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Fic: Dating the Cleverest Boy in the World. Chapter 15. (Interlude featuring Jamie)
I wrote this chapter in 2 days flat. That... never happens. Now this was partly due to having time due to holidays, and partly due to the fact that I just... wrote. It was like magic, especially since the last few chapters have been such a pain. But this just flowed perfectly. Also it makes me all choked up. I should probably not say that about my own fic, but.. I've been looking forward to writing this for nearly two years (it's the companion piece to Chapter 6, which featured Josh, and I have had it planned out since then), and oh, it's just lovely. ♥ Oh and there's JACK! (Love writing Jack.) Incidentally Josh and Jamie's song is 'A Face Like That' by The Pet Shop Boys, which I've uploaded here for you, as youtube has let me down. (Lyrics here. So perfect omg.)
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. And on AO3 here.
Also, I posted the previous chapter (the second part of Alex & Allison's Christmas) just as LJ went down, so make sure you've not missed it!
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son. (This chapter - Jamie & Josh's story!)
Setting: Spring 2027
Characters: Jamie (OC), Josh (OC), Capt. Jack (+ others)
Rating: Teen
Wordcount: 4700 words.
Feedback: Please, please, please?
Chapter 15
(Interlude featuring Jamie)
Spring 2027
‘Marry me?’
The words hung in the air, unavoidable and impossible, and Jamie could only shake hir head.
Sie watched Josh’s face fall, hurt in his eyes, and tried smiling:
“Please don’t do that again, it’s not funny.”
Josh shook his head, obstinacy raising its head.
“I’m serious. Jamie-”
“Stop! Why are you doing this?” Jamie bit hir lip, trying to get hir emotions under control. They were happy, why did Josh have to ruin it?
And Josh was now studying hir as if sie was mental. Great.
“Why are you? Don’t you love me?”
Jamie closed hir eyes, gathering strength.
“Of course I love you, don’t be stupid.”
“So, why are you being like this? I love you too, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That’s normal.”
“Josh...”
(Why did it have to hurt so much? Why oh why did he have to ask... )
“You are twenty years old. You have your whole life in front of you...”
“And I want to spend it with you.”
He was so sure...
“You can’t know that.”
“Of course I can!”
“Listen... you are... brilliant and wonderful. Extraordinary. You will achieve incredible things and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
Josh now looked simultaneously confused and annoyed.
“Jamie, you would never-”
“Yes I would. You said ‘normal’ and I am very very far from that. Heck, we can’t even have children. And what if people found out what I am?”
“Jamie-”
“I don’t even know what I am. I could be dangerous for all we know!”
A deep sigh, as the boy in hir bed buried his head in his hands, so young and beautiful that sie hurt all the way through.
“Not the alien thing again.”
“Yes. The alien thing. If you want to... talk about all this now, then we can’t ignore the elephant in the room.”
Sie smiled bitterly. “You deserve better than me. You deserve someone you can trust, someone you can know. Someone you can have a proper life with.”
It took a lot for Josh to lose his temper, but Jamie had apparently hit the magic button.
“Dammit Jamie! My best friend is an alien, this is not exactly new territory for me!”
In the silence that followed Jamie could only stare, as Josh put a hand over his mouth, eyes growing huge.
“Alex... is an alien?” Jamie asked slowly, trying to take this revelation on board, and Josh nodded, before lowering his hand, looking distinctly paler than he had a moment before.
“Yes he is. And he’s probably going to kill me now, as he’s even more paranoid about people finding out than you. But since I’ve told you, I can also tell you that he is so much more alien than you. I wouldn’t swap with Allison for anything in the world.”
“Really? You don’t even know what I am, how can you know he’s more alien?” Jamie said, not bothering to hide hir scepticism. Despite his eccentricities, Alex was an outgoing, gregarious character, easily liked by all and without any seeming effort coming across infinitely more normal than Jamie could ever hope for, even if sie’d wanted to.
Josh’s face hardened, and then he abruptly reached out for his phone.
“You seriously think the alien thing is the main obstacle? Well, let’s find out what you are.”
Tapping the phone to life, he held it to his ear, as Jamie stared, unsure what he was doing.
“Jack? Is this a good time? Excellent. Jamie is half-alien, we would like know what kind. Could you come pick us up immediately?”
Tossing the phone back on the bedside table, he smiled triumphantly.
“There. Should get that sorted in no time.”
Jamie could only stagger in shock. Jack was Torchwood. Torchwood killed aliens. Had Josh gone mad? Somewhere, distantly, there were feelings of absolute panic and terror and betrayal, but sie couldn’t even think clearly enough to process them.
‘They’re coming for me,’ sie thought dully. ‘Sorry mum. I tried. At least I lived to 25, that’s not that bad...’
Slowly sie lifted her eyes to look at hir traitor, hir beloved... And realised that he was right in front of hir, hands holding hir face, talking.
“Jamie? Jamie? Talk to me! It’s fine. You’ll be fine. Jack is...”
A sudden grin, so at odds with everything that Jamie couldn’t help but focus.
“Jack is a time traveller from the 51st Century. He’s probably part-alien himself, and has had more alien lovers than he can count. He’ll help us. Trust me.”
He didn’t get any further, as Jack’s cheery voice suddenly rang out in the flat, and Jamie thought that ‘I’m going mad’ was quite a suitable theory to go with for the time being. Had sie actually passed out for... several hours? Cardiff was far away...
“Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon,” Jack said, before appearing in the doorway, “One trip to Torchwood as requested!”
Taking in the scene - as well as their state of relative undress - he raised an eyebrow.
“Now... should I come back later, or am I allowed to join in?”
Josh bit his lip and sighed.
“No, we’re just getting dressed. Be ready in a mo’.”
Jamie, however, could only stare.
Jack grinned winningly and held up his left wrist, exposing the wide leather strap around it.
“Teleport. Comes in handy.”
