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Fic: Dating the Cleverest Boy in the World. Chapter 29.
Graduation. Summary: They wouldn't shut up. And this is what Alex's robes look like. Plus, apologies for the slightly unpolished finish. It was posting now, or Saturday...
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. Also on AO3 and The Teaspoon.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Late Autumn 2028
Characters (this chapter): Allison, the Seeker, Jamie, Josh, Jack, the Master + lots more brief cameos.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5400 approx
Feedback: Makes my world go round... No really. You have no idea.
Chapter 29
In the end Allison’s worries about seeing Alex again were overshadowed by worrying about her hair.
Her entire family told her she was being stupid and paranoid, but she couldn’t help it.
The graduation dress code was ridiculously strict (down to the thickness of tights), and included hair colour, which couldn’t deviate too obviously from natural... And her highlights were very obviously not natural.
What if they wouldn’t let her graduate?
It wasn’t until she was seated in Senate-House that she finally began to relax, figuring that she’d have been stopped before this if there were any problems. Of course ‘relaxing’ was relative. She was surrounded by her former fellow students, all eager to catch up - especially on the news that she and Alex had broken up.
Vainly she tried to field all the questions, wondering where the boy in question could be (it didn’t seem fair that she should field all the questions by herself, and besides it gave her an odd feeling of deja vu), before looking at the programme and realising that - of course - he’d be seated with the officials, what with receiving a Doctorate and all. Plus, apparently he was giving a speech?
She was saved from further probing by the announcement that the Vice-Chancellor's procession was about to enter, and they all stood, the momentousness of the situation sinking in. It was old and wonderful and comfortingly familiar (a world away from the shiny glass and metal of Manchester) - and then she saw him in the procession.
He was wearing a scarlet gown, with swathes of pale pink, and one of the funny floppy Doctorate bonnets on his head. Walking next to him was Professor Trinder and they appeared to be deep in conversation, taking no notice of their surroundings.
She’d wondered how she would feel. They’d not exactly parted on good terms, and she still had so many questions, so many doubts. And he’d not given the slightest indication as to how he felt at all - the radio silence had been complete.
And now... the equilibrium she had worked so hard to find seemed to have dislodged itself in an instant, and every worry and heartache was suddenly hovering just beneath the surface. She took a deep breath; tried to focus. She could do this. It was only one day.
The ceremony kicked off with the Senior Proctor proposing any special Graces relating to individual graduands, to which the Junior Proctor (after waiting for any disagreements which never came - it was like a wedding ceremony after the ‘If anyone knows of any just cause...’) replied ‘Placet’.
(‘It pleases’ Allison’s programme informed her.)
After which everything was in Latin, and Allison watched Alex receive his doctorate with such fluency that she almost expected him to make pun.
Soon enough they were all queuing up, ready to say their own bit. (She had learned the response off by heart, the odd formality of the situation overshadowing the near-ridiculous reality of being one of four grabbing a single finger and speaking Latin whilst kneeling.)
Eventually came Alex’s speech. As he took the podium, someone in the crowd shouted “Vote Saxon!” and his face clouded over, glowering towards where the offending voice had come from, then said “Non Placet” with such severity that she could see several of the higher-ranking members nodding in approval. (Stopping hecklers with Latin. So him it hurt...)
Then he began speaking, and she found herself both spellbound, yet oddly distant, analysing the whole thing from the outside even as she listened rapturously.
He spoke clearly and fluently, without any notes, easily holding everyone’s attention, and she wondered if it was just him - or whether there was something else at work...
Then she, belatedly, began paying attention to what he was actually saying, and felt herself going both hot and cold. It was a great speech, but she knew that no matter how general his remarks seemed, they were meant for her.
(He’s doing it again, she thought, forcing herself not to sink further down in her seat. He’s doing it again. It was beautifully done, and the speech was excellent, but she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious. He’d highjacked graduation just to give her a message.)
But then the words began to register, and what he was saying made her suddenly swallow against too-tender emotions. It was going to be an emotional roller-coaster of a day - she really should have foreseen this...
“My fellow students. We find ourselves at the beginning of a new adventure. And it’s scary out there, out from the protection of these old buildings, where the history carries with it whispers and memories from centuries. Here, where we studied and partied and worried and took our first steps as near-adults, others have gone before... John Milton, Charles Darwin, David Attenborough, EM Forster, Samuel Pepys... Names that have gone down in history, as ours will hopefully one day also do. Except our work starts now. Cambridge shaped us, but it’s the rest of our lives that will determine how we are remembered. And I know you... Have spent three years getting to know you, and I know that no matter where you go, or what you choose-”
His eyes passed over the crowd, before suddenly fastening on her, his focus absolute and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“-you will be magnificent.”
She didn’t hear anything after that, barely able to applaud once he’d finished. She was almost crying again - it would've been so much easier if he'd been a bastard.
This... graciousness was almost too much.
***
Afterwards everyone was congregating on the quadrangle outside, and after the obligatory ‘throwing their mortar boards in the air’ snapshots people dispersed, dragged away by family for personal pictures and food and celebrations.
As soon as the could find some time to sneak away, Allison went looking for Alex. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, but his words still lingered and she just... needed to see him.
She found him busy taking pictures.
“OK, all the Hermits!” he said, and then - as no one moved - added: “Come on, for me. Dad at one end, the Redjay and Jack at the other, and you needn’t even look at each other.”
‘The Hermits’... She recalled the web site, and tried to fit names to the two unfamiliar women. The Redjay had to be the woman next to Jack - she was dressed in a shirt and waist coat with matching trousers, her hair in loose buns, and her freckled face looked oddly strained. The other woman, curly-haired and casually elegant in a jacket and tight skirt paired with vertiginous heels, had to be Doctor Song. She, in stark contrast, seemed to be enjoying herself very much indeed, and gleefully inserted herself between the Doctor and Alex’s father, calling out to Alex:
“Seeker darling, don’t worry about a thing - I’ve brought my handcuffs!”
Alex - Allison found it was impossible to call him ‘Seeker’, even in her mind - laughed at this and snapped a few pictures, before he was interrupted by a familiar voice shouting “Golden Boy!” causing Allison to do a double take - she had not known Adelaide Brooke would be here.
As Adelaide’s very presence brought with it memories of a far-too-happy summer she looked away, casually letting her eyes dwell on the ‘Hermits’ - and almost froze at what she saw.
Every single of them had turned to look at Adelaide, the exact same look on their faces as had often been on Alex’s - that strange intensity and focus she couldn’t explain.
Who was Adelaide that she commanded such focus? Or rather... what might she be? Alex had said something, but she couldn’t remember it now. Mostly she felt chilly, and vulnerable. Who were these aliens really? What were they doing on Earth?
Silently she withdrew, not able to face it after all. Not all of them, at any rate. Aliens. Alien aliens, not familiar ones like Jamie...
As she vainly tried to work out where her family had gone, she felt a gentle touch on her arm - and turned to see him.
“Allison,” he said softly, and she could feel her heart constricting.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked, looking subdued and apologetic and unsure - so unlike his usual confident self that she wondered what could have happened. This was more than just the breakup, she was sure of it.
Before she could reply, however, another voice cut through.
