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Fic: Mrs Saxon's Diary. Part 10/10
Lookie what I finished! I hope it was worth waiting for - and that anyone is around to read it... *crosses fingers*
Setting: Last of The Timelords.
Spoilers: End of S3.
Pairing: Lucy/Harry.
Rating: PG-13.
Previous parts here. Many thank you's to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kathyh for the look-through and the encouragement!
Shortly after the Master's death
Jack brought me my diary. I'm locked in one of the smaller bedrooms, one of those that Harry designed to double as holding-cells in case he needed someone detaining.
"Tish found it," he said, handing it over, and I smiled a little. I bet little Tish also tried her best to open it, but Harry fitted this book with an isomorphic lock shortly after he told me what he was - just in case. He really did think of everything. Almost.
"You're quite the hero," he continued, studying me. "The Joneses have spent the whole year plotting to kill him, and then you're the one to shoot him. They think they misjudged you."
I couldn't help it - I started laughing. Laughed so hard that I was left gasping for air and shaking.
Jack however didn't crack a smile. "He asked you to do it, didn't he?" he finally asked, and I nodded.
"I told you I'd do anything for him, remember?"
"I remember," he said; then tilted his head, his eyes holding no kindness. “You know... from where I’m standing it looks like he abandoned you.”
I sat still for a moment, studying the book in my hands, then looked up. “No. I know where he is, and I could follow. But you took the gun off me.”
He stared at me for a long time, and the sudden pity in his eyes was almost enough to make me hit him. I was the Master’s wife, the only one he trusted. I know they will all be celebrating Martha, talking about how brave she was. What do they know?
Saving the world is easy. But destroying it - destroying the one thing that makes life worth living - that is not something she could do, nor something the Doctor would ever ask. But Harry did, and I obeyed. His faithful companion.
“What happens to me now?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the huge, vast emptiness that is all I have left.
“I... don’t know,” he replied, a little thrown. “I guess it’s up to the Doctor to decide.”
I smiled coldly. “The Doctor... the kind, forgiving Doctor. Who saved the world and sentenced the last of humanity to-”
I couldn’t continue. Suddenly I was shivering, cold horror welling up inside.
“Lucy - what is it?” I hadn’t seen him move, but suddenly Jack was kneeling in front of me, careful not to touch but looking concerned - more concerned than anyone has looked since father died.
“Utopia,” I whispered, cradling the book to my chest. “The Master showed me- I know how it ends. Maybe one day you will see it too, Jack, if you really live forever. And then you’ll understand. Nothing matters. Nothing at all. Everything you will have done will have been for nothing, because there is only the cold and the dark left.”
Jack clearly didn’t know what to say. Slowly he got up, an apologetic look on his face.
“Look... I really need to get clean, and there are a lot of things I have to do. I’ll try to be back though.”
I didn’t reply until his hand was on the door handle.
“It won’t come off, you know. The dirt. It’ll never come off.”
He turned and looked at me, and for a second there was real anger and hurt on his face. I braced myself for what might come, but then he seemed to shake it off, catching my eyes.
“Lucy... they’re like the sun. We look at them and get blinded. But if you turn away there’s still a whole world out there, and it is... beautiful.”
I stared at him, unsure, and he shook his head, a smile on his face that I couldn’t understand. Like he knew a secret I didn’t.
“I’m not going back to the Doctor.”
Then he swiftly left, locking the door behind him.
I’ve been sitting here thinking about his words. I don’t understand what he’s trying to prove. Maybe he’s just scared that the Doctor still doesn’t want him.
But in some aspects I know that he was right. My Master was a sun, bright and terrible, blinding. And now he is gone everything is dark and I can’t see my way.
Still - I know that it is a just punishment. The light was too much for me, and for just a moment I wished it gone - for a second closed my eyes and prayed for darkness. And the prayer was answered.
Maybe if I wasn’t human I’d have been stronger. And yet for the first time I am grateful for what I am. Because no matter what, some day I will die and the pain will stop...
~~~
My story is finished now, but I wonder how I will be remembered. How we will be remembered. He murdered the President, and then I murdered him - that’s how it will be told. Blood and death writing our names into history.
My Master would have liked that.
The End
(Author's notes: I decided against having Lucy be the one to pick up the Master's ring for two reasons: 1) It's already been done in fic, and done well. 2) I always wanted this to be a canon compliant FitB, and we don't know if the Master will ever return, nor how. Also it would start a new story, and that I am not interested in. I liked ending here, leaving Lucy on her own, unsure what would happen next.)
