elisi | A little tale of Twilight and bringing up daughters.

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A little tale of Twilight and bringing up daughters.

Miss M (familiar to many of you now) loves to read, as I'm sure you've gathered. I've been trying to steer her towards quality, and for a long time she was happy to ignore the horrible mess that is Twilight. Unfortunately the books are very popular, and last week she asked if I'd get them for her, since she'd run out of books, and all her friends have read them. (Stoney has an excellent post on why it's not appropriate reading for young girls.) I was wondering what to do (so, so many issues that I'd have to discuss and that she's honestly still too young for) when the solution appeared all by itself: She saw a book called Diary of a Wimpy Vampire and decided she wanted that instead. I bought it on the spot. Here's the blurb on the back:

Nigel Mullet is just your average, everyday vampire. Transformed at the awkward age of fifteen, he will remain this age forever, being forced to spend eternity coping with acne, a breaking voice, and an ineptitude with girls.

One of the reviews on amazon calls it a cross between Twilight and Adrian Mole, and that is pretty spot-on. I've not finished it yet (Miss M read it in less than a day), but it is very funny. So far my favourite part is this one (partly because of the way it so beautifully sends up the 'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb' line...). Because, of course, he's crushing on a girl:

Why has this forbidden desire taken over my life? Why did I have to fall in love with a mortal? I am the predator stalking over moonlit hillsides, and she is the sheep for whom I burn with desire.

That last bit came out wrong.

See?

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I'm incredibly amused by his name. Mullet. Nigel. *snerk*

It really is a thing of beauty! :)

Why has this forbidden desire taken over my life? Why did I have to fall in love with a mortal? I am the predator stalking over moonlit hillsides, and she is the sheep for whom I burn with desire.

That last bit came out wrong.

"snorfle" Wimpy vampire indeed.

I keep cracking up when I remember that bit. Had to share. :)

Nigel Mullet is just your average, everyday vampire. Transformed at the awkward age of fifteen, he will remain this age forever, being forced to spend eternity coping with acne, a breaking voice, and an ineptitude with girls.

See, I think this is a bit disingenous of a concept. Because that awkward age is because the changes have happened so fast the boy hasn't adjusted. He hasn't settled into his voice, learned how to modulate it. And acne? Well, most vampires are dead, so how would there be hormones to create acne? The skin would be just another living organ and presumably because of a vampire's supernatural healing, it could theroetically heal whenever the vampire drinks blood.

Finally, ineptitude with girls is something again that happens from inexperience. After a hundred years, a teenage vampire would have grown in confidence and power that he presumably wouldn't be inept. Certainly no more inept that he would have been at 30. I mean, yes, some men are inept with women for their entire lives. So there's that. But if Nigel would have grown out of it as he gained experience with age, then he'll grow out of it as a vampire even if he is trapped in a teenage body.

Okay, I know this isn't the point! But the concept of this book bothers me. And it's clearly meant to be a funny book. I think I just have very different ideas on what immortality would do to a person and I don't think eternal teenager would play out in the above superficial ways--the subject is much graver (heh).

/WANK

But it sounds loads better than Twilight, so ultimately, I approve. :D

Well the blurb is trying to distill a whole book into a few sentences. Let me elaborate a bit (because Nigel is growing on me. He's rather a brilliant character I must admit):

1. The voice thing hasn't actually cropped up yet, so can't comment.

2. As for acne, then in this 'verse sunlight isn't fatal, but it makes him break out in spots. (He's not a normal vampire, having not been blessed with unearthly beauty, speed or strength. He complains about this quite a lot.)

3. He is almost a hundred, but - thanks to his personality and less than brilliant looks - hasn't really got the hang of girls yet. This is one reason he's pursuing Chloe, because he doesn't want to turn a hundred and never have had a girlfriend. That would just be sad.

4. The immortality thing. He spots an old woman that he thinks he recognises from when he had a crush on her back in the Fifties:

I've got so used to moving around that I forget that humans get older. Since I knew Caroline she's probably got married, had kids, had grandkids, bought a house, moved house, got a job, lost a job, got another job, got ill, got better and got grey. And what have I done in all this time? Nothing.

Even my heroic attempt to memorize all the statistics on Supercar Top Trumps seems trivial and pointless in this light.

Really, I like him a lot!

And FYI .

Got to love the dude (not really, but... you know) who says he's okay with Twilight because the Bible condemns witches but doesn't condemn vampires. o.O!

Yeah, I saw that too. *shakes head* There are no words!

Oooh thank you.

LOL! That's awesome.

I don't envy you having to deal with Twilight and raising daughters. I'm very much hoping that all the Twilight furor has died out if/when we have daughters.