“Sorry son, I’ve had to escape. The Doctor is making a perfect fool of himself over Adelaide Brooke, and I can’t take it any more.”
It was his father, and she could see how his heart sank. (No hearts. Plural.) Trying to smile Alex held out a hand between them.
“Well I guess I'll have to introduce you. Allison - my father, the Master. Dad, this is Allison. The girl who was smart enough to break up with me.”
In response 'The Master' (clearly they all had weird names) merely raised an eyebrow a fraction, casually looking her over as if she was some kind of bargain price item.
“Yes, I seem to recall the Doctor talking about a girl... You must excuse me, I’ve skipped most of the past three years - If you want to throw tantrums, do it on your own time, not mine.”
Alex pressed his lips together, clearly fighting to not take the bait, when there was a shout, and he turned.
“Oh no, Professor Trinder wants me... I promised to-”
He looked from his father to Allison, torn.
“Just... Dad? Behave.”
His father didn’t so much as move a muscle, and Alex seemed to be fighting with himself.
“I’ll be right back. Allison, don’t feel obliged to talk to him... As a matter of fact I’d advise you to leave. Seriously - he’s the second most evil man in the universe.”
At his words, his father looked deeply insulted.
“Second? Second most evil? Excuse me?”
Alex shot him a droll look, hiding emotions Allison couldn’t guess at.
“I reckon Davros is worse overall.”
This time his father didn’t hide the sneer.
“Davros is dead.”
Alex sighed.
“Fine. Allison - he’s the most evil man in the universe. Darth Vader is fluffy in comparison. Please Allie...”
The protective note in his voice caused her to instinctively balk.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” she said frostily, and Alex reluctantly left. Also, she was curious despite herself - something which his father quickly made her regret.
“So... Alex’s pet. Figured he’d need something to stave off the boredom.”
He glanced at her gown, tilting his head in exactly the same way Alex did.
“Although I suppose you’re clever. For a human, I mean. Enough to keep up a vaguely intelligent conversation at least. Clearly he chose brains over looks. Interesting...”
She had (vaguely) expected something ‘evil’ - nasty mind games and possible death threats. Rudeness and insults were a shock, although something far easier to deal with. Her eyes narrowed and she tried to look as disdainful as him.
“I’m top of my year,” she said through her teeth. “And I wasn’t his ‘pet’, I was his girlfriend.”
“Feisty and all self-righteous too. I can see why the Doctor liked you. What was your name again?”
“Allison,” she said coldly. “Allison Whitwell.”
He seemed ready to brush this off with another glib remark, when he suddenly caught himself.
“Allison Whitwell,” he said slowly, musingly, eyes narrowing and going distant, before suddenly fastening on her again with unnerving concentration, as the tiniest smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Of course.”
If she had suddenly feared Alex because of his potential, her undefinable terror of the father was all about the self-assured experience in his manner. Thanks to Matt she knew a small portion of his crimes. She felt she could see every one in his eyes. Why the hell had she thought this would be a good idea?
“Of course what?” she asked, feeling cold in the pale sunlight.
“I’m surrounded by fools. But my son has excellent taste. Not that I ever doubted it, but it’s good to have it confirmed.”
His eyes were dancing, mercurial and unfathomable, and she wanted nothing more than to run away.
She was rescued from a humiliating retreat by the appearance of Josh and Jamie - and Alex’s father brightened visibly.
“Oh it’s the Pretty One. And my my haven’t you grown since we last met?”
His eyes trailed over Josh, not just thoroughly indecent, but appraising in a way that set Allison’s teeth on edge, before he turned to Jamie.
“And you’ve found a consort who is, if possible, even more enticing...”
Reaching out he put a finger under Jamie’s chin, tilting hir face, eyes narrowing. “Mmmm, yes. Fascinating specimen.”
Allison had expected Jamie to move away, but instead hir eyes seemed to narrow, doing that freaky thing of turning completely purple.
The two of them held each other’s eyes for long breathless seconds, then the Master pulled a face, sharply removing his hand and flexing his fingers, studying Jamie with what probably passed for concern.
“And it’s got teeth. H’m. A little too aggressive, I’m afraid - a great shame.”
He cast a glance at Allison.
“See that was one of the greatest things about ruling the world - everyone was so damn biddable.”
The lecherous smirk left them in no doubt as to what he meant, and Allison (understanding the Archangel network and beginning to feel sick) wanted to say something furious in response, when she saw Alex returning, pushing his way through the crowds - and then Josh took her completely by surprise.
Looking straight into the Master’s eyes he smiled.
“Oh Jamie and I are very biddable if the right person asks...”
At this exact moment Alex stepped into their tight little group of four, looking from one to the other with deep worry, before freezing as Josh turned to him and proceeded to kiss him full on the mouth with what seemed like well-practised ease.
Allison could feel her jaw dropping, but was then distracted from the kiss by Jamie briefly grasping her hand.
‘He is singular in the universe. Don’t let him go. Please. Give him what he won’t accept from us. We want you to be happy.’
She didn’t get a chance to react to the unasked-for invasion of her mind as Jamie immediately retook hir place beside Josh, whom Alex was staring at wide-eyed - caught somewhere between alarm and utter shock - but Josh merely winked, as unruffled as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
“Catch you later Seeker. And remember - we’re always here, whatever you need.”
Then, taking Jamie’s arm, he walked off, blanking the Master completely. Allison turned to him, to see what his reply would be - and realised that father and son were looking at each other, the rest of the world forgotten.
Alex had gone very pale, watching his father with a look Allison couldn’t even begin to work out.
“It’s not what you think-” he began, but his father cut him off, smirking not unlike the cat who got the cream and caught the bird too.
“Oh, don’t try to fool me boy, it’s exactly what I think. However, I suspect it’s not what they think...”
His eyes were dancing with malice, and Allison couldn’t imagine how she’d thought Alex looked like him.
Then his eyes turned musing, as he tapped a finger to his chin.
“Yes, very nicely done. You should definitely keep them.”
“I’m not keeping them!” Alex replied, appalled, and his father’s expression turned to genuine surprise.
“Whyever not? They’re gorgeous. This one-” he waved a hand towards Allison, “-was probably fun while it lasted, but she’s clearly far too combative for anything long-term. Fob her off on the Doctor if she gets clingy. You, on the other hand, need some stability now you are going back to your proper studies. They’ll do very nicely - especially because they’re a pair. They’ll keep each other occupied when you’re busy. Couldn’t have planned it better myself.”
“They are people, Dad. With names and lives, and they’re my friends.”
The Master studied him, face caught between concern and determination.
“Son, I know you’re still young, but you really need to grow out of this nonsense the Doctor peddles. And since you now remember that little incident back in the day, I am sincerely hoping the lesson will sink in.”
Alex was slowly shaking his head, and Allison could feel her breath catch. She had never seen him looked so utterly determined. Not to mention furious.
“No Dad. Look at me. A Master and a Doctor in a single day. And that’s it. That’s what you get, both of you, because I. Am. Not. Yours. From now on I will not be fought over, and my life choices will not be used as moves in your endless enmity. I am the Seeker, and I will go my own way. I seek neither the destruction nor the saving of worlds or people, and until you understand that, you understand nothing.”
