customers), all of them admiring the ring, hearing its story over and over, as Josh - so breathtakingly happy that Jamie didn’t quite know what to to - made plans and considered the future.
So far the wedding had been set for some time around graduation - so about a year and a half away - although Josh was going to move in permanently as soon as feasible. Jamie wasn’t sure what had happened to hir beautifully quiet life, but knew that it would take time before sie would be able to assess things properly.
“Let me guess,” Alex said, as he followed hir eyes. “You’re equally happy and terrified?”
Jamie nodded, then began talking - not so much because sie trusted Alex, but because there was literally no one else to confide in, and the doubts in hir mind still cast long and uncomfortable shadows. And Alex seemed to understand...
“He is so happy. So... unbelievably happy. And I am too, of course, but... how can I ever live up to that? He is on this little cloud and what when he comes down? And he wants... He wants all these things, and he thinks that love will overcome everything. But what if it doesn’t? What if-”
Sie couldn’t continue, but Alex nodded, understanding in his eyes.
“They can’t see it. They don’t understand what it’s like to view things from the outside.”
Trying to somehow find her mental equilibrium again, Jamie turned the conversation around.
“Have you told Allie?”
Alex shook his head vehemently.
“No. Not yet. At some point I’ll have to, but my obstacles are far greater than yours. I know you’re worried, but you’ll be fine.”
“But the way he looks at me...” Sie couldn’t quite believe that sie was pouring all her fears out to someone sie’d only had vague interactions with before - but then sie didn’t really have close friends at all.
At this Alex smiled again. “Oh I know exactly what he sees when he looks at you.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Listen... I’ve known Josh since we were both four years old. I know him. I remember when he came back from India when he was only nine, and how he wouldn’t stop talking about the Taj Mahal. And the thing is... that never stopped. From that day he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life, and he never wavered in any way. Then he grew older, and discovered girls and boys and dating... Now I have no idea how many people he’s dated overall, as I’m sure he went behind everyone’s back at least half the time, and I’m not sure he knows either. The point is - there have been a lot. And then there was you.”
Alex studied hir, his focus absolute.
“Jamie, you’re his Taj Mahal. Something singular and... unassailable. Everyone said, back when he was nine, that the architecture thing was just a fad. But look at him now, well on his way to realising his childhood dreams. And you are the only other thing he has ever taken to in the same way. He might be young, but once his mind is set, nothing can change it.”
Jamie found that sie could barely breathe. There was no way sie could have refused Josh, but sie still worried - what if, what if, what if... He was so young... And suddenly, like a miracle, Alex had solved it. Found a way for hir to believe that it could all be true, that it would truly last. Except...
“But he wants all these things... Like... children. He says he doesn’t care, but he does. Ask Jack, he saw his face.”
Alex waved his hand dismissively.
“Oh I can help with that. All you need to do is love him - I’ll take care of any practical issues. Anything at all.” A frown. “Hey, don’t look so sceptical! Let me show you what I am. Properly, I mean, not just what you can pick up.”
Gently he reached out and laid his fingertips to Jamie’s temples, but it was the psychic touch that made hir eyes widen.
‘You’ve never done this before?’ Alex asked, and sie found hirself responding in the same manner.
‘No. Didn’t know I could...’
A soft mental chuckle.
‘Oh you have huge amounts of untapped potential - Star Poets use telepathy before speaking. I’ll teach you if you like? For now, do you want a tour? Don’t worry, I won’t peek - just step across and look around. Everything private is closed, so don’t worry about overstepping boundaries.’
Heart beating Jamie did as told, crossing over into someone else’s mind for the first time, and it was as easy as breathing...
‘Here,’ Alex added, ‘This is all I know about Arkateen V. Not a lot, but we’ll take you one day if you’re curious. I’m still grounded, but Jack could go.’
Sie absorbed the knowledge within mere moments, almost dizzy from sheer delight at the ease, even though sie could sense Alex’s laughter.
‘Told you,’ he said, ‘And I seriously have to train you. Humans on the whole are rubbish at telepathy...’
As sie moved around sie was struck by the sheer vastness of what his mind contained. So much knowledge... Although the most intriguing part was something sie couldn’t quite put hir finger on. It was what sie had picked up on from the moment sie walked through the door, but sie didn’t know what meant.
It was something luminous and immense, glimpsed only in bits here and there, but that sie could sense all around. Like lights round the edges of a closed door. Too curious to let it be, sie tried to push through to that light, and immediately a blank mental wall appeared.
‘Don’t.’
Sie blinked, looking with physical eyes at Alex, who didn’t seem angry at all, just unmoving.
‘Sorry...’
‘It’s not that it’s private as such. I just have no idea what will happen if I show you. It would probably kill you.’
His eyes were very calm, and Jamie swallowed.
A pause, as Alex seemed to turn things over, then a slow nod.
‘OK, a little peak. Like looking at the sun? If you only do it for a moment it won’t harm you, but you’ll probably be seeing spots for a good while. But it’ll explain better than words ever could... Ready?’
Jamie nodded, and suddenly the entirety of creation seemed to be unveiled - past, present, future; stars born and dying, galaxies and nebulas and the endless progression of time. Civilisations growing and falling back into ashes, wars and terrors and unceasing wonder... The scale and scope was so breathtaking that sie couldn’t move, and then it was too much - hir mind faltering through overload, too much, too much, there was pain, like burning- and then it all vanished.
Sie realised that sie was being held up by Alex, the mental link broken, as he looked at hir with concern.
“You OK? Sorry, I’ve never done that before, it’s hard to judge...”
Reaching up, sie felt the swiftest of mental sweeps through hir mind.
“No, you’re fine. No damage.” He bit his lip. “Josh would never forgive me if I hurt you.”
“What... what was that?” Sie asked, once sie’d regained hir equilibrium.
“That,” Alex said slowly, “was what a Time Lord is.”
“Time Lord,” sie repeated, the name ringing a faint bell... (‘We have Time Lords on speed dial...’)
“Latest and Last of,” he added. “And, as you saw, I can do almost anything.”
The impossible still vivid in hir mind, sie nodded. If someone had asked hir, sie wouldn’t have been able to reply with any specifics, but sie simply knew that manipulating the physical world - even time itself - was, for him, as simple as reaching out and just doing it. Eternity - everything sie had seen - in his mind, always. How did he concentrate? How did he notice anything in the present...
“And you hang around here. With people like us.”
A shrug.
“Well this is where I grew up, and where all my friends are. Although I’m sure you understand why I haven’t told Allison yet.”
The tone of voice was familiar, and sie knew what he meant to the very marrow of hir bones. It was how sie had lived for the past year and a half... Grateful for every day with hir beloved, yet knowing that at some point there would be a day of reckoning when it all could stop. Because what they had was too good to be true, and would probably not survive the unveiling.
Reaching out sie grasped his hand.
“I understand. Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me. And you never know, you might get a happy ending too.”
“I hope so,” he said softly. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her. Although I will, one day, no matter what...”
A sigh, as he looked into the distance.
“Mind you, if I hadn’t grown up here, if I hadn’t been sent to Cambridge, I wouldn’t have known her at all - and that doesn’t bear thinking about. ‘Better to have loved and lost’, that’s what they say, isn’t it? I hope they’re right.”
