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Lost Soul. Chapter 2.
Sorry to spam you again. Hope you don't mind...
'Lost Soul' summary: Spike loses his soul AtS S5. Some wackiness ensues...
For more info and Chapter 1 click here
Chapter 2
Fred came to slowly. There was a very persistent voice calling her name and she forced her eyes open. Blue eyes, close to her own, stared at her with deep worry and concern. “Fred! Wake up!”
She blinked and looked around. “Why... why am I on the floor?”
“You fainted, you silly girl! When was the last time you had anything to eat?”
She frowned and tried to think, but her head felt oddly blurry: “I - I don’t remember. Did I hit my head or something - everything seems kinda fuzzy.”
“No - I caught you as you went down. I’m taking you straight to the canteen to get some food!” He looked at her seriously, and she smiled as she sat up - still dizzy.
“You caught me? Angel used to catch Cordelia when she had her visions, it was -” she stopped abruptly, as she remembered why she’d passed out. “Angel - soul... you lost your soul!”
He looked embarrassed and sat back on his heels. “Shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that... didn’t realise you’d been up all night.”
She just stared at him, the terror now mixed with confusion and still all those damn memories... Angelus’s arm around her neck, the steel bars biting into her back: “I like the way you move, Fred. Do it just a little to the left.”
She took a deep breath and slowly moved back until she hit the desk. Spike was watching her, the worry on his face replaced with sudden comprehension and hurt: “You’re afraid of me!”
She tried to smile, but her face refused to work properly: “You aren’t going to kill me?”
He stared at her, astonished: “Why would I want to kill you?”
“But...” she closed her eyes for a moment, the beating of her heart very loud in her ears. “But Angelus tried to kill me! To hurt me. To - to hurt all of us.”
“Angelus?” Spike looked bewildered. “When did you meet Angelus?”
“Last year - Angel even built a cage for himself-”
“Ooooh.” Spike cut in. “Well no one bloody talks about last year, do they? And why the hell did you want Angelus? He’s a mean, evil son of a bitch - I spent 20 years living with him, and I wouldn’t want to do it again.”
“Oh.” she said, her brain desperately trying to work out what was happening even as she explained, as briefly as possible, the events of the previous year. The situation was beyond absurd - relating the doings of Angelus to Spike as they were sitting on the floor in her office. All the while wondering if he was suddenly going to turn on her. But he listened carefully and when she’d finished, replied:
“Hm, that explains a lot. Anyway, I’m nothing like Angelus - for a start my soul isn’t a bloody curse and it should have been unextractable. Gotta make sure the bastard who took it puts it back for good.”
She stared at him, nearly speechless: “You want it back?”
He stared back, looking at her like she was a complete idiot: “Of course I want it back!”
“But... but Angelus...”
He glowered at her in a not entirely pleasant way, the sunlight marking out the sharp angles of his face and accentuating the anger. Sensing her growing panic, he took a deep breath and explained again, voice tightly controlled: “I’m nothing like Angelus. He might have trained me but that’s as far as it goes. I chose to fight on the side of good a long time before the soul. And I went through absolute hell to get it, so I’m not letting some stupid wanker snatch it away. I want it back and -” The scowl vanished, leaving that vulnerability she’d first seen. “ ... I hoped you could help me.”
She stared at him and realised that he was completely genuine. He was angry she could see, but it was directed at the mysterious stranger who’d robbed him. Could she trust him? She remembered far too well how Angelus had been able to lie with the truth, setting them up against each other - and Spike was a pretty observant guy she knew. Of course they were all doing a lot better than last year, but still... another memory resurfaced - one of the most chilling and one she dearly wished she could get rid of - “If you go into the woods tonight, you won't believe your eyes. If you go into the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprise...”
The solution hit her then, and she almost laughed at the simplicity: “Sing for Lorne! He can read you and then everyone will know that you’re not going to kill them!”
He looked at her glumly, sadly not as excited as she felt. “Don’t want anyone to ‘read’ me... I’m kinda private.” But then he sighed and she could see that he was almost giving in: “Maybe - if it’ll make you trust me?”