For a second they simply looked at each other, father and son, the father like an older mirror of the younger, except he seemed genuinely taken aback.
Then the Seeker took a step back, studying him coolly.
“If you’d pass that onto the Doctor I would be very grateful. Allison - will you let me have a moment?”
“Sure,” she said faintly, feeling as if tectonic plates had shifted beneath her feet.
It seemed like time had slowed down, but eventually the older Time Lord inclined his head, expression unreadable.
“As you wish, son.”
As his father turned and walked away she thought Alex might never move, a frozen obelisk amongst the crowd. She didn’t understand what had just happened, but having witnessed the effects of his upbringing, something or other had obviously reached a tipping point recently.
Then he seemed to snap of out it, looking around and noticing that they were close the Senate-House. Taking her hand (through habit clearly, and she was too confused to protest) he deftly wove his way through the crowds, and only moments later they found themselves in the now silent and empty building. There had been a doorman, but Alex had merely looked at him, and they’d been let in. Allison bit back on her sharp remark as well as her innate discomfort and followed.
Slowly he walked to the front, studying the ornate dark wooden walls, the intricate ceiling. The building was very nearly 400 years old Allison knew, and he was probably appreciating this. She wondered if he could somehow sense the age of things. There were so many things she’d never asked him.
Sinking into the Vice-Chancellor’s chair (old, with gilded winged lions carved into it) he stayed silent for long that she thought he might have forgotten her presence, but eventually he spoke. His voice was still distant, as if speaking mostly to himself, but the vehemence behind the words was such that she marvelled.
“My whole life... Ever since I was born, they’ve fought over me. Like I’m some sort of prize - the winner takes the universe. And I want nothing to do with it. Don’t want to be a pawn in their millennia long battle, don’t want to be a great saviour or the ruler of worlds. I just want them to leave me alone.”
She didn’t know what to say. She’d been going over everything, scared and full of dread, not able to process much... And here he was, as torn and unhappy as she. She’d thought him powerful - and he was - but had never considered the (to her) paradoxical idea that this made him vulnerable...
“They left me alone while I was here... I never realised how much of a relief that was. But it’s all starting up again and I don’t want it. I’m just a kid, and they use that: I’m young, I’m impressionable, if they can get stuff in there, somewhere in my subconscious, I’ll be easier to influence. Rassilon knows what they’ve put in my head. Of course Dad’s done it because he wants me to become his very own Mini-Me, and the Doctor has done it because it’s right and important and absolutely justified and all the rest. They spoil me, will give me anything I want, as long as it will in some way help their purpose. No wonder they got so angry back when-" He caught himself, then continued, bitterly. "Although I've paid my dues on that one. As has everyone else.”
He finally looked at her, tired and apologetic, but his eyes only stayed on her a moment before they grew distant, focussing on something only he could see. He seemed... older. More reflective.
“Alex... what happened?”
He didn’t object to the name, nor did her look at her again, just bowed his head for a moment, speaking slowly and with an air of defeat she’d never seen before.
“I thought I was doing well. Everything considered. And then- It’s not nice to be faced with the realisation that you’re a complete screw-up. And a dangerous, reckless one at that.”
She could only stare, and he finally looked up again, albeit briefly.
“Josh and Jamie - you saw.”
“Alex, I don’t understand what you’re saying. They...” she hesitated, remembering Jamie’s words, Josh’s kiss. The way the word ‘biddable’ had been thrown around with all kinds of connotations and double meanings. She smiled thinly.
“You slept with them?”
He nodded, still looking so unhappy that she felt genuinely unsettled. There were no justifications, no excuses, no stubbornness. Silently she waited for him to continue.
“I ferried them around on their honeymoon. They wanted... the wonders of the universe. That included me.”
She’d been standing so far, but at his words decided to grab a nearby chair - this was obviously going to take a while. She’d been prepared for him to win her back, for clever schemes that would - in his mind - solve the problems. The gracious speech had been a surprise, but it had still fitted with the boy she’d known. But this... This she didn’t understand at all.
“I just...” he bit his lip, looking so helpless that she wanted to hug him. Instead she waited.
“I just wanted to make them happy. If I was losing them anyway, if they were seeing the Time Lord, and not their friend... At least I could give them something to remember. Something spectacular. Something... awesome.”
He lapsed into silence, and after a moment she prompted him again, beginning to feel spooked once more:
“Alex - what did you do?”
For the third time he caught her eyes, but this time he didn’t look away.
“Exactly what I’m guessing you were worried I’d do to you. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to thank them for looking after me, and I-”
He shook his head.
“I understand now. Why you were so scared. And you were right to leave, you weren’t safe.”
“Well they... seemed very happy,” she said cautiously, as a cold shiver ran up her spine. She’d not been paranoid after all. He’d hurt his friends somehow, and it had been an accident...
He smiled joylessly.
“Oh yes, they’re happy - they don’t have a clue. They’d do anything for me. Anything at all...”
He shivered, dragging his feet up onto the chair and curling up, her own feelings mirrored on his face. She absently noticed how comfortable he seemed in his formal robes - she’d found hers interesting, but odd, and not easy to get used to. Alex on the other hand moved as if he’d never worn anything else. Then he spoke, and broke her train of thought.
“Allie - I’m scared. I still don’t know how to fix them. I’ve spent the best part of two years just making sure that-”
“Two years?” she interrupted. “It’s been two years for you?”
He didn’t even flinch at this, holding her eyes calmly and resignedly.
“I didn’t want to set foot amongst humans until I was absolutely sure I was safe to be around.”
And all of a sudden the whole situation sank in properly, and she felt like she could barely breathe. Her main issue, the fear without a name... gone in an instant.
He understood.
And not just that - he had taken steps to ensure that she was safe.
For the first time since she’d stepped out of his reach in fear she felt she could appraise him properly. As just a person, rather than someone she had to hide from.
“Thank you,” she said gravely.
“It was the least I could do,” he said softly, lifting his hand to drag it through his hair, and instead encountering the wide-brimmed round velvet bonnet he was wearing. Pulling it off he took a deep breath and studied her properly.
“You look... wonderful,” he said. “And I like your hair. How are you? How’s Manchester? Just... are you OK?”
His eyes were silently saying several thing, and she could read them as clear as day...
He wanted her to be OK. Yet he also wanted her to be missing him, for there to be some kind of future.
She smiled. (It was easy to read people when they were an exact mirror of yourself...)
They spent a long time just talking about her life now, but when she asked him what he’d been doing - other than turning his mind into a fortress - he became oddly hesitant.
“Mostly... working out who I am.”
“In what way?”
“I was Alex for so long, and for him to be just... gone... took some adjusting.”
She frowned.
“What do you mean ‘gone’?”
“Alex. I lost him. I mean, he’s still a part of me, but I can’t slip on that mask anymore. Well I’ve tried for today, but it’s...” he shivered, “uncomfortable. I can feel the mask now.”
“So who did I fall in love with?” she asked, feeling that the tiny little piece of ground she had been standing on was rapidly disappearing.
“A shadow?” he replied, then tried to soften the blow:
“I’m still here. All of me. Everything you know and more. The shadow was cast by something solid.”
“A shadow,” she said, “for three years.”
“Try imagine living as a shadow,” he replied. “Your whole life.”