Setting: Last of The Timelords.
Spoilers: End of S3.
Pairing: Lucy/Harry.
Rating: PG-13.
Previous parts here. Many thank you's to
kathyh for the look-through and the encouragement!Shortly after the Master's death
Jack brought me my diary. I'm locked in one of the smaller bedrooms, one of those that Harry designed to double as holding-cells in case he needed someone detaining.
"Tish found it," he said, handing it over, and I smiled a little. I bet little Tish also tried her best to open it, but Harry fitted this book with an isomorphic lock shortly after he told me what he was - just in case. He really did think of everything. Almost.
"You're quite the hero," he continued, studying me. "The Joneses have spent the whole year plotting to kill him, and then you're the one to shoot him. They think they misjudged you."
I couldn't help it - I started laughing. Laughed so hard that I was left gasping for air and shaking.
Jack however didn't crack a smile. "He asked you to do it, didn't he?" he finally asked, and I nodded.
"I told you I'd do anything for him, remember?"
"I remember," he said; then tilted his head, his eyes holding no kindness. “You know... from where I’m standing it looks like he abandoned you.”
I sat still for a moment, studying the book in my hands, then looked up. “No. I know where he is, and I could follow. But you took the gun off me.”
He stared at me for a long time, and the sudden pity in his eyes was almost enough to make me hit him. I was the Master’s wife, the only one he trusted. I know they will all be celebrating Martha, talking about how brave she was. What do they know?
Saving the world is easy. But destroying it - destroying the one thing that makes life worth living - that is not something she could do, nor something the Doctor would ever ask. But Harry did, and I obeyed. His faithful companion.
“What happens to me now?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the huge, vast emptiness that is all I have left.
“I... don’t know,” he replied, a little thrown. “I guess it’s up to the Doctor to decide.”
I smiled coldly. “The Doctor... the kind, forgiving Doctor. Who saved the world and sentenced the last of humanity to-”
I couldn’t continue. Suddenly I was shivering, cold horror welling up inside.
“Lucy - what is it?” I hadn’t seen him move, but suddenly Jack was kneeling in front of me, careful not to touch but looking concerned - more concerned than anyone has looked since father died.
“Utopia,” I whispered, cradling the book to my chest. “The Master showed me- I know how it ends. Maybe one day you will see it too, Jack, if you really live forever. And then you’ll understand. Nothing matters. Nothing at all. Everything you will have done will have been for nothing, because there is only the cold and the dark left.”
Jack clearly didn’t know what to say. Slowly he got up, an apologetic look on his face.
“Look... I really need to get clean, and there are a lot of things I have to do. I’ll try to be back though.”
I didn’t reply until his hand was on the door handle.
“It won’t come off, you know. The dirt. It’ll never come off.”
He turned and looked at me, and for a second there was real anger and hurt on his face. I braced myself for what might come, but then he seemed to shake it off, catching my eyes.
“Lucy... they’re like the sun. We look at them and get blinded. But if you turn away there’s still a whole world out there, and it is... beautiful.”
I stared at him, unsure, and he shook his head, a smile on his face that I couldn’t understand. Like he knew a secret I didn’t.
“I’m not going back to the Doctor.”
Then he swiftly left, locking the door behind him.
I’ve been sitting here thinking about his words. I don’t understand what he’s trying to prove. Maybe he’s just scared that the Doctor still doesn’t want him.
But in some aspects I know that he was right. My Master was a sun, bright and terrible, blinding. And now he is gone everything is dark and I can’t see my way.
Still - I know that it is a just punishment. The light was too much for me, and for just a moment I wished it gone - for a second closed my eyes and prayed for darkness. And the prayer was answered.
Maybe if I wasn’t human I’d have been stronger. And yet for the first time I am grateful for what I am. Because no matter what, some day I will die and the pain will stop...
My story is finished now, but I wonder how I will be remembered. How we will be remembered. He murdered the President, and then I murdered him - that’s how it will be told. Blood and death writing our names into history.
My Master would have liked that.
(Author's notes: I decided against having Lucy be the one to pick up the Master's ring for two reasons: 1) It's already been done in fic, and done well. 2) I always wanted this to be a canon compliant FitB, and we don't know if the Master will ever return, nor how. Also it would start a new story, and that I am not interested in. I liked ending here, leaving Lucy on her own, unsure what would happen next.)