Isn't it brilliant?

And yeah, it's an awkward time for girls. *sigh*

That last bit came out wrong.

Bwha!

It's a thing of pure beauty. It's kept me amused for ages now! :)

Oooh-- I might have to track that one down myself!

I worry a little about twilight and young girls. My little cousin Gabby is just turning 14 and she's obsessed. SHe's read the books over and over and I'm not sure it's a healthy message for her. I've only read the first two books (Gah! They got worse and worse!) but I'm uncomfortable with the way Bella just lets life happen to her. I can see why all the High Drama would appeal to a kid that age, but still... However her mom loves them too so I doubt she'd listen to me!

Oooh-- I might have to track that one down myself!
I'm about 3/4 through it now and it is well worth your money! :D

However her mom loves them too so I doubt she'd listen to me!
I think that's one of the biggest problems, unfortunately. *sigh*

I was just reminded recently of how many now-well-adjusted women of my generation obsessed over reading Flowers in the Attic as young adolescents. (I thought it was horrifyingly awful and never finished it, from what I remember. But then, I always preferred Benedick and Beatrice to Romeo and Juliet.) I think Twilight is awful, but I'm now a little less worried about its effect on Our Impressionable Youth.

This sounds exactly my type of book - I loved the Adrian Mole series!

I can wholeheartedly recommend it, it's fabulous! :)

I'm thankful that Bethan has shown absolutely no inclination to want to either read the books or see the films. She likes the 'My Sister the Vampire' series of books, and I'm always looking out for new book recs for her. Will have to track this one down.

I'm thankful that Bethan has shown absolutely no inclination to want to either read the books or see the films.
Neither did Miss M until recently... *sigh*

But you should definitely get this one. It's fabulous!

Honestly, I read the Twilight books to see what all the fuss was about...I explain them as "not well written at all, but there's something about them that sucks you in" and leave it at that. There's something nice about reading something and not having to think too hard about it.

But honestly? I'm 26 and some parts of the books bothered me. I just read Breaking Dawn the other night, and I was...I don't even know. There are no words.

Good luck with Miss M, I'm sure she'll be glad whenever she finally gets around to reading the books that you steered her away from them!

.I explain them as "not well written at all, but there's something about them that sucks you in" and leave it at that. There's something nice about reading something and not having to think too hard about it.
Yeah, that's what I've heard from others. A Twinkie bar in book-form. ;)

But honestly? I'm 26 and some parts of the books bothered me. I just read Breaking Dawn the other night, and I was...I don't even know. There are no words.
I've only read summaries, and certain parts *still* squicked the hell out of me. ::shudders:: I think it's quite obvious that SMeyer has a lot of issues - issues buried so deep that she isn't even aware of them.

Good luck with Miss M, I'm sure she'll be glad whenever she finally gets around to reading the books that you steered her away from them!
Heeee! I might show her this comment! :)

Hee! Sounds like a fun book and a wonderful antidote to the icky Twilight issues.

You know, it really is. Whilst at the same time being a lovely story in its own right.

My sister loves Twilight and allows my twelve year old niece to watch the movies and at holidays I have to listen to Team: Edward vs Team: Jacob discussions because several cousins/aunts read and adore the series as well.

*sigh*

I don't get it. I really don't. I mean, I've had endless fun mocking it, but I can't fathom those who take it seriously.

*sends hugs*

Hi elisi, I just wanted to tell you that I bought this book based on your recommendation! And you are right, it is really funny. (I'm about halfway through now.) I'm also going to give it to my friend for her birthday as a kind of revenge because she gave me the first 2 Twilight books for my birthday last year! (She doesn't take Twilight too seriously, so she will be able to take the mocking.) So thank you for bringing this to my attention!

PS: Am I crazy or do all of Nigel's dad's ex-girlfriends sound like Drusilla? :-)

Hi elisi, I just wanted to tell you that I bought this book based on your recommendation!
Really? Oh I'm very pleased! :)

And you are right, it is really funny. (I'm about halfway through now.)
Has he started writing poems yet? I love the poems!

I'm also going to give it to my friend for her birthday as a kind of revenge because she gave me the first 2 Twilight books for my birthday last year! (She doesn't take Twilight too seriously, so she will be able to take the mocking.) So thank you for bringing this to my attention!
Totally my pleasure - and I hope your friend enjoys it too.

PS: Am I crazy or do all of Nigel's dad's ex-girlfriends sound like Drusilla? :-)
Nope, I think you're definitely onto something!

Thank you lots for your comment - I tend to forget that it's not just my flist that reads me (or rather, I don't presume that I'm very interesting), so this was a lovely surprise! :)

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A little tale of Twilight and bringing up daughters.

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