“I don’t care. I spent three years of my life on a shadow?”
Just when she’d clawed back something solid, he had to go break it apart.
He studied her silently, turning the bonnet over in his hands.
“OK, this is a flawed simile, but - have you seen that episode of Buffy where Xander gets split in half?”
She nodded.
“It was a bit like that. There was Time Lord me, the Seeker, and human me - Alex. Except no one can live like that. And eventually it all got too much - reached a peak, and when I looked around there was only me there.”
She remembered the scene well, because it had been so cleverly filmed - the two Xanders waiting for the spell to work, and then turning round, all of a sudden ‘alone’.
“I have lied about who I am all my life. From before I could talk, I knew I couldn’t tell people who I was. I don’t expect your sympathy, but just try to understand what it’s like to be two people. Always. To see everything in duplicate. To constantly balance two realities in your head, to constantly remember which face you’re presenting - it became second nature. My point is - I don’t think I can stay. Here, I mean. On Earth. I quite simply can’t lie anymore. It’s... damaging. And I’m damaged enough as it is.”
She nodded silently, beginning to see the overall picture.
“So - what you’re saying is that I have a choice between your world and mine?”
Her words seemed to shock him, and he stared at her, like a cat frozen as it glimpses something unexpected.
“You... might still choose me?” he said slowly, voice barely above a whisper, and filled with so much desperate hope that she barely knew how to respond.
“I don’t know. But I love you. And living without you almost hurts more than I can bear.”
In the air above the black and white checkered floor that separated them, she could almost see a slim bridge form. A bridge built on hope and compromise and tiny slivers of possibility.
“Allie...” he said and somehow the next moment they were standing in front of each other.
“I don’t know,” she whispered softly. “It’s my life we’re talking about. I’ll need time.”
“Time,” he replied, “I have in abundance.”
(She suddenly felt like Buffy, talking about being cookie dough, with Angel wandering off saying how he wasn’t getting older... How had her life turned into something out of a TV show?)
Reaching up, Alex touched her cheek reverently.
“I never thought I’d get a second chance. Allie-”
She cut off whatever he was going to say next with a kiss. It was stupid and impulsive and opened up every single painful wound all over again, but she didn’t care.
In response he simply wrapped his arms around her, holding her like he was never going to let go.
(Why did he have to be immortal? Why couldn’t life just bend to her wishes?)
They were interrupted by the Senior Proctor, who cut through their passion with a very disapproving:
“For heaven’s sake, take it outside!”
Breaking apart, they turned their heads, and saw the annoyed figure at the other end of the room, hands on her hips.
“This is what comes of handing Doctorates to youngsters,” she said, walking up the middle aisle between the rows of chairs.
“Doctor Saxon - I had hoped for better, I must say!”
“Doctor Saxon,” he said, sotto voce, “Sounds great doesn’t it? Must get a professorship somewhere - Luna University maybe - that’d show them.”
Eyes dancing, he turned to the Senior Proctor.
“Come now, it’s not that bad. Far worse things have taken place in this building...”
Allison told herself to remember what she’d learned. Because it would be far, far too easy to just fall down this slippery slope again, to set aside worries and concerns and just go along with him, like she had done time and again.
This time had to be different.
***
“When-” she began as they said goodbye, before faltering. “When will I see you again? What do we do?”
He dipped his head.
“I don’t know. I won’t bother you, I promise - but if you want me, you know how to get hold of me.”
“OK,” she replied, and kissed him again.
All she needed to do now was work out what to do... Somehow.
***
He watched her walk away, feeling as if his hearts had gone with her.
Although - even if she decided that she didn’t want him, their parting had been on far better terms than before. On the other hand, she had given him hope... A two-edged sword if ever there was one. He wasn’t sure how to cope with the possibility of losing her again. Once had been bad enough - the two years he’d been alone since not helping at all. And he had a terrible premonition that when it came down to it, love wouldn’t be enough...
He sensed Jack step up beside him, and waited for him to speak.
“Well Doctor Saxon, unless I’m mistaken you seem happier than this morning.”
“Yes Captain. Yes I am.”
“Plus your father is unusually smug and happy, there was no alien invasion, I was introduced to a cute ginger kid who needs a little help, and I got Adelaide Brooke’s phone number. Can we agree the day was a success?”
She disappeared round the corner of a beautiful old building, like she was nothing more than an echo of all the people who had once walked the ancient paths.
He sighed.
('We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached...’)
"Jack, please teach me how to wait. And how to live when loving someone mortal.”
Jack’s arm wrapped around his still slender shoulders, and he felt a gentle kiss on his hair.
“I’ll do my best, little brother. But remember, I’m only human.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.”
Chapter 30
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. Also on AO3 and The Teaspoon.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Late Autumn 2028
Characters (this chapter): Allison, the Seeker, Jamie, Josh, Jack, the Master + lots more brief cameos.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5400 approx
Feedback: Makes my world go round... No really. You have no idea.
Chapter 29
In the end Allison’s worries about seeing Alex again were overshadowed by worrying about her hair.
Her entire family told her she was being stupid and paranoid, but she couldn’t help it.
The graduation dress code was ridiculously strict (down to the thickness of tights), and included hair colour, which couldn’t deviate too obviously from natural... And her highlights were very obviously not natural.
What if they wouldn’t let her graduate?
It wasn’t until she was seated in Senate-House that she finally began to relax, figuring that she’d have been stopped before this if there were any problems. Of course ‘relaxing’ was relative. She was surrounded by her former fellow students, all eager to catch up - especially on the news that she and Alex had broken up.
Vainly she tried to field all the questions, wondering where the boy in question could be (it didn’t seem fair that she should field all the questions by herself, and besides it gave her an odd feeling of deja vu), before looking at the programme and realising that - of course - he’d be seated with the officials, what with receiving a Doctorate and all. Plus, apparently he was giving a speech?
She was saved from further probing by the announcement that the Vice-Chancellor's procession was about to enter, and they all stood, the momentousness of the situation sinking in. It was old and wonderful and comfortingly familiar (a world away from the shiny glass and metal of Manchester) - and then she saw him in the procession.
He was wearing a scarlet gown, with swathes of pale pink, and one of the funny floppy Doctorate bonnets on his head. Walking next to him was Professor Trinder and they appeared to be deep in conversation, taking no notice of their surroundings.
She’d wondered how she would feel. They’d not exactly parted on good terms, and she still had so many questions, so many doubts. And he’d not given the slightest indication as to how he felt at all - the radio silence had been complete.
And now... the equilibrium she had worked so hard to find seemed to have dislodged itself in an instant, and every worry and heartache was suddenly hovering just beneath the surface. She took a deep breath; tried to focus. She could do this. It was only one day.
The ceremony kicked off with the Senior Proctor proposing any special Graces relating to individual graduands, to which the Junior Proctor (after waiting for any disagreements which never came - it was like a wedding ceremony after the ‘If anyone knows of any just cause...’) replied ‘Placet’.
(‘It pleases’ Allison’s programme informed her.)
After which everything was in Latin, and Allison watched Alex receive his doctorate with such fluency that she almost expected him to make pun.
Soon enough they were all queuing up, ready to say their own bit. (She had learned the response off by heart, the odd formality of the situation overshadowing the near-ridiculous reality of being one of four grabbing a single finger and speaking Latin whilst kneeling.)