Jamie wasn’t sure what to say - Alex had always been perfectly friendly, but had never tried to get close to hir in any way (something for which sie had been rather grateful - sie generally avoided getting close to anyone). This sudden outpouring of his heart was unexpected... and yet, after what he had shown hir - that golden, celestial well of eternity, the core of his being in ways sie knew sie’d never be able to formulate - this sharing seemed almost ordinary. It wasn’t the right word, but sie couldn’t think of another.
Dragging a hand through his hair, Alex smiled wryly.
"For some reason dating Allison has also gifted me with a new and unwelcome capacity for self-pity. Sorry. I think I was going to mention how I haven’t gotten you an engagement present yet."
Jamie waved hir hand, embarrassed. All this attention was not exactly hir favourite thing. "Oh you shouldn't."
"No, I really should. I know exactly what to get you. It won't cost a penny, although I'm sure it'll... satisfy both of you."
The look in his face was suddenly full of mischief, and Jamie's eyes narrowed.
"I'm sorry?"
Alex's smile didn't waver.
"It'll also double up as your first lesson."
"Are you going to explain what on earth you're on about?"
Sie was probably sounding a bit snippy, but sie didn't have a lot of patience for this kinda thing. His next question threw hir, however.
"Do you trust me?"
He'd trusted hir with... things unimaginable. Sie nodded assent.
Leaning forward, he put his fingertips to hir temples once more.
"OK, I need to you lower all your shields. Just for a moment."
Seeing hir hesitation, he added, with a sudden, unexpectedly serious emphasis: "It'll be worth it."
Taking a deep breath Jamie closed hir eyes and did as he asked, half of hir thinking that sie must have gone mad... And the next moment gasping in surprise as a sudden quiver of pure pleasure shot through hir.
Eyes snapping open sie stared at Alex, who had already lowered his hands, the connection broken.
“Wha-”
He smirked.
“Once you know how, you can achieve anything from the merest flutter of desire to actual orgasms through a simple touch, mind to mind.”
Jamie was still speechless, and Alex lifted an eyebrow.
"Certain parts of my ‘education’ were overseen my Jack. And no, that doesn't mean that we- Why does everyone think that?"
“Well, you’ve... obviously done that before,” Jamie offered, and Alex’s mock-exasperation turned to a strange wistfulness - a wistfulness which was combined with a surprisingly devious smile.
“Oh yes... So very much yes. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss it. But then there are so many things I can’t have whilst I’m stuck here...”
Jamie’s response was instinctual rather than considered. It almost took hir by surprise, but then hir whole life had been turned upside down and sideways since the previous morning. And sie had found what sie had never dared dream of... Something Alex could still only hope for. Sie ached for him, and figured that what sie could offer wasn’t much - but it was something.
Reaching out, sie laid a hand on his cheek.
“Seeker... Let me.”
Before he could react to the use of his real name (sie had found it at the very core of that endless eternity that sie had almost been lost in) sie leaned in, kissing him as deeply as sie could, simultaneously diving into his mind, finding hir target in no time at all - it really was only a question of taking what he had done to hir and returning it.
Sie could feel him tremble under hir hands as sie gently familiarised hirself with this hitherto unknown skill; like a piano player searching for a tune on a new instrument - not sure what the tune might be, but knowing that it would be unmistakable as soon as it was found.
To hir surprise and delight it was music. From somewhere deep inside, somewhere sie hadn’t known before, sie could feel a melody - as instinctual as the kiss - guiding hir touch. Something sie knew to be Star Poet and not human at all.
The Seeker (not human at all, either) was enraptured, caught in hir song as sie overlaid bliss with bliss, ecstasy with ecstasy, weaving pleasure and passion with the lightest of touches, letting it swell and escalate, the layers blending in perfect harmony until it crested - every strand reaching a perfect crescendo, every note caught on the very edge, sustained and held in meticulous balance as the Time Lord under hir hands shivered in a release far, far removed from what any human would understand by the word.
Eventually (hir hands still on his face and the rhythm of his heartbeats easily sensed under his skin) he opened his eyes, looking at hir with eyes so full of wonder sie felt oddly shaken.
‘You truly are a Taj Mahal’ he said... Except those weren’t his actual words. Jamie, startled, realised that he must have been speaking what she presumed to be Gallifreyan. The meaning of the words being hard to capture (‘You truly are/were/will be a singular person/event/place in time/space’), yet overwhelming...
Feeling oddly drained and vulnerable after hir feat, Jamie wasn’t sure how to deal with this.
‘Please stop looking at me like that.’
A barely visible shake of his head.
‘I am the Seeker. Finding something like you - something new and wondrous - is what I live for.’
If there was a suitable response to a declaration like that, Jamie didn’t know it. A gentle mental chuckle rippled across Alex’s mind in response to hir befuddlement, helping to calm senses still unpractised and unsure.
‘Don’t worry, you don’t need to do or say anything. No wait, that’s not true. If you wouldn’t mind, please tell Josh that he was right and I was wrong and I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’ Jamie asked, by now thoroughly puzzled, and he sighed.
‘I could have made things easier for you. And vice versa. I was stupid and selfish and wouldn't allow him to tell you about me. So... I’m sorry to you to.’
‘Don’t... don’t mention it,’ sie replied. ‘What’s happened, happened. I don’t know that I would have been able to trust you back then. It’s taken me until now to believe that Josh is actually real...’
Another chuckle.
‘Still - please tell Josh? He was very angry, and with good cause. Also I’m still happy to teach you, although you might not need me, going by today’s evidence...’
Jamie tried smiling, but didn’t quite manage it. All these things inside, all these things sie’d never known - the initial fear replaced by the unexpected thrill of discovery.
‘I’ve never done that before. I didn’t know that I could. Didn’t know that I-’
‘Could sing?’ he filled in, and sie nodded again.
‘Neither did I’, he replied, studying hir with something like wonder. ‘It was... incredible. I... hope to teach Allison your song one day.’
Suddenly jolted out of their little bubble, Jamie looked at him with worry:
‘Was this cheating?’
‘I don’t know’, he replied simply. ‘How do you compare singing and dancing? To Jack it’s all the same - and the lines certainly blur if you do both at the same time - but then Jack has no concept of fidelity as such, so he’s not the best guide out there... The mindset of the 51st Century doesn’t mesh very well with the mores of the 21st.’
‘You’re not helping!’
Alex tilted his head.
‘Are you sorry it happened?’
There was no point in lying - not that their communication, mind-to-mind, would have allowed it anyway.
‘No.’
‘Well then. If it ever becomes an issue, you know where you - we - stand.’
‘But... but what do I do?’
Alex leaned in, kissing hir so softly it felt more like a caress, and as he pulled back also let go of the mental link, leaving Jamie feeling acutely bereft and lonely.
“You go home, and you sing to your fiancé. Tell him as much or as little as you want, I only ask that you don’t mention it to Allie. I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it. But I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, and... I will remember it forever.”
Jamie nodded, clasping hir hands together and feeling the reassuring solidness of the ring on hir finger. Sie had touched eternity, and had found a song entirely hir own. Yet sie had roots now, firm and stable, something real to build hir life upon.
