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Day 18.
Actually wrote the very last bit - including 'The End' - and then jumped straight back to chapter 1 to write scenes that I skipped first time round... I might have underestimated the word count tbh. It might end up at around 25,000 words.
But, some thoughts. I use vids a lot when I write - I like the way vids can sum up a character or theme or specific time, and find that the right vid can be a very helpful tool in getting the tone of a piece right. F.ex. when I wrote the original 'My Immortal' story, Behind Blue Eyes by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
obfreak (a TW S1 Jack-centric vid) was my touch stone throughout, because it perfectly captured the bleakness and hopelessness of Jack's life at that point in time. Of course his relationship with Buffy is a Good Thing, but it played out against the backdrop of a hundred years' worth of waiting and the hugely mixed feelings he had about Torchwood, and it showed exactly where he ended up once he and Buffy broke up. I can't count how often I've re-watched it.
Anyway, chapter 4 of this fic takes place post-Children of Earth. (Amongst other things I was v. grateful for CoE for giving me a very workable ending.) And, I wanted to make sure to capture Jack's frame of mind, so I went and watched a [now flocked] vid bythrace_adams called 'The Show Must Go On', which I knew would be the right thing. Now I don't go around mourning Ianto on a daily basis, because it was a year and a half ago and he's just a fictional character... And yet, watching that vid it was like no time had passed at all, and all that pain was still there, almost as raw as it was back then. It's not that I didn't expect it, I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to be so strong or so vivid. I've been reading the news of S4 of TW with great interest and am rather looking forward to it, and yet... and yet they killed my show. It died with Ianto, which sounds RIDICULOUSLY over the top, but it's true.
Because it's not like Ten dying, or anyone in the Buffy verse... Which reminds me - I watched 'Smile Time' the other night, and it was wonderful. ♥ Like a huge snuggly blanket of nostalgia. And yet, even though I knew every character on screen would be dead or dying come the finale, it only produced vast quantities of melancholy when I thought about it. (And then I was distracted by teh cute, and forgot.)
I've said this before, but I think it's true - the reason behind my reaction to Ianto's death is because it's personal. With other deaths I feel sorry for the person left behind (Doomsday f.ex. is a tear jerker and no mistake), but with Ianto I am the person left behind, bereft of my character, and my 'ship. Nothing else ever has hit me the same way.
Could this get any more meandering? Probably not. I'm trying to work out what this has got to do with the fic - other than being prompted by the fic - and I'm kinda drawing a blank. Well... actually, that part of the story is all from Buffy's POV, and I've decided that I don't need to really be inside Jack's head because it's too painful. (Ianto, of course, being only the start. Damn it's so dark and hopeless, and I hate and love RTD at the same time. Poor Jack. Poor, poor Jack.) One reason I'm happy about S4-to-come is that we'll see Jack move on, because leaving him in that place is... well I don't want him to be stuck there. I'm kinda getting round that problem in a different way in my story, so I'm OK with ending it where I do. Endings are tricky, and I almost decided against the second part of chapter 4, but in the end I couldn't end on that bleak note. And it is Buffy's story, as well as Jack's, and the fic should reflect that. (It's fun being obscure. Heh.)
17779 / 20000 words. 89% done!
But, some thoughts. I use vids a lot when I write - I like the way vids can sum up a character or theme or specific time, and find that the right vid can be a very helpful tool in getting the tone of a piece right. F.ex. when I wrote the original 'My Immortal' story, Behind Blue Eyes by
obfreak (a TW S1 Jack-centric vid) was my touch stone throughout, because it perfectly captured the bleakness and hopelessness of Jack's life at that point in time. Of course his relationship with Buffy is a Good Thing, but it played out against the backdrop of a hundred years' worth of waiting and the hugely mixed feelings he had about Torchwood, and it showed exactly where he ended up once he and Buffy broke up. I can't count how often I've re-watched it. Anyway, chapter 4 of this fic takes place post-Children of Earth. (Amongst other things I was v. grateful for CoE for giving me a very workable ending.) And, I wanted to make sure to capture Jack's frame of mind, so I went and watched a [now flocked] vid by
thrace_adams called 'The Show Must Go On', which I knew would be the right thing. Now I don't go around mourning Ianto on a daily basis, because it was a year and a half ago and he's just a fictional character... And yet, watching that vid it was like no time had passed at all, and all that pain was still there, almost as raw as it was back then. It's not that I didn't expect it, I guess I just wasn't prepared for it to be so strong or so vivid. I've been reading the news of S4 of TW with great interest and am rather looking forward to it, and yet... and yet they killed my show. It died with Ianto, which sounds RIDICULOUSLY over the top, but it's true. Because it's not like Ten dying, or anyone in the Buffy verse... Which reminds me - I watched 'Smile Time' the other night, and it was wonderful. ♥ Like a huge snuggly blanket of nostalgia. And yet, even though I knew every character on screen would be dead or dying come the finale, it only produced vast quantities of melancholy when I thought about it. (And then I was distracted by teh cute, and forgot.)
I've said this before, but I think it's true - the reason behind my reaction to Ianto's death is because it's personal. With other deaths I feel sorry for the person left behind (Doomsday f.ex. is a tear jerker and no mistake), but with Ianto I am the person left behind, bereft of my character, and my 'ship. Nothing else ever has hit me the same way.
Could this get any more meandering? Probably not. I'm trying to work out what this has got to do with the fic - other than being prompted by the fic - and I'm kinda drawing a blank. Well... actually, that part of the story is all from Buffy's POV, and I've decided that I don't need to really be inside Jack's head because it's too painful. (Ianto, of course, being only the start. Damn it's so dark and hopeless, and I hate and love RTD at the same time. Poor Jack. Poor, poor Jack.) One reason I'm happy about S4-to-come is that we'll see Jack move on, because leaving him in that place is... well I don't want him to be stuck there. I'm kinda getting round that problem in a different way in my story, so I'm OK with ending it where I do. Endings are tricky, and I almost decided against the second part of chapter 4, but in the end I couldn't end on that bleak note. And it is Buffy's story, as well as Jack's, and the fic should reflect that. (It's fun being obscure. Heh.)
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But it's just never happened to me before. BtVS is BtVS with or without Spike. Heck, it's even BtVS without Buffy. Ianto, though, was like the soul of Torchwood. (At least that's the best description I've been able to find.) *deep sigh* He was my teaboy, and I loved him.
I'm not saying the the next series couldn't be good but it's a fundamentally different show now.
*nods*
And do you know what the odd thing is? I don't have the same personal connection to Ianto or to the Ianto/Jack that you do but I stopped watching Torchwood when he died. I've never seen the end of that episode or the next episode at all. I loved CoE right up until that moment and then my interest in seeing what would happen next died.
Huh. Now that is rather strange. I'd say watch Day 5, because it is brilliant and harrowing on a whole different scale to ordinary TV - it was strange watching it, actually, because I was so numb from Ianto's death that it was hard to feel anything, and yet it absolutely gutted me, albeit in a completely different way. Not so much personal, but just the idea. When RTD tries, he really can bring it.