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...And I am dead.
The comments in this post made me see Ten's attitude to his death (something I know a lot of people have a problem with) in a new light...
The Tenth Doctor: Even then, even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away. And I’m dead.
A lot of fans dislike this, since it seems to deny the continuity of the Doctor - the fact that no matter the face, he is the Doctor. But looking at John Smith, something suddenly clicked for me. Ten's most recent experiences of death are very final. John Smith's death was *exactly* what he describes above - he died, and the Doctor sauntered away, wearing his face. And he was dead. Because - despite John Smith being *somewhere* inside the Doctor - he was well and truly dead. The Doctor might long for the simplicity of John Smith's life, but so much of it is wildly at odds with who and what he (the Doctor) is. And, going by the viciousness of his revenge on the Family, the whole situation affected him very, very deeply. A human being died, and that human was him. Is it any wonder that his views on death were adversely affected?
Then there's Donna. His friend Donna who died and some different version sauntered away. And she was dead. (I rewatched Journey's End recently. The relentlessness of Dalek Caan's 'One of them will die' is horribly depressing.)
Ten is generally extremely screwed up, and even more so when it comes to death, something he keeps flirting with... But also, there is another reason for his speech, I think. He continually throws himself in harms way, ready to sacrifice his life - and yet he runs when it might be reality. The reason is the fact that it is out of his hands. I've talked before about Ten's control-issues, and I think the fact that his death is coming, and that there is nothing he can do to stop it, eats away at him. Because Ten also feels quite entitled in a lot of ways. (IMHO) he feels that it is desperately unfair that he has to die - he's lost so much already (Rose, Joan, the Master, Jenny, River etc.) and does he also have to lose himself? (Why can't he control life and death? Ooooh, Timelord Victorious, you were only ever a tiny step away.) Basically, he feels resentful and angry and desperate - hence the speech. (Poor Ten...)
And maybe, in the end, the fact that his death *is* his own choice after all is what sets him free and paves the way for Eleven...
The Tenth Doctor: Even then, even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away. And I’m dead.
A lot of fans dislike this, since it seems to deny the continuity of the Doctor - the fact that no matter the face, he is the Doctor. But looking at John Smith, something suddenly clicked for me. Ten's most recent experiences of death are very final. John Smith's death was *exactly* what he describes above - he died, and the Doctor sauntered away, wearing his face. And he was dead. Because - despite John Smith being *somewhere* inside the Doctor - he was well and truly dead. The Doctor might long for the simplicity of John Smith's life, but so much of it is wildly at odds with who and what he (the Doctor) is. And, going by the viciousness of his revenge on the Family, the whole situation affected him very, very deeply. A human being died, and that human was him. Is it any wonder that his views on death were adversely affected?
Then there's Donna. His friend Donna who died and some different version sauntered away. And she was dead. (I rewatched Journey's End recently. The relentlessness of Dalek Caan's 'One of them will die' is horribly depressing.)
Ten is generally extremely screwed up, and even more so when it comes to death, something he keeps flirting with... But also, there is another reason for his speech, I think. He continually throws himself in harms way, ready to sacrifice his life - and yet he runs when it might be reality. The reason is the fact that it is out of his hands. I've talked before about Ten's control-issues, and I think the fact that his death is coming, and that there is nothing he can do to stop it, eats away at him. Because Ten also feels quite entitled in a lot of ways. (IMHO) he feels that it is desperately unfair that he has to die - he's lost so much already (Rose, Joan, the Master, Jenny, River etc.) and does he also have to lose himself? (Why can't he control life and death? Ooooh, Timelord Victorious, you were only ever a tiny step away.) Basically, he feels resentful and angry and desperate - hence the speech. (Poor Ten...)
And maybe, in the end, the fact that his death *is* his own choice after all is what sets him free and paves the way for Eleven...
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This is where I am very a-typical. As long as I can make it make sense in my head, I'm not all that bothered about it not being shown overtly. But I agree that it would have made the transition a lot smoother. OTOH, clinging onto himself for as long as he could was so Ten.
One of the most profound comments about Ten I have heard is that he has to convince himself he's right about everything because it's the only way he can live with himself - otherwise he admits to the possibility he was wrong about killing his people.
That was MEEEEEE! \o/ (Well, I have said this. Others might have too, I shall not claim obvious-in-when-pointed-out insights as entirely my own...)
And surely, having that one, all-important decision vindicated would clear the way for him to become a calmer person.
Yes, I think so, very much. Just look at him talk about it in 'The Beast Below' - he's very matter of fact, not wallowing or trying to hide.
I keep thinking about the Second Doctor saying that his dead family "sleep in my mind" - I wonder if that is the normal process after regeneration, that his memories move to a kind of archive where they're only immediately accessible if he makes a particular effort to retrieve them. But perhaps the trauma of the Time War made him feel that he had to keep them accessible in his mind, going over and over them, and that pushed him to the edge of insanity.
Oooooh, this I like. Yes. I can see this definitely. Oh Ten.
If that was the case, it would make Eleven's complete silence on the subject of his past more understandable - he is a new man in the sense that he has put aside the immediate emotions associated with his last two personalities
*nods a lot*
It would also explain the apparent callousness with which, by human standards, he treats former companions. If they are "sleeping in his mind" their feelings about being abandoned won't make a lot of sense to him.
It's again that alien thing. Although 'Death of the Doctor' dealt very well with this - I liked the Eleven/Jo conversation muchly.
If we know we tried to become something we are not for the sake of someone we idolised, and it ends badly, there's a natural tendency to overcompensate by swinging to the other extreme.
Hmmm, yes. That's very good. And - as always happens - I find myself reccing Pendulum, which is quite simply the Tenth Doctor fic. Written post-S3, it still manages to encapsulate him absolutely perfectly - and knowing that Donna is still to come both ameliorates the ending, and makes it worse.