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Fic: Twilight/Torchwood crossover. PART 2!
I APOLOGISE FOR NOTHING! (Also it was ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
flake_sake's idea. Blame her.) As before, this is pure un-beta'd CRACK (written in a hurry), although this time I think I have to warn that you might suffer a sugar overdose. Oh - also a little longer than the first part (1650 words), but I tried to get everything out of my system. (Part 1 here!)
MAJOR SPOILERS for Breaking Dawn and Torchwood S2. (Also microscopic 'spoiler' for a joke in the S4 finale.)
Summary: It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. Oh and Jack gets to have sex with sparkly vampires.
Hello Again!
[A few weeks after the events of first story]
Jack (nervously): Ianto... you know when you told me never, ever to talk about the sparkly vampires?
Ianto (goes very, very still): ...Yes?
Jack: I... (takes deep breath) I think they made me pregnant.
Ianto: *headdesk*
[A little while later]
Gwen: I know it’s not April Fools Day, but this is a joke, right?
Ianto: ‘Fraid not. (shoots Jack pointed look) Hopefully we have learned something from all this?
Jack: But they were so beautiful and they sparkled! A threesome like that you just can’t turn down! Seriously.
Ianto (looks up at ceiling to gather strength): So - do we try the singularity scalpel? Worked on Gwen...
Jack: What? You’re going to *explode* my baby?
Gwen: Really Ianto - Owen was the only one who could get that thing to work properly. (slowly) Rhys had a chain saw...
Jack (adamant): No one is going near me with a chain saw ever again - and that’s an order!
Ianto: Again?
Jack (ignores Ianto): Maybe we should try to actually have a look at the critter. (winces) Damn, it kicks.
[A little later still, in the medical bay. Ianto's working the ultrasound scanner.]
Ianto: Well... it’s a boy.
Jack (thrilled): Really?
Gwen: Should we maybe call the father? I mean the other father? He might have some information about... this sort of situation.
Jack (pondering): They did mention that they had a daughter, but I figured it was a vampire thing. (sighs) Fine, let’s call them. Ianto - look up the number for ‘Edward Cullen’. They’ll be back in America now I suppose.
[A little later again they’re all three in front of the screens. Their call is answered immediately by a beautiful young woman]
Alice: Hello - I’m Alice. I knew you would call.
Jack (eyes lighting up): Well hello to you too, Alice. Have you ever thought of visiting England?
Ianto (eyes on Alice and voice slightly unfocussed): Jack - remember why you called. It’s no good getting... distracted...
Jack: Um... yes. Can I speak to Edward please?
Alice (amusement dancing in her eyes): Absolutely.
[They wait a moment as Alice flutters off, finding her brother, and then he arrives with Bella, their hands entwined. When they see Jack’s face, both startle.]
Ianto & Gwen (mesmerised): Oh.
[Jack shoots them a very poignant ‘Now do you get it?’ look. They nod in unison and keep staring at the ethereally beautiful vampires.]
Edward (trying to smile): Jack... how wonderful of you to call. What can we do for you?
Jack (laughs a little nervously): Well... I bring you glad tidings of the human-vampire-hybrid bouncy baby boy variety.”
Edward (drops jaw): What?
Jack: That’s what I said too - thought you vampire types were sterile or whatever. But hey - something’s alive and kicking - very painfully I might add - inside me.
Edward: But... but you’re male!
Ianto (tearing himself out of his thrall): We know that. However, Jack is *special*! Can you give us any information about what we might expect? Has it happened before?
[Edward nods and then describes Bella’s pregnancy and ‘birth’ in great detail, Jack growing more and more pale as the tale unfolds.]
Ianto (shoots Jack sideways look): Singularity scalpel?
Jack (swallows): No... no, I’ve been through worse. What we need are a lot of anaesthetics and an extremely powerful cutting implement... maybe a laser?
Ianto: Wouldn’t a particle gun would be more precise?
Gwen (eyes narrowing): What about that sonic tool that came through the rift last year?
Jack: Now that’s an idea - if I can fix that, it’d be perfect.
[Edward and Bella have watched this conversation with growing worry and disbelief.]
Edward: Um, if I could...
Jack: Don’t worry. This is pretty much our job, we’ll work something out. Anything I should know about the baby after it’s born - like, will it try to kill us all?