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“You know... from where I’m standing it looks like he abandoned you.”
I like that you included that, because Jack can be a bastard, especially to someone who had hurt him the same way (and, err, is crazy and danced when millions died, etc.). Conversely, Jack pointing out that there you don't have to be absorbed by loving a Time Lord but have a whole world out there is also great. Of course, Jack is able to let go and go back to his team (whom he all loves in different ways, and who are focused on him), but Lucy has not allowed herself to form relationships with anyone but the Master.
The light was too much for me, and for just a moment I wished it gone - for a second closed my eyes and prayed for darkness. And the prayer was answered.
Most fics dealing with Lucy post LotTL don't address this, so I'm glad yours does - that she did join with the other humans for that one moment and uttered the Doctor's name. That, more than the shooting which most likely was at his request, is really the one point where she undeniably sides against him.
I can understand why you didn't include it here, because the focus really should be on Lucy and her state of uncertainty what the future will bring, now that her story with the Master has ended, but: what do you think a) Lucy and b) Jack felt during that "so you're just going to keep me?" scene and the way the Doctor reacted to the Master dying?
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Thank you! :) And I can't begin to say how happy your feedback makes me!
I like that you included that, because Jack can be a bastard, especially to someone who had hurt him the same way (and, err, is crazy and danced when millions died, etc.).
This chapter has been *such* a pain to write, because I had so many different things I wanted to include, and trying to make them all fit together was difficult! But I felt I had to address that issue, after the previous Jack/Lucy conversation, because the abandonment point was Lucy's trump card. And Jack isn't all that noble...
Conversely, Jack pointing out that there you don't have to be absorbed by loving a Time Lord but have a whole world out there is also great.
He, more than anyone, can tell her that. (And I loved that he and Martha addressed it in 'Reset'.)
Of course, Jack is able to let go and go back to his team (whom he all loves in different ways, and who are focused on him), but Lucy has not allowed herself to form relationships with anyone but the Master.
There are a *lot* of Lucy/Rose parallels, and this is one of them. Of course Rose does have her family, but she was still crushed by losing the Doctor because she'd made him her whole world. (Again - 'I made my choice'. Rose, Lucy, Martha. I love my shows!)
Most fics dealing with Lucy post LotTL don't address this, so I'm glad yours does - that she did join with the other humans for that one moment and uttered the Doctor's name. That, more than the shooting which most likely was at his request, is really the one point where she undeniably sides against him.
It was somewhat of an obstacle, because why *did* she do it? It took me a while to figure out an explanation, but I think it works this way.
what do you think a) Lucy and b) Jack felt during that "so you're just going to keep me?" scene and the way the Doctor reacted to the Master dying?
I honestly don't know. I'll need to mull that over for a long time - if I have any ideas I'll let you know. :)
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Me too. I really liked the writing of Martha there (and the acting of course) - she didn't suddenly go in denial about feeling anything, but she was genuinenly happy with the choice she made, and it showed. Go Martha!
I honestly don't know. I'll need to mull that over for a long time - if I have any ideas I'll let you know. :)
With Jack, I always thought it pretty much clinched his decision, though I'm sure he mostly had his mind made up before. But he had been imprisoned, killed and presumably tortured by the Master for a year. (Killing aside, so, for that matter, had the Doctor - imprisoned and literally treated as an animal, I mean.) They had all witnessed the incredible atrocities the Master had been responsible for. And yet here was the Doctor first offering to share his life with this same man, and then showing a violent grief in a way he had not, in Jack's experience with him, done for anyone else, including Rose. Now in theory Jack might be able to accept that the Doctor and the Master had a lot of history, and that you can love someone and still despise what they do/did. But in practice, with the imprisonment immediately behind him, it would be hard not to feel emotionally betrayed.
As for Lucy: well, in my own story about her the fact the Master when asking her to kill him in the event of a genuine defeat showed he willing to die rather than to, you know, kill the Doctor to begin with which not only would have secured his rule (from her pov - I don't think Lucy ever acknowledged that the other humans would never stop rebelling, with or without the Doctor) but would have spared her the terrible task of having to kill him, the loss of him - that pushed her to do what she does at the end of the story. But that was my interpretation. Since it showed that there was one person who was that important to the Master, and it would never be her. Otoh, I think in the aftermath of the event itself she might have also felt a flicker of - well, the Doctor was the only other person in the room who hadn't been hoping and praying for the Master to die during the last year and wasn't glad it finally happened.