Looking from one to the other, Jamie wasn’t sure what to do or say, as the world was clearly going topsy-turvy (What next? Wookies?), and Josh smiled.
“See? Everything is going to be fine!”
Not ready to part with reality just yet, Jamie shook hir head, emotions still in a jumble.
“And what if it isn’t? What if I’m dangerous? What if- Josh, he’s Torchwood.”
Before Josh could answer, Jack spoke again, although this time his voice was calm and quiet, without a hint of the mischief Jamie associated him with - showcasing the steel sie’d known had to be below the surface.
“If you are dangerous, may I suggest that it’s best to discover this now, rather than to wake one morning and find that you’ve killed the man you love?”
A beat, then he added. “That has happened. So, better safe than sorry I think.”
Swallowing, yet abruptly determined to see it through, Jamie nodded agreement, as Josh stared from one to the other.
“Jack, you can’t be serious-”
Jack’s face softened, even as he shook his head.
“Just get dressed. Remember, we have Time Lords on speed dial.”
This cryptic comment seemed to make Josh relax, and a few moments later (Jack tactfully withdrew) they were both dressed and ready to go.
Jamie had gone for dark purple and black (matching hir hair) as a suitable colour scheme, not feeling in the cheeriest of moods - black trousers and long top, dark purple jacket - clothing that also happened to be as androgynous as sie could get, which made hir quietly pleased. Josh, however, had chosen something oddly retro - a white shirt and waistcoat paired with faded blue jeans, and on top a tan jacket. Jamie didn’t think it was fair that he made himself look quite so irresistible considering that they were in the middle of an argument.
Then came the actual teleportation, which Jamie hadn’t quite believed in, except there was a bright flash and suddenly they were in what sie presumed was some sort of underground cavern - the dirty tiling made it look like the London Underground, except for the sheer height of the place. A water fountain rose up into darkness, but the more immediate surroundings were dominated by technology - some familiar, some that looked like something out of Star Trek. Especially the large structure in the middle of everything, all-over wires and bits of steel and blinking lights that seemed to trail stray pieces and cables over any available floor space.
More immediately, they were faced with a small asian woman in a bright pink sari, who looked so out of place that Jamie once more began to suspect sie was dreaming.
“Hello,” she cooed, shaking their hands. “You must be Josh and Jamie, right? Oh, how gorgeous you both are! Welcome, and sorry about the mess. Ianto does his best, bless him, but we’re in the middle of testing some new equipment as you can see-” she waved towards the tangle of machinery with a vaguely apologetic air, before immediately continuing.
“You know, we’ve not even had breakfast yet, Jack is a terrible slave driver, having us work at weekends. However, I made some scones that we were just about to tuck into. Come sit down, you’re more than welcome to join us, plus you look like you could do with feeding up - students, right? They never eat properly, I tell Alex this every time I see him, he needs to start eating properly... I’m Afsana by the way...”
Pushing them towards a battered sofa, she vanished - still chattering - as Jack indicated defeat and grabbed a chair.
“Better do as she says. Besides, she’s right about breakfast. I’m famished.”
Which is how they ended up around a small table, laden with scones and the best coffee Jamie had ever had, along with the rest of the Torchwood team.
The rest of team being Ianto (whom Jamie had already met once, although briefly), Nathan, a quiet, youngish doctor with receding hair, and a rather formidable-looking woman called Sylvia (who seemed to turn every conversation around to feminism).
Despite hir continuing discomfort, Jamie couldn’t help but bristle, and was just about to say something about women having a charmed life compared to, say, the transgendered community, when Jack put down his coffee mug and said, so casually it almost didn’t register:
“So Jamie - let’s hear your story.”
Momentarily blind sided, Josh urged him on.
“Just tell them what you told me - well, the basics.”
So, heart beating and cup clasped tightly in hir hands to stop them shaking, Jamie told the story of hir mother’s one-night-stand. They all listened in silence, only Jack cutting in now and again to ask clarification on certain points - such as the fact that Jamie’s mother had never felt anything untoward during the pregnancy.
“Do you have a date?” he finally asked. “For when your father was run over?”
Jamie shrugged.
“I’m not sure of the exact date... It was a maybe a month after their night together? She only found out about it later...”
Jack’s eyes narrowed.
“Ianto - check all aliens brought in between January and April 2002. Filter for humanoid-looking males.”
With only a nod, Ianto picked up the tablet he’d put down, and with a few taps he seemed to have located something that made him pass the tablet onto Jack.
“This one looks promising, sir. Attempted to gain access to the Hub using extra-terrestial equipment, shot by Suzie Costello in the line of duty. Death notice in the paper read car accident. And please note the photo...”
Jack took the tablet, and whistled softly.
“Jamie? I think we’re onto a winner.”
He turned the tablet around and Jamie couldn’t help but take a sharp breath.
The face, although deathly white and pale, held features that sie saw every day in the mirror. The determined chin, the tall cheekbones... Sie could feel Josh grasping hir hand, as 25 years of Not Knowing were toppled.
“Would you like to see him in the flesh, so to speak?” Jack asked, and Jamie could only stare. The man in the image was very clearly dead. Shot, so they’d said...
The doctor - Nathan - cleared his throat and said, very gently: “We... store everyone who dies. Both aliens and staff. And in order to determine what kind of alien your father was we will need to do a scan, as this was clearly not established at the time.”
There was a slight hint of reproachfulness in his voice, and Jack shot him a dark look.
“We were only two. You try to catalogue everything with that little staff.”
“Bay 47,” Ianto said, at which precise moment an alarm went off and the entire team sighed deeply.
Fingers dancing over the tablet, Jack swiftly issued orders.
“Sylvia and Afsana - you’re field duty this week, get going. Ianto, you are the new designated driver. Regular reports please. And bring the big guns just in case.”
Within what seemed to be only seconds, the three had left, hefting weapons that looked like something out of a sci-fi show, leaving Jamie and Josh to stare after them rather stunned.