Bella (wide-eyed and dreamy): Oh no...
[She launches into a long monologue, describing all of Renesmee’s amazing qualities, as the Torchwood personnel’s eyes slowly glaze over.]
Jack: Thank you... Ianto - did you get any of that?
Ianto (looks up from the pad where he’d been taking notes): Yes. The child needs blood for sustenance pre-and post-birth. It has supernatural strength and accelerated growth, is self-aware, gifted, intelligent and possibly telepathic. (looks at screen) I think that was all?
[Bella nods, a little put out]
Gwen: Excuse me, but what is your girl’s name?
Bella: Renesmee - our mothers’ names are Rene and Esmee, so we combined them. It was my idea!
Gwen: Right... (shoots Ianto a look and says, sotto voce) So Peter and Jordan!
[Ianto nods]
Bella (lighting up): Maybe we could do the same thing again? Edward’s father is called Carlisle - he’s a wonderful, wonderful man, so caring. He’s a doctor, you see, and works tirelessly, even though he really doesn’t need to since we Cullens of course have more money than we know what to do with... Jack - what’s your father’s name?
Jack (somewhat grimly): Franklin. He was murdered by a marauding alien army when I was eight, and I will be quite capable of naming my baby on my own, thank you. Will send you a photo - or maybe a video - once it’s arrived, OK?
[Ianto and Gwen are speechless at this point, having found out more about Jack in three seconds than they usually do in a year.]
Edward (takes deep breath, looking determined): This child - despite being born out of wedlock - will still be a Cullen, and therefore should be with his true family. We will come when the birth is imminent and then bring him home. I’m afraid that we couldn’t possibly leave in him your care.
Ianto (smiling pleasantly and replying before Jack finds his voice): I think you will find that this boy is a Harkness - and trust me, you don’t want to ague that point. Furthermore, as a non-human life form he will, by law, be under the jurisdiction of Torchwood.
Gwen (smirking): If you have a problem with that, please direct your queries to Number 10, Downing Street, or Buckingham Palace. Goodbye.
[She ends the call as Bella and Edward are still staring mutely at the screen. Jack laughs and pulls Ianto and Gwen into a big hug.]
Gwen: Um... Jack? I don’t think your hand should be where it is...
Jack (innocently): Oh - must be the hormones.
Ianto (straightens clothing): So... how would you like your blood, sir? We have both human and animal, and I’m thinking it might be more palatable at room temperature rather than cold.
Jack (buries head in hands): Can't be worse than cold, mashed swede... (looks up and catches Ianto's eyes) Oh and you can stop enjoying yourself so much! I'm putting your name down as co-guardian of this kid, since children need a stable 2-or-more parent family. As soon as possible we're getting hitched!
Ianto (taken aback, but determined not to show it): And here I thought romance was dead.
Gwen (thoughtfully twirling a strand of hair around a finger): What are you going to call the baby? I think we should name him after you two... How about Janto?
Jack and Ianto: No!
[Some months later. A screen switches itself on and the Doctor’s face appears.]
Doctor: Hello?
Jack: Doctor! I’m so glad you called - I have big news!
Doctor: Actually, I was wondering if you could-
Jack: Seriously - saving the world - or whatever it is - can wait a moment. (turns and looks up) Hey - can you come down here boy? It’s the Doctor!
[Moments later Myfanwy makes a smooth landing and a devastatingly beautiful small child, with bright blue eyes and curly black hair, runs up to Jack, who picks him up.]
Jack: Doctor - please meet my son.
Boy (solemnly): It’s a great honour to finally see you, sir. Dad’s been telling me all about you.
Doctor: Um- thank you. (looks worried) Did I mess up the navigation again? I meant to arrive only a few months after last time. But... Congratulations I guess - how old is he?
Jack: Three months!
Doctor: Excuse me?
Jack: He’s half-vampire. Accelerated growth and so on. Nigh-indestructible. The perfect child for Torchwood to be honest.
Doctor: Fascinating! I wonder... (catches himself) I mean, what’s his name?
Jack (smiles a little bashfully): I... named him after you.
Doctor (not amused): No really?
Jack: Really! His grandfather on the other side is a doctor too, so...
[The Doctor becomes rather incoherent and flustered, Jack beams, and then they save the world.]