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*cheers for Martha* I also loved how they did the Jack/Martha interactions - they showed perfectly that they cared deeply for each other, and shared something very special, and yet didn't really *know* each other.
With Jack, I always thought it pretty much clinched his decision, though I'm sure he mostly had his mind made up before.
Yes, I think you're right. (Also
But that was my interpretation. Since it showed that there was one person who was that important to the Master, and it would never be her.
And I loved that interpretation (but couldn't use it myself, without ripping you off. Bother! *g*). But still - I think that is very important, and has made me think a lot about the Doctor's feelings for the Master & Rose respectively.
Otoh, I think in the aftermath of the event itself she might have also felt a flicker of - well, the Doctor was the only other person in the room who hadn't been hoping and praying for the Master to die during the last year and wasn't glad it finally happened.
Oh yes - I really wanted to deal with that in more detail, but couldn't work out how. As it was, I had to leave it at the musings on how destroying what you love being harder than saving it, which Lucy knows that the Doctor understands. Maybe one day I'll write an epilogue where the two of them have a talk (not feeling clever enough right now, don't know how to approach it).
Anyway, thank you again for all your fabulous thoughts - I think I could talk about this all day, although (as the lateness of this reply testifies to) I really don't have the time.
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(Jack: is the man who after seeing Victorian Torchwood execute the blowfish and exhibit a, shall we say, highly ruthless and xenophobic attitude in general does work for them for a century, and no, they didn't have a "hold" over him. Even assuming their influence was strong enough in Britain itself that he wouldn't have been able to stick around under their radar - he could have gone anywhere in the world, but no, he became a mercenary for When It's Alien It's Ours (tm). Because it was convenient and easy. Jack is the man who would have left Tosh right where she was if she hadn't agreed to work for him and completely played her before by emphasizing three times how hopeless her situation was until she was ready to beg and promise to do anything, which is far more ruthless a recruitment than his own was. Jack is the man who got quite a number of people in Cardiff killed because he let possessed!Carys - after she had taken the Doctor's hand hostage. Not any living person, mind, just the hand. And he knew possessed!Carys was lethal. Keeping the hand was more important to him than any of those lives, and I fully blame him for every single death that occured after Carys got out. Jack is the man who used the resurrection glove on Owen fully knowing there could be negative effects; after Suzie, that was pretty obvious, even if he didn't know the exact details of what would happen. The twelve people who died as a consequence as well as Owen's current undead state are entirely Jack's responsibility. Jack is the man who managed to miss two members of his team were emotionally highly unstable to a homicidal and suicidal degree (Suzie and Owen) and, oh, apparantly never investigated beyond the pretty surface with Ianto pre-Cyberwoman, either.
Now that's not saying he isn't also self-sacrificial, or forgiving. But this is in addition to being a complete bastard. Not instead of it.
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*nods* My next 'big' fic project is 'Jack-is-The-Immortal' (from TGiQ), so I am welcoming all insights into the character. (I swear, everything fits almost *too* well. And trying to bridge the gaps that there are, is a fabulous challenge.)
Because it was convenient and easy.
I think RTD said in TW Declassifed that Jack (at that point) was prepared to do pretty much anything for money. There was also (IMHO) an attempt to hopefully change TW from the inside (although it was very longterm), but (as the blowfish executions show so *beautifully*) he has that ruthless streak and it's wide.
Keeping the hand was more important to him than any of those lives, and I fully blame him for every single death that occured after Carys got out.
I so wish I could re-watch S1, because I've forgotten lots of plotpoints, but I agree with you here, definitely.
Jack is the man who used the resurrection glove on Owen fully knowing there could be negative effects; after Suzie, that was pretty obvious, even if he didn't know the exact details of what would happen.
Jack's faults are in many ways the same as Angel's (which I like) - there is the distinct possibility that he might have gone through with the ritual in The Deeper Well to save Fred if Spike hadn't been there. (Also see his whole 'destroy the Black Thorn' plan.) It is a character trait that can see them be incredibly noble, or incredibly selfish.
Jack is the man who managed to miss two members of his team were emotionally highly unstable to a homicidal and suicidal degree (Suzie and Owen) and, oh, apparantly never investigated beyond the pretty surface with Ianto pre-Cyberwoman, either.
I think we need to distinguish between Jack before and after he runs off to the Doctor - he is much more together and concerned with his team in S2.