“Right, Bay 47,” Jack said, and they set off, Nathan fetching some weird instrument on the way that he explained was the aforementioned scanner.
Bay 47 looked like all the others, a wall covered in drably coloured drawers, but Jack went straight for one in particular and pulled it out. (Jamie didn’t want to think what that nonchalance meant. Although if Jack had been working here since at least the turn of the century, that meant a minimum of 25 years of dead bodies...)
And then sie was looking at hir actual, physical father. Fascinated and disturbed in equal measures, sie tentatively reached out, and Nathan nodded assent.
“What... what was he?” sie asked eventually, as the scanner made a beeping sound, and Nathan frowned.
“A hybrid, as far as I can tell...”
Jack came and looked over his shoulder, and after a second’s consideration abruptly snapped his fingers.
“It’s an Arcateenian. Like Tosh’s girlfriend... It was hiding inside a human.” Eyes snapping up to Jamie’s face, he expounded:
“The Arcateenians are a highly telepathic race. Your father was an ordinary human, but the Arcateenian must have crashed their ship or something, and then it took over the first person it met. So...”
His eyes narrowed, studying Jamie with an unnerving intensity.
“I am not sure what that makes you. You are something... new. Something I didn’t know was possible. Half-human, half-Arcateenian... Although you’re highly telepathic, so I guess it makes sense.”
“But what is an Arcataeenian?” Jamie asked, by now thoroughly disturbed, and Jack, with an odd smile, tapped a few commands into the tablet he'd brought.
“Here you are.”
When the tablet was handed over Jamie saw an ethereally beautiful creature - captivating purple eyes in an elfin face with strands that might be hair waving as if caught in a breeze, and a luminous genderless body which seemed to have see-through wings attached to its arms...
Sie could only stare in wonder, the reality far outshining any childish dreams sie had ever entertained. This was her origin?
At the same time Josh grasped hir hand, almost hard enough to bruise, and when sie eventually looked up, Jamie saw that Josh was staring at the screen with no less intensity than hirself.
“Star poet,” he whispered, then slowly turned his head to stare at Jamie, as if he’d never seen hir before.
“You’re part star poet.”
As Jamie could only blink in confusion, Josh started talking, words tumbling out so fast he almost fell over them.
“We were abducted - Matt, Alex and I - back when we were 16, in the summer. And we were on this huge spaceship where they had a collection of aliens. Dead ones, like a museum - it’s what they did, these aliens, collected other species. And I saw a star poet. Like the one on the tablet. Like your father. And it was...”
He swallowed, clearly trying to get himself under control. “It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Alex had to physically drag me away so we wouldn’t get found by those who’d abducted us. And I always wanted to meet one, but there was always something else happening and now...”
Reaching up with the hand that wasn’t clasping Jamie’s, he gently touched hir face, with a care that bordered on awe.
“And now, I’ve had one all along. My very own star poet. My beautiful Jamie. Told you you were special, didn’t I?”
There was really nothing much to say to this, and Jamie still felt too shaken to say much at all. So many questions answered in such a short space of time... (Plus, they had been abducted? Although that was a conversation for another day... It would seem Josh had quite the collection of secrets himself.)
“Come on, we should probably get back upstairs before we lose all feeling in our extremities,” Jack said, carefully closing the drawer and herding them upstairs, where he got Jamie to sit down and have another drink.
After a while hir brain seemed to tick over again, and when Jack came back from checking on updates from his team, sie broke the silence.
“What did you mean that I’m something new?”
Jack folded his arms, studying hir guardedly.
“Basically that I don’t think there has ever been a hybrid quite like you. I’m not even sure you should be possible - seriously, I wouldn’t place any kind of bet on how you function on the inside.”
“But we can find out, right?” Jamie asked, suddenly both curious and apprehensive. “Nathan is a doctor and you must have some kind of... high tech medical equipment here.”
Jack nodded cautiously.
“We do. But are you sure you want to do this now?”
Jamie nodded.
“I’d rather just get it over with.”
Nathan stood up and smiled quietly. Jamie found that sie liked him a lot - he seemed to be extremely quiet, although obviously competent, and nothing at all like the doctors hir mother had shielded hir from throughout hir childhood. Besides, a Torchwood doctor wouldn’t be flummoxed by anything.
“If you would follow me,” Nathan said, before adding. “I... must admit to a certain professional curiosity, I’m afraid. Although please inform me if I at any point overstep a boundary - most of my patients are not here of their own will. Or alive.”
A little later Jamie found hirself in a tiled medical bay which looked like something from the 19th Century, although kitted out with equipment that seemed to come from the future.
Nathan was carefully using some giant scanning tool attached to a robotic arm, which he was controlling from a console, as he made little h’m-ing noises. Josh was standing by, looking about as apprehensive as Jamie felt. Jack was watching from above, leaning against the railings.
Eventually Nathan spoke.
“Well this is... unusual. I think you were right, Jack.”
“What is it?” Jamie asked, sitting up as the scanner retracted and returned to its upright position, and Nathan pointed to the screen.
“I’ve concentrated on your torso for now, just to get an overview over organs and so forth, and whilst most are more or less standard human, it would seem that gender-wise you are somewhat of a composite. If you look here, you will see both male and female reproductive systems.”
A considered tilt of the head.
“It is unclear whether you would be able to actually carry a child to term, nevermind give birth naturally, but the basics all seem to be there.”
Jamie could feel Josh grasp hir hand, excitement shining on his face.
“You see? We can have children! Heck, we could start a whole new race!”
But the joy in hir beloved’s eyes was nothing compared to the pure base horror that gripped Jamie as sie stared at the image on the screen. They’d been careful, of course, but all that time - always - all this had been lurking within.
“Get it out of me,” sie managed, forcing hirself not to scream. In hir head sie could see the image of the star poet still, singular and perfect, nothing ever threatening to grow inside it...
Nathan studied her, frowning.
“Which part?”