And sie wasn't alone.
Chapter 17
(For anyone curious, there is a lovely scene of a Star Poet singing (actual physical singing, not the other kind that I invented) here. 4:05 - 5:45)
the_redjay for the look-through. (All mistakes mine, as it has been edited greatly since.)Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. And on AO3 here.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Spring 2027 (the day after Chapter 15)
Characters (this chapter): Jamie and Alex (OCs)
Rating: Teen
Wordcount: 3500 words.
Feedback: Will make me happier than you can imagine.
Chapter 16
Josh told me. If you would like to talk, I’ll be in my flat Monday morning. Drop by any time.
S.
The door was unlocked, so Jamie walked straight in, hanging hir coat on one of the pegs before doing a swift telepathic scan just to make sure that there was no one apart from hirself and Alex in the flat - and was stunned by what sie picked up.
Walking into the large open plan seating area, Jamie looked at Alex as if sie’d never seen him before. Which sie supposed sie hadn’t.
“You’re an alien,” sie said - a statement, not a question - still trying to wrap hir mind around what sie could pick up.
He was golden and bright. Something sie had never imagined, something utterly unknown and different tugging on all hir senses. ‘So much more alien’ Josh had said... Sie was beginning to see what he meant.
Alex held hir eyes, then nodded.
“Yes.”
Seeing that Jamie was still rather speechless he motioned hir closer.
“Come on, sit down. It’s... interesting to let my shields down. I generally have them set extra secure when you’re around. I feel... sort of naked?”
Jamie took a seat and nodded, still mesmerised by the tantalising nature of what sie could sense. He tilted his head.
“Nice to find out what you are, by the way. I suspected Star Poet - what with the very obvious telepathy - but wasn’t sure how that could even work.”
“So... you knew?” Jamie asked, and he smiled.
“Oh yes, the second I saw you. No ordinary human in this time would even know how to shield their thoughts. The fact that you didn’t just do it, but did it instinctively - and extremely effectively - was hugely telling. But you read human too - whatever you were, it was integral, you weren’t something hiding in a skin suit. I can’t tell you how pleased I was that Josh found you - for both your sakes.”
The smiled widened into a grin.
“To be perfectly honest I don’t know that someone only human would ever have been enough to keep his attention for any length of time.”
‘Thanks,” sie replied drily, yet unable to stop hirself from glancing at the ring on hir finger.
Yesterday - once they had gotten back from Cardiff - had been more or less one long party as Josh had told everyone he could possibly think of the good news, from his mother all the way through to distant acquaintances. Jamie had spent the day being hugged and congratulated by more people in afternoon than sie generally interacted with in a year (people at the bar didn’t count - they were customers), all of them admiring the ring, hearing its story over and over, as Josh - so breathtakingly happy that Jamie didn’t quite know what to to - made plans and considered the future.
So far the wedding had been set for some time around graduation - so about a year and a half away - although Josh was going to move in permanently as soon as feasible. Jamie wasn’t sure what had happened to hir beautifully quiet life, but knew that it would take time before sie would be able to assess things properly.
“Let me guess,” Alex said, as he followed hir eyes. “You’re equally happy and terrified?”
Jamie nodded, then began talking - not so much because sie trusted Alex, but because there was literally no one else to confide in, and the doubts in hir mind still cast long and uncomfortable shadows. And Alex seemed to understand...
“He is so happy. So... unbelievably happy. And I am too, of course, but... how can I ever live up to that? He is on this little cloud and what when he comes down? And he wants... He wants all these things, and he thinks that love will overcome everything. But what if it doesn’t? What if-”
Sie couldn’t continue, but Alex nodded, understanding in his eyes.
“They can’t see it. They don’t understand what it’s like to view things from the outside.”
Trying to somehow find her mental equilibrium again, Jamie turned the conversation around.
“Have you told Allie?”
Alex shook his head vehemently.
“No. Not yet. At some point I’ll have to, but my obstacles are far greater than yours. I know you’re worried, but you’ll be fine.”
“But the way he looks at me...” Sie couldn’t quite believe that sie was pouring all her fears out to someone sie’d only had vague interactions with before - but then sie didn’t really have close friends at all.
At this Alex smiled again. “Oh I know exactly what he sees when he looks at you.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Listen... I’ve known Josh since we were both four years old. I know him. I remember when he came back from India when he was only nine, and how he wouldn’t stop talking about the Taj Mahal. And the thing is... that never stopped. From that day he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life, and he never wavered in any way. Then he grew older, and discovered girls and boys and dating... Now I have no idea how many people he’s dated overall, as I’m sure he went behind everyone’s back at least half the time, and I’m not sure he knows either. The point is - there have been a lot. And then there was you.”
Alex studied hir, his focus absolute.
“Jamie, you’re his Taj Mahal. Something singular and... unassailable. Everyone said, back when he was nine, that the architecture thing was just a fad. But look at him now, well on his way to realising his childhood dreams. And you are the only other thing he has ever taken to in the same way. He might be young, but once his mind is set, nothing can change it.”
Jamie found that sie could barely breathe. There was no way sie could have refused Josh, but sie still worried - what if, what if, what if... He was so young... And suddenly, like a miracle, Alex had solved it. Found a way for hir to believe that it could all be true, that it would truly last. Except...
“But he wants all these things... Like... children. He says he doesn’t care, but he does. Ask Jack, he saw his face.”
Alex waved his hand dismissively.
“Oh I can help with that. All you need to do is love him - I’ll take care of any practical issues. Anything at all.” A frown. “Hey, don’t look so sceptical! Let me show you what I am. Properly, I mean, not just what you can pick up.”
Gently he reached out and laid his fingertips to Jamie’s temples, but it was the psychic touch that made hir eyes widen.
‘You’ve never done this before?’ Alex asked, and sie found hirself responding in the same manner.
‘No. Didn’t know I could...’
A soft mental chuckle.
‘Oh you have huge amounts of untapped potential - Star Poets use telepathy before speaking. I’ll teach you if you like? For now, do you want a tour? Don’t worry, I won’t peek - just step across and look around. Everything private is closed, so don’t worry about overstepping boundaries.’
Heart beating Jamie did as told, crossing over into someone else’s mind for the first time, and it was as easy as breathing...
‘Here,’ Alex added, ‘This is all I know about Arkateen V. Not a lot, but we’ll take you one day if you’re curious. I’m still grounded, but Jack could go.’
Sie absorbed the knowledge within mere moments, almost dizzy from sheer delight at the ease, even though sie could sense Alex’s laughter.
‘Told you,’ he said, ‘And I seriously have to train you. Humans on the whole are rubbish at telepathy...’
As sie moved around sie was struck by the sheer vastness of what his mind contained. So much knowledge... Although the most intriguing part was something sie couldn’t quite put hir finger on. It was what sie had picked up on from the moment sie walked through the door, but sie didn’t know what meant.
It was something luminous and immense, glimpsed only in bits here and there, but that sie could sense all around. Like lights round the edges of a closed door. Too curious to let it be, sie tried to push through to that light, and immediately a blank mental wall appeared.
