![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
TW fic: The Election, as seen from Torchwood Cardiff.
Yes, I wrote election fic. Shut up. It's hurried, and un-beta'd, but everyone and everything friendly.
Summary: Torchwood Three discuss the upcoming US election...
Characters: Jack, Gwen, Ianto, Martha.
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: None.
Word count: 1250.
Genre: Humour.
Feedback: Would make me dance with joy! :)
The Election, as seen from Torchwood Cardiff.
It was a very slow day on the rift, so when the enticing smell of pizza wafted through the Hub, it immediately caused Jack to push aside his paperwork and head in the direction of the sofa.
There he found Gwen and Ianto, glumly helping themselves to pizza slices as they watched the lunchtime news being broadcast on the screens opposite.
"Will this election never end?" Gwen sighed, before biting into her meat feast.
Ianto shrugged. "Only a week left now."
"I suppose... Feels like forever, though. And why do they insist on reporting every detail over here? With this level of coverage, we should at least be able to vote also."
Jack grabbed some ham and pineapple, praying that they wouldn’t for the millionth time ask him who was going to win. His oft-repeated 'The 21st Century is when everything changes' was suddenly a liability. A distraction was needed...
"Well, to pass the time we could play 'Cliff, Shag or Marry'..."
Ianto's eyes narrowed. "With... the candidates?"
Jack grinned. "Exactly! Make you view the whole thing from a new perspective!"
"Okay...” Ianto’s face was carefully neutral, but Jack could tell that he was beginning to see the possibilities.
“Very well,” the younger man decided. “Cliff Palin, shag Obama, marry Michelle."
Jack’s smirk deepened. "That was astonishingly quick - have you by any chance given this some prior thought?"
Ianto shrugged casually. "What's there to think about?"
Gwen, who’d be eating silently, finally chipped in. "But - does Michelle count?"
There came a slightly offended look on Ianto’s face. "She'll hopefully be First Lady soon, of course she counts. Also she's hotter than any of the others!"
Jack raised an eyebrow, but Ianto looked back phlegmatically.
"I've got a type, and I'm sticking to it!"
Gwen smiled, her eyes dancing. "So how do you explain...?" She nodded towards Jack.
Ianto chuckled, eyes drifting over Jack as though carefully considering the problem.
"Pheromones."
Jack laughed, catching Ianto’s eyes, but thought it better not to expand on the subject.
"OK! Let's hear yours Gwen!"
"Umm... cliff Palin, obviously." She thought for a moment, then carefully continued. "Shag Todd and marry Obama."
Jack tilted his head. "I'm getting some serious anti-Palin vibes here."
Ianto shrugged, helping himself to more pizza. "According to her beliefs I am headed straight for hell, so..."
"What's that got to do with anything? I'd shag her!" Jack countered.
Gwen’s eyes grew. "Seriously?"
"She's hot!" he shot back. Were these people blind?
"But..." Gwen had apparently run out of words, so Ianto stepped in.
"He is immortal."
"I suppose..." Gwen still didn’t look convinced.
"Hey - I've met a lot scarier than her. Not often, but it's happened. Also I'd have her eating out of my hand in no time - trust me.” He winked at them and swallowed the last piece of his pizza, but then a thought occurred to him.
“You know, we ought to recruit her."
"What?" They both looked equally shocked, which was not something he often saw and he took a moment to savour the experience.
"Think about it. Give her a rift activity locator and a loaded machine gun, and we could all retire."
"He... has a point." Ianto’s voice was hesitant, but impressed. Jack smiled triumphantly.
"She has talent - it's just directed in the wrong direction at the moment!"
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Fine. Who'd you marry?"
"I would marry... oh, that’s easy. Cindy McCain."
"Really?" Gwen was doing the wide-eyed thing again. Jack sighed.
"She has been incredibly supportive and devoted throughout, no matter what. I admire that kind of loyalty. And also her oatmeal butterscotch biscuits came top in that national cookie contest they use in America for predicting the winner of the election!"
Gwen blinked. "So... what you want from a wife is devotion and cookies?"
"Anything wrong with that?"
Ianto, having finished his meal, removed his napkin and carefully cleaned his hands, then spoke, voice determined. "I am not baking you biscuits."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Shame - you’d look great in a pinny!"
Ianto shot him a look of mute mutiny before turning to Gwen.
"It's going to be a long week..." he said tiredly, and Gwen nodded. Then suddenly she turned her head.
"Wait! Jack - who would you cliff?"
"Who do you think? Obama!"