“The- the baby parts. Just - everything that’s not necessary for staying alive. You must be a surgeon, right, working here? I don’t even care about scars or... anything. Just get it out.”
Wrenching hir hand out of Josh’s sie grasped Nathan’s hand in both of hirs.
“Please. Please, I’m begging you. I can’t- it’s wrong. It’s all wrong, it’s not me. Please?”
For a long moment Nathan looked at hir, contemplating, then nodded.
“We have a tool called a singularity scalpel. It is tricky to operate, but could do the job without the need for actual surgery.”
Jamie could feel hirself almost sagging with relief. “Thank you. Thank you. Can you do it now?”
Nathan hesitated and cast a glance up at Jack, and Jamie followed his eye line. Jack was looking at them with that inscrutable face that didn’t give anything away.
“Pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. Wouldn’t want to go through it again myself, but...”
Jamie glared.
“He’s a doctor, I’m his patient. If I need other opinions, I’ll ask.”
As Jack took this on board (and Jamie felt some sense of self return, sie was an expert at pushing people away when not needed), a gentle touch on hir arm made hir finally turn to Josh, who was looking at hir with wide, disbelieving eyes.
“But Jamie...”
“Sorry. But if you want babies, have them yourself. This-” Jamie swallowed, indicating the image on the screen, “-this isn’t me. Imagine if it was you? If you had...”
Sie couldn’t finish the sentence, covering hir mouth and closing hir eyes, wondering idly how sie wasn’t physically shaking. Inside all sie could feel was panic and dread.
Josh wasn’t giving up however.
“Jamie- just wait a moment, please? You’re obviously emotional-”
“You think?”
Sie hated making Josh upset, but...
“You wanted this. You pushed it. You brought me here.”
A deep breath.
“And I understand now. I know what I am. And what I am does not include that. Told you I am not normal, nor will I ever be.”
Whilst they were talking Nathan had quietly gone to fetch what had to be the singularity scalpel, although it looked more like a remote for a model plane. He also carried papers.
“I will need your signature here - and here.”
A faint smile.
“This almost feels irregular. Torchwood doesn’t often do consent.”
Jamie appreciated the honesty, even as sie signed the papers with alacrity. Sie’d thought Torchwood hir bane - instead it was becoming hir salvation.
***
It was all over in a matter of seconds. Nathan did another scan, just to double check everything, and Jamie could have cried with happiness.
Josh, however, had gone very quiet.
When Jack suggested that they get a little fresh air, Jamie readily agreed, and Jack put them both on a paving slab that took them straight up to to Roald Dahl Plass, Jamie not quite believing that they were allowed to just leave. Not that they could run far, but still... Sie supposed that sie really wasn’t dangerous. Not in that sense, at least.
(Although Jack had kept Josh back for just a moment. Jamie wasn’t sure what had been said, but Josh seemed a bit happier, and that was good.)
It was a beautiful day, a cool breeze coming in from the Bay, and Jamie realised that for the first time in... forever, sie felt free.
Sie knew who sie was, and what sie was, and (random alien-hating bigots or transphobic idiots aside) no one was going come for hir. The shadowy, unknown ‘they’ were no longer a threat. Turning to Josh, sie wanted nothing more than make love to him for hours out of sheer gratitude. Instead sie contented hirself with mere words.
“Josh, I... Thank you. I can’t explain what you’ve done for me. I will always remember it, no matter what. Wherever you go in your life, whatever happens - know that I will never forget.”
Except Josh was now staring at hir, with that selfsame hurt look he’d had before.
“Wherever I go... Jamie, I’m not going anywhere.”
Shaking hir head, Jamie couldn’t help but marvel.
“Josh, you can’t possibly still be thinking that we have a future.”
“Why not?”
“Take your pick. For starters you obviously want kids. And you have an incredible future ahead of you...”
“And, like I already told you, I want you to be a part of it! Screw kids, we’ll adopt or something. Jamie - I don’t want a future if it’s not with you.”
Sie felt almost hollow, trying to do what was best for him. Why couldn’t he see...
“Josh - you are only twenty years old-”
“I know how old I am! I also know what I want. And I want you. But if you’re too scared to even try-”
He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes narrowed.
“Not to get all Freudian, but I think this is all because of your mother.”
Jamie took a step back, furious. The breeze suddenly made hir shiver, hir hair blowing about hir face.
“Don’t you dare talk about my mother-”
“Yes I will dare! I think your mother wanted to protect you, but the way she did it was to hide you away. She built this little cocoon for the two of you, and after she died you just kept on building. You let me in, but that’s all, and you can’t live your whole life like that! You are beautiful and extraordinary and seriously, with a face like that the world could be at your feet with no effort at all! I want you. I want all of you. I want to go out into the world and change it - I want to create beautiful, wondrous things, and I want you beside me. Please tell me that you’re not too scared to take a chance on love, to dare go out there and live rather than just hide away your whole life... Jamie-”
To Jamie’s bewilderment Josh abruptly dropped down on one knee and brought out a ring box. He opened it and held it up, the ring inside catching the bright sunlight.
“Jamie, I’m going to ask one more time: Will you marry me?”
Sie could barely breathe. The ring was a simple slim band of gold with a diamond set into it - and yet, sie had recognised it immediately.
“That’s your great-grandmother’s ring...”
Sie had heard the story at Hanukkah. How Josh’s great-grandmother had sent her only daughter away with the Kindertransport in order to save her. Her husband had already been killed, and she had given her wedding ring to her 5 year old child for safekeeping, as a token that they would be reunited. They never were.
Josh could not have chosen a more poignant token of his love, nor one with more impact. Jamie had no idea how it was here (as far as sie’d been aware, it was in London with his family), but that didn’t matter right now, because Josh was talking again:
“I want you to have it. I want us to overcome everything life can throw at us. And I want us to grow old together, the way no one in my family has managed for the past 3 generations. Jamie please...”