Eventually came Alex’s speech. As he took the podium, someone in the crowd shouted “Vote Saxon!” and his face clouded over, glowering towards where the offending voice had come from, then said “Non Placet” with such severity that she could see several of the higher-ranking members nodding in approval. (Stopping hecklers with Latin. So him it hurt...)
Then he began speaking, and she found herself both spellbound, yet oddly distant, analysing the whole thing from the outside even as she listened rapturously.
He spoke clearly and fluently, without any notes, easily holding everyone’s attention, and she wondered if it was just him - or whether there was something else at work...
Then she, belatedly, began paying attention to what he was actually saying, and felt herself going both hot and cold. It was a great speech, but she knew that no matter how general his remarks seemed, they were meant for her.
(He’s doing it again, she thought, forcing herself not to sink further down in her seat. He’s doing it again. It was beautifully done, and the speech was excellent, but she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious. He’d highjacked graduation just to give her a message.)
But then the words began to register, and what he was saying made her suddenly swallow against too-tender emotions. It was going to be an emotional roller-coaster of a day - she really should have foreseen this...
“My fellow students. We find ourselves at the beginning of a new adventure. And it’s scary out there, out from the protection of these old buildings, where the history carries with it whispers and memories from centuries. Here, where we studied and partied and worried and took our first steps as near-adults, others have gone before... John Milton, Charles Darwin, David Attenborough, EM Forster, Samuel Pepys... Names that have gone down in history, as ours will hopefully one day also do. Except our work starts now. Cambridge shaped us, but it’s the rest of our lives that will determine how we are remembered. And I know you... Have spent three years getting to know you, and I know that no matter where you go, or what you choose-”
His eyes passed over the crowd, before suddenly fastening on her, his focus absolute and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“-you will be magnificent.”
She didn’t hear anything after that, barely able to applaud once he’d finished. She was almost crying again - it would've been so much easier if he'd been a bastard.
This... graciousness was almost too much.
Afterwards everyone was congregating on the quadrangle outside, and after the obligatory ‘throwing their mortar boards in the air’ snapshots people dispersed, dragged away by family for personal pictures and food and celebrations.
As soon as the could find some time to sneak away, Allison went looking for Alex. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, but his words still lingered and she just... needed to see him.
She found him busy taking pictures.
“OK, all the Hermits!” he said, and then - as no one moved - added: “Come on, for me. Dad at one end, the Redjay and Jack at the other, and you needn’t even look at each other.”
‘The Hermits’... She recalled the web site, and tried to fit names to the two unfamiliar women. The Redjay had to be the woman next to Jack - she was dressed in a shirt and waist coat with matching trousers, her hair in loose buns, and her freckled face looked oddly strained. The other woman, curly-haired and casually elegant in a jacket and tight skirt paired with vertiginous heels, had to be Doctor Song. She, in stark contrast, seemed to be enjoying herself very much indeed, and gleefully inserted herself between the Doctor and Alex’s father, calling out to Alex:
“Seeker darling, don’t worry about a thing - I’ve brought my handcuffs!”
Alex - Allison found it was impossible to call him ‘Seeker’, even in her mind - laughed at this and snapped a few pictures, before he was interrupted by a familiar voice shouting “Golden Boy!” causing Allison to do a double take - she had not known Adelaide Brooke would be here.
As Adelaide’s very presence brought with it memories of a far-too-happy summer she looked away, casually letting her eyes dwell on the ‘Hermits’ - and almost froze at what she saw.
Every single of them had turned to look at Adelaide, the exact same look on their faces as had often been on Alex’s - that strange intensity and focus she couldn’t explain.
Who was Adelaide that she commanded such focus? Or rather... what might she be? Alex had said something, but she couldn’t remember it now. Mostly she felt chilly, and vulnerable. Who were these aliens really? What were they doing on Earth?
Silently she withdrew, not able to face it after all. Not all of them, at any rate. Aliens. Alien aliens, not familiar ones like Jamie...
As she vainly tried to work out where her family had gone, she felt a gentle touch on her arm - and turned to see him.
“Allison,” he said softly, and she could feel her heart constricting.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked, looking subdued and apologetic and unsure - so unlike his usual confident self that she wondered what could have happened. This was more than just the breakup, she was sure of it.
Before she could reply, however, another voice cut through.
“Sorry son, I’ve had to escape. The Doctor is making a perfect fool of himself over Adelaide Brooke, and I can’t take it any more.”
It was his father, and she could see how his heart sank. (No hearts. Plural.) Trying to smile Alex held out a hand between them.
“Well I guess I'll have to introduce you. Allison - my father, the Master. Dad, this is Allison. The girl who was smart enough to break up with me.”
In response 'The Master' (clearly they all had weird names) merely raised an eyebrow a fraction, casually looking her over as if she was some kind of bargain price item.
“Yes, I seem to recall the Doctor talking about a girl... You must excuse me, I’ve skipped most of the past three years - If you want to throw tantrums, do it on your own time, not mine.”
Alex pressed his lips together, clearly fighting to not take the bait, when there was a shout, and he turned.
“Oh no, Professor Trinder wants me... I promised to-”
He looked from his father to Allison, torn.
“Just... Dad? Behave.”
His father didn’t so much as move a muscle, and Alex seemed to be fighting with himself.
“I’ll be right back. Allison, don’t feel obliged to talk to him... As a matter of fact I’d advise you to leave. Seriously - he’s the second most evil man in the universe.”
At his words, his father looked deeply insulted.
“Second? Second most evil? Excuse me?”
Alex shot him a droll look, hiding emotions Allison couldn’t guess at.
“I reckon Davros is worse overall.”
This time his father didn’t hide the sneer.
“Davros is dead.”
Alex sighed.
“Fine. Allison - he’s the most evil man in the universe. Darth Vader is fluffy in comparison. Please Allie...”
The protective note in his voice caused her to instinctively balk.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” she said frostily, and Alex reluctantly left. Also, she was curious despite herself - something which his father quickly made her regret.
“So... Alex’s pet. Figured he’d need something to stave off the boredom.”
He glanced at her gown, tilting his head in exactly the same way Alex did.
“Although I suppose you’re clever. For a human, I mean. Enough to keep up a vaguely intelligent conversation at least. Clearly he chose brains over looks. Interesting...”
She had (vaguely) expected something ‘evil’ - nasty mind games and possible death threats. Rudeness and insults were a shock, although something far easier to deal with. Her eyes narrowed and she tried to look as disdainful as him.
“I’m top of my year,” she said through her teeth. “And I wasn’t his ‘pet’, I was his girlfriend.”
“Feisty and all self-righteous too. I can see why the Doctor liked you. What was your name again?”
“Allison,” she said coldly. “Allison Whitwell.”
He seemed ready to brush this off with another glib remark, when he suddenly caught himself.
“Allison Whitwell,” he said slowly, musingly, eyes narrowing and going distant, before suddenly fastening on her again with unnerving concentration, as the tiniest smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Of course.”
If she had suddenly feared Alex because of his potential, her undefinable terror of the father was all about the self-assured experience in his manner. Thanks to Matt she knew a small portion of his crimes. She felt she could see every one in his eyes. Why the hell had she thought this would be a good idea?
