I really don't have much to add to this, since it was all very insightful.

It's more just a point of where they don't match - because he needs and wants structure out of a woman, and is in love with a woman who is very much not the structure-hierarchy type. You can work on that if you both love each other enough to find compromises (he'd have to compromise more than her) but it's kind of pointless if you don't.
This is very spot-on! I actually wrote an essay once about that point in particular (chaos/order), so I think we're pretty much in agreement! :)