Gwen’s mouth turned into a perfect o, which was very amusing, considering.
"Obama? But why?"
"He's too charismatic. I... have a problem with charismatic politicians. Actually..."
He’d been meaning to do it for a while, and there was no time like the present. Excusing himself he left the others, walked to his office and picked up the phone, swiftly dialling the number.
"Martha - do you have a minute?"
"Sure Jack, what's the problem?" Such a lovely voice - he hoped this Tom of hers appreciated it. He shifted in his chair.
“Not a problem really, just... has UNIT checked all the presidential candidates?"
There was a deep sigh. "If this is about Sarah Palin..."
"No no - it's about Obama..."
"Huh?"
"Just... could you get hold of his medical records maybe? Make sure he's not... you know... got two heartbeats or anything."
“Jack...” Oh the tone of her voice - she was just saying his name, but managed to convey a million unspoken things, everything they’d lived through, the burden of memory they now helped each other carry.
“I made triple sure that they were all checked out, OK? We know what to look for!”
“Even a fob watch?”
There was a pause, then Martha relented. “Fine. I’ll have everything fine combed. You know-" a certain drollness entered her voice, "it could be that he’s from Krypton, like he said, and has been sent here to bring peace.”
Jack’s head flew up. “He said that?”
Martha did a funny sort of growl. “It was a joke! In that after dinner speech he did. Jack, will you please relax! Or... do you know something I don’t, Mr Time Agent?”
He smiled wryly. “No I don't. I... I just think Obama is too charismatic!”
There was a slight pause, then Martha replied, voice smiling.
“You know what? I think you’re jealous. Although I can’t work out if it’s because you’ll never get Obama yourself, or if it’s the fact that right now half the world fancies the pants off him, and you want to be in his place!”
Jack’s mouth fell open, and then his eyes narrowed. “Hey! For that I won’t tell you the result. Although... if you make me cookies I might change my mind.”
“Cookies?”
“Never mind. I ought to go - work to do and all that. But get him checked out, please?”
“I already said I would. Sometimes you are as peculiar as the Doctor, you know!”
He chuckled at that. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Bye Martha.”
”Good bye Jack.”
For a moment he sat still, staring into the distance. No one ever made him cookies...
Returning to Gwen and Ianto he found them busy hacking into government files, having decided that they wanted to know who shot JFK.
Jack smiled to himself and left them to it. If they wanted the inside scoop on that story there would have to be more than biscuits involved.
Summary: Torchwood Three discuss the upcoming US election...
Characters: Jack, Gwen, Ianto, Martha.
Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: None.
Word count: 1250.
Genre: Humour.
Feedback: Would make me dance with joy! :)
The Election, as seen from Torchwood Cardiff.
It was a very slow day on the rift, so when the enticing smell of pizza wafted through the Hub, it immediately caused Jack to push aside his paperwork and head in the direction of the sofa.
There he found Gwen and Ianto, glumly helping themselves to pizza slices as they watched the lunchtime news being broadcast on the screens opposite.
"Will this election never end?" Gwen sighed, before biting into her meat feast.
Ianto shrugged. "Only a week left now."
"I suppose... Feels like forever, though. And why do they insist on reporting every detail over here? With this level of coverage, we should at least be able to vote also."
Jack grabbed some ham and pineapple, praying that they wouldn’t for the millionth time ask him who was going to win. His oft-repeated 'The 21st Century is when everything changes' was suddenly a liability. A distraction was needed...
"Well, to pass the time we could play 'Cliff, Shag or Marry'..."
Ianto's eyes narrowed. "With... the candidates?"
Jack grinned. "Exactly! Make you view the whole thing from a new perspective!"
"Okay...” Ianto’s face was carefully neutral, but Jack could tell that he was beginning to see the possibilities.
“Very well,” the younger man decided. “Cliff Palin, shag Obama, marry Michelle."
Jack’s smirk deepened. "That was astonishingly quick - have you by any chance given this some prior thought?"
Ianto shrugged casually. "What's there to think about?"
Gwen, who’d be eating silently, finally chipped in. "But - does Michelle count?"
There came a slightly offended look on Ianto’s face. "She'll hopefully be First Lady soon, of course she counts. Also she's hotter than any of the others!"
Jack raised an eyebrow, but Ianto looked back phlegmatically.
"I've got a type, and I'm sticking to it!"
Gwen smiled, her eyes dancing. "So how do you explain...?" She nodded towards Jack.
Ianto chuckled, eyes drifting over Jack as though carefully considering the problem.
"Pheromones."