She nodded. “I know it’s crazy, since we’re in an evil law firm and half the staff are demons, but you’re like a - a legend. The Slayer of Slayers! The second worst vampire on record! Most people who want to wreak havoc here just get a voodoo doll!”
This made him chuckle and he got up, holding out his hand to her: “Fine! I’ll sing a little tune for our green friend. But only if you have some breakfast first!”
Tentatively letting him help her up, she smiled: “Deal! But - we’ll have to tell Angel!”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea!” he replied, unhappy.
“But we can’t get much done without his approval...” Seeing the look on Spike’s face she laughed nervously. “Please don’t hit me over the head and shove me in a cupboard like Harmony did!”
This made him sigh deeply and mutter something under his breath, before reluctantly agreeing to do things her way.
Half an hour later, Harmony was carefully painting her nails when she saw Spike and Fred going into Angel’s office. They looked rather serious and she wondered what the problem might be. Moments later she jumped and nearly painted a long line on her ‘To Do’ list as there was a sudden, loud angry yell from the office: “WHAT?”
“Oh my God!” she thought, eyes widening. “Spike totalled the Viper!”
Chapter 3.
'Lost Soul' summary: Spike loses his soul AtS S5. Some wackiness ensues...
For more info and Chapter 1 click here
Fred came to slowly. There was a very persistent voice calling her name and she forced her eyes open. Blue eyes, close to her own, stared at her with deep worry and concern. “Fred! Wake up!”
She blinked and looked around. “Why... why am I on the floor?”
“You fainted, you silly girl! When was the last time you had anything to eat?”
She frowned and tried to think, but her head felt oddly blurry: “I - I don’t remember. Did I hit my head or something - everything seems kinda fuzzy.”
“No - I caught you as you went down. I’m taking you straight to the canteen to get some food!” He looked at her seriously, and she smiled as she sat up - still dizzy.
“You caught me? Angel used to catch Cordelia when she had her visions, it was -” she stopped abruptly, as she remembered why she’d passed out. “Angel - soul... you lost your soul!”
He looked embarrassed and sat back on his heels. “Shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that... didn’t realise you’d been up all night.”
She just stared at him, the terror now mixed with confusion and still all those damn memories... Angelus’s arm around her neck, the steel bars biting into her back: “I like the way you move, Fred. Do it just a little to the left.”
She took a deep breath and slowly moved back until she hit the desk. Spike was watching her, the worry on his face replaced with sudden comprehension and hurt: “You’re afraid of me!”
She tried to smile, but her face refused to work properly: “You aren’t going to kill me?”
He stared at her, astonished: “Why would I want to kill you?”
“But...” she closed her eyes for a moment, the beating of her heart very loud in her ears. “But Angelus tried to kill me! To hurt me. To - to hurt all of us.”
“Angelus?” Spike looked bewildered. “When did you meet Angelus?”
“Last year - Angel even built a cage for himself-”
“Ooooh.” Spike cut in. “Well no one bloody talks about last year, do they? And why the hell did you want Angelus? He’s a mean, evil son of a bitch - I spent 20 years living with him, and I wouldn’t want to do it again.”
“Oh.” she said, her brain desperately trying to work out what was happening even as she explained, as briefly as possible, the events of the previous year. The situation was beyond absurd - relating the doings of Angelus to Spike as they were sitting on the floor in her office. All the while wondering if he was suddenly going to turn on her. But he listened carefully and when she’d finished, replied:
“Hm, that explains a lot. Anyway, I’m nothing like Angelus - for a start my soul isn’t a bloody curse and it should have been unextractable. Gotta make sure the bastard who took it puts it back for good.”
She stared at him, nearly speechless: “You want it back?”
He stared back, looking at her like she was a complete idiot: “Of course I want it back!”
“But... but Angelus...”
He glowered at her in a not entirely pleasant way, the sunlight marking out the sharp angles of his face and accentuating the anger. Sensing her growing panic, he took a deep breath and explained again, voice tightly controlled: “I’m nothing like Angelus. He might have trained me but that’s as far as it goes. I chose to fight on the side of good a long time before the soul. And I went through absolute hell to get it, so I’m not letting some stupid wanker snatch it away. I want it back and -” The scowl vanished, leaving that vulnerability she’d first seen. “ ... I hoped you could help me.”
