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Lost Soul. Chapter 8.
Before I have to run off to do housework etc. I just wanted to post the last chapter. Enjoy! :)
‘Lost Soul’ summary: Spike loses his soul AtS S5. Some wackiness ensues...
Previous Chapters here.
Chapter 8
When Spike had closed the bedroom door Angel let go of Ethan, who staggeringly found his balance.
“There are no tricks attached, right?” Angel asked. “You don’t have to do any spells or anything?”
“No, no!” Ethan swiftly confirmed. “He just needs to open the jar!”
“Good!” Angel said pleasantly, and knocked him out. Then he handcuffed him to the nearest item of large furniture, before he started to look around the small, bland sitting room. He turned off the TV and then discovered a large pile of casino chips in a bag next to the sofa. Putting it down on the table he thought it might be a nice idea to give it to the team - an unexpected bonus was bound to be good for morale.
Then the bedroom door opened and Spike came in slowly, his attention on the glowing jar in his hand.
Noticing the unconscious Ethan on the floor he frowned and cast Angel a glance. “What do I do?” he asked.
“Just open it.” Angel answered, not taking his eyes off Spike’s face.
This was it - the moment. The secret reason that Angel had insisted on coming along. Yes, all his other reasons had been valid too, but he had been curious - was Spike actually going to go through with it? And if so - why? Why willingly choose a painful, damning prison when once set free? He knew so little of what had befallen his grandchilde the last few years - what had happened that could have changed him so?
Spike appeared to be somewhere between terrified and excited, but then he closed his eyes in determination and took a deep breath. “Here comes pain,” he said and unscrewed the lid.
There was a minor soundless explosion. The jar fell out of Spike’s hand as he was lit up from the inside, internal flames claiming him. Crying out he fell to his knees, curled up as though someone had kicked his solar-plexus.
Angel was frozen in place, unable to move. He had been through the souling process three times now; knew that unbelievable agony first hand. The first time had been a surprise - the other two times he had fought with everything in him to avoid it. The torment was so incredibly unbearable initially. Everything stripped raw - every memory distressing beyond words. He had just about come to terms with the fact that Spike had chosen to get his soul back the first time - he was pigheaded enough to risk such a venture, not knowing the price. But to freely pick up that yoke a second time - fully aware of all implications...
Slowly Spike lifted his head. “Fuck that hurts!” he said, tears in his eyes. Then, after a shaky breath, he looked at the other vampire: “Angel - why am I such a bloody idiot?”
Shaken out of his stasis, Angel walked over and gave Spike a hand up. “I don’t know,” he said gently. “One of the mysteries of the universe!”
Seeing that Spike was still unsteady on his feet he put an arm around his shoulders, steadying him as he opened the door. Slowly they started walking down the corridor.
After getting Spike in the Viper, Angel told the team to go take care of Ethan - and that they could split his (no doubt ill-gotten) winnings. The three men walked off happily, pleased to have been chosen for such an enjoyable mission. Angel smiled, even though he knew that now he’d have to work out what to do with Mr Rayne on top of everything else.
Soon they were on the road again, the bright lights of Vegas rapidly vanishing. Angel glanced at Spike who was looking out the window, seemingly lost in thought. After an hour the darkness slowly receded, the colours greying in the growing light. Spike shifted uncomfortably and Angel accelerated slightly. It felt wrong to be out this close to sunrise when all their instincts told them to seek shelter. He looked at Spike again as the sun burst over the horizon, instantly bringing golden warmth to the desert landscape. Spike’s face was lit up too, but from the outside this time and Angel couldn’t help asking, as the recent events replayed themselves in his mind: “Why?”
Spike looked at him briefly, then went back to studying the view. After a few minutes he finally replied: “The first time... it was for Buffy.”
Angel nodded slowly, having half-guessed this already. There was obviously a story behind it, but not one that Spike was likely to ever share. Instead he found himself asking: “And this time?”
“This time?” Spike repeated, a faraway look on his face. “This time it was for me.”
Angel pondered this all the rest of the journey.