Jack laughed, catching Ianto’s eyes, but thought it better not to expand on the subject.
"OK! Let's hear yours Gwen!"
"Umm... cliff Palin, obviously." She thought for a moment, then carefully continued. "Shag Todd and marry Obama."
Jack tilted his head. "I'm getting some serious anti-Palin vibes here."
Ianto shrugged, helping himself to more pizza. "According to her beliefs I am headed straight for hell, so..."
"What's that got to do with anything? I'd shag her!" Jack countered.
Gwen’s eyes grew. "Seriously?"
"She's hot!" he shot back. Were these people blind?
"But..." Gwen had apparently run out of words, so Ianto stepped in.
"He is immortal."
"I suppose..." Gwen still didn’t look convinced.
"Hey - I've met a lot scarier than her. Not often, but it's happened. Also I'd have her eating out of my hand in no time - trust me.” He winked at them and swallowed the last piece of his pizza, but then a thought occurred to him.
“You know, we ought to recruit her."
"What?" They both looked equally shocked, which was not something he often saw and he took a moment to savour the experience.
"Think about it. Give her a rift activity locator and a loaded machine gun, and we could all retire."
"He... has a point." Ianto’s voice was hesitant, but impressed. Jack smiled triumphantly.
"She has talent - it's just directed in the wrong direction at the moment!"
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Fine. Who'd you marry?"
"I would marry... oh, that’s easy. Cindy McCain."
"Really?" Gwen was doing the wide-eyed thing again. Jack sighed.
"She has been incredibly supportive and devoted throughout, no matter what. I admire that kind of loyalty. And also her oatmeal butterscotch biscuits came top in that national cookie contest they use in America for predicting the winner of the election!"
Gwen blinked. "So... what you want from a wife is devotion and cookies?"
"Anything wrong with that?"
Ianto, having finished his meal, removed his napkin and carefully cleaned his hands, then spoke, voice determined. "I am not baking you biscuits."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Shame - you’d look great in a pinny!"
Ianto shot him a look of mute mutiny before turning to Gwen.
"It's going to be a long week..." he said tiredly, and Gwen nodded. Then suddenly she turned her head.
"Wait! Jack - who would you cliff?"
"Who do you think? Obama!"
Gwen’s mouth turned into a perfect o, which was very amusing, considering.
"Obama? But why?"
"He's too charismatic. I... have a problem with charismatic politicians. Actually..."
He’d been meaning to do it for a while, and there was no time like the present. Excusing himself he left the others, walked to his office and picked up the phone, swiftly dialling the number.
"Martha - do you have a minute?"
"Sure Jack, what's the problem?" Such a lovely voice - he hoped this Tom of hers appreciated it. He shifted in his chair.
“Not a problem really, just... has UNIT checked all the presidential candidates?"
There was a deep sigh. "If this is about Sarah Palin..."
"No no - it's about Obama..."
"Huh?"
"Just... could you get hold of his medical records maybe? Make sure he's not... you know... got two heartbeats or anything."
“Jack...” Oh the tone of her voice - she was just saying his name, but managed to convey a million unspoken things, everything they’d lived through, the burden of memory they now helped each other carry.
“I made triple sure that they were all checked out, OK? We know what to look for!”
“Even a fob watch?”
There was a pause, then Martha relented. “Fine. I’ll have everything fine combed. You know-" a certain drollness entered her voice, "it could be that he’s from Krypton, like he said, and has been sent here to bring peace.”
Jack’s head flew up. “He said that?”
Martha did a funny sort of growl. “It was a joke! In that after dinner speech he did. Jack, will you please relax! Or... do you know something I don’t, Mr Time Agent?”
He smiled wryly. “No I don't. I... I just think Obama is too charismatic!”
There was a slight pause, then Martha replied, voice smiling.
“You know what? I think you’re jealous. Although I can’t work out if it’s because you’ll never get Obama yourself, or if it’s the fact that right now half the world fancies the pants off him, and you want to be in his place!”
Jack’s mouth fell open, and then his eyes narrowed. “Hey! For that I won’t tell you the result. Although... if you make me cookies I might change my mind.”
“Cookies?”
“Never mind. I ought to go - work to do and all that. But get him checked out, please?”
“I already said I would. Sometimes you are as peculiar as the Doctor, you know!”
He chuckled at that. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Bye Martha.”
”Good bye Jack.”
For a moment he sat still, staring into the distance. No one ever made him cookies...
Returning to Gwen and Ianto he found them busy hacking into government files, having decided that they wanted to know who shot JFK.