She stared at him and realised that he was completely genuine. He was angry she could see, but it was directed at the mysterious stranger who’d robbed him. Could she trust him? She remembered far too well how Angelus had been able to lie with the truth, setting them up against each other - and Spike was a pretty observant guy she knew. Of course they were all doing a lot better than last year, but still... another memory resurfaced - one of the most chilling and one she dearly wished she could get rid of - “If you go into the woods tonight, you won't believe your eyes. If you go into the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprise...”
The solution hit her then, and she almost laughed at the simplicity: “Sing for Lorne! He can read you and then everyone will know that you’re not going to kill them!”
He looked at her glumly, sadly not as excited as she felt. “Don’t want anyone to ‘read’ me... I’m kinda private.” But then he sighed and she could see that he was almost giving in: “Maybe - if it’ll make you trust me?”
She nodded. “I know it’s crazy, since we’re in an evil law firm and half the staff are demons, but you’re like a - a legend. The Slayer of Slayers! The second worst vampire on record! Most people who want to wreak havoc here just get a voodoo doll!”
This made him chuckle and he got up, holding out his hand to her: “Fine! I’ll sing a little tune for our green friend. But only if you have some breakfast first!”
Tentatively letting him help her up, she smiled: “Deal! But - we’ll have to tell Angel!”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea!” he replied, unhappy.
“But we can’t get much done without his approval...” Seeing the look on Spike’s face she laughed nervously. “Please don’t hit me over the head and shove me in a cupboard like Harmony did!”
This made him sigh deeply and mutter something under his breath, before reluctantly agreeing to do things her way.
Half an hour later, Harmony was carefully painting her nails when she saw Spike and Fred going into Angel’s office. They looked rather serious and she wondered what the problem might be. Moments later she jumped and nearly painted a long line on her ‘To Do’ list as there was a sudden, loud angry yell from the office: “WHAT?”
“Oh my God!” she thought, eyes widening. “Spike totalled the Viper!”
Chapter 3.
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Heeee! So true. :)
(And thanks for commenting.)
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I seem to recall urging you on! (As others did to me a year ago...)
And I'm still glad that you like it. :)
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This is so true! Spike without a soul was NEVER like Angelus. He needed the chip to let him spend the time around humans in a way that was other than prey, but eventually he really rejoined the human race long before the soul.
Lovely!
Kathleen
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But thanks for the feedbacj anyway! :)
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Damn my lack of patience. Still I could just read it again
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Hee hee hee!
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Very glad you find it entertaining. :)
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I love your brilliant take on soulless Spike. It's great how he weirds out Angelus-traumatized Fred. It's what I loved most about Spike, that he did decide to fight for good for love, not out of a soul induced guilt complex.
“Please don’t hit me over the head and shove me in a cupboard like Harmony did!”
hahaha, I could so see the little clockwork tick in his head.
Oh, I just adore soulless Spike, makes me think again, that should I ever be able to compose serious fic it would have a non souled Spike in the lead. *Rushes to the next part*
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Sorry, the story is evil like that. I wrote if for
I love your brilliant take on soulless Spike.
Yay! He's a very interesting one though, because he knows what having a soul means, so behaves differently from pre-soul Spike.
It's great how he weirds out Angelus-traumatized Fred.
Unsouled Spike was always *very* different from Angelus...
It's what I loved most about Spike, that he did decide to fight for good for love, not out of a soul induced guilt complex.
Well I think both vampires became fighters for good for Buffy's sake - the underlying reasons is where it gets all complicated. :)
hahaha, I could so see the little clockwork tick in his head.
I love it when I make people laugh - humour is v. difficult!
Oh, I just adore soulless Spike, makes me think again, that should I ever be able to compose serious fic it would have a non souled Spike in the lead.
Oh I love him too, but have only written him very rarely... I think it's because I like him to be a hero (and he's more complex when he has his soul).
Anyway, as I said, I'm thrilled to bits that you're reading! *smooches*
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*nods* That's why I find this piece so intriguing, because it addresses the question, if he would do it again, if he knew what he would have to face.