***
The child grew up to be a most extraordinary man. His eyes were deep and blue like the ocean - the colour seeming to endlessly change and shift, but still containing a calm stillness that seemed as old and steady as the earth itself. His hair was raven black and fell to his shoulders in smooth waves, as soft as the fur of a baby rabbit, perfectly framing the pale and startling beauty of his unworldly, noble countenance.
But - as his friends and family often pointed out - his outer beauty was a reflection of his inner beauty, because he was blessed with a quite extraordinary gift: The healing of mental pain and scars. Slowly, as his gift grew and he learned how to control and use it, he was able to aide people... and as time went, Flatholm once more became just an island, it’s dark secret no more, as the victims of the rift could return home to be cared for by their families.
And then came the day when he used his talents to heal his uncle Gray. There were tears of joy and happiness as the two brothers finally embraced in love and forgiveness, untold years of grief washed away in a moment. Gray easily settled into 21st Century life, and after becoming a Social Worker married Tish Jones. Their home is always full of laugher and joy, the pain vanished from their lives - leaving them older and wiser, but grateful for the gifts they've been given.
Doctor Jr is of course a great asset to Torchwood, his strength and speed invaluable when dealing with dangerous aliens. But what he loves most of all is sunshine. On days when the town and bay are bathed in warm rays, he - having inherited many qualities from his human father - will often climb to the top of the tallest buildings in Cardiff, where he will shed his clothing and feel the power and heat of the sun tingling and radiating through and around him.
And on such days the residents of the town often wonder at how it seems like the very air around them seems to glitter and glimmer - as if the sunlight were suffused with rainbow sparkles.
THE END.
ETA: Tiny extra snippet here! :)
flake_sake's idea. Blame her.) As before, this is pure un-beta'd CRACK (written in a hurry), although this time I think I have to warn that you might suffer a sugar overdose. Oh - also a little longer than the first part (1650 words), but I tried to get everything out of my system. (Part 1 here!)MAJOR SPOILERS for Breaking Dawn and Torchwood S2. (Also microscopic 'spoiler' for a joke in the S4 finale.)
Summary: It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. Oh and Jack gets to have sex with sparkly vampires.
[A few weeks after the events of first story]
Jack (nervously): Ianto... you know when you told me never, ever to talk about the sparkly vampires?
Ianto (goes very, very still): ...Yes?
Jack: I... (takes deep breath) I think they made me pregnant.
Ianto: *headdesk*
[A little while later]
Gwen: I know it’s not April Fools Day, but this is a joke, right?
Ianto: ‘Fraid not. (shoots Jack pointed look) Hopefully we have learned something from all this?
Jack: But they were so beautiful and they sparkled! A threesome like that you just can’t turn down! Seriously.
Ianto (looks up at ceiling to gather strength): So - do we try the singularity scalpel? Worked on Gwen...
Jack: What? You’re going to *explode* my baby?
Gwen: Really Ianto - Owen was the only one who could get that thing to work properly. (slowly) Rhys had a chain saw...
Jack (adamant): No one is going near me with a chain saw ever again - and that’s an order!
Ianto: Again?
Jack (ignores Ianto): Maybe we should try to actually have a look at the critter. (winces) Damn, it kicks.
[A little later still, in the medical bay. Ianto's working the ultrasound scanner.]
Ianto: Well... it’s a boy.
Jack (thrilled): Really?
Gwen: Should we maybe call the father? I mean the other father? He might have some information about... this sort of situation.
Jack (pondering): They did mention that they had a daughter, but I figured it was a vampire thing. (sighs) Fine, let’s call them. Ianto - look up the number for ‘Edward Cullen’. They’ll be back in America now I suppose.
[A little later again they’re all three in front of the screens. Their call is answered immediately by a beautiful young woman]
Alice: Hello - I’m Alice. I knew you would call.
Jack (eyes lighting up): Well hello to you too, Alice. Have you ever thought of visiting England?
Ianto (eyes on Alice and voice slightly unfocussed): Jack - remember why you called. It’s no good getting... distracted...
Jack: Um... yes. Can I speak to Edward please?
Alice (amusement dancing in her eyes): Absolutely.
[They wait a moment as Alice flutters off, finding her brother, and then he arrives with Bella, their hands entwined. When they see Jack’s face, both startle.]