*********
When the car was finally parked in the car pool, neither of them moved. Angel was thinking hard, but finally he made up his mind. Turning to his passenger, he spoke: “Spike?”
“Yeah?” Spike answered, still not paying much attention.
“I...” Angel closed his eyes, wondering what was the best way to phrase the question. “I was wondering if you’d like to work here. This Illyria business is... difficult... but I know that it’s just the start. Things are going to get bad. Really bad. And - I’d like you on my team. You annoy me more than I can say, but - I need people I can trust.”
Spike was staring at him, speechless. He was obviously as surprised as Angel was himself.
Before Spike had a chance to reply however, Angel continued. He knew that if he didn’t do it now, he’d never be able to - he was still wondering whether he’d gone insane for saying what he was about to say.
He cleared his throat: “But before you make up you mind... does Buffy know you’re alive?”
Spike’s mouth dropped open. Slowly he shook his head, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
Angel looked through the windscreen, surveying all the beautiful cars - symbols of the power and prestige he had these days.
How little it all meant.
“Did she love you?” he asked, and he could hear Spike’s sharp intake of breath. Slowly he turned his head and saw Spike staring at him, searching his face trying to work out what Angel was playing at. Realising that he was serious, Spike suddenly looked away.
“I... think so,” he said quietly.
Angel nodded. In his head he could see Spike with the jar, softly saying: “Here comes pain.” How very apt he thought. Before he could change his mind he looked at Spike again: “You should call her. She deserves to know.” Then he abruptly got out of the car.
Spike stared after Angel as he walked over to the lift and disappeared from view. What the hell had just happened? Angel had just said - what? A memory resurfaced - Buffy, talking to him: “You faced the monster inside and you fought back! I believe in you Spike.”
This was oddly similar. Angel wasn’t a great communicator, but carefully going over the one-sided conversation in his head, Spike began to see what he’d been trying to say. It was support from the unlikeliest place though - Lorne had tried to corner him on the Buffy issue, but to have Angel tell him to work it out? Incredible. He’d been avoiding the whole thing for so long now - scared to believe that she’d meant what she said. Even more frightened that she had not. Although after what Lorne had said...
For a long time he pondered his options. But knowing that there was a place for him; somewhere he was wanted - maybe even needed - felt good. There was the whole shanshu thing of course, which he wasn’t really all that bothered about - only if he was to make any kind of decision about the future, he’d better try to take everything into consideration.
A good while later he slowly got out of the Viper and made his way up to Angel’s office. It was - as he had expected - empty, Harmony informing him that the big boss had gone to bed.
He sat down in the large executive chair behind the desk and swiftly calculated the time difference between LA and Rome. Then he slowly picked up the phone and dialled the number he had known by heart for months now.
One - two - three - ring tones and then someone picked up. “Hello?”
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest...
“Buffy? It’s Spike...”
The End
‘Lost Soul’ summary: Spike loses his soul AtS S5. Some wackiness ensues...
Previous Chapters here.
When Spike had closed the bedroom door Angel let go of Ethan, who staggeringly found his balance.
“There are no tricks attached, right?” Angel asked. “You don’t have to do any spells or anything?”
“No, no!” Ethan swiftly confirmed. “He just needs to open the jar!”
“Good!” Angel said pleasantly, and knocked him out. Then he handcuffed him to the nearest item of large furniture, before he started to look around the small, bland sitting room. He turned off the TV and then discovered a large pile of casino chips in a bag next to the sofa. Putting it down on the table he thought it might be a nice idea to give it to the team - an unexpected bonus was bound to be good for morale.
Then the bedroom door opened and Spike came in slowly, his attention on the glowing jar in his hand.
Noticing the unconscious Ethan on the floor he frowned and cast Angel a glance. “What do I do?” he asked.
“Just open it.” Angel answered, not taking his eyes off Spike’s face.
This was it - the moment. The secret reason that Angel had insisted on coming along. Yes, all his other reasons had been valid too, but he had been curious - was Spike actually going to go through with it? And if so - why? Why willingly choose a painful, damning prison when once set free? He knew so little of what had befallen his grandchilde the last few years - what had happened that could have changed him so?