I think it's because I like him to be a hero (and he's more complex when he has his soul).
Hm, I like him to be a hero too, but I loved it, when he was trying to be one, without the soul, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing spectacularly. It was, as if he was growing a soul in a slow and painful process.
I love souled Spike too, especially since he got the soul himself and all, but I like to turn the idea in my head, how the struggling soulless Spike would have gone on. Maybe because it was Rahirah´s stuff that made me fall in love with fan fiction and it kind of stuck ever since.
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::is pleased:: I've seen a few other fics do the same, but not many. It's a great scenario to play with.
Maybe because it was Rahirah´s stuff that made me fall in love with fan fiction and it kind of stuck ever since.
Oh Rahirah is a fantastic writer, and yes it *is* interesting to explore how a soulless Spike would have got on, and how falling for Buffy changed him. (The only fic where I've really explored that is 'The Tale of Spike's New Princess' (which is Spike/Dawn) and was *fascinating* to write.)
But... I would never want him to stay soulless forever, because that would mean that he could never reach his full potential. (If you want in-depth musings on this, you could read my essay Souls and Redemption in the Buffy verse, but be warned it is almost 10000 words long - i.e. longer than this fic! When meta eats my head, I can't half talk.)
And personally, although I *loved* soulless Spike, and was glued to the screen throughout S5/6, the *precise* moment I became obsessed was when he got his soul back. ::points to icon:: Because suddenly anything was possible! (And also - he did the impossible! It still takes my breath away.)
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It all depends on, what a soul really is in the Buffy verse. There seems to be no easy answer. It's not just a conscience, because people do pretty bad things with their souls fully intact. It's not simply the human personality, for some reason it is smellable, then there is Lawson's condition, that was somehow induced by Angel's soul and so it goes on and on. (I've thought about this way to much for the longer fic, that keeps cruising through my brain...makes me itch to write)
I guess, I'll just have to read your essay and have a sweet lengthy discussion on it. :) (when I have time again...stupid university...)
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Of course it isn't made easier by the fact that the meaning of a soul changed as the writers needed... Anyway, the essay is there whenever you feel like having a headache! *g*
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Ahh, but it's so much fun trying to piece all the information together, even if the writers did not have a conclusive picture in mind :)
(You are determined to make me fall in love with all of your icons, are you?)
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I think I did a fairly good job! *g*
You are determined to make me fall in love with all of your icons, are you?
Icons pretty. They were one of the (main) reasons I decided to get an LJ... /shallow
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I /love/ the perfectly logical confusion Fred has with confronting a soulless Spike. Lots of good nods to continuity. And Harmony! Oh Harmony! *hugs her*
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*grins*
I /love/ the perfectly logical confusion Fred has with confronting a soulless Spike.
Thank you - dealing with Angelus was pretty traumatic I think, and it was interesting playing with that.
Lots of good nods to continuity.
I am a continuity whore. The more the better, says I! ;)
And Harmony! Oh Harmony! *hugs her*
Harmony is wonderful. I wish I'd written more of her.
Feedback from Edelweiss
(Anonymous) 2008-05-25 03:37 pm (UTC)(link)Damn, but Angelus has a lot to answer for, and it's typical that poor old Spike has to answer for his sins! Not that you can blame Fred for being suspicious after her past experiences :-(
“Oh my God!” she thought, eyes widening. “Spike totalled the Viper!” Hehe :-) Typical Harmony think. A very nice line.
An excellent take on the differences between soulless Spike and Angelus; not to mention excellent Spike and Fred characterisation/interaction.
Edelweiss
Re: Feedback from Edelweiss
Rather. ;)
Damn, but Angelus has a lot to answer for, and it's typical that poor old Spike has to answer for his sins! Not that you can blame Fred for being suspicious after her past experiences :-(
Also of course Spike probably never explained much about his past, or how much he changed prior to getting his soul. Still, the differences between him & Angelus was obviously one of the things I wanted to explore.
An excellent take on the differences between soulless Spike and Angelus; not to mention excellent Spike and Fred characterisation/interaction.
Thank you!
Feedback
(Anonymous) 2008-06-13 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)And a very good job you did of it too!
Edelweiss
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