Ianto & Gwen (mesmerised): Oh.
[Jack shoots them a very poignant ‘Now do you get it?’ look. They nod in unison and keep staring at the ethereally beautiful vampires.]
Edward (trying to smile): Jack... how wonderful of you to call. What can we do for you?
Jack (laughs a little nervously): Well... I bring you glad tidings of the human-vampire-hybrid bouncy baby boy variety.”
Edward (drops jaw): What?
Jack: That’s what I said too - thought you vampire types were sterile or whatever. But hey - something’s alive and kicking - very painfully I might add - inside me.
Edward: But... but you’re male!
Ianto (tearing himself out of his thrall): We know that. However, Jack is *special*! Can you give us any information about what we might expect? Has it happened before?
[Edward nods and then describes Bella’s pregnancy and ‘birth’ in great detail, Jack growing more and more pale as the tale unfolds.]
Ianto (shoots Jack sideways look): Singularity scalpel?
Jack (swallows): No... no, I’ve been through worse. What we need are a lot of anaesthetics and an extremely powerful cutting implement... maybe a laser?
Ianto: Wouldn’t a particle gun would be more precise?
Gwen (eyes narrowing): What about that sonic tool that came through the rift last year?
Jack: Now that’s an idea - if I can fix that, it’d be perfect.
[Edward and Bella have watched this conversation with growing worry and disbelief.]
Edward: Um, if I could...
Jack: Don’t worry. This is pretty much our job, we’ll work something out. Anything I should know about the baby after it’s born - like, will it try to kill us all?
Bella (wide-eyed and dreamy): Oh no...
[She launches into a long monologue, describing all of Renesmee’s amazing qualities, as the Torchwood personnel’s eyes slowly glaze over.]
Jack: Thank you... Ianto - did you get any of that?
Ianto (looks up from the pad where he’d been taking notes): Yes. The child needs blood for sustenance pre-and post-birth. It has supernatural strength and accelerated growth, is self-aware, gifted, intelligent and possibly telepathic. (looks at screen) I think that was all?
[Bella nods, a little put out]
Gwen: Excuse me, but what is your girl’s name?
Bella: Renesmee - our mothers’ names are Rene and Esmee, so we combined them. It was my idea!
Gwen: Right... (shoots Ianto a look and says, sotto voce) So Peter and Jordan!
[Ianto nods]
Bella (lighting up): Maybe we could do the same thing again? Edward’s father is called Carlisle - he’s a wonderful, wonderful man, so caring. He’s a doctor, you see, and works tirelessly, even though he really doesn’t need to since we Cullens of course have more money than we know what to do with... Jack - what’s your father’s name?
Jack (somewhat grimly): Franklin. He was murdered by a marauding alien army when I was eight, and I will be quite capable of naming my baby on my own, thank you. Will send you a photo - or maybe a video - once it’s arrived, OK?
[Ianto and Gwen are speechless at this point, having found out more about Jack in three seconds than they usually do in a year.]
Edward (takes deep breath, looking determined): This child - despite being born out of wedlock - will still be a Cullen, and therefore should be with his true family. We will come when the birth is imminent and then bring him home. I’m afraid that we couldn’t possibly leave in him your care.
Ianto (smiling pleasantly and replying before Jack finds his voice): I think you will find that this boy is a Harkness - and trust me, you don’t want to ague that point. Furthermore, as a non-human life form he will, by law, be under the jurisdiction of Torchwood.
Gwen (smirking): If you have a problem with that, please direct your queries to Number 10, Downing Street, or Buckingham Palace. Goodbye.
[She ends the call as Bella and Edward are still staring mutely at the screen. Jack laughs and pulls Ianto and Gwen into a big hug.]
Gwen: Um... Jack? I don’t think your hand should be where it is...
Jack (innocently): Oh - must be the hormones.
Ianto (straightens clothing): So... how would you like your blood, sir? We have both human and animal, and I’m thinking it might be more palatable at room temperature rather than cold.
Jack (buries head in hands): Can't be worse than cold, mashed swede... (looks up and catches Ianto's eyes) Oh and you can stop enjoying yourself so much! I'm putting your name down as co-guardian of this kid, since children need a stable 2-or-more parent family. As soon as possible we're getting hitched!