‘Don’t.’
Sie blinked, looking with physical eyes at Alex, who didn’t seem angry at all, just unmoving.
‘Sorry...’
‘It’s not that it’s private as such. I just have no idea what will happen if I show you. It would probably kill you.’
His eyes were very calm, and Jamie swallowed.
A pause, as Alex seemed to turn things over, then a slow nod.
‘OK, a little peak. Like looking at the sun? If you only do it for a moment it won’t harm you, but you’ll probably be seeing spots for a good while. But it’ll explain better than words ever could... Ready?’
Jamie nodded, and suddenly the entirety of creation seemed to be unveiled - past, present, future; stars born and dying, galaxies and nebulas and the endless progression of time. Civilisations growing and falling back into ashes, wars and terrors and unceasing wonder... The scale and scope was so breathtaking that sie couldn’t move, and then it was too much - hir mind faltering through overload, too much, too much, there was pain, like burning- and then it all vanished.
Sie realised that sie was being held up by Alex, the mental link broken, as he looked at hir with concern.
“You OK? Sorry, I’ve never done that before, it’s hard to judge...”
Reaching up, sie felt the swiftest of mental sweeps through hir mind.
“No, you’re fine. No damage.” He bit his lip. “Josh would never forgive me if I hurt you.”
“What... what was that?” Sie asked, once sie’d regained hir equilibrium.
“That,” Alex said slowly, “was what a Time Lord is.”
“Time Lord,” sie repeated, the name ringing a faint bell... (‘We have Time Lords on speed dial...’)
“Latest and Last of,” he added. “And, as you saw, I can do almost anything.”
The impossible still vivid in hir mind, sie nodded. If someone had asked hir, sie wouldn’t have been able to reply with any specifics, but sie simply knew that manipulating the physical world - even time itself - was, for him, as simple as reaching out and just doing it. Eternity - everything sie had seen - in his mind, always. How did he concentrate? How did he notice anything in the present...
“And you hang around here. With people like us.”
A shrug.
“Well this is where I grew up, and where all my friends are. Although I’m sure you understand why I haven’t told Allison yet.”
The tone of voice was familiar, and sie knew what he meant to the very marrow of hir bones. It was how sie had lived for the past year and a half... Grateful for every day with hir beloved, yet knowing that at some point there would be a day of reckoning when it all could stop. Because what they had was too good to be true, and would probably not survive the unveiling.
Reaching out sie grasped his hand.
“I understand. Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me. And you never know, you might get a happy ending too.”
“I hope so,” he said softly. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her. Although I will, one day, no matter what...”
A sigh, as he looked into the distance.
“Mind you, if I hadn’t grown up here, if I hadn’t been sent to Cambridge, I wouldn’t have known her at all - and that doesn’t bear thinking about. ‘Better to have loved and lost’, that’s what they say, isn’t it? I hope they’re right.”
Jamie wasn’t sure what to say - Alex had always been perfectly friendly, but had never tried to get close to hir in any way (something for which sie had been rather grateful - sie generally avoided getting close to anyone). This sudden outpouring of his heart was unexpected... and yet, after what he had shown hir - that golden, celestial well of eternity, the core of his being in ways sie knew sie’d never be able to formulate - this sharing seemed almost ordinary. It wasn’t the right word, but sie couldn’t think of another.
Dragging a hand through his hair, Alex smiled wryly.
"For some reason dating Allison has also gifted me with a new and unwelcome capacity for self-pity. Sorry. I think I was going to mention how I haven’t gotten you an engagement present yet."
Jamie waved hir hand, embarrassed. All this attention was not exactly hir favourite thing. "Oh you shouldn't."
"No, I really should. I know exactly what to get you. It won't cost a penny, although I'm sure it'll... satisfy both of you."
The look in his face was suddenly full of mischief, and Jamie's eyes narrowed.
"I'm sorry?"
Alex's smile didn't waver.
"It'll also double up as your first lesson."
"Are you going to explain what on earth you're on about?"
Sie was probably sounding a bit snippy, but sie didn't have a lot of patience for this kinda thing. His next question threw hir, however.
"Do you trust me?"
He'd trusted hir with... things unimaginable. Sie nodded assent.
Leaning forward, he put his fingertips to hir temples once more.
"OK, I need to you lower all your shields. Just for a moment."
Seeing hir hesitation, he added, with a sudden, unexpectedly serious emphasis: "It'll be worth it."
Taking a deep breath Jamie closed hir eyes and did as he asked, half of hir thinking that sie must have gone mad... And the next moment gasping in surprise as a sudden quiver of pure pleasure shot through hir.
Eyes snapping open sie stared at Alex, who had already lowered his hands, the connection broken.
“Wha-”
He smirked.
“Once you know how, you can achieve anything from the merest flutter of desire to actual orgasms through a simple touch, mind to mind.”
Jamie was still speechless, and Alex lifted an eyebrow.
"Certain parts of my ‘education’ were overseen my Jack. And no, that doesn't mean that we- Why does everyone think that?"
“Well, you’ve... obviously done that before,” Jamie offered, and Alex’s mock-exasperation turned to a strange wistfulness - a wistfulness which was combined with a surprisingly devious smile.
“Oh yes... So very much yes. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss it. But then there are so many things I can’t have whilst I’m stuck here...”
Jamie’s response was instinctual rather than considered. It almost took hir by surprise, but then hir whole life had been turned upside down and sideways since the previous morning. And sie had found what sie had never dared dream of... Something Alex could still only hope for. Sie ached for him, and figured that what sie could offer wasn’t much - but it was something.
Reaching out, sie laid a hand on his cheek.
“Seeker... Let me.”
Before he could react to the use of his real name (sie had found it at the very core of that endless eternity that sie had almost been lost in) sie leaned in, kissing him as deeply as sie could, simultaneously diving into his mind, finding hir target in no time at all - it really was only a question of taking what he had done to hir and returning it.
Sie could feel him tremble under hir hands as sie gently familiarised hirself with this hitherto unknown skill; like a piano player searching for a tune on a new instrument - not sure what the tune might be, but knowing that it would be unmistakable as soon as it was found.
To hir surprise and delight it was music. From somewhere deep inside, somewhere sie hadn’t known before, sie could feel a melody - as instinctual as the kiss - guiding hir touch. Something sie knew to be Star Poet and not human at all.
The Seeker (not human at all, either) was enraptured, caught in hir song as sie overlaid bliss with bliss, ecstasy with ecstasy, weaving pleasure and passion with the lightest of touches, letting it swell and escalate, the layers blending in perfect harmony until it crested - every strand reaching a perfect crescendo, every note caught on the very edge, sustained and held in meticulous balance as the Time Lord under hir hands shivered in a release far, far removed from what any human would understand by the word.
Eventually (hir hands still on his face and the rhythm of his heartbeats easily sensed under his skin) he opened his eyes, looking at hir with eyes so full of wonder sie felt oddly shaken.
‘You truly are a Taj Mahal’ he said... Except those weren’t his actual words. Jamie, startled, realised that he must have been speaking what she presumed to be Gallifreyan. The meaning of the words being hard to capture (‘You truly are/were/will be a singular person/event/place in time/space’), yet overwhelming...