Now that's not saying he isn't also self-sacrificial, or forgiving. But this is in addition to being a complete bastard. Not instead of it.
Absolutely. :)
I
I think RTD said in TW Declassifed that Jack (at that point) was prepared to do pretty much anything for money. There was also (IMHO) an attempt to hopefully change TW from the inside (although it was very longterm), but (as the blowfish executions show so *beautifully*) he has that ruthless streak and it's wide.
That's what I was trying to say. Now the ruthlessness can be applied for the greater good, and with Jack in the present, it most often is, but it also can serve selfish purposes. Torchwood was willing to pay, it provided a really good cover for someone who was immortal and was going to have to fake his identities several times, and since they were looking for the Doctor anyway, they were a good source of information to him. As I said: very convenient. And that was more important to him, at that point, then the lives of potential other blowfish captured and executed thanks to him.
Jack's faults are in many ways the same as Angel's (which I like) -
Agreed there, though my example for Angel (i.e. the action simultanously noble and selfish) would be his bargain with Wolfram & Hart to save Connor. And then we have Willow, because Willow resurrecting Buffy is an obvious inspiration to what Jack does to Owen.
I think we need to distinguish between Jack before and after he runs off to the Doctor - he is much more together and concerned with his team in S2.
True, and that's why I have a different take on the whole "how dare the team betray/distrust Jack?" etc. Because trust, especially emotional trust, goes both ways. In s1, we can see Jack in many ways is distant from them all, including Ianto, whom he has sex with. And I think that's not just because he's relatively new to leading a group - he was a freelance agent until 2000, which is quite different - but also because he doesn't expect to stay with them. He expects to leave them once he's reunited with the Doctor. And because he's made them all more or less exclusively dependent on him, with the exception of Gwen, that makes for a very dysfunctional power imbalance in emotions. Remember, none of the others have lives outside Torchwood. And given the whole retcon/nobody leaves Torchwood policy, Jack literally has the power of a god or at least an absolute monarch over them. And he never lets them look beyond the charming man of mystery facade. Frankly, with that and everything else going on in s1, I wasn't at all surprised everyone snapped.
Now, in s2, he came back for them, and now he does commit to these people. Who, and that's important, have also formed a bond with each other while he was gone. Contrary to Gwen-bashing fanon, she and Ianto get along really well and are easy and comfortable with each other. Gwen and Tosh call each endearments, and Gwen and Owen are friends instead of their messed up affair in s1. They also found out they can do without Jack in this job. They're not so exclusively dependent on Jack, and that makes for far more balanced and healthier relationships all around.
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Torture: we know it happened to Jack (he mentions it in "Captain Jack Harkness"), and we know Jack tortured other people, and routinely, too (he mentions it in "Countricide", leaving it open whether he did this as a Time Agent or when with Torchwood, but he did it; also arguably his treatment of Beth was torture).
Loss of memory: he retcons people left, right and center.
Abandonment by person(s) he cared for and looked up to without explanation:
see also Jack running off at the end of "End of Days".
Resurrection into immortal state: hello, Owen. (Except for Owen getting the darkside treatment of deathlessness as he's not instant-healing but instead superfragile, with every wound forever and no way of knowing whether he'll drop dead the next second or in a millennium.)
And now for the big one, the thing everyone pities Jack most for, i.e. the Doctor's "you are wrong" statement (which btw in Utopia is followed by the Doctor admitting he's wrong to feel that way and apologizing to Jack, but somehow that part never gets quoted): Hello, Owen (again), with Jack's opening statement in "A Day in the Death" while (temporarily)
firingrelieving him of duty.Re: I
Isn't it just?
And yes, he so would have gone for a threesome with Darla and Dru. Concurrently. Oh, the faces of the boys!
So. Much. Fun. :)
As I said: very convenient. And that was more important to him, at that point, then the lives of potential other blowfish captured and executed thanks to him.
*nods* (I could say more, but I'll explore it in fic soon, so I'd better not ramble here cause I won't stop...)
his bargain with Wolfram & Hart to save Connor.
Oh I was going to mention that, and forgot. But yes - and we saw Wesley rebelling (and with good cause).
Willow resurrecting Buffy is an obvious inspiration to what Jack does to Owen.
Hm... I can sort of see that, but Willow's action is a lot more carefully planned, whereas Jack is just impulsive. Actually, after Fragments, I think there can be made a good case for Jack finally snapping at Owen's death, and quite simply *refusing* to lose any more team members/friends - Alex murders the previous team before committing suicide, and Suzie kills herself, but Jack knows that he wasn't there for them as he should have been. But now it's different...