“Of course what?” she asked, feeling cold in the pale sunlight.
“I’m surrounded by fools. But my son has excellent taste. Not that I ever doubted it, but it’s good to have it confirmed.”
His eyes were dancing, mercurial and unfathomable, and she wanted nothing more than to run away.
She was rescued from a humiliating retreat by the appearance of Josh and Jamie - and Alex’s father brightened visibly.
“Oh it’s the Pretty One. And my my haven’t you grown since we last met?”
His eyes trailed over Josh, not just thoroughly indecent, but appraising in a way that set Allison’s teeth on edge, before he turned to Jamie.
“And you’ve found a consort who is, if possible, even more enticing...”
Reaching out he put a finger under Jamie’s chin, tilting hir face, eyes narrowing. “Mmmm, yes. Fascinating specimen.”
Allison had expected Jamie to move away, but instead hir eyes seemed to narrow, doing that freaky thing of turning completely purple.
The two of them held each other’s eyes for long breathless seconds, then the Master pulled a face, sharply removing his hand and flexing his fingers, studying Jamie with what probably passed for concern.
“And it’s got teeth. H’m. A little too aggressive, I’m afraid - a great shame.”
He cast a glance at Allison.
“See that was one of the greatest things about ruling the world - everyone was so damn biddable.”
The lecherous smirk left them in no doubt as to what he meant, and Allison (understanding the Archangel network and beginning to feel sick) wanted to say something furious in response, when she saw Alex returning, pushing his way through the crowds - and then Josh took her completely by surprise.
Looking straight into the Master’s eyes he smiled.
“Oh Jamie and I are very biddable if the right person asks...”
At this exact moment Alex stepped into their tight little group of four, looking from one to the other with deep worry, before freezing as Josh turned to him and proceeded to kiss him full on the mouth with what seemed like well-practised ease.
Allison could feel her jaw dropping, but was then distracted from the kiss by Jamie briefly grasping her hand.
‘He is singular in the universe. Don’t let him go. Please. Give him what he won’t accept from us. We want you to be happy.’
She didn’t get a chance to react to the unasked-for invasion of her mind as Jamie immediately retook hir place beside Josh, whom Alex was staring at wide-eyed - caught somewhere between alarm and utter shock - but Josh merely winked, as unruffled as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
“Catch you later Seeker. And remember - we’re always here, whatever you need.”
Then, taking Jamie’s arm, he walked off, blanking the Master completely. Allison turned to him, to see what his reply would be - and realised that father and son were looking at each other, the rest of the world forgotten.
Alex had gone very pale, watching his father with a look Allison couldn’t even begin to work out.
“It’s not what you think-” he began, but his father cut him off, smirking not unlike the cat who got the cream and caught the bird too.
“Oh, don’t try to fool me boy, it’s exactly what I think. However, I suspect it’s not what they think...”
His eyes were dancing with malice, and Allison couldn’t imagine how she’d thought Alex looked like him.
Then his eyes turned musing, as he tapped a finger to his chin.
“Yes, very nicely done. You should definitely keep them.”
“I’m not keeping them!” Alex replied, appalled, and his father’s expression turned to genuine surprise.
“Whyever not? They’re gorgeous. This one-” he waved a hand towards Allison, “-was probably fun while it lasted, but she’s clearly far too combative for anything long-term. Fob her off on the Doctor if she gets clingy. You, on the other hand, need some stability now you are going back to your proper studies. They’ll do very nicely - especially because they’re a pair. They’ll keep each other occupied when you’re busy. Couldn’t have planned it better myself.”
“They are people, Dad. With names and lives, and they’re my friends.”
The Master studied him, face caught between concern and determination.
“Son, I know you’re still young, but you really need to grow out of this nonsense the Doctor peddles. And since you now remember that little incident back in the day, I am sincerely hoping the lesson will sink in.”
Alex was slowly shaking his head, and Allison could feel her breath catch. She had never seen him looked so utterly determined. Not to mention furious.
“No Dad. Look at me. A Master and a Doctor in a single day. And that’s it. That’s what you get, both of you, because I. Am. Not. Yours. From now on I will not be fought over, and my life choices will not be used as moves in your endless enmity. I am the Seeker, and I will go my own way. I seek neither the destruction nor the saving of worlds or people, and until you understand that, you understand nothing.”
For a second they simply looked at each other, father and son, the father like an older mirror of the younger, except he seemed genuinely taken aback.
Then the Seeker took a step back, studying him coolly.
“If you’d pass that onto the Doctor I would be very grateful. Allison - will you let me have a moment?”
“Sure,” she said faintly, feeling as if tectonic plates had shifted beneath her feet.
It seemed like time had slowed down, but eventually the older Time Lord inclined his head, expression unreadable.
“As you wish, son.”
As his father turned and walked away she thought Alex might never move, a frozen obelisk amongst the crowd. She didn’t understand what had just happened, but having witnessed the effects of his upbringing, something or other had obviously reached a tipping point recently.
Then he seemed to snap of out it, looking around and noticing that they were close the Senate-House. Taking her hand (through habit clearly, and she was too confused to protest) he deftly wove his way through the crowds, and only moments later they found themselves in the now silent and empty building. There had been a doorman, but Alex had merely looked at him, and they’d been let in. Allison bit back on her sharp remark as well as her innate discomfort and followed.
Slowly he walked to the front, studying the ornate dark wooden walls, the intricate ceiling. The building was very nearly 400 years old Allison knew, and he was probably appreciating this. She wondered if he could somehow sense the age of things. There were so many things she’d never asked him.
Sinking into the Vice-Chancellor’s chair (old, with gilded winged lions carved into it) he stayed silent for long that she thought he might have forgotten her presence, but eventually he spoke. His voice was still distant, as if speaking mostly to himself, but the vehemence behind the words was such that she marvelled.
“My whole life... Ever since I was born, they’ve fought over me. Like I’m some sort of prize - the winner takes the universe. And I want nothing to do with it. Don’t want to be a pawn in their millennia long battle, don’t want to be a great saviour or the ruler of worlds. I just want them to leave me alone.”
She didn’t know what to say. She’d been going over everything, scared and full of dread, not able to process much... And here he was, as torn and unhappy as she. She’d thought him powerful - and he was - but had never considered the (to her) paradoxical idea that this made him vulnerable...
“They left me alone while I was here... I never realised how much of a relief that was. But it’s all starting up again and I don’t want it. I’m just a kid, and they use that: I’m young, I’m impressionable, if they can get stuff in there, somewhere in my subconscious, I’ll be easier to influence. Rassilon knows what they’ve put in my head. Of course Dad’s done it because he wants me to become his very own Mini-Me, and the Doctor has done it because it’s right and important and absolutely justified and all the rest. They spoil me, will give me anything I want, as long as it will in some way help their purpose. No wonder they got so angry back when-" He caught himself, then continued, bitterly. "Although I've paid my dues on that one. As has everyone else.”
He finally looked at her, tired and apologetic, but his eyes only stayed on her a moment before they grew distant, focussing on something only he could see. He seemed... older. More reflective.
“Alex... what happened?”
He didn’t object to the name, nor did her look at her again, just bowed his head for a moment, speaking slowly and with an air of defeat she’d never seen before.