Feeling oddly drained and vulnerable after hir feat, Jamie wasn’t sure how to deal with this.
‘Please stop looking at me like that.’
A barely visible shake of his head.
‘I am the Seeker. Finding something like you - something new and wondrous - is what I live for.’
If there was a suitable response to a declaration like that, Jamie didn’t know it. A gentle mental chuckle rippled across Alex’s mind in response to hir befuddlement, helping to calm senses still unpractised and unsure.
‘Don’t worry, you don’t need to do or say anything. No wait, that’s not true. If you wouldn’t mind, please tell Josh that he was right and I was wrong and I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’ Jamie asked, by now thoroughly puzzled, and he sighed.
‘I could have made things easier for you. And vice versa. I was stupid and selfish and wouldn't allow him to tell you about me. So... I’m sorry to you to.’
‘Don’t... don’t mention it,’ sie replied. ‘What’s happened, happened. I don’t know that I would have been able to trust you back then. It’s taken me until now to believe that Josh is actually real...’
Another chuckle.
‘Still - please tell Josh? He was very angry, and with good cause. Also I’m still happy to teach you, although you might not need me, going by today’s evidence...’
Jamie tried smiling, but didn’t quite manage it. All these things inside, all these things sie’d never known - the initial fear replaced by the unexpected thrill of discovery.
‘I’ve never done that before. I didn’t know that I could. Didn’t know that I-’
‘Could sing?’ he filled in, and sie nodded again.
‘Neither did I’, he replied, studying hir with something like wonder. ‘It was... incredible. I... hope to teach Allison your song one day.’
Suddenly jolted out of their little bubble, Jamie looked at him with worry:
‘Was this cheating?’
‘I don’t know’, he replied simply. ‘How do you compare singing and dancing? To Jack it’s all the same - and the lines certainly blur if you do both at the same time - but then Jack has no concept of fidelity as such, so he’s not the best guide out there... The mindset of the 51st Century doesn’t mesh very well with the mores of the 21st.’
‘You’re not helping!’
Alex tilted his head.
‘Are you sorry it happened?’
There was no point in lying - not that their communication, mind-to-mind, would have allowed it anyway.
‘No.’
‘Well then. If it ever becomes an issue, you know where you - we - stand.’
‘But... but what do I do?’
Alex leaned in, kissing hir so softly it felt more like a caress, and as he pulled back also let go of the mental link, leaving Jamie feeling acutely bereft and lonely.
“You go home, and you sing to your fiancé. Tell him as much or as little as you want, I only ask that you don’t mention it to Allie. I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it. But I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, and... I will remember it forever.”
Jamie nodded, clasping hir hands together and feeling the reassuring solidness of the ring on hir finger. Sie had touched eternity, and had found a song entirely hir own. Yet sie had roots now, firm and stable, something real to build hir life upon.
And sie wasn't alone.
Chapter 17
(For anyone curious, there is a lovely scene of a Star Poet singing (actual physical singing, not the other kind that I invented) here. 4:05 - 5:45)
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Yup ; )
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Hope you've got somewhere you can sit comfortably, this thing is... I've not done a word count recently. Anyways, if you want to do the whole series in order, i believe it's all in the correct order on AO3. (Not that it can't be read out of order - it's been WRITTEN out of order - but it probably makes more sense chronologically.)
Anyways. Am waiting to see what you think! *meeps*
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Nabbed it from AO3 in order, yes. Carefully organized it in order. E-reader trashed order *sigh* Oh well, if I forget what comes next it's good to know it doesn't matter too much.
Know I have been a bad Invisible Ben, but I want to do this properly, so: it is time.
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Well apart from 'Dating' all the stories are of a fairly reasonable length. (Dating is just... endless. /o\)
Nabbed it from AO3 in order, yes. Carefully organized it in order. E-reader trashed order *sigh* Oh well, if I forget what comes next it's good to know it doesn't matter too much.
It's more that the later stories [chronologically] do build on/reference the earlier ones. Mind you, some of them sort of overlap. Either way, make sure you start with 'Not the Last'. I can write a list for you? Like, with dates and stuff - as in, when stuff takes place.
Know I have been a bad Invisible Ben, but I want to do this properly, so: it is time.
BLESS YOU! ♥ Mind you, it is ridiculous how little I can use. (I'm currently stuck on world building. Would probably have done more, except work...) However, Allison (& family) will survive the transition, so knowing her will be helpful. (Plus you will make me terribly happy. Mind you, this whole 'verse is an exercise in self-indulgence. Writing something 'proper' I will need to be a lot more disciplined.
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*HUGS*
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*HUGS BACK*
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Your formatting is a little odd for this one though-- it's all showing up as centered for me. It makes this chapter seem a little more like poetry. Interesting effect at any rate!
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:D It's one of those things I set up way back when, when Alex of course refused to let Josh tell Jamie the truth... There's no telling how things might have gone of Jamie had known about Alex all that time, but at least they're on the same page now. What Alex never took into account is of course that maybe *he* needed someone too. But then that's of course part of the story - he's still growing and learning.
Your formatting is a little odd for this one though-- it's all showing up as centered for me. It makes this chapter seem a little more like poetry. Interesting effect at any rate!
I've noticed that it does that if you unfurl it by clicking on the cut rather than go into the post itself. No idea why, but I think it's an LJ thing, and not a me thing. Mind you, it's a good chapter for it. (Am v. pleased with the 'singing'...)
<3
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Josh told me
– And I bet that was an interesting conversation…
“To be perfectly honest I don’t know that someone only human would ever have been enough to keep his attention for any length of time.”
– poor George. Also, why? (Yes, from later in the chapter, Jamie is Josh’s Taj Mahal, but… not following why non-human-ness should be essential to Taj Mahal-ness.)
And Alex seemed to understand...
– As St George says of Peter, “No, he won’t ask. He’ll only sit looking harmless till I tell him. I suppose that’s the way he gets criminals to come across with it. It’s not a nice characteristic.” Weird how in Peter’s case I disagree with St George but in Alex’s I totally agree, though it is presumably the same learned and manipulative behaviour…
“They can’t see it. They don’t understand what it’s like to view things from the outside.”
– I get Jamie and Alex are both non-humans, but what specifically does “things” here refer to? Not quite following.
I liked very much the whole Taj Mahal / fixity of purpose explanation.
I’ll take care of any practical issues. Anything at all.
– Ah. And The Twins are back in the picture. :)
I just have no idea what will happen if I show you. It would probably kill you.
– And suddenly we’re in Greek mythology, with the possibility of Semele looking on the true form of Zeus and being burned to a crisp…
Jamie nodded, and suddenly the entirety of creation seemed to be unveiled
– Loved this para. From what Nine describes in Rose, almost to what Donna endures in Journey’s End.
“And you hang around here. With people like us.”
– Only because my crazy uncle grounded me here, and there’s not much I can do about it. I get that Alex’s actual answer is more politic. But when humans ask the Doctor the same question, it feels as though his answer is more genuine than Alex’s is here. This reminder of what is actually in Alex’s head all the time does leave me wondering what he thinks he’s playing at with Allison. No, we know he never meant to fall in love, but once he did… I’m going to have to re-read Cupid and Psyche, aren’t I? Is there any betting on whether Alex did too, at some point between realizing he was in love and everything falling apart?