It was madness. It would never work. It was everything sie had always tried to avoid. And yet...
What if love was indeed the answer?
Slowly (as if in a dream) Jamie dipped her head a tiny fraction, as sie - for the first time ever - dared to believe that happy endings might indeed be real.
“Yes Josh. I will marry you.”
Chapter 16.
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. And on AO3 here.
Also, I posted the previous chapter (the second part of Alex & Allison's Christmas) just as LJ went down, so make sure you've not missed it!
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son. (This chapter - Jamie & Josh's story!)
Setting: Spring 2027
Characters: Jamie (OC), Josh (OC), Capt. Jack (+ others)
Rating: Teen
Wordcount: 4700 words.
Feedback: Please, please, please?
Chapter 15
(Interlude featuring Jamie)
Spring 2027
‘Marry me?’
The words hung in the air, unavoidable and impossible, and Jamie could only shake hir head.
Sie watched Josh’s face fall, hurt in his eyes, and tried smiling:
“Please don’t do that again, it’s not funny.”
Josh shook his head, obstinacy raising its head.
“I’m serious. Jamie-”
“Stop! Why are you doing this?” Jamie bit hir lip, trying to get hir emotions under control. They were happy, why did Josh have to ruin it?
And Josh was now studying hir as if sie was mental. Great.
“Why are you? Don’t you love me?”
Jamie closed hir eyes, gathering strength.
“Of course I love you, don’t be stupid.”
“So, why are you being like this? I love you too, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That’s normal.”
“Josh...”
(Why did it have to hurt so much? Why oh why did he have to ask... )
“You are twenty years old. You have your whole life in front of you...”
“And I want to spend it with you.”
He was so sure...
“You can’t know that.”
“Of course I can!”
“Listen... you are... brilliant and wonderful. Extraordinary. You will achieve incredible things and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
Josh now looked simultaneously confused and annoyed.
“Jamie, you would never-”
“Yes I would. You said ‘normal’ and I am very very far from that. Heck, we can’t even have children. And what if people found out what I am?”
“Jamie-”
“I don’t even know what I am. I could be dangerous for all we know!”
A deep sigh, as the boy in hir bed buried his head in his hands, so young and beautiful that sie hurt all the way through.
“Not the alien thing again.”
“Yes. The alien thing. If you want to... talk about all this now, then we can’t ignore the elephant in the room.”
Sie smiled bitterly. “You deserve better than me. You deserve someone you can trust, someone you can know. Someone you can have a proper life with.”
It took a lot for Josh to lose his temper, but Jamie had apparently hit the magic button.
“Dammit Jamie! My best friend is an alien, this is not exactly new territory for me!”
In the silence that followed Jamie could only stare, as Josh put a hand over his mouth, eyes growing huge.
“Alex... is an alien?” Jamie asked slowly, trying to take this revelation on board, and Josh nodded, before lowering his hand, looking distinctly paler than he had a moment before.
“Yes he is. And he’s probably going to kill me now, as he’s even more paranoid about people finding out than you. But since I’ve told you, I can also tell you that he is so much more alien than you. I wouldn’t swap with Allison for anything in the world.”
“Really? You don’t even know what I am, how can you know he’s more alien?” Jamie said, not bothering to hide hir scepticism. Despite his eccentricities, Alex was an outgoing, gregarious character, easily liked by all and without any seeming effort coming across infinitely more normal than Jamie could ever hope for, even if sie’d wanted to.
Josh’s face hardened, and then he abruptly reached out for his phone.
“You seriously think the alien thing is the main obstacle? Well, let’s find out what you are.”
Tapping the phone to life, he held it to his ear, as Jamie stared, unsure what he was doing.
“Jack? Is this a good time? Excellent. Jamie is half-alien, we would like know what kind. Could you come pick us up immediately?”
Tossing the phone back on the bedside table, he smiled triumphantly.
“There. Should get that sorted in no time.”
Jamie could only stagger in shock. Jack was Torchwood. Torchwood killed aliens. Had Josh gone mad? Somewhere, distantly, there were feelings of absolute panic and terror and betrayal, but sie couldn’t even think clearly enough to process them.
‘They’re coming for me,’ sie thought dully. ‘Sorry mum. I tried. At least I lived to 25, that’s not that bad...’
Slowly sie lifted her eyes to look at hir traitor, hir beloved... And realised that he was right in front of hir, hands holding hir face, talking.
“Jamie? Jamie? Talk to me! It’s fine. You’ll be fine. Jack is...”
A sudden grin, so at odds with everything that Jamie couldn’t help but focus.
“Jack is a time traveller from the 51st Century. He’s probably part-alien himself, and has had more alien lovers than he can count. He’ll help us. Trust me.”
He didn’t get any further, as Jack’s cheery voice suddenly rang out in the flat, and Jamie thought that ‘I’m going mad’ was quite a suitable theory to go with for the time being. Had sie actually passed out for... several hours? Cardiff was far away...
“Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon,” Jack said, before appearing in the doorway, “One trip to Torchwood as requested!”
Taking in the scene - as well as their state of relative undress - he raised an eyebrow.
“Now... should I come back later, or am I allowed to join in?”
Josh bit his lip and sighed.
“No, we’re just getting dressed. Be ready in a mo’.”
Jamie, however, could only stare.
Jack grinned winningly and held up his left wrist, exposing the wide leather strap around it.
“Teleport. Comes in handy.”
Looking from one to the other, Jamie wasn’t sure what to do or say, as the world was clearly going topsy-turvy (What next? Wookies?), and Josh smiled.
“See? Everything is going to be fine!”
Not ready to part with reality just yet, Jamie shook hir head, emotions still in a jumble.
“And what if it isn’t? What if I’m dangerous? What if- Josh, he’s Torchwood.”
Before Josh could answer, Jack spoke again, although this time his voice was calm and quiet, without a hint of the mischief Jamie associated him with - showcasing the steel sie’d known had to be below the surface.