“I thought I was doing well. Everything considered. And then- It’s not nice to be faced with the realisation that you’re a complete screw-up. And a dangerous, reckless one at that.”
She could only stare, and he finally looked up again, albeit briefly.
“Josh and Jamie - you saw.”
“Alex, I don’t understand what you’re saying. They...” she hesitated, remembering Jamie’s words, Josh’s kiss. The way the word ‘biddable’ had been thrown around with all kinds of connotations and double meanings. She smiled thinly.
“You slept with them?”
He nodded, still looking so unhappy that she felt genuinely unsettled. There were no justifications, no excuses, no stubbornness. Silently she waited for him to continue.
“I ferried them around on their honeymoon. They wanted... the wonders of the universe. That included me.”
She’d been standing so far, but at his words decided to grab a nearby chair - this was obviously going to take a while. She’d been prepared for him to win her back, for clever schemes that would - in his mind - solve the problems. The gracious speech had been a surprise, but it had still fitted with the boy she’d known. But this... This she didn’t understand at all.
“I just...” he bit his lip, looking so helpless that she wanted to hug him. Instead she waited.
“I just wanted to make them happy. If I was losing them anyway, if they were seeing the Time Lord, and not their friend... At least I could give them something to remember. Something spectacular. Something... awesome.”
He lapsed into silence, and after a moment she prompted him again, beginning to feel spooked once more:
“Alex - what did you do?”
For the third time he caught her eyes, but this time he didn’t look away.
“Exactly what I’m guessing you were worried I’d do to you. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to thank them for looking after me, and I-”
He shook his head.
“I understand now. Why you were so scared. And you were right to leave, you weren’t safe.”
“Well they... seemed very happy,” she said cautiously, as a cold shiver ran up her spine. She’d not been paranoid after all. He’d hurt his friends somehow, and it had been an accident...
He smiled joylessly.
“Oh yes, they’re happy - they don’t have a clue. They’d do anything for me. Anything at all...”
He shivered, dragging his feet up onto the chair and curling up, her own feelings mirrored on his face. She absently noticed how comfortable he seemed in his formal robes - she’d found hers interesting, but odd, and not easy to get used to. Alex on the other hand moved as if he’d never worn anything else. Then he spoke, and broke her train of thought.
“Allie - I’m scared. I still don’t know how to fix them. I’ve spent the best part of two years just making sure that-”
“Two years?” she interrupted. “It’s been two years for you?”
He didn’t even flinch at this, holding her eyes calmly and resignedly.
“I didn’t want to set foot amongst humans until I was absolutely sure I was safe to be around.”
And all of a sudden the whole situation sank in properly, and she felt like she could barely breathe. Her main issue, the fear without a name... gone in an instant.
He understood.
And not just that - he had taken steps to ensure that she was safe.
For the first time since she’d stepped out of his reach in fear she felt she could appraise him properly. As just a person, rather than someone she had to hide from.
“Thank you,” she said gravely.
“It was the least I could do,” he said softly, lifting his hand to drag it through his hair, and instead encountering the wide-brimmed round velvet bonnet he was wearing. Pulling it off he took a deep breath and studied her properly.
“You look... wonderful,” he said. “And I like your hair. How are you? How’s Manchester? Just... are you OK?”
His eyes were silently saying several thing, and she could read them as clear as day...
He wanted her to be OK. Yet he also wanted her to be missing him, for there to be some kind of future.
She smiled. (It was easy to read people when they were an exact mirror of yourself...)
They spent a long time just talking about her life now, but when she asked him what he’d been doing - other than turning his mind into a fortress - he became oddly hesitant.
“Mostly... working out who I am.”
“In what way?”
“I was Alex for so long, and for him to be just... gone... took some adjusting.”
She frowned.
“What do you mean ‘gone’?”
“Alex. I lost him. I mean, he’s still a part of me, but I can’t slip on that mask anymore. Well I’ve tried for today, but it’s...” he shivered, “uncomfortable. I can feel the mask now.”
“So who did I fall in love with?” she asked, feeling that the tiny little piece of ground she had been standing on was rapidly disappearing.
“A shadow?” he replied, then tried to soften the blow:
“I’m still here. All of me. Everything you know and more. The shadow was cast by something solid.”
“A shadow,” she said, “for three years.”
“Try imagine living as a shadow,” he replied. “Your whole life.”
“I don’t care. I spent three years of my life on a shadow?”
Just when she’d clawed back something solid, he had to go break it apart.
He studied her silently, turning the bonnet over in his hands.
“OK, this is a flawed simile, but - have you seen that episode of Buffy where Xander gets split in half?”
She nodded.
“It was a bit like that. There was Time Lord me, the Seeker, and human me - Alex. Except no one can live like that. And eventually it all got too much - reached a peak, and when I looked around there was only me there.”
She remembered the scene well, because it had been so cleverly filmed - the two Xanders waiting for the spell to work, and then turning round, all of a sudden ‘alone’.
“I have lied about who I am all my life. From before I could talk, I knew I couldn’t tell people who I was. I don’t expect your sympathy, but just try to understand what it’s like to be two people. Always. To see everything in duplicate. To constantly balance two realities in your head, to constantly remember which face you’re presenting - it became second nature. My point is - I don’t think I can stay. Here, I mean. On Earth. I quite simply can’t lie anymore. It’s... damaging. And I’m damaged enough as it is.”
She nodded silently, beginning to see the overall picture.
“So - what you’re saying is that I have a choice between your world and mine?”
Her words seemed to shock him, and he stared at her, like a cat frozen as it glimpses something unexpected.
“You... might still choose me?” he said slowly, voice barely above a whisper, and filled with so much desperate hope that she barely knew how to respond.
“I don’t know. But I love you. And living without you almost hurts more than I can bear.”
In the air above the black and white checkered floor that separated them, she could almost see a slim bridge form. A bridge built on hope and compromise and tiny slivers of possibility.
“Allie...” he said and somehow the next moment they were standing in front of each other.
“I don’t know,” she whispered softly. “It’s my life we’re talking about. I’ll need time.”
“Time,” he replied, “I have in abundance.”
(She suddenly felt like Buffy, talking about being cookie dough, with Angel wandering off saying how he wasn’t getting older... How had her life turned into something out of a TV show?)
Reaching up, Alex touched her cheek reverently.
“I never thought I’d get a second chance. Allie-”
She cut off whatever he was going to say next with a kiss. It was stupid and impulsive and opened up every single painful wound all over again, but she didn’t care.
In response he simply wrapped his arms around her, holding her like he was never going to let go.
(Why did he have to be immortal? Why couldn’t life just bend to her wishes?)
They were interrupted by the Senior Proctor, who cut through their passion with a very disapproving:
“For heaven’s sake, take it outside!”
Breaking apart, they turned their heads, and saw the annoyed figure at the other end of the room, hands on her hips.
“This is what comes of handing Doctorates to youngsters,” she said, walking up the middle aisle between the rows of chairs.
“Doctor Saxon - I had hoped for better, I must say!”
“Doctor Saxon,” he said, sotto voce, “Sounds great doesn’t it? Must get a professorship somewhere - Luna University maybe - that’d show them.”