The tone of voice was familiar, and sie knew what he meant to the very marrow of hir bones.
– And yes, I see the mirror, but… Jamie didn’t lie. And sure, that was partly because Josh had grown up with Alex and so was prepared for the possibility and guessed, and maybe if Allison had guessed Alex would have said too, but… still not quite there.
overseen my Jack. And no, that doesn't mean that we- Why does everyone think that?"
– grins. Because he’s Jack. What else could anyone think?
Oh yes... So very much yes. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss it.
– This would be on the occasion that he is being punished for now, yes?
Before he could react to the use of his real name
– His father would presumably approve that the Seeker liked it when Jamie used his name…
You truly are/were/will be a singular person/event/place in time/space
– Hurrah for Gallifreyan, the language that is sometimes god-topplingly scary. Particularly when the term for “beloved object” feels an awful lot like “fixed point”…
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ETA: Ignore me...
I think it was probably during the engagement party, Josh dragged Alex into the bedroom and told him...
Josh: Alex, don't be mad but I... told Jamie about you.
Alex (face goes blank): Was this part of your proposal?
Josh: ... Almost? I didn't mean to, I just... If I can just explain, sie was so...
Alex: Do you want to show me? It'll be a lot quicker.
Josh: ... Fair enough.
[afterwards]
Alex (thoughtfully): I'll talk to hir.
– poor George.
Oh George/Josh could never last. They'd have driven each other *completely* mad. Don't get me wrong, they are ADORABLE. But no to anything longterm, for both their sakes.
Also, why? (Yes, from later in the chapter, Jamie is Josh’s Taj Mahal, but… not following why non-human-ness should be essential to Taj Mahal-ness.
This is partly Alex projecting, I think. Also he knows what it's like to have seen the wonders of the universe, and then trying to settle (see the Doctor's former companions).
– As St George says of Peter, “No, he won’t ask. He’ll only sit looking harmless till I tell him. I suppose that’s the way he gets criminals to come across with it. It’s not a nice characteristic.” Weird how in Peter’s case I disagree with St George but in Alex’s I totally agree, though it is presumably the same learned and manipulative behaviour…
Well, Alex is doing it for a good reason, not trying to get someone to 'confess' and implicate themselves.
– I get Jamie and Alex are both non-humans, but what specifically does “things” here refer to? Not quite following.
There is, for both of them, a distance when it comes to human life. For Alex he's sort of above it, can step away from humanity completely if he wishes [when he isn't grounded]. But he will regenerate, not die, and will outlive everyone around him. He can play the part, but no more. Jamie is more like a persecuted minority, someone fearful to reveal who they are. Opposite sides of the spectrum, but both outsiders. ("There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive.")
– And suddenly we’re in Greek mythology, with the possibility of Semele looking on the true form of Zeus and being burned to a crisp…
I really ought to read Greek mythology.
– Loved this para. From what Nine describes in Rose, almost to what Donna endures in Journey’s End.
Yes, exactly.
I get that Alex’s actual answer is more politic. But when humans ask the Doctor the same question, it feels as though his answer is more genuine than Alex’s is here.
Ah yes, Alex is not currently there of his own free will. But that does not negate the fact that he DOES like humans, his friends in particular.
I’m going to have to re-read Cupid and Psyche, aren’t I? Is there any betting on whether Alex did too, at some point between realizing he was in love and everything falling apart?
No idea. Haven't read it myself so can't say.
– And yes, I see the mirror, but… Jamie didn’t lie. And sure, that was partly because Josh had grown up with Alex and so was prepared for the possibility and guessed, and maybe if Allison had guessed Alex would have said too, but… still not quite there.
It's more that neither of them every imagine(d) a future with the one they love. This is important, esp in looking at Alex. He never expects his thing with Allison to last. Never expects her to choose him over life on EarthEarth. Look at how Jamie resisted, and Jamie has far fewer obstacles.
– grins. Because he’s Jack. What else could anyone think?
Ah yes. OTOH it's a little like Josh? As in, Josh DOES have a crush on Jack when he's younger, but Jack wouldn't dream of doing anything. They're far too young.
– This would be on the occasion that he is being punished for now, yes?
Yes. *g* But he doesn't quite explain, obviously.
– His father would presumably approve that the Seeker liked it when Jamie used his name…
*happy shiver*
– Hurrah for Gallifreyan, the language that is sometimes god-topplingly scary. Particularly when the term for “beloved object” feels an awful lot like “fixed point”…
And here I was thinking it was terribly appropriate and clever and rather romantic.
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This is partly Alex projecting … see the Doctor's former companions
– Okay, makes much more sense, thank you. :)
"There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you."
– Love. I wonder if they knew when they threw in that line that people would be quoting it for years. No, hang on, Moffat Who. Of course they knew.
Psyche, a human princess whose people have angered the gods, is exposed on a crag (there may have been prophecies involved) but carried by a wind to a lovely valley where Cupid (who was supposed to punish her but falls in love with her instead) loves her but only appears at night and forbids her to try to see his true form. Psyche’s jealous sisters convince her to look anyway, and she does, and he flies away, and then there are many many years of trials for Psyche, until they are finally reunited. Now I think of it, your version is actually much better. :) (And didn’t C. S. Lewis retell it as Till We Have Faces?)
Jack wouldn't dream of doing anything
– Totally get it. But as a running gag it works well. (Yes, I have just re-read A Good Day chapter 8, and if even River can wonder…)
terribly appropriate and clever and rather romantic.
– And it is all of that too, but the trouble with Time Lords is that in theory he could not only say “But thy eternal summer shall not fade”, he could actually make that happen. It reminded me (but I couldn’t find it) that there’s a tale about Gallifreyan being the language where they kill their beloveds rather than admitting that they might some day have to say goodbye.
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Not even deleted... it didn't exist until you brought it up!
Imagining Alex wondering whether total-truth-seeing is a part of non-twisted (i.e., not like his father’s) human proposal practices, or human/Star Poet one, like back when we thought River knew the Doctor’s name because they were married.
Slightly lost you. Well, I think I follow, but I have nothing to really add.
– Love. I wonder if they knew when they threw in that line that people would be quoting it for years. No, hang on, Moffat Who. Of course they knew.
Ooooh yes.
Now I think of it, your version is actually much better. :)
*beams*
(And didn’t C. S. Lewis retell it as Till We Have Faces?)
Could be. Sadly I have not read all of C.S.Lewis...
– Totally get it. But as a running gag it works well. (Yes, I have just re-read A Good Day chapter 8, and if even River can wonder…)
Oh it's a GREAT running gag. Which is why I keep using it. *g*
It reminded me (but I couldn’t find it) that there’s a tale about Gallifreyan being the language where they kill their beloveds rather than admitting that they might some day have to say goodbye.
Hmmmmm. I saw a thing, but cannot remember where. Might try to dig up later.
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If you wouldn’t mind, please tell Josh that he was right and I was wrong and I’m sorry.’