Spike appeared to be somewhere between terrified and excited, but then he closed his eyes in determination and took a deep breath. “Here comes pain,” he said and unscrewed the lid.
There was a minor soundless explosion. The jar fell out of Spike’s hand as he was lit up from the inside, internal flames claiming him. Crying out he fell to his knees, curled up as though someone had kicked his solar-plexus.
Angel was frozen in place, unable to move. He had been through the souling process three times now; knew that unbelievable agony first hand. The first time had been a surprise - the other two times he had fought with everything in him to avoid it. The torment was so incredibly unbearable initially. Everything stripped raw - every memory distressing beyond words. He had just about come to terms with the fact that Spike had chosen to get his soul back the first time - he was pigheaded enough to risk such a venture, not knowing the price. But to freely pick up that yoke a second time - fully aware of all implications...
Slowly Spike lifted his head. “Fuck that hurts!” he said, tears in his eyes. Then, after a shaky breath, he looked at the other vampire: “Angel - why am I such a bloody idiot?”
Shaken out of his stasis, Angel walked over and gave Spike a hand up. “I don’t know,” he said gently. “One of the mysteries of the universe!”
Seeing that Spike was still unsteady on his feet he put an arm around his shoulders, steadying him as he opened the door. Slowly they started walking down the corridor.
After getting Spike in the Viper, Angel told the team to go take care of Ethan - and that they could split his (no doubt ill-gotten) winnings. The three men walked off happily, pleased to have been chosen for such an enjoyable mission. Angel smiled, even though he knew that now he’d have to work out what to do with Mr Rayne on top of everything else.
Soon they were on the road again, the bright lights of Vegas rapidly vanishing. Angel glanced at Spike who was looking out the window, seemingly lost in thought. After an hour the darkness slowly receded, the colours greying in the growing light. Spike shifted uncomfortably and Angel accelerated slightly. It felt wrong to be out this close to sunrise when all their instincts told them to seek shelter. He looked at Spike again as the sun burst over the horizon, instantly bringing golden warmth to the desert landscape. Spike’s face was lit up too, but from the outside this time and Angel couldn’t help asking, as the recent events replayed themselves in his mind: “Why?”
Spike looked at him briefly, then went back to studying the view. After a few minutes he finally replied: “The first time... it was for Buffy.”
Angel nodded slowly, having half-guessed this already. There was obviously a story behind it, but not one that Spike was likely to ever share. Instead he found himself asking: “And this time?”
“This time?” Spike repeated, a faraway look on his face. “This time it was for me.”
Angel pondered this all the rest of the journey.
*********
When the car was finally parked in the car pool, neither of them moved. Angel was thinking hard, but finally he made up his mind. Turning to his passenger, he spoke: “Spike?”
“Yeah?” Spike answered, still not paying much attention.
“I...” Angel closed his eyes, wondering what was the best way to phrase the question. “I was wondering if you’d like to work here. This Illyria business is... difficult... but I know that it’s just the start. Things are going to get bad. Really bad. And - I’d like you on my team. You annoy me more than I can say, but - I need people I can trust.”
Spike was staring at him, speechless. He was obviously as surprised as Angel was himself.
Before Spike had a chance to reply however, Angel continued. He knew that if he didn’t do it now, he’d never be able to - he was still wondering whether he’d gone insane for saying what he was about to say.
He cleared his throat: “But before you make up you mind... does Buffy know you’re alive?”
Spike’s mouth dropped open. Slowly he shook his head, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
Angel looked through the windscreen, surveying all the beautiful cars - symbols of the power and prestige he had these days.
How little it all meant.
“Did she love you?” he asked, and he could hear Spike’s sharp intake of breath. Slowly he turned his head and saw Spike staring at him, searching his face trying to work out what Angel was playing at. Realising that he was serious, Spike suddenly looked away.
“I... think so,” he said quietly.