Eyes dancing, he turned to the Senior Proctor.
“Come now, it’s not that bad. Far worse things have taken place in this building...”
Allison told herself to remember what she’d learned. Because it would be far, far too easy to just fall down this slippery slope again, to set aside worries and concerns and just go along with him, like she had done time and again.
This time had to be different.
“When-” she began as they said goodbye, before faltering. “When will I see you again? What do we do?”
He dipped his head.
“I don’t know. I won’t bother you, I promise - but if you want me, you know how to get hold of me.”
“OK,” she replied, and kissed him again.
All she needed to do now was work out what to do... Somehow.
He watched her walk away, feeling as if his hearts had gone with her.
Although - even if she decided that she didn’t want him, their parting had been on far better terms than before. On the other hand, she had given him hope... A two-edged sword if ever there was one. He wasn’t sure how to cope with the possibility of losing her again. Once had been bad enough - the two years he’d been alone since not helping at all. And he had a terrible premonition that when it came down to it, love wouldn’t be enough...
He sensed Jack step up beside him, and waited for him to speak.
“Well Doctor Saxon, unless I’m mistaken you seem happier than this morning.”
“Yes Captain. Yes I am.”
“Plus your father is unusually smug and happy, there was no alien invasion, I was introduced to a cute ginger kid who needs a little help, and I got Adelaide Brooke’s phone number. Can we agree the day was a success?”
She disappeared round the corner of a beautiful old building, like she was nothing more than an echo of all the people who had once walked the ancient paths.
He sighed.
('We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached...’)
"Jack, please teach me how to wait. And how to live when loving someone mortal.”
Jack’s arm wrapped around his still slender shoulders, and he felt a gentle kiss on his hair.
“I’ll do my best, little brother. But remember, I’m only human.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.”
Chapter 30
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(I loved it, but I've not much more to say here. I'm so impatient to see Twelve properly – to my own surprise, as I didn't even want to know who it would be at first… – that I'm a bit confused around anything DW right now o_o' )
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Now that the apologies are over, I can flail a bit over this chapter. So much character development in such a short space. All the realizations and declarations made me giddy. I loved every one of them. I especially liked seeing how much both Allison and Alex were willing to do for each other.
I can't wait to see where things go from here, although I'm a bit sad to see this journey come to an end. Then again, this is a sign of a well told story, so it's a good feeling in the end.
PS: I might of shed bitter shipper tears at the idea of 'cookie dough' My OTP!! //wails
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No worries. I worked an 11 hour day yesterday. Don't think I was conscious at the end of it.
Now that the apologies are over, I can flail a bit over this chapter. So much character development in such a short space. All the realizations and declarations made me giddy. I loved every one of them. I especially liked seeing how much both Allison and Alex were willing to do for each other.
♥ ♥ ♥ It's partly because I spent so much time/space on what they were doing separately - they both came to new understandings, and had had time to reflect on where they were, and what they wanted/needed from the relationship. So they were both a little older and wiser and able to take stock properly.
I can't wait to see where things go from here, although I'm a bit sad to see this journey come to an end. Then again, this is a sign of a well told story, so it's a good feeling in the end.
Awww, thank you. I'm glad it was a worthwhile journey.
PS: I might of shed bitter shipper tears at the idea of 'cookie dough' My OTP!! //wails
I quite simply couldn't help myself... It was too good an analogy to pass up. Partly the fact that Allison isn't ready to properly commit (after all, she's 21, and it's a big decision), and partly the fact that she'll age and he won't ('I'm not getting any older'). Mind you, they're not very Bangel like in any other aspect... *g*
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Graduation-phobia .... the fear of beginnings. ... what happens when the real world comes to call? Allison's fears were answered early with Alex's reveal. Now, the essential problem of learning how to trust someone who has withheld an essential truth from you.
I do disagree with Alex here .... Alex is not a mask. The perception filter was the mask. He never pretended to be "normal." He just permitted the assumption.
Lying by omission .... just as the Doctor taught him.
Alex will always be that strange, brilliant, boy. The fact that he has two hearts makes him unusual but he is still from Earth.
I'm not sure, however, if he made progress with his father or not. I did notice he introduced him as "The Master." And, no matter how manipulative she thinks Alex is, she realizes that he is not his father.
Oh, and I did enjoy the insult ... Davros being more evil.... :)
I have more points to make. But, I'd rather post now. :)
Magnificent chapter.
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I would not call it short! *squishes comment*
Graduation-phobia .... the fear of beginnings. ... what happens when the real world comes to call? Allison's fears were answered early with Alex's reveal. Now, the essential problem of learning how to trust someone who has withheld an essential truth from you.
She'd essentially made a clean break because of 'irreconcilable differences' - and then he demonstrates that they are perfectly reconcilable after all. So now she has to make a much harder choice - does she trust him enough? And does she want him? Does she want that life?
I do disagree with Alex here .... Alex is not a mask. The perception filter was the mask. He never pretended to be "normal." He just permitted the assumption.
[...]
Lying by omission .... just as the Doctor taught him.
[...]
Alex will always be that strange, brilliant, boy. The fact that he has two hearts makes him unusual but he is still from Earth.
All these are kinda tied together. First of all, you're right, there's much more of 'Alex'/Earth in him than he realises. But (secondly) he's young, and when you're young you often tend to make very harsh/definitive judgements. Because (thirdly) he has lied by omission for a very, very long time, and he realises that it's not healthy. That he needs to find his own identity on his own, all of it. And that's not going to be easy. Which is why he gives Allison the choice he gives her - he can't spend a lifetime pretending he's less than he is. (One of the main problems, actually, is that he's so much younger than she is, relatively. He's very mature for his age, but she's a young adult, and he's... young.)
I'm not sure, however, if he made progress with his father or not. I did notice he introduced him as "The Master." And, no matter how manipulative she thinks Alex is, she realizes that he is not his father.
Well, that is his father's name. ;) And - as he was trying his best to be honest - introducing him as 'Harold Saxon' wouldn't have worked very well. And as for making progress... No, not so much. His father had a bit of shock, I think, but he brushed it off, more or less, thinking that the boy would come to his senses. The Master is, basically, still waiting for him to grow up, and mostly trying to influence him subtly.
Oh, and I did enjoy the insult ... Davros being more evil.... :)
Funnily enough, that wasn't an insult as such. The Seeker has actually thought about it, and figures that since Davros created the race that ended up being the undoing and destruction of the Time Lords (not to mention their unrivaled destruction & the Time Wars etc), overall Davros is more evil. Well - more effective at any rate. *g*
I have more points to make. But, I'd rather post now. :)
More points more than welcome! But this was very lovely. <3
Magnificent chapter.
*blushes* (I thought it was... OK. It did what it should. It just wouldn't flow like I wanted it. But I am more than happy to take the praise!)
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At his words, his father looked deeply insulted.
“Second? Second most evil? Excuse me?”
Alex shot him a droll look, hiding emotions Allison couldn’t guess at.
“I reckon Davros is worse overall.”
*snicker*
This time his father didn’t hide the sneer.
“Davros is dead.”
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
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The thing is... The Seeker is absolutely serious. He's given it some thought. But that doesn't stop it from being a great moment. ;)
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
*whistles innocently, twirls hair*