elisi | Fic: Mrs Saxon's Diary. Part 8/10

It is COLD and snowing and I don't want to go out. *whimpers* Why don't we live right next to the school? (I actually did that for a couple of years when I was 9-10 years old. I was nearly always late...)

Anyway, I'm posting fic to take my mind off it. I am very pleased with this chapter, since I try to explain something that was never explained and I think it works this way. *crosses fingers* Let me know, please?

Setting: Post-'Sound of Drums'.
Spoilers: End of S3.
Pairing: Lucy/Harry.
Rating: PG-13.
Previous parts here.

Five months after the fall of the Earth.

I can't remember what I said. I know it probably doesn't matter, but still I wish I could recall it. I guess my mind has just blanked it out.

Today was just another day - bright and beautiful the way the days always are up here in the clouds - and I was talking with my Master as he was busy with some paperwork or other, calibrating something using those odd symbols that I know are really numbers.

But then I said something - a silly, stupid joke of some sort (at his expense) that made me laugh - and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, the side of my face burning with pain as he stood above me, hand still raised. Our eyes met, and I could see that even he was taken aback. In all the time I have known him he has never so much as raised his voice to me, and this sudden lashing out was clearly unexpected for him also - despite the fact that his temper is notoriously unpredictable.

The thing is... I saw something else too. Saw that look in his eyes that I know far too well: That look of undiluted pleasure he gets from inflicting pain. And the more people matter to him, the more he enjoys their pain - that I discovered the very first day he took over the world. So I know that it will happen again, sooner or later. He isn't capable of stopping himself - and even if he was, he doesn't want to stop.

He didn't say anything afterwards, just slowly lowered his hand and then abruptly walked away. And I guess I will learn to live with this too, along with everything else.

I could feel the Doctor watching me as I too left the room a little later. He never talks to me, but I know that he’d be a shoulder to cry on, if I wanted it - I can see it in his eyes, as clear as day. How little he understands me. I would never want his concern or pity, no matter what.

I just... I just wish I could remember what I said.

Part 9.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but here in my tropical pocket of the country, the spring sun is shining and it's positively warm. :)

Oh! I am just catching up on this and finding it as mesmerising as ever. I love that from the start Lucy's journal has almost been the way she detaches herself from reality, and that becomes more significant than ever here. It's such a clever contrast to the last chapter too - one moment the (strangely matter-of-fact) revelation of being the wife of an evil overload, and then here, so much simpler, and yet all the more awful in its detachment, "And I guess I will learn to live with this too, along with everything else."

I love the framing of this chapter too. I just... I just wish I could remember what I said. It works so well.

Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but here in my tropical pocket of the country, the spring sun is shining and it's positively warm. :)
Well it was warm here, and we have daffodils blooming in front of the house, and then suddenly we just got snow. *throws hands up*

Oh! I am just catching up on this and finding it as mesmerising as ever.
Aw, thank you! :)

I love that from the start Lucy's journal has almost been the way she detaches herself from reality, and that becomes more significant than ever here.
You know, I'm not sure that was a conscious choice on my part, but yes - it's definitely one of her main characteristics. She never had any ambitions particularly except finding a good husband who could run the family business, so when she met the Master she grasped her only chance 'out' - which of course turned out to be not just away from her old life, but from humanity.

It's such a clever contrast to the last chapter too - one moment the (strangely matter-of-fact) revelation of being the wife of an evil overload, and then here, so much simpler, and yet all the more awful in its detachment, "And I guess I will learn to live with this too, along with everything else."
I'm so glad you picked up on those lines - in the first she is at what is probably the pinnacle: She was the only one he confided in, and finally she saw it all unfold. But where can you go from there? The thing is that she refuses to see herself as a victim, and she's desperately trying to convince herself that she knew what she signed up for.

I love the framing of this chapter too.
I really enjoyed writing it. :) In a sense this new development was inevitable, but on the other hand she can't help thinking that if only she could remember exactly what it was that she said wrong, she could avoid doing it again. She knows it doesn't matter, that he might hit her for something completely different next time, but she still can't shake the feeling that she ought to somehow be able to 'fix' it...

I just read the last few chapters. It's a beautifully twisted relationship they have. I love how you show her getting a little more detached from reality with each chapter.

She's so pleased with being special that she'll put up with anything and convince herself it's all good. Not that she has any choice anymore.

I just read the last few chapters.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It's a beautifully twisted relationship they have.
Isn't it just? I loved it right from the start - the wonderfully twisted take on the Timelord/companion dynamic.

I love how you show her getting a little more detached from reality with each chapter.
Her little speech in LotT was one of those 'Aaaaah' moments for me, where it all just slotted into place, because suddenly everything made sense. Bringing her to that point is fascinating.

She's so pleased with being special that she'll put up with anything and convince herself it's all good. Not that she has any choice anymore.
Yes! Exactly!

Sorry to hear about the icky weather! It's cold and rainy here, but 40 degrees is much easier to cope with than sleet.

Chilling look at their relationship. ::shivers:: Really enjoying this story! I thought about it as I read a "Master and Doctor go to Wolfram & Hart" to speak to a divorce attorney X-over crack-fic just now!

Sorry to hear about the icky weather! It's cold and rainy here, but 40 degrees is much easier to cope with than sleet.
Well it looks like it going to be a nicely clear day today (as a matter of fact the sun is shining on the screen so I can barely see what I'm writing).

Chilling look at their relationship. ::shivers::
Thank you! The fact that he started beating her up always struck me as rather odd - but then thinking about it I could suddenly see it happening like this. Unexpected, and yet not. And *of course* it'd turn him on...

Really enjoying this story!
Thank you. :) Now I just need to get the last two chapters to behave. (And write my AtF review and finish my

winter_of_angel story... to mention just the most pressing items. Someone give me time!)

I thought about it as I read a "Master and Doctor go to Wolfram & Hart" to speak to a divorce attorney X-over crack-fic just now!
Oooh you're going to have to link me! Pretty please?

Of course!

I actually found it surfing over at the teaspoon, but realized I recognized the author's name from the Buffyverse.

Thank you thank you thank you!

That was *fabulous* and so so much fun! *is still giggling*

I think that she not only detached, but I think she spent most of the time being in a trance state hypnotized by him. But that's my personal theory.

I have all but one fic that I wrote, a short one on Lucy/Master post LotTL. I really want to finish that when I have a moment!

I think that she not only detached, but I think she spent most of the time being in a trance state hypnotized by him. But that's my personal theory.
That is quite possible, definitely. I sort of imply that in the next chapter actually, but only vaguely.

I have all but one fic that I wrote, a short one on Lucy/Master post LotTL. I really want to finish that when I have a moment!
Please link me, if you want - dunno when I'll have time to read it, but I *do* love that pairing. :)

Fic: Mrs Saxon's Diary. Part 8/10

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