- Yes. Good. Now go tell Allison, you hyper-intelligent numbskull…
Still - please tell Josh? He was very angry, and with good cause
– And you don’t think Allison will be…? (You know, I’m beginning to think I should be skipping these comments. We know that Alex isn’t going to say anything. I still seem to feel the need to record the individual moments when I most want to shake him silly, though. I mean, yes, I get the impossible upbringing. I get the catch-22. I get that he never meant to fall in love with her. But it feels as though one possibly intended side-effect of this chapter is to give us more sympathy for Alex seen through Jamie’s parallel, and I appear to be strongly resisting this. :)
Jack has no concept of fidelity as such, so he’s not the best guide out there
– How does Jack “Will date anything with a postal code” mesh with Jack “In a long-term relationship with Ianto”? For some reason in this story I thought of Jack as being in a committed relationship with Ianto, and therefore possibly the one person in Alex’s crazy upbringing who could have given him solid human relationship advice. From this paragraph I see I was dead wrong about that. Oops.
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Save it for Chapter 26? When we finally get his POV...
I get the catch-22. I get that he never meant to fall in love with her. But it feels as though one possibly intended side-effect of this chapter is to give us more sympathy for Alex seen through Jamie’s parallel, and I appear to be strongly resisting this. :)
Heh. I'm surprised that you've not mentioned the cheating. At all.
– How does Jack “Will date anything with a postal code” mesh with Jack “In a long-term relationship with Ianto”? For some reason in this story I thought of Jack as being in a committed relationship with Ianto, and therefore possibly the one person in Alex’s crazy upbringing who could have given him solid human relationship advice. From this paragraph I see I was dead wrong about that. Oops.
Actually, it sort of ties in? Jack and Ianto are in a long term relationship, yes. But I don't think it's exclusive. In as much as Alex gets any pointers from Jack (not literally, but in what he observes), it's that it's perfectly possible to love several people at the same time. And - being a Time Lord - 'at the same time' sort of doesn't have the same meaning. Which brings me to the 'cheating', which Alex knows will probably be an issue for Allison if she finds out, because she sees it linearly. From his POV, he could just as easily have nipped out and let 50 year old him stop by to teach Jamie about mind sex. But it would still have been *him*, so there is no discernible difference between the two. (Timey-wimey...)
And I need to run, darn it. But the point is: From what he learns from Jack, then 'Hey, let's have a threesome with a tentacled alien' is a brilliant idea for a dull night. It's not that he can't be faithful, it's that he doesn't quite understand why. And that's Jack & 51st Century morals rubbing off.
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In chapter 14, at Christmas, Troy whispers something he could teach Allison, and Allison shuts him down. One presumes that she had nothing more to do with it, and that her subsequent “Whatever else Christmas would bring, it was definitely not going to be dull” meant because there was someone as impossible as Troy in the household. (Also, from chapter 10: “Allison more than suspected that he got tips from Jack, but didn’t dare ask as she was 99% sure that the answer would be a nonplussed: ‘Well of course’.”)
In chapter 16, Alex shows Jamie how “singing” works. So far, so good. Then the tricky bit.
Was it cheating? By any 21st Century human perspective, yes.
Just ask the 21st Century humans, Allie and Josh, when they find out in chapter 20. Josh is helped over it because he’s also in love with/awe of Alex and has been forever, but as Allie exclaims “You are a goddamn genius Alex, there is no way the rules of relationships are too complicated for you. And if you love me at all you’re going to do a lot better from now on.”
Neither Jamie nor Alex has a 21st Century human perspective. And Jamie spent most of hir life thinking that the humans were eventually going to discover and kill hir (a reverse “the spaceman is going to eat me”?), and then discovered hir Impossible Josh, and then hir whole world turned upside-down a second time when sie agreed to marry Josh, and sie’s so happy and (presumably) feels so undeserving of hir happiness and seeing someone whom sie looks up to in a sad and lonely place, it is a totally understandable instinctual response.
Is it still cheating, given that sie’s just agreed to marry someone in the 21st Century? Yes. Is it like Francesca da Rimini in the fifth canto of the Inferno, who reads as so sympathetic that it is difficult not to see the thing from her point of view and count her blameless? Also yes.
Did Jamie read all hir mother’s books, or just keep them because they were hers? Given hir limited interaction with other people it might be easy to assume sie had as few good role models as Alex, and then when hir world was completely turned upside down sie might feel as unmoored as those in the fifth canto, tossed in the howling wind, but sie might equally feel newly tethered to and centered on Josh, as Allie evidently thinks sie should have been (again from chapter 20, “And Jamie too. What a fantastic basis for marriage sie’d created.”). Without role models in other people, reconstructing Jamie’s mindset comes down to what the books are and whether sie read them. The fact that sie had to ask Alex if it was cheating suggests that sie didn’t build up a picture of how life ought to work from books. That’s how I would expect hir to understand that it was wrong. If sie didn’t… I’m not really sure what to make of hir.
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Oh yes. Plus, Troy is... very gay. he offers to teach her a way to 'please her man' ('cause he's good at pleasing men), but it is very much in the realm of Jack offering tips.
In chapter 16, Alex shows Jamie how “singing” works. So far, so good. .... [Jamie]’s so happy and (presumably) feels so undeserving of hir happiness and seeing someone whom sie looks up to in a sad and lonely place, it is a totally understandable instinctual response.
The two are connected. Alex teaches Jamie something new. Jamie responds to this by exploring what sie has learned, taking it much further, essentially 'testing it' on Alex. As you point out, sie has always been powerless, her alienness a burden and an obstruction and something that could 'give her away'. Now, suddenly, sie has power. Sie is good at this. Within moments sie is given access to/sees things sie had never imagined. (And it comes on the back of a) Finding out what sie is and b) finding hitherto unknown stability with Josh.) There are, I think, layers to the consent here... Alex could have pulled away when he realised what was happening (his is, very much, the stronger mind), but Jamie almost ensnares him, using hir powers to keep him in hir 'thrall' (bad choices of words, but not wholly inaccurate). Sie has been given a very incomplete picture of 'Time Lords' from Josh, but knows that Alex is the one with the power... And sie can enrapture him. (In some ways it echoes Harriet's inferiority complex? Jamie has so much to be grateful for - so this is almost a rebellion. A tiny one, but a rebellion none the less.)
Maybe what I'm trying to say is that Alex is sort of a victim? Except he's a very willing one, and the one that started it in the first place. He's the one that brought the matches. Mind you, Jamie isn't actually sure what sie's doing. Sie just follows hir instincts.
Is it still cheating, given that sie’s just agreed to marry someone in the 21st Century? Yes. Is it like Francesca da Rimini in the fifth canto of the Inferno, who reads as so sympathetic that it is difficult not to see the thing from her point of view and count her blameless? Also yes.
Lovely parallel.
Without role models in other people, reconstructing Jamie’s mindset comes down to what the books are and whether sie read them.
Very much so, I should think. And her only experience of intimacy are with Josh.
The fact that sie had to ask Alex if it was cheating suggests that sie didn’t build up a picture of how life ought to work from books. That’s how I would expect hir to understand that it was wrong.