Jack smiled to himself and left them to it. If they wanted the inside scoop on that story there would have to be more than biscuits involved.
no subject
As for Jack's taste, though... You know, I'm a heterosexual man and out of Palin, McCain, Obama and Biden, Palin is still the one I'd least want to go to bed with. I really really can't see the attraction.
no subject
Thank you! :) Although Obama being a Timelord isn't my invention.
As for Jack's taste, though...
Well Jack isn't exactly normal. And he does like a challenge...
Anyway - thank you for reading! :)
no subject
no subject
no subject
Thanks for posting.
no subject
Oh I know how you feel... I sort of *had* to write it.
Thanks for posting.
Thanks for reading! :)
no subject
Bwahahaha... How true. Loved Jack asking Martha to check Obama for fobwatches. Very nicely done.
no subject
Jack is good at seeing people's potential. :)
Loved Jack asking Martha to check Obama for fobwatches.
It is possible that he is a little *too* awesome...
Thanks for reading, v. happy you enjoyed!
no subject
no subject
Thanks! :)
But poor Joe Biden was sadly neglected...
So was McCain - too many candidates I'm afraid.
no subject
*makes Jack cookies* I happen to make a dangerously good Oatmeal Butterscotch cookie.
I swear every day I get more nervous. If it wasn't for work I would vote first thing in the morning and then spend the rest of the day hiding under my bed. I still stand by my pledge of moving over there if McCain wins.
no subject
Huzzah!
*makes Jack cookies* I happen to make a dangerously good Oatmeal Butterscotch cookie.
Maybe you should send Jack your resumé?
I still stand by my pledge of moving over there if McCain wins.
You'd be very welcome! Our politicians are dull & boring, and our Prime Minister doubly do - but he *does* understand money, which is rather reassuring at the moment.
no subject
I'll never look at any of them in the same way again
*hugs Jack* because he needs it.
no subject
Then my mission here is accomplished! *g*
*hugs Jack* because he needs it.
I know! I ought to write a sequel about cookies, huh?
no subject
write away, I'll be reading it!
no subject
no subject
no subject
Squee! Thank you. And you probably missed it because I posted it on a Saturday - not really the best day for fic...
Oh Jack jealous of Obama. Still I so wouldn't cliff him at all!
Me neither. But it struck me as a fun idea! ;)
no subject
no subject
[One More Day!!!!!!! This thing is killing me!]
no subject
Give her a rift activity locator and a loaded machine gun, and we could all retire."
That . . . is really scary - and would probably work!
Love the visual of Ianto in a pinny, though. It would be a perfect match for Jack's suspenders. He's the only actor I can think of who can make braces look sexy! *g*
no subject
Thank you! I aim to please. :)
That . . . is really scary - and would probably work!
Jack is very good a utilising people's talents.
Love the visual of Ianto in a pinny, though. It would be a perfect match for Jack's suspenders.
Heeeee! Well Jack can be *very* persuasive...
He's the only actor I can think of who can make braces look sexy! *g*
*ponders* ASH does quite well too! (This reminds me of The Stainless Steel Rat Lives Forever, which you HAVE to read.)
no subject
Not gonna lie; I feel the same way about Obama as Jack does... (not that this means he doesn't have my vote).
no subject
Thank you! :)
And just what I needed to keep me from gnawing my nails to bits; WHY IS NOT NOT WEDNESDAY ALREADY PLEASE.
Writing stopped me biting my nails for a short while...
Not gonna lie; I feel the same way about Obama as Jack does...
Well I've seen him described both as a Timelord and as a Jedi, and he himself said he was Superman, so I think we're safe to assume that he is some sort of extra-terrestial. ;)
(Also your icon is awesome! Have you seen these?)
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I do believe that line is my particular favorite! I love your writing of Torchwood!
And I was also curious....did you ever write a sequel to My Immortal? or did I just miss it?
no subject
*beams* Thank you! I do love them all.
And I was also curious....did you ever write a sequel to My Immortal? or did I just miss it?
No, not yet. I'll get there one day, honestly! (I did write some FitBs - dunno what else to call them - which you can find here.)
no subject
*draws sparkly hearts all around fic*
Obviously Torchwood has come to the US to recruit Sarah Palin.
She'll be played by Tina Fey on the show, though.
no subject
*draws sparkly hearts all around fic*
All together now: Yes We Can, ooooooh, Yes We Can! (Oh that election was like a new fandom...)
Obviously Torchwood has come to the US to recruit Sarah Palin.
Of course! It all makes sense now.
She'll be played by Tina Fey on the show, though.
