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Buffy/Riley... why it didn't work.
Watched 'Into The Woods' yesterday and had something of an epiphany...
First of all, I have to say that Riley's feelings of being unneeded are set up very nicely, but - it comes back to the old saying:
You shouldn't be in a realtionship if you want to be made happy, but to make happy.
I'm not saying that Riley should have continued with an unsatisfying relationship, but he left because she didn't make him feel a certain way:
RILEY: You say that, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it.
Anyway, this brings me to my main point. It was these lines that suddenly stood out:
BUFFY: Oh, I'm sorry. You know, um, I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you when I thought that my mother was dying.
RILEY: It's about me taking care of you! It's about letting me in. So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time.
BUFFY: But I do. That's part of what being a slayer is. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you.
RILEY: It's hard sometimes, yeah. But that's not it.
Riley misunderstands her there. She is NOT talking about physical strength. She is talking about the strength to walk to her own death when 16 years old. The strength to kill the love of her life. The strength to carry to weight of the world on her shoulders and not let up, because no one else can carry her burden:
First!Buffy: Look hard. What do you see?
Caleb: Strength. And the loneliness that comes with real strength.
'Dirty Girls'
A strength (and inherent weakness) that Spike of course understands:
And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die?
'Fool For Love'
Buffy tried to warn Riley, way back in 'Doomed' - and his response was that people could get through these things if they looked after each other. But that's never going to work with Buffy... not really. Because she's a Slayer:
Spike: I know slayers. No matter how many people they've got around them, they fight alone. Life of the chosen one. The rest of us be damned.
LMPTM
This is Riley's tragedy - Buffy would never, ever need him the way he wanted her to.
And we saw that even when unsouled Spike in some ways understood Buffy better than Riley. And when souled could give her what Riley never could - support without asking for anything in return:
Spike: I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.
Mostly, I think the whole thing is summed up best in this icon by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_jems_, which was what spurred on my initial thought:
(ETA: This is the short version. If you want *long* B/R meta, I got that too! *g*)
First of all, I have to say that Riley's feelings of being unneeded are set up very nicely, but - it comes back to the old saying:
You shouldn't be in a realtionship if you want to be made happy, but to make happy.
I'm not saying that Riley should have continued with an unsatisfying relationship, but he left because she didn't make him feel a certain way:
RILEY: You say that, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it.
Anyway, this brings me to my main point. It was these lines that suddenly stood out:
BUFFY: Oh, I'm sorry. You know, um, I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you when I thought that my mother was dying.
RILEY: It's about me taking care of you! It's about letting me in. So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time.
BUFFY: But I do. That's part of what being a slayer is. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you.
RILEY: It's hard sometimes, yeah. But that's not it.
Riley misunderstands her there. She is NOT talking about physical strength. She is talking about the strength to walk to her own death when 16 years old. The strength to kill the love of her life. The strength to carry to weight of the world on her shoulders and not let up, because no one else can carry her burden:
First!Buffy: Look hard. What do you see?
Caleb: Strength. And the loneliness that comes with real strength.
'Dirty Girls'
A strength (and inherent weakness) that Spike of course understands:
And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die?
'Fool For Love'
Buffy tried to warn Riley, way back in 'Doomed' - and his response was that people could get through these things if they looked after each other. But that's never going to work with Buffy... not really. Because she's a Slayer:
Spike: I know slayers. No matter how many people they've got around them, they fight alone. Life of the chosen one. The rest of us be damned.
LMPTM
This is Riley's tragedy - Buffy would never, ever need him the way he wanted her to.
And we saw that even when unsouled Spike in some ways understood Buffy better than Riley. And when souled could give her what Riley never could - support without asking for anything in return:
Spike: I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.
Mostly, I think the whole thing is summed up best in this icon by
_jems_, which was what spurred on my initial thought:(ETA: This is the short version. If you want *long* B/R meta, I got that too! *g*)
no subject
Exactly! They just expected different things out of the relationship. And like I said before, my hangup with Riley was that he had no reason to think she was the type of person who *would* need him like that. That and the way he turned that around and threw it in her face, as if it was some kind of deficiency on her part... *deep breath*
no subject
Indeed.
I think Riley never really understand what being a Slayer meant... he saw it as being some sort of super-soldier, when what it is about is sacrificing everything for the mission if necessary. Riley was forever focussing on the physical, but Buffy's 'thing' for vampires was never about anything that simple. Of course Spike's 'she needs a little monster in her man' didn't help at all and just got Riley's thoughts fixed on the wrong issue.
See what I also thought of was 'I'm not ready for you not to be there.' Which implies need - and the knowledge that she has to overcome it. Because that's what being a Slayer is...
Poor Buffy.
no subject
Agree again, and it's perfectly illustrated with the Faith fiasco, not being able to differentiate even during intimacy when earlier, we had Buffy seeing Giles despite his appearance and being mid-slay.
Spike was quite the Devil's Advocate, wasn't he? Hehe.
no subject
That's a very good comparison... although Riley was very good for Faith!
Spike was quite the Devil's Advocate, wasn't he? Hehe.
Indeed. Very Angelus-like actually... not lying, but using an unhelpful part of the truth.
no subject
Riley was instrumental in destroying Faith. :) Riley made Faith realise her life was empty and meaningless, and after leaving him her only wish was to kill Faith and become Buffy.
"You're the Slayer."
"The one and only."
As for the general point: I do like your insight that when Buffy says "stronger", she's not talking about physical strength; that's a distinction that's often lost. Howver, I'm not sure that she could have never made it work with him: if Riley had been around in S7 instead of Spike it might have been his arms she slept in that night.
S5 Buffy was still trying to bear the entire weight of the world on her shoulders, and it almost broke her. In S6, she had to struggle to pick up the pieces. In S7, she made the first moves towards getting some help bearing that weight, but had to work out how to ask.
no subject
Riley helped destroy the Faith that Faith never really wanted to be. Faith's life was empty -- and she wishes to kill herself because she doesn't believe she can ever actually be a good person and have a good life. Angel helps her realize that she can, and because of that she emerges from the series a much stronger and healthier person than she could ever have thought when she first showed up in Sunnydale.
no subject
Exactly. He showed her what it's like being loved. (Read this review of 'Who Are You'. V. good!)
As for the general point: I do like your insight that when Buffy says "stronger", she's not talking about physical strength; that's a distinction that's often lost.
Thank you. :) And I think I should recommend this drabble by
Howver, I'm not sure that she could have never made it work with him: if Riley had been around in S7 instead of Spike it might have been his arms she slept in that night.
::Scrubs out brain:: (Sorry, but sweetest Spuffy moment *ever* needs to be far away from any Riley-ness). Now - I'm not saying that they couldn't have made it work, but I very much doubt Riley would have coped with S6 Buffy. She was cutting herself off from deeper feelings in S5, but in S6 she was struggling to feel anything at all. Even Spike got tired of being used... and he got much, much less than Riley did in S5.
I think that post-Chosen Buffy could probably work it out with an 'ordinary' guy if necessary, since the mission needn't come first anymore. (Except of course that she ends up with Spike & Angel! *g*)