Angel nodded. In his head he could see Spike with the jar, softly saying: “Here comes pain.” How very apt he thought. Before he could change his mind he looked at Spike again: “You should call her. She deserves to know.” Then he abruptly got out of the car.
Spike stared after Angel as he walked over to the lift and disappeared from view. What the hell had just happened? Angel had just said - what? A memory resurfaced - Buffy, talking to him: “You faced the monster inside and you fought back! I believe in you Spike.”
This was oddly similar. Angel wasn’t a great communicator, but carefully going over the one-sided conversation in his head, Spike began to see what he’d been trying to say. It was support from the unlikeliest place though - Lorne had tried to corner him on the Buffy issue, but to have Angel tell him to work it out? Incredible. He’d been avoiding the whole thing for so long now - scared to believe that she’d meant what she said. Even more frightened that she had not. Although after what Lorne had said...
For a long time he pondered his options. But knowing that there was a place for him; somewhere he was wanted - maybe even needed - felt good. There was the whole shanshu thing of course, which he wasn’t really all that bothered about - only if he was to make any kind of decision about the future, he’d better try to take everything into consideration.
A good while later he slowly got out of the Viper and made his way up to Angel’s office. It was - as he had expected - empty, Harmony informing him that the big boss had gone to bed.
He sat down in the large executive chair behind the desk and swiftly calculated the time difference between LA and Rome. Then he slowly picked up the phone and dialled the number he had known by heart for months now.
One - two - three - ring tones and then someone picked up. “Hello?”
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest...
“Buffy? It’s Spike...”
no subject
Oh I hope it went well. And I've just spent far too long devouring fic too, because the crack!fic I've been following was suddenly updated... *looks at to-do list and panicks*
Amazing story and I loved the ending.
Thank you! ::beams::
The idea of Spike wanting his soul back, this time for himself is so beautiful
Aw - but I think he would. I really think so. *loves Spike*
it really does mark a point, where he would be ready to contact Buffy, when he is more of his own man and less likely to get lost in his obsession/love for her.
::nods:: The thing is, I don't know whether he'd actually go to her, or whether he'd choose to stay and help Angel. But at least he made contact. :)
And for Angel to jump over his shadow (that figure of speech does exist in English too, I hope?) and tell Spike, that he should call her is so nice.
I haven't heard the term before, but what a lovely phrase.
You made laugh on grumpy Angel all over the story, but you really made me cheer for him in the end. Cool!
It's one of the things I love about Angel - he can be so petty and grumpy, but he can also he very, very unselfish, when needs be. On the show Fred's death brought the two of them together - here I used the soul thing to get Angel to look at Spike anew. Fic is neat!
I wonder, what they are going to do with Pallyria, though?
No idea. Seriously. The fic ends where my ideas ended, and I still (1 1/2 years later) do not have a clue what happens next!
Thank you for the wonderful read :)
Thank *you* for your wonderful feedback! It is hugely appreciated! (Will get to the rest of your comments later. Right now I have to go do sensible things...)
no subject
Thank you :) I scored an A *is happy*
The thing is, I don't know whether he'd actually go to her, or whether he'd choose to stay and help Angel. But at least he made contact. :)
It's hard to tell, also how Buffy will react on the news, that he's alive.
I wonder if they will give us anything on that in s8.
I haven't heard the term before, but what a lovely phrase.
It's pretty common in German for "getting over inhibitions" (It's those little things that get me. Have to look them up, instead of just translating everything that goes through my head)
It's one of the things I love about Angel - he can be so petty and grumpy, but he can also he very, very unselfish, when needs be.
Very true. I love, how multilayered his character is. And I'm still in awe of DB ability to make him funny, when he's hardly ever smiling.
Thank *you* for your wonderful feedback! It is hugely appreciated!
Makes me happy, that you enjoy it :)
no subject
Oooh. Congratulations!
It's hard to tell, also how Buffy will react on the news, that he's alive.
Yes - unless of course Andrew told her.
I wonder if they will give us anything on that in s8.
Doubt it.
It's those little things that get me. Have to look them up, instead of just translating everything that goes through my head
I know the feeling. (English isn't my first language either.)