“If you are dangerous, may I suggest that it’s best to discover this now, rather than to wake one morning and find that you’ve killed the man you love?”
A beat, then he added. “That has happened. So, better safe than sorry I think.”
Swallowing, yet abruptly determined to see it through, Jamie nodded agreement, as Josh stared from one to the other.
“Jack, you can’t be serious-”
Jack’s face softened, even as he shook his head.
“Just get dressed. Remember, we have Time Lords on speed dial.”
This cryptic comment seemed to make Josh relax, and a few moments later (Jack tactfully withdrew) they were both dressed and ready to go.
Jamie had gone for dark purple and black (matching hir hair) as a suitable colour scheme, not feeling in the cheeriest of moods - black trousers and long top, dark purple jacket - clothing that also happened to be as androgynous as sie could get, which made hir quietly pleased. Josh, however, had chosen something oddly retro - a white shirt and waistcoat paired with faded blue jeans, and on top a tan jacket. Jamie didn’t think it was fair that he made himself look quite so irresistible considering that they were in the middle of an argument.
Then came the actual teleportation, which Jamie hadn’t quite believed in, except there was a bright flash and suddenly they were in what sie presumed was some sort of underground cavern - the dirty tiling made it look like the London Underground, except for the sheer height of the place. A water fountain rose up into darkness, but the more immediate surroundings were dominated by technology - some familiar, some that looked like something out of Star Trek. Especially the large structure in the middle of everything, all-over wires and bits of steel and blinking lights that seemed to trail stray pieces and cables over any available floor space.
More immediately, they were faced with a small asian woman in a bright pink sari, who looked so out of place that Jamie once more began to suspect sie was dreaming.
“Hello,” she cooed, shaking their hands. “You must be Josh and Jamie, right? Oh, how gorgeous you both are! Welcome, and sorry about the mess. Ianto does his best, bless him, but we’re in the middle of testing some new equipment as you can see-” she waved towards the tangle of machinery with a vaguely apologetic air, before immediately continuing.
“You know, we’ve not even had breakfast yet, Jack is a terrible slave driver, having us work at weekends. However, I made some scones that we were just about to tuck into. Come sit down, you’re more than welcome to join us, plus you look like you could do with feeding up - students, right? They never eat properly, I tell Alex this every time I see him, he needs to start eating properly... I’m Afsana by the way...”
Pushing them towards a battered sofa, she vanished - still chattering - as Jack indicated defeat and grabbed a chair.
“Better do as she says. Besides, she’s right about breakfast. I’m famished.”
Which is how they ended up around a small table, laden with scones and the best coffee Jamie had ever had, along with the rest of the Torchwood team.
The rest of team being Ianto (whom Jamie had already met once, although briefly), Nathan, a quiet, youngish doctor with receding hair, and a rather formidable-looking woman called Sylvia (who seemed to turn every conversation around to feminism).
Despite hir continuing discomfort, Jamie couldn’t help but bristle, and was just about to say something about women having a charmed life compared to, say, the transgendered community, when Jack put down his coffee mug and said, so casually it almost didn’t register:
“So Jamie - let’s hear your story.”
Momentarily blind sided, Josh urged him on.
“Just tell them what you told me - well, the basics.”
So, heart beating and cup clasped tightly in hir hands to stop them shaking, Jamie told the story of hir mother’s one-night-stand. They all listened in silence, only Jack cutting in now and again to ask clarification on certain points - such as the fact that Jamie’s mother had never felt anything untoward during the pregnancy.
“Do you have a date?” he finally asked. “For when your father was run over?”
Jamie shrugged.
“I’m not sure of the exact date... It was a maybe a month after their night together? She only found out about it later...”
Jack’s eyes narrowed.
“Ianto - check all aliens brought in between January and April 2002. Filter for humanoid-looking males.”
With only a nod, Ianto picked up the tablet he’d put down, and with a few taps he seemed to have located something that made him pass the tablet onto Jack.
“This one looks promising, sir. Attempted to gain access to the Hub using extra-terrestial equipment, shot by Suzie Costello in the line of duty. Death notice in the paper read car accident. And please note the photo...”
Jack took the tablet, and whistled softly.
“Jamie? I think we’re onto a winner.”
He turned the tablet around and Jamie couldn’t help but take a sharp breath.
The face, although deathly white and pale, held features that sie saw every day in the mirror. The determined chin, the tall cheekbones... Sie could feel Josh grasping hir hand, as 25 years of Not Knowing were toppled.
“Would you like to see him in the flesh, so to speak?” Jack asked, and Jamie could only stare. The man in the image was very clearly dead. Shot, so they’d said...
The doctor - Nathan - cleared his throat and said, very gently: “We... store everyone who dies. Both aliens and staff. And in order to determine what kind of alien your father was we will need to do a scan, as this was clearly not established at the time.”
There was a slight hint of reproachfulness in his voice, and Jack shot him a dark look.
“We were only two. You try to catalogue everything with that little staff.”
“Bay 47,” Ianto said, at which precise moment an alarm went off and the entire team sighed deeply.
Fingers dancing over the tablet, Jack swiftly issued orders.
“Sylvia and Afsana - you’re field duty this week, get going. Ianto, you are the new designated driver. Regular reports please. And bring the big guns just in case.”
Within what seemed to be only seconds, the three had left, hefting weapons that looked like something out of a sci-fi show, leaving Jamie and Josh to stare after them rather stunned.
“Right, Bay 47,” Jack said, and they set off, Nathan fetching some weird instrument on the way that he explained was the aforementioned scanner.
Bay 47 looked like all the others, a wall covered in drably coloured drawers, but Jack went straight for one in particular and pulled it out. (Jamie didn’t want to think what that nonchalance meant. Although if Jack had been working here since at least the turn of the century, that meant a minimum of 25 years of dead bodies...)
And then sie was looking at hir actual, physical father. Fascinated and disturbed in equal measures, sie tentatively reached out, and Nathan nodded assent.
