elisi | Awww, bitty Buffy...

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episode thoughts

Awww, bitty Buffy...

Funnily enough we watched Buffy last night... shiny new DVDs are fun! :) Also had a look at a few extras, one of which is Hepburn's video to 'I Quit'. Darcy's comment I think was something like "Great - they're all bossy dykes!" Which they are - the song is pretty much about breaking up with their goth/vamp 'doubles'... still a good song though! *g*

Anyway, decided to just start at the beginning and therefore watched WttH and 'The Harvest'.
Of course they're all so YOUNG and SWEET and Buffy is very much a living proof of why Slayers need a Watcher. (And Giles is so adorable! ::squishes him::). But Buffy is very much your typical teen - so snippy with Giles, although she automatically gravitates towards him. She's hurting from what slaying has done to her (left her friendless and alone), but her heart still shines through, in that if someone needs help she can't stop herself. But no matter how sweet she is, I still prefer her later - she's very... straightforward here. I prefer her with layers - like an ogre. *g*

Angel looks *very* pretty (Darcy: "I'd forgotten how skinny he was then.He really filled out later!"), and the first look (shadowy outline) is very James Dean. But the clothes are horrible (that shiny jacket? A whole new world of badness!) and the acting possibly worse. That he turned into my beloved Angel from AtS is... nothing short of miraculous!

The Master is entertainingly camp and I rather liked Luke (So ugly, so evil). Darla... ah Darla. Sometimes excellent, other times so wrong considering how they fleshed out her character later. My current theory is that The Master did some sort of spell on her to keep her in line (no running off with handsome young rebels any more). ETA: Oh and I'd forgotten that she's the one who picks out Cordy to be Luke's next victim in The Bronze... no wonder she is so particularly angry with her in AtS S2!

Willow is mostly just cute - the main thing I noticed was actually the Jesse & Xander story line. Jesse isn't mentioned much later in the show, but I think what happened to him has a very big psychological effect on Xander. They have this exchange, before Xander (accidentally) dusts him:
Xander: Jesse! I know there's still a part of you in there.
Jesse: Okay... Let's deal with this. Jesse was an excruciating loser who couldn't get a date with anyone in the sighted
community! Look at me. I'm a new man!
Pretty much all of his singleminded hatred of vampires can be led back to what happened to Jesse - vampires killed his (best) friend and turned him into an evil, callous stranger. There's probably an essay in there somewhere.

ETA: And yet Jesse uses the word 'I' ("I'm a new man") - it also reminded me of Willow's way of describing herself when she went evil. Hmmm.

Don't have time for much more. But I'll try to write down my thoughts after each episode. Loved all sorts of bits and pieces - Flutie taping Buffy's report back together, 'Ballad for Dead Friends', Giles slamming down the 'Vampyr' book... *happy sigh*

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I've had similar thoughts about Angel; he's very, very pretty early on, but he doesn't really learn to act for at least a couple of years yet. I never minded Angel (though I loved him evil!); but I didn't actually care much about him in those days. I felt mildly bad for Buffy when he left. I really only started to care about him when he got his own show and developed a sense of humor. My first clear moment of Angel love? The "dancing" in the credits of a fist season ATS episode!

Interesting thoughts re: Darla. though I really loved the chemistry she had with Angel on ATS, she mostly annoyed me on Buffy...

I agree about Buffy and about Darla. Season 1 is my least favourite one, but WttH and The Harvest showed great potential, and when Buff killed Luke it was cool (later she mimicked the scene in OMWF...when she takes off her jacket and uses billiard cues, it was neat to echo The Harvest)

Every time I see season 1, I still wonder how Buffy could not have a crush on Giles!

Jesse's second death is just so Joss! I loved it!

He's excellent as Angelus, but otherwise not very intersting. *So* much better when he's not the romantic interest!

And the dancing! ::dies:: Which just goes to show that even the worst episodes have redeeming factors - it's from 'She' which is possible worst ep. ever!

And Darla is... well excellent in the teaser (poor little blond girl killing the thrill seeking boy - just brilliant), but otherwise mostly annoying. I try to mostly thin of her AtS stuff! :)

Season 1 is my least favourite one
Same here. It's fun, but seldom more.

when she takes off her jacket and uses billiard cues, it was neat to echo The Harvest
Oh I was going to mention that, but forgot! And poor OMWF Buffy, so detached - fighting on auto pilot. ::loves S6 Buffy::

I still wonder how Buffy could not have a crush on Giles!
She's 16! Anything older than 20 is ancient! [Although of course there's Angel...]