Very true. I love, how multilayered his character is. And I'm still in awe of DB ability to make him funny, when he's hardly ever smiling.
He has a very deadpan sense of humour - although the fact that he smiles so rarely makes it even more wonderful when he does! :)
Makes me happy, that you enjoy it :)
You have *no* idea. Feedback is more addictive than crack!
no subject
Thank you :)
I wonder if they will give us anything on that in s8.
Doubt it.
Me to, but there is always hope. Would be a pity, a couple like that, kept apart by different copy right holders...(very Romeo and Juliet).
I know the feeling. (English isn't my first language either.)
Wow, you certainly do a great job writing in it!
You have *no* idea. Feedback is more addictive than crack!
I have a faint one :) The feedback I got for my first (very silly) fic still makes me smile. Made me realize, how much fun it is, to get some. Now I'm on a path of redemption, making up for the days, when I was an evil soulless lurker, who never dropped a line, even on the most intriguing stories.
no subject
Oh no! I'm fervently hoping that they'll be kept apart. They were my first OTP, and their story was what turned me into the obsessive I am today. I don't think that there is any way they could pull off a reunion that I'd be happy with. I mean it's possible, but given s8's track record so far, I can't see it.
Wow, you certainly do a great job writing in it!
Well I *have* lived in Engliand for 11 1/2 years now, which helps. *g*
The feedback I got for my first (very silly) fic still makes me smile. Made me realize, how much fun it is, to get some.
I'll try to get round to reading it one day - sadly though at the moment life is hopelessly busy.
Now I'm on a path of redemption, making up for the days, when I was an evil soulless lurker, who never dropped a line, even on the most intriguing stories.
Heee! In which case I feel very lucky. :)
no subject
I think you're right there. But I still believe, the problem is really more with the copyrights than with the writing. If Spike were to appear on s8 (or Buffy in AtF) it would only be for a short crossover, and that would be bound to be disappointing.
I'll try to get round to reading it one day
Don't! With silly, I meant really silly (+ slashy) and I'm hoping to produce stuff, that is much more worth your reading time in the future.
Heee! In which case I feel very lucky. :)
I'm the lucky one :) I'm having so much fun, reading your stuff and discussing it with you.
no subject
*nods* Also I doubt anyone would be interested in writing a comic exploring where the S/B relationship could go.
I meant really silly (+ slashy)
If you were trying to put me off, I'm afraid you failed! ;)
I'm having so much fun, reading your stuff and discussing it with you.
And I feel like Christmas came early! (Seriously, discussing one's own fic is like the most self-indulgent and luxurious thing ever!)
no subject
Oh, I think, finding a writer would not be that hard, it's only that US-Comic Books aren't usually much about relationships in general. There are some exceptions though, like Brian K. Vaughans other stuff (Y-The last man, Runaways) and Fables (god, Snowwhite and Bigby Wolf are one of my favorite couples ever!)
Also Buffy totally on her own, without any male love interest to interfere is actually something new, so they might want to keep it that way.
If you were trying to put me off, I'm afraid you failed! ;)
Well at least I tried to warn you :)
(Icon squeee again!)
no subject
I think it might something that's a lot harder in a comic than on screen or in a written story.
Also Buffy totally on her own, without any male love interest to interfere is actually something new, so they might want to keep it that way.
*nods* I doubt Joss would ever put Buffy with either vampire unless they shanshued, and then there'd only be domestic stuff left.
Well at least I tried to warn you :)
Still don't know when I'll have the time... *is sad*
And if you keep commenting this much I'll probably get through all 115 of my pretties! :)
no subject
Not necessarily, in french or japanese comics it's pretty common (lots of manga almost read like soaps). Problem is, that the average US-comic book is so short, that it's risky to leave the action for a bit to focus on the personal life of a character.
And if you keep commenting this much I'll probably get through all 115 of my pretties! :)
hehe I´m looking forward to it and will do my best :D
no subject
*nods*
hehe I´m looking forward to it and will do my best :D
I'm going to have problems remembering which I've used...