Books have not prepared hir for this. Sie followed hir instincts (for probably the first time ever) and ended up somewhere - to hir - completely new. Sie doesn't quite have the framework within which to fit it, which is why sie asks - sie tries to analyse it, and the only way it fits is as 'cheating' (something intimate done with someone not your partner). Sie very lucky that sie has Josh - I don't know if I mentioned it elsewhere, but Josh/Jamie work because of Alex (and Jack) being so involved in Josh's life. Josh's nature helps too, but he has a far more flexible outlook than if he'd never met Alex. As you point out: 'Josh is helped over it because he’s also in love with/awe of Alex and has been forever'.
“You are a goddamn genius Alex, there is no way the rules of relationships are too complicated for you. And if you love me at all you’re going to do a lot better from now on.”
Yes, Touche. He is far too clever. Although he will fold, surprisingly.
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– Very interesting: would not have seen that, so thank you. And Jamie intended no harm, and if hir main influence is Josh and Josh is largely influenced by Jack, maybe they can be considered by 51st Century standards. The fact that Josh finds it so much easier to get over it may follow from / support that.
And Alex is “the Seeker”, and finding new and wondrous things is what he lives for, and he is young, and not balancing his responsibilities, and both the Doctor and the Master (though the Doctor would deny it) have impressed upon him his entitlement, so it is a totally understandable mistake. Should he not have made it? Of course. But he’s young and spoiled, as you say, more St George than Peter. (I seem to feel a narrative weight by similarity that pulls my reading towards Peter-and-Harriet more often than perhaps it should.) Was it still cheating? Yes. Is it forgivable? Allison’s call.
ETA: The fact that the stories of Gaudy Night and Dating deal with some of the same themes and that there are superficial similarities between some of the settings and characters sometimes pull me the rest of the way, so I’m as upset with Alex as I would be with 45-year-old!Peter, even though a fairer comparison would be with undergraduate!Peter, and all we know about him officially is in Paul Delagardie’s summary. (I am now picturing how well Delagardie and Jack might get along, and think it is time to step away from the keyboard…)
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It's pretty much a subconscious thing on Jamie's part, but you made me think about hir motivations, and this was what I discovered.
And Jamie intended no harm, and if hir main influence is Josh and Josh is largely influenced by Jack, maybe they can be considered by 51st Century standards. The fact that Josh finds it so much easier to get over it may follow from / support that.
Yes, it's all connected.
And Alex is “the Seeker”, and finding new and wondrous things is what he lives for, and he is young, and not balancing his responsibilities, and both the Doctor and the Master (though the Doctor would deny it) have impressed upon him his entitlement, so it is a totally understandable mistake. Should he not have made it? Of course. But he’s young and spoiled, as you say, more St George than Peter.
I think he's more intelligent than St George, but younger. (Relatively speaking.) He gets swept up in excitement - which is what happens when everything is shiny & new. ETA: St George crashing his car is a pretty good parallel for Alex generally. :)
Was it still cheating? Yes. Is it forgivable? Allison’s call.
This.
The fact that the stories of Gaudy Night and Dating deal with some of the same themes and that there are superficial similarities between some of the settings and characters sometimes pull me the rest of the way, so I’m as upset with Alex as I would be with 45-year-old!Peter, even though a fairer comparison would be with undergraduate!Peter, and all we know about him officially is in Paul Delagardie’s summary.
Undergraduate!Peter is much better, yes. 45-year old!Peter would be... Um 4th Seeker? Or even older. Undergraduate!Peter - always to be found in the quadrangle laying down the law... (That's not an exact quote, but I'm sure you know which one I mean. *g*)
Although looking for quotes, I came across my favourite one of all:
“How fleeting are all human passions compared to the massive continuity of ducks.”
The Seeker would subscribe to that. As would the Doctor, I'm sure. :)
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– I am sorry to report that sixty years hence there must have been a lot fewer ducks on the river, because I don’t remember this in my day.
And now I have a mental-scene-worm of 45-year-old!Peter and the 4th Seeker comfortably sipping Laphroaig together, and it is entirely your fault. :) (It feels as though old Peter would be much more comfortable and sympathetic with the Seeker’s eventual aims than the Doctor will ever be.)
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And somehow the idea of 4th Seeker & Peter Wimsey is strangely incongruous. Maybe because 4th Seeker has a penchant for wearing robes...
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And yes, it is slightly more difficult to image Peter doing that, though no doubt, if asked to oblige, he would carry it through with an air.
(Do you have any idea what the next section, with the idiot great-nephew Hughie, the hired nobody in Brighton, and the hotel bill and the chambermaid that the Judge knew all too well by sight, is on about? I’ve never understood it…)
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Anyway. On to chapter 17!
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Also nice icon! :)
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Alex, though. Agreed, his upbringing was totally messed up. But once he decided on this experiment to be in a relationship with a human, he presumably did research, just as later he found out about Clara and asked that not-at-all innocent question about Marcus Aurelius. Stuck in one place and one time, that research would have to be from literature and scientific papers. This might be part of what gets delayed until chapter 26, but I’m with Allie here. Even if none of it is innate or from the people he knew growing up, and he has to work out models from first principles and by literary example, there’s no way he can’t work out what a 21st Century relationship would be expected to entail. He already understands that Allie is going to be upset about the lying, it ought to be foreseeable – even if not innate – that this would be a problem too. It’s Jamie’s first introduction to singing, yes, but it’s not Alex’s – that’s part of what landed him in trouble in the first place – oh. Is it partly that Alex resents how disproportionate the punishment seems to the crime? Even if so, Allie’s “that’s the problem. You put your... pleasure above my feelings!” seems spot on. Did Alex’s living “role models” (scare quotes for obvious reasons) prepare him for this? Of course not. But those weren’t the only resources at his disposal. (I suppose it’s just possible that he didn’t do the research in this case and that this early mistake, further cemented by the mistake of not preparing when the Doctor called him to his first death in Remembering, is what made him so obsessive about research and preparation going forward.)
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Oh no, the stuff in Chapter 26 is completely different. The cheating is... a sort of sub-plot. He knows it's wrong [according to the 21st Century], but - like I said above - he's a willing victim. He's curious and he wants to try the new thing and it's exciting. He is, essentially, being a spoiled child. Which is what he is, to a certain extent.
Even if so, Allie’s “that’s the problem. You put your... pleasure above my feelings!” seems spot on.
Oh it very much is. And interestingly, it's also a very human thing to do in many ways. All these people who go off and have affairs when they know they shouldn't... (And oh, will those words ever come back to bite Allison. But that's very far into the future.)
Now there is to Alex a giant enormous amount of entitlement. (Insert appropriate Peter Wimsey being an entitled prig quote.) Both his father figures impressing upon him how he's above the humans. (Save them/Rule them.) He is his father's son, and he is young. I'm not saying that to excuse him, but to point out that he makes mistakes. And this one he will recognise and understand and learn from.
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– Oh, dear. Is this part of what makes Two!Seeker do what he did, even though, as he later admits, he didn’t have to? (The trouble with chapter-by-chapter comments is it sometimes only seems to make sense if you’re referring to the whole rest of the story at the same time, and this time I only went up as far as chapter 20…)
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