Frankly, with that and everything else going on in s1, I wasn't at all surprised everyone snapped.
Jack is - again - very Angel like, not opening up to anyone, and therefore they don't know what he has to deal with. (Have you seen
They're not so exclusively dependent on Jack, and that makes for far more balanced and healthier relationships all around.
I'm really liking S2. :)
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Did I mention how much I love this show and all its wonderful, wonderful circles? With you on all everything you mention - I am actually reminded of one of the best things I've seen written about Jack (by
~
Jack: Going home wouldn't fix that. Holy shit. This is such a welcome change from last year's "living in the 21st century is such an unbearable burden" mantra. I mean, Jack *is* lonely and that's terrible, but he's right here. He's probably always going to be lonely, no matter where or when he is. His best friend was tortured in front him when they were kids. He then grew up to be the torturer. How do you come back from that? You don't. But he's finally accepted that this is his job, his choice. He could walk away, but he's not going to.
~
I love Jack so very, very much - flaws and all.
no subject
“Lucy... they’re like the sun. We look at them and get blinded. But if you turn away there’s still a whole world out there, and it is... beautiful.”
I stared at him, unsure, and he shook his head, a smile on his face that I couldn’t understand. Like he knew a secret I didn’t.
“I’m not going back to the Doctor.”
Perfect Jack POV. It explains nicely why he didn't go with the Doctor-- nice to have a better reason than "Torchwood season 2 obligations". I love Jack so much in these episodes! He really does grow as a character, and it helps explain why I like TW so much more this season than last year. It's 'cause jack grew up, right?
I adore what you've done with Lucy here. Neat idea to have her killing be part of the master's plan. That has a lot of impact in an entirely different way than her being just the angry scorned wife.
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Aw, really? Thank you! :)
how the heck did I miss this chapter?
Because I posted it on a Saturday? /is stupid
Perfect Jack POV.
I loooove writing Jack. :)
It explains nicely why he didn't go with the Doctor-- nice to have a better reason than "Torchwood season 2 obligations".
I don't think it's 'obligations', as such... but more that he had a lot of time to reflect on his life and choices, and probably realised that he'd abandoned his team in just the same way that the Doctor abandoned him, and that he really cared about these people. (Also read the 'Dystopia' drabble from this drabble fic (or the whole thing, it's nicely done. But 'Dystopia' works as a standalone). It kinda kills me. Oh and when Jack talks about the world being 'beautiful' and smiles, he is - in part - thinking about Ianto. *g* /hopeless shipper)
I love Jack so much in these episodes! He really does grow as a character, and it helps explain why I like TW so much more this season than last year. It's 'cause jack grew up, right?
Yes he did, and the fact that he is now at Torchwood because he *wants* to has shifted things wonderfully. (Dunno how far you are in your TW watching, but once you've seen 'Fragments' you might like my Ianto fic...)
I adore what you've done with Lucy here. Neat idea to have her killing be part of the master's plan. That has a lot of impact in an entirely different way than her being just the angry scorned wife.
Oh I have *always* thought so (I even wrote some ridiculously long meta way back when), and really it is the only way that scene makes sense (Lucy looks so *devastated* - and she shoots him right after the Doctor says he'll keep the Master for good, locked up in the Tardis). I also love how - as I pointed out in the fic - the Doctor says (re Martha) 'As if I'd ask her to kill!' The Master *so* would.
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Yes, he would! It's one of their fundamental differences, and it's telling.
I skipped your meta last year as I hadn't seen the season yet. the episodes hadn't aired here, and I didn't download them until later. (I was watching legally on TV as they aired until I hit 1913 episodes and the season abruptly got good. I d/l the rest of the season-- stayed up all night, and then started in hunting for meta and fic... I should go back to your meta! I kinda forgot about it!
I have fragments on my HD, but haven't had the time to watch it yet. I'm planning a mini marathon for the last three episodes when the finale airs!
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*nods*
I should go back to your meta! I kinda forgot about it!
Be warned that it is LONG - and I still feel like I only scratched the surface. All the Doctor/Master stuff (not in a shippy way, just in how the characters are similar/different) *still* eats my head. :) Anyway, it's right there on my sidebar if you ever feel up to it.
I have fragments on my HD, but haven't had the time to watch it yet. I'm planning a mini marathon for the last three episodes when the finale airs!