“What... what was he?” sie asked eventually, as the scanner made a beeping sound, and Nathan frowned.
“A hybrid, as far as I can tell...”
Jack came and looked over his shoulder, and after a second’s consideration abruptly snapped his fingers.
“It’s an Arcateenian. Like Tosh’s girlfriend... It was hiding inside a human.” Eyes snapping up to Jamie’s face, he expounded:
“The Arcateenians are a highly telepathic race. Your father was an ordinary human, but the Arcateenian must have crashed their ship or something, and then it took over the first person it met. So...”
His eyes narrowed, studying Jamie with an unnerving intensity.
“I am not sure what that makes you. You are something... new. Something I didn’t know was possible. Half-human, half-Arcateenian... Although you’re highly telepathic, so I guess it makes sense.”
“But what is an Arcataeenian?” Jamie asked, by now thoroughly disturbed, and Jack, with an odd smile, tapped a few commands into the tablet he'd brought.
“Here you are.”
When the tablet was handed over Jamie saw an ethereally beautiful creature - captivating purple eyes in an elfin face with strands that might be hair waving as if caught in a breeze, and a luminous genderless body which seemed to have see-through wings attached to its arms...
Sie could only stare in wonder, the reality far outshining any childish dreams sie had ever entertained. This was her origin?
At the same time Josh grasped hir hand, almost hard enough to bruise, and when sie eventually looked up, Jamie saw that Josh was staring at the screen with no less intensity than hirself.
“Star poet,” he whispered, then slowly turned his head to stare at Jamie, as if he’d never seen hir before.
“You’re part star poet.”
As Jamie could only blink in confusion, Josh started talking, words tumbling out so fast he almost fell over them.
“We were abducted - Matt, Alex and I - back when we were 16, in the summer. And we were on this huge spaceship where they had a collection of aliens. Dead ones, like a museum - it’s what they did, these aliens, collected other species. And I saw a star poet. Like the one on the tablet. Like your father. And it was...”
He swallowed, clearly trying to get himself under control. “It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Alex had to physically drag me away so we wouldn’t get found by those who’d abducted us. And I always wanted to meet one, but there was always something else happening and now...”
Reaching up with the hand that wasn’t clasping Jamie’s, he gently touched hir face, with a care that bordered on awe.
“And now, I’ve had one all along. My very own star poet. My beautiful Jamie. Told you you were special, didn’t I?”
There was really nothing much to say to this, and Jamie still felt too shaken to say much at all. So many questions answered in such a short space of time... (Plus, they had been abducted? Although that was a conversation for another day... It would seem Josh had quite the collection of secrets himself.)
“Come on, we should probably get back upstairs before we lose all feeling in our extremities,” Jack said, carefully closing the drawer and herding them upstairs, where he got Jamie to sit down and have another drink.
After a while hir brain seemed to tick over again, and when Jack came back from checking on updates from his team, sie broke the silence.
“What did you mean that I’m something new?”
Jack folded his arms, studying hir guardedly.
“Basically that I don’t think there has ever been a hybrid quite like you. I’m not even sure you should be possible - seriously, I wouldn’t place any kind of bet on how you function on the inside.”
“But we can find out, right?” Jamie asked, suddenly both curious and apprehensive. “Nathan is a doctor and you must have some kind of... high tech medical equipment here.”
Jack nodded cautiously.
“We do. But are you sure you want to do this now?”
Jamie nodded.
“I’d rather just get it over with.”
Nathan stood up and smiled quietly. Jamie found that sie liked him a lot - he seemed to be extremely quiet, although obviously competent, and nothing at all like the doctors hir mother had shielded hir from throughout hir childhood. Besides, a Torchwood doctor wouldn’t be flummoxed by anything.
“If you would follow me,” Nathan said, before adding. “I... must admit to a certain professional curiosity, I’m afraid. Although please inform me if I at any point overstep a boundary - most of my patients are not here of their own will. Or alive.”
A little later Jamie found hirself in a tiled medical bay which looked like something from the 19th Century, although kitted out with equipment that seemed to come from the future.
Nathan was carefully using some giant scanning tool attached to a robotic arm, which he was controlling from a console, as he made little h’m-ing noises. Josh was standing by, looking about as apprehensive as Jamie felt. Jack was watching from above, leaning against the railings.
Eventually Nathan spoke.
“Well this is... unusual. I think you were right, Jack.”
“What is it?” Jamie asked, sitting up as the scanner retracted and returned to its upright position, and Nathan pointed to the screen.
“I’ve concentrated on your torso for now, just to get an overview over organs and so forth, and whilst most are more or less standard human, it would seem that gender-wise you are somewhat of a composite. If you look here, you will see both male and female reproductive systems.”
A considered tilt of the head.
“It is unclear whether you would be able to actually carry a child to term, nevermind give birth naturally, but the basics all seem to be there.”
Jamie could feel Josh grasp hir hand, excitement shining on his face.
“You see? We can have children! Heck, we could start a whole new race!”
But the joy in hir beloved’s eyes was nothing compared to the pure base horror that gripped Jamie as sie stared at the image on the screen. They’d been careful, of course, but all that time - always - all this had been lurking within.
“Get it out of me,” sie managed, forcing hirself not to scream. In hir head sie could see the image of the star poet still, singular and perfect, nothing ever threatening to grow inside it...
Nathan studied her, frowning.
“Which part?”
“The- the baby parts. Just - everything that’s not necessary for staying alive. You must be a surgeon, right, working here? I don’t even care about scars or... anything. Just get it out.”
Wrenching hir hand out of Josh’s sie grasped Nathan’s hand in both of hirs.
“Please. Please, I’m begging you. I can’t- it’s wrong. It’s all wrong, it’s not me. Please?”
For a long moment Nathan looked at hir, contemplating, then nodded.
“We have a tool called a singularity scalpel. It is tricky to operate, but could do the job without the need for actual surgery.”