"And I can see Russia from my house!"
I was muchly cheered to see this comment, oh yes I was. Esp. since I had way too much fun writing the fic. :D
no subject
no subject
no subject
Huh. I wonder if that's actually what I like about Torchwood? I am kind of always waiting for those tiny scenes were they all hang out and are friends (I don't think I ship anyone on that show, which is a rarity for me.)
no subject
Jack is good at not judging, actually. He screwed up enough times to not automatically be hostile. (Unless they're hurting someone. Like, torturing a space whale...)
Well, it's a bit crack, which is always big points as far as I'm concerned. And also genuinely funny and insightful. The characters feel very vivid and the whole thing is so happy and convivial and free of drama . . . and plot.
I'm still very flattered, and also chuckling. Yeah, I can see it now. :D
I just really like everyone in this fic and I want to hang out with them and not leave. Huh. I wonder if that's actually what I like about Torchwood? I am kind of always waiting for those tiny scenes were they all hang out and are friends (I don't think I ship anyone on that show, which is a rarity for me.)
You know, I think that might be the thing about Torchwood. Much as I love Jack/Ianto, one of my favourite things is fic about the whole team. Esp once we get to S2, there is a dynamic and a feel to the group that's just delightful, and yes, I too would love to just hang out with them.
I think it's also to do with the fact that they're based in one place, rather than zooming all over like on Doctor Who (not that this isn't fun too! *g*) - but it's a bigger group, and it's... work, y'know? They have lives outside the Hub that they go back to every night and bills to pay etc. It's more grounded in reality. (And I should probably stop now, before what I write turns to *complete* nonsense. Heh.)
no subject
I *really* loved that episode, and I thought it was going to be lame. I loved Ianto being all "pray they live" and Jack and Owen being the ones saying goodbye to the whale and Gwen going to the mat so that Rhys could keep his memories <3
You know, I think that might be the thing about Torchwood. Much as I love Jack/Ianto, one of my favourite things is fic about the whole team.
OOo, yes! (Thanks for all the recs, btw, genuinely looking forward to having a go at them when I get the chance.) You know, scenes where people come together to just be are just about my favorite thing, and shows that somehow incorporate that feeling into the core of them I tend to love. Hmmmm--I may have pinpointed my uber-kink. HIMYM is crammed full of this, but it's also a show with genuine growth and change and loss, so those scenes do mean something (as opposed to a conventional sitcom, where it's all quite static). And BSG . . . oh, man, nobody could sell a scene like that the way that show could. BSG was probably destined to break my heart because it's the apocalypse and the end of everything and a show where things have to happen, but when those moments came along you knew, in just this breathtaking way, that they literally were the single most important thing in the entire universe.
Hmmm, and I love the end of Star Trek The Next Generation because it ends with everyone playing poker together and a sense of "and they went on together like this . . ." And I hate the ending of ST Voyager because it broke exactly the same feeling when, arguably, that feeling was so much more vital to that show than it was to TNG and really needed to be acknowledged.
no subject
There were a lot of 'What? ANOTHER emo space whale?' around the place post The Beast Below, although the two episodes showed rather beautifully the differences between the shows, re. the things they tackle.
I loved Ianto being all "pray they live" and Jack and Owen being the ones saying goodbye to the whale and Gwen going to the mat so that Rhys could keep his memories <3
It's alllll good. *points towards this review*
OOo, yes! (Thanks for all the recs, btw, genuinely looking forward to having a go at them when I get the chance.)
I'll try to find more team fic for you then. *draws hearts around them all*
You know, scenes where people come together to just be are just about my favorite thing, and shows that somehow incorporate that feeling into the core of them I tend to love. Hmmmm--I may have pinpointed my uber-kink.
Hmmm. It's certainly something I love too. And both Buffy & Angel have groups of friends at their heart... (That's all for now. Need to run.)
no subject
I'm constantly seeing parallels to the fifth season while I watch, although they're escaping me at the moment. I assume others have picked them out too.
It's alllll good. *points towards this review*
Niiiice.
I'll try to find more team fic for you then. *draws hearts around them all*
! <3 (No rush--got plenty to be getting on with, and it sounds like you're swamped.)
no subject
Quite probably. Like I've said - Amy's choices are so like Gwen's (even down to the specific wording in one case) that sometimes it felt like deja vu... :)
Niiiice.
I especially like the Fargo comparison, since it's very Gwen/Rhys. ♥
! <3 (No rush--got plenty to be getting on with, and it sounds like you're swamped.)
Oh yes, it was a... future promise.