Ianto (taken aback, but determined not to show it): And here I thought romance was dead.
Gwen (thoughtfully twirling a strand of hair around a finger): What are you going to call the baby? I think we should name him after you two... How about Janto?
Jack and Ianto: No!
[Some months later. A screen switches itself on and the Doctor’s face appears.]
Doctor: Hello?
Jack: Doctor! I’m so glad you called - I have big news!
Doctor: Actually, I was wondering if you could-
Jack: Seriously - saving the world - or whatever it is - can wait a moment. (turns and looks up) Hey - can you come down here boy? It’s the Doctor!
[Moments later Myfanwy makes a smooth landing and a devastatingly beautiful small child, with bright blue eyes and curly black hair, runs up to Jack, who picks him up.]
Jack: Doctor - please meet my son.
Boy (solemnly): It’s a great honour to finally see you, sir. Dad’s been telling me all about you.
Doctor: Um- thank you. (looks worried) Did I mess up the navigation again? I meant to arrive only a few months after last time. But... Congratulations I guess - how old is he?
Jack: Three months!
Doctor: Excuse me?
Jack: He’s half-vampire. Accelerated growth and so on. Nigh-indestructible. The perfect child for Torchwood to be honest.
Doctor: Fascinating! I wonder... (catches himself) I mean, what’s his name?
Jack (smiles a little bashfully): I... named him after you.
Doctor (not amused): No really?
Jack: Really! His grandfather on the other side is a doctor too, so...
[The Doctor becomes rather incoherent and flustered, Jack beams, and then they save the world.]
The child grew up to be a most extraordinary man. His eyes were deep and blue like the ocean - the colour seeming to endlessly change and shift, but still containing a calm stillness that seemed as old and steady as the earth itself. His hair was raven black and fell to his shoulders in smooth waves, as soft as the fur of a baby rabbit, perfectly framing the pale and startling beauty of his unworldly, noble countenance.
But - as his friends and family often pointed out - his outer beauty was a reflection of his inner beauty, because he was blessed with a quite extraordinary gift: The healing of mental pain and scars. Slowly, as his gift grew and he learned how to control and use it, he was able to aide people... and as time went, Flatholm once more became just an island, it’s dark secret no more, as the victims of the rift could return home to be cared for by their families.
And then came the day when he used his talents to heal his uncle Gray. There were tears of joy and happiness as the two brothers finally embraced in love and forgiveness, untold years of grief washed away in a moment. Gray easily settled into 21st Century life, and after becoming a Social Worker married Tish Jones. Their home is always full of laugher and joy, the pain vanished from their lives - leaving them older and wiser, but grateful for the gifts they've been given.
Doctor Jr is of course a great asset to Torchwood, his strength and speed invaluable when dealing with dangerous aliens. But what he loves most of all is sunshine. On days when the town and bay are bathed in warm rays, he - having inherited many qualities from his human father - will often climb to the top of the tallest buildings in Cardiff, where he will shed his clothing and feel the power and heat of the sun tingling and radiating through and around him.
And on such days the residents of the town often wonder at how it seems like the very air around them seems to glitter and glimmer - as if the sunlight were suffused with rainbow sparkles.
ETA: Tiny extra snippet here! :)
no subject
*ponders* Do you think that's better or worse than Track or Trig? (I'm not expecting an answer btw. Just boggling at name giving.)
I work on the assumption people who give their children such silly names don't play scrabble!
I think you're right! (Paula Yates's children - three of whom were with Bob Geldorf - are called Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa (generally known as Peaches), Pixie and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily (known as Tiger). Celebrities are *weird*.
And I can't begin to say how much I love that edit button. It seems like I am almost incapable of spelling at the moment...
no subject
I'm from the rural North West, much like Sarah Palin. I went to high school with a lot of kids with weird names-- we had a "Triphena", a "Ravyn", a "Tripp, and a "Pheonix".
The edit button makes me forgive our Russian overlords for quite a bit!
no subject
That's the one! :)
But you have to wonder why with all those choices she picked "Peaches" to go by!
I never realised just how many names she had until today...
we had a "Triphena", a "Ravyn", a "Tripp, and a "Pheonix".
Wow.
The edit button makes me forgive our Russian overlords for quite a bit!
Same here!