Jamie could feel hirself almost sagging with relief. “Thank you. Thank you. Can you do it now?”
Nathan hesitated and cast a glance up at Jack, and Jamie followed his eye line. Jack was looking at them with that inscrutable face that didn’t give anything away.
“Pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. Wouldn’t want to go through it again myself, but...”
Jamie glared.
“He’s a doctor, I’m his patient. If I need other opinions, I’ll ask.”
As Jack took this on board (and Jamie felt some sense of self return, sie was an expert at pushing people away when not needed), a gentle touch on hir arm made hir finally turn to Josh, who was looking at hir with wide, disbelieving eyes.
“But Jamie...”
“Sorry. But if you want babies, have them yourself. This-” Jamie swallowed, indicating the image on the screen, “-this isn’t me. Imagine if it was you? If you had...”
Sie couldn’t finish the sentence, covering hir mouth and closing hir eyes, wondering idly how sie wasn’t physically shaking. Inside all sie could feel was panic and dread.
Josh wasn’t giving up however.
“Jamie- just wait a moment, please? You’re obviously emotional-”
“You think?”
Sie hated making Josh upset, but...
“You wanted this. You pushed it. You brought me here.”
A deep breath.
“And I understand now. I know what I am. And what I am does not include that. Told you I am not normal, nor will I ever be.”
Whilst they were talking Nathan had quietly gone to fetch what had to be the singularity scalpel, although it looked more like a remote for a model plane. He also carried papers.
“I will need your signature here - and here.”
A faint smile.
“This almost feels irregular. Torchwood doesn’t often do consent.”
Jamie appreciated the honesty, even as sie signed the papers with alacrity. Sie’d thought Torchwood hir bane - instead it was becoming hir salvation.
It was all over in a matter of seconds. Nathan did another scan, just to double check everything, and Jamie could have cried with happiness.
Josh, however, had gone very quiet.
When Jack suggested that they get a little fresh air, Jamie readily agreed, and Jack put them both on a paving slab that took them straight up to to Roald Dahl Plass, Jamie not quite believing that they were allowed to just leave. Not that they could run far, but still... Sie supposed that sie really wasn’t dangerous. Not in that sense, at least.
(Although Jack had kept Josh back for just a moment. Jamie wasn’t sure what had been said, but Josh seemed a bit happier, and that was good.)
It was a beautiful day, a cool breeze coming in from the Bay, and Jamie realised that for the first time in... forever, sie felt free.
Sie knew who sie was, and what sie was, and (random alien-hating bigots or transphobic idiots aside) no one was going come for hir. The shadowy, unknown ‘they’ were no longer a threat. Turning to Josh, sie wanted nothing more than make love to him for hours out of sheer gratitude. Instead sie contented hirself with mere words.
“Josh, I... Thank you. I can’t explain what you’ve done for me. I will always remember it, no matter what. Wherever you go in your life, whatever happens - know that I will never forget.”
Except Josh was now staring at hir, with that selfsame hurt look he’d had before.
“Wherever I go... Jamie, I’m not going anywhere.”
Shaking hir head, Jamie couldn’t help but marvel.
“Josh, you can’t possibly still be thinking that we have a future.”
“Why not?”
“Take your pick. For starters you obviously want kids. And you have an incredible future ahead of you...”
“And, like I already told you, I want you to be a part of it! Screw kids, we’ll adopt or something. Jamie - I don’t want a future if it’s not with you.”
Sie felt almost hollow, trying to do what was best for him. Why couldn’t he see...
“Josh - you are only twenty years old-”
“I know how old I am! I also know what I want. And I want you. But if you’re too scared to even try-”
He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes narrowed.
“Not to get all Freudian, but I think this is all because of your mother.”
Jamie took a step back, furious. The breeze suddenly made hir shiver, hir hair blowing about hir face.
“Don’t you dare talk about my mother-”
“Yes I will dare! I think your mother wanted to protect you, but the way she did it was to hide you away. She built this little cocoon for the two of you, and after she died you just kept on building. You let me in, but that’s all, and you can’t live your whole life like that! You are beautiful and extraordinary and seriously, with a face like that the world could be at your feet with no effort at all! I want you. I want all of you. I want to go out into the world and change it - I want to create beautiful, wondrous things, and I want you beside me. Please tell me that you’re not too scared to take a chance on love, to dare go out there and live rather than just hide away your whole life... Jamie-”
To Jamie’s bewilderment Josh abruptly dropped down on one knee and brought out a ring box. He opened it and held it up, the ring inside catching the bright sunlight.
“Jamie, I’m going to ask one more time: Will you marry me?”
Sie could barely breathe. The ring was a simple slim band of gold with a diamond set into it - and yet, sie had recognised it immediately.
“That’s your great-grandmother’s ring...”
Sie had heard the story at Hanukkah. How Josh’s great-grandmother had sent her only daughter away with the Kindertransport in order to save her. Her husband had already been killed, and she had given her wedding ring to her 5 year old child for safekeeping, as a token that they would be reunited. They never were.
Josh could not have chosen a more poignant token of his love, nor one with more impact. Jamie had no idea how it was here (as far as sie’d been aware, it was in London with his family), but that didn’t matter right now, because Josh was talking again:
“I want you to have it. I want us to overcome everything life can throw at us. And I want us to grow old together, the way no one in my family has managed for the past 3 generations. Jamie please...”
It was madness. It would never work. It was everything sie had always tried to avoid. And yet...
What if love was indeed the answer?
Slowly (as if in a dream) Jamie dipped her head a tiny fraction, as sie - for the first time ever - dared to believe that happy endings might indeed be real.
“Yes Josh. I will marry you.”
Chapter 16.
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And I see that ship vision as something that's always present throughout his childhood. Rule/Save the world. In A Good Day he finally finds a way that let's him do that in *his* way, but yes, he knows that everything will start up again... And no, Missy is the *last* person he meets. :)