Jesse's second death is just so Joss!
I know!!! Apparently he originally wanted Jesse in the credits, just to show people he didn't mind killing off regulars.
Oh and I also just remembered Buffy's: "You don't [kill vampires]. *I* do!" So tragic!

She's 16...and crushing on a teacher isn't that unsual if the teacher in question is good-looking, smart and charming! Willow totally crushed on Giles. I guess it is why I always related to Willow more back then...:- )

But I think the reason is that the writers wanted Buffy to fall for a vampire and Giles to become a surrogate father to her so they could not go that road. So no Pygmalion...

As for the Lolita theme, they had Angel indeed.

Angel was pretty then, but the acting was not that hot. I remember being stunned by the entire lack of chemistry with SMG.

'Ballad for Dead Friends' - Guh, love that song, and the whole sequence with the vampires heading towards the Bronze with Darla leading the way. Very cool.

WttH and The Harvest don't get nearly enough squee. I think they're an excellent introduction to the series, and I've always loved them.

I still wonder how Buffy could not have a crush on Giles!
She's 16! Anything older than 20 is ancient! [Although of course there's Angel...]

In The Witch Buffy does say about Giles "I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old". And of course Angel kept his true age a secret, until Buffy had already fallen for the early 20's guy he presented himself as

Heh. I was 19 when the show started, and I never thought of Giles in that way either. Actually, I still don't. But who knows, if S1 Giles were more like S4 Giles, it might've occurred to her, but as it was, with the tweed and the glasses and the stuffiness? I can totally see why she wouldn't even view him as crush potential.

Well, if you stil don't, it isn't a matter of age then, it's just that Giles isn't your cup of tea! ;- )

I agree that he was cooler after season 1 but Jenny, Willow and even Faith in season 3 saw something in him immediately.
And so do I, Giles was the first reaosn I watched the show actually.

As for the tweed, the glasses and the stuffiness, don't you think that William was irresistible in FFL?

Re: fanwanking early Darla on BTVS - I think it was

kangeiko who first suggested that the Master, to punish Darla for having run away with Angel for all that time, drained her almost completely once she returned to him for good and made her starve a couple of years before allowing her to feed again. She was still in the process of recovery from that in season 1 of BTVS. This has become my personal fanon.

Nah. I find William interesting in that he's a part of what made Spike what he is today. But William in and of himself? I feel like we got exactly as much of him as we needed to see.

I totally agree about Jesse. I think he's never mentioned again in the series after the Harvest, but I'm sure that his death shapes all of Xander's interactions with vampires (esp. Angel and Spike) after that.

I haven't written an essay about it, but I have written a scene into a fic ... unfortunately it's part of the never-posted, unfinished, indefinitely on hiatus sequel to "London Calling."

So, what the heck, I'll post it here! (The first part is a dream, not an AU, by the way)

***

Xander was in the alley behind the Bronze, and it was dark. He had a stake in his hand, but there weren't any vampires in sight.

He turned around and saw Jesse. "Hey, buddy," Jesse said with a grin, "what's up?"

He felt nervous, but he couldn't remember why. "Nothing. Hey, I think the new girl's inside, dancing."

"I am so going to score with her. Did you see the way she was looking at me earlier? Hey - could you just tell me if my hair looks all right? It's the weirdest thing, I can't use mirrors anymore."

"You're a vampire." Xander stumbled a step backwards, and gripped the stake so tight it hurt.

"Well, duh!" Jesse slipped into game face and out again, laughing. "That's why I know I'm going to score with her. Haven't you noticed how much cooler and sexier vampires are than loser high school boys?"

He looked surprised when Xander slammed him up against the wall of the Bronze and pressed the stake against his chest.

"Hey," he said in a small, hurt voice. "I thought we were friends?"

"You're not my friend," Xander intoned, knowing it was a quote from somewhere. "You're the thing that killed him."

"You're just saying that so you don't have to give me back my skateboard and the Death of Superman trade paperback," Jesse muttered petulantly. "Jerk." And he exploded into dust.

***

Xander woke up with a chalky, choking taste in his mouth and throat. He tried to breathe but he gagged, and he fell off the cot in a tangle of blankets and barely made it across the hall to the bathroom in time to throw up.