Sounds like a great plan - 2.11 and 2.12 were both *excellent*, and I can't wait for the finale! *bites nails*
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Oooh thank you! It just grew and grew, as I began thinking about Lucy and how she ended up the way she did, presuming she was normal to begin with. She really is the anti-Rose.
I decree it canon (my canon, anyway).
Our canon? V. pleased that you like it that much! :)
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I finally had a chance to read this and it was wonderful.
Squee! Thank you! :)
I love how you leave Lucy's story.
Oh I'm so glad. I always wanted to stop there, leaving her as everything has been taken away - because we will probably never find out if she manages to find meaning again.
She stays true to him to the end.
I honestly can't see it any other way. She is the darkly mirrored Rose, willing to do *anything* her Time Lords asks... (I love how disturbing it is. For a different ending you should read this fic, although read the original first!)
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I also loved the pity in Jack's eyes, and how much she hated it… Her thinking about Martha, and how they all thought she was so strong, but she couldn't have been as strong as Lucy. (Nothing is as hard as killing the one you love. Oh, River.)
The emptiness, the coldness were heart-wrenching. And Lucy's reaction as she mentioned Utopia—and Jack's reactions to it. His concern at first, and how he was utterly lost for words. No words could answer this…
“I’ll try to be back though.”
“It won’t come off, you know. The dirt. It’ll never come off.”
“Lucy... they’re like the sun. We look at them and get blinded. But if you turn away there’s still a whole world out there, and it is... beautiful.”
Those lines. My heart.
And the fact that Lucy thought Jack was scared the Doctor wouldn't want him… That was one thing she couldn't comprehend. Being willing to let go. The Master wouldn't let go, and neither would she.
Still - I know that it is a just punishment. The light was too much for me, and for just a moment I wished it gone - for a second closed my eyes and prayed for darkness. And the prayer was answered.
Maybe if I wasn’t human I’d have been stronger. And yet for the first time I am grateful for what I am. Because no matter what, some day I will die and the pain will stop...
This was so painfully beautiful I just had to quote it because I have no words to comment it with.
And the ending lines… The storytelling themes, their harsh, tragic story. The Master's approval closing the fic.
♥♥♥
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After the last chapter, it seemed the only way to go... All that mirroring.
I also loved the pity in Jack's eyes, and how much she hated it… Her thinking about Martha, and how they all thought she was so strong, but she couldn't have been as strong as Lucy. (Nothing is as hard as killing the one you love. Oh, River.)
It's like Moffat took all my favourite bits and then applied them to the Doctor, rather than just his mirror. ♥ ♥ ♥
The emptiness, the coldness were heart-wrenching. And Lucy's reaction as she mentioned Utopia—and Jack's reactions to it. His concern at first, and how he was utterly lost for words. No words could answer this…
And there ISN'T an answer.
Those lines. My heart.
♥ (Am still so darn proud of this fic. Hence me throwing it at you!)
And the fact that Lucy thought Jack was scared the Doctor wouldn't want him… That was one thing she couldn't comprehend. Being willing to let go. The Master wouldn't let go, and neither would she.
And this is where she is broken beyond repair. Jack is still human enough (for lack of a better term) to move on, to see the beauty in the world, to love and be loved (oh Ianto - it'll take a human to break poor Jack) - but Lucy is now unable to comprehend this.
This was so painfully beautiful I just had to quote it because I have no words to comment it with.
♥ ♥ ♥
And the ending lines… The storytelling themes, their harsh, tragic story. The Master's approval closing the fic.
And he would... :)
(I was somewhat disappointed with canon for jossing my broken, but faithful Lucy. But then what can you do? I'll just sit over here and enjoy my gorgeously broken ship.)
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Indeed. It's interesting, because my view of their dynamic in the little piece I did on Jack and Lucy is not like that at all, so it's great to have such an opposed perspective. (Then again, my Lucy isn't that empowered—if in a backward, twisted way—and in my headcanon, the numbness and brokenness hollowed out her bond to him… So this explains that.)
(Am still so darn proud of this fic. Hence me throwing it at you!)
Pretty grateful you did!
Jack is still human enough (for lack of a better term) to move on, to see the beauty in the world, to love and be loved (oh Ianto - it'll take a human to break poor Jack)
I'll see Torchwood one day…
(I was somewhat disappointed with canon for jossing my broken, but faithful Lucy. But then what can you do? I'll just sit over here and enjoy my gorgeously broken ship.)
Oh yes… End of Time Lucy… *goes into denial*
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Oh it very much depends on how you see them. I've read quite a few Lucy fics, and they all have different (and fascinating) takes on the character.
I'll see Torchwood one day…
S1 & 2 is crack on a stick, bleak as hell but wonderful. Like fic come to life. S3 (Children of Earth) is Rusty's masterpiece and will destroy you. Avoid S4 at all costs, it is crap.
Oh yes… End of Time Lucy… *goes into denial*
I go with
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Yes… We don't have so much canon material, hints and a lovely doll of a girl with two sides—the before, entranced and devoted, and the after, with the vacant eyes, showing no more passion but hovering around her Master like she's hanging on threads… And up to us to think through how she got there…
S1 & 2 is crack on a stick, bleak as hell but wonderful. Like fic come to life. S3 (Children of Earth) is Rusty's masterpiece and will destroy you. Avoid S4 at all costs, it is crap.
:D Thanks for the info! If I watch it I'll probably go on till the end (that's me, thorough… ;)), at least to have my own opinion, but it's good to know what to expect…
I go with 10littlebullets's take: Ten fell over a brick and brained himself, and (embarrassed at such a stupid death) dreamed up the whole Master/Time Lords scenario. *g&
It's really the only thing that makes sense! Lol.
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Oooh, what a lovely description. You've seen Ich Will, right? (Summary: Peoples of the earth, please attend carefully: the Master is a performance artist for audiences both great and small, and the cameras are always rolling. Beware audience participation.) Mmmmm, Master. (/Time Lords...)
:D Thanks for the info! If I watch it I'll probably go on till the end (that's me, thorough… ;)), at least to have my own opinion, but it's good to know what to expect…
I loved Torchwood ENTIRELY too much and it broke my heart. My poor dead gay show.
It's really the only thing that makes sense! Lol.
Mind you, EoT is v. entertaining... :)
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No, I hadn't—thanks for linking me! :D
Lucy looks so much like she's hovering, like her moves are unconscious or guided by something outside her—the way the Master handles her like a doll during the "I can't decide" scene, the way she carries herself in general… I can't stop watching her… ♥
Mmmmm, Master. (/Time Lords...)
♥♥♥ *points to icon happily*
…and the gif doesn't work as a gif. Just. My. Luck.
I loved Torchwood ENTIRELY too much and it broke my heart. My poor dead gay show.
A friend sent me two vids last evening and it quite made me want to watch it… I've just finished rewatching Who… But I'll probably look at the classics first. (Besides, I have so many shows I'm planning to watch that I'll basically pick one at random, so Torchwood has one chance out of ten… LOL. But hey, so does Buffy!)
Mind you, EoT is v. entertaining... :)
It is! Mostly for the Master, and oh, Wilfred… ♥
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It is one of my favourite vids of all time... The way the whole thing is framed, the way it so perfectly showcases the Master's mindset - and then that flip towards the end, showing how the Doctor does just the same thing... Oh it gives me shivers in all the best ways. :)
Lucy looks so much like she's hovering, like her moves are unconscious or guided by something outside her—the way the Master handles her like a doll during the "I can't decide" scene, the way she carries herself in general… I can't stop watching her… ♥
Which is why I thought of that vid...
…and the gif doesn't work as a gif. Just. My. Luck.
Well it's a gorgeous icon. (Have no idea how to make gifs work, so can't help unfortunately...)
so Torchwood has one chance out of ten… LOL. But hey, so does Buffy!)
Torchwood is a LOT shorter! (Buffy is 144 episods. TW is... 29.)
It is! Mostly for the Master, and oh, Wilfred… ♥
Oh yes. <3
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I know! :) And the clever colour shift.
Well it's a gorgeous icon. (Have no idea how to make gifs work, so can't help unfortunately...)
Yes, it is :)
Torchwood is a LOT shorter! (Buffy is 144 episods. TW is... 29.)
:O That's basically two Who seasons… Indeed!
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Mmmm. Also it's one of my go-to vids for the Alex 'verse.
:O That's basically two Who seasons… Indeed!
Buffy is... a mammoth task. Worth it, but HUGE. Torchwood is more manageable.
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^_^ Thanks for the heads-up again!
Well, for now I just restarted the Who classics. I'd watched a little bit of the First Doctor, so I got back to that. Enjoyed it a lot more than I remembered too. Ian/Barbara is quite lovely.
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