***

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Spike asked, frowning at Xander for a long moment before he opened the door enough to let him in. He was wearing the black jeans from before and a wrinkled grey t-shirt, and his breath smelled of booze. "It's five thirty in the bloody a.m."

"Couldn't sleep. Came to ask you a question." He stepped inside, and fingered the stake hidden in his pocket while he waited for Spike to push the door closed. Then, as Spike was turning back towards him, he shot out a hand to shove Spike against the wall and pin him there. Xander's forearm pressed hard against Spike's chest and he took his other hand out of his pocket, held the stake in easy view.

Spike's eyes were wide. "What the fuck?"

"Who's the first human you killed, Spike?"

"Christ, Harris, you're—you're not drunk." He finished the sentence more quietly than he started it. "But you've just been sick."

Xander felt weirdly weak all of a sudden, so he let go of Spike and sat on the floor. "You can smell that? God. Ew. I rinsed my mouth out and everything."

Spike limped over to the bar fridge and grabbed an open bottle from on top of it. "Here, this'll kill the aftertaste, and you look like you could use it."

Xander accepted the half-empty bottle of rum and took a cautious swig.

"So mind telling me what the burst-in-and-threaten-me bit was about? Thought we were past all that." Spike sat down a few careful feet out of Xander's reach, with his injured leg stuck out straight in front of him.

Xander closed his eyes and felt the rum burn its way down. "I had a bad dream. Just answer the fucking question, would you?"

"First person I ever killed? I don't fucking remember. It was a bloody long time ago."

"Wrong answer."

"What, you know something I don't? I swear to the thousand hells, Harris, I don't remember. The first few weeks after Dru turned me I went fucking wild. It's nothing but fragments I can get back now - not much more than the crunch of bones breaking under my fists and the taste of blood."

"You'd remember him." Xander opened his eyes. "You're wearing his body."

Spike blinked. "Huh?"

"What was his name?"

"Who?...oh. You mean...bloody hell." Spike pinched the bridge of his nose in a weary gesture. "My real name is William, all right? Hand me that sodding bottle."

"His name was William," Xander corrected in a voice that didn't quite break. "William the Bloody?"

"Had the nickname before I met Dru, yeah. Didn't mean what you think it means."

"What was he like?"

"I was a complete ponce, actually."

"Um, does that translate into American as 'excruciating loser'?"

"Well." Spike blinked. "Yeah, close enough."

"Then that's exactly what he said." Xander closed his eyes against the ringing sound, and took another drink.

He didn't register Spike's question until he felt Spike's hand on his arm. "Who are you talking about?"

Spike was still keeping arm's length away, he saw when he opened his eyes. "Giles said - 'You're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him.'"

Spike's hand slipped off Xander's arm, and Spike backed off almost imperceptibly. "You had a friend, and he got turned."

"And I staked him." Tears pricked Xander's eyes, but he slammed the bottle down on the floor and shouted at Spike, "But it wasn't Jesse! I didn't kill Jesse! He was already dead, nothing was left but the fucking demon walking around in his body!"

"And I'm not William, I'm the demon that killed him?"

"Yes!"

"So if I remember playing toy soldiers in the nursery when I was five and getting strapped for forgetting my Latin when I was ten and all that rot - what, that never happened to me?"

He couldn't answer the question. He couldn't think about the question. "They all said it, over and over. 'Xander, you didn't kill Jesse.'" He was pleading, begging Spike for something, and he didn't know what but he was pretty sure he couldn't survive if he didn't get it.

"Xander," Spike's voice was hollow and far away, "You killed Jesse."

That was it.

The smell of rum was strong and Xander's pants were wet and the bottle was rolling on its side where Spike had knocked it over. His arms were around Xander and Xander was sobbing.

"You killed Jesse," he repeated, whispering it in an incongruously soothing tone while he stroked Xander's hair. "You killed your friend Jesse."

Which just goes to show that even the worst episodes have redeeming factors - it's from 'She' which is possible worst ep. ever!

Ah! See, now I'd totally repressed that the dancing scene is from "she". And you're right, that has to be the lamest episode of Angel ever.

My icon is Wes, not Angel but it's almost as much fun!

I see. Well, that's pretty consistent then. :- )

Aaaaaaw, that's heartbreaking. (I am allergic to S/X, but that was brilliant!)

I love fic that explores stuff in that way - and this was very well done. It's funny, because I've just read a review of 'Doppelgangland' and been thinking about the Vamp!Willow problem - they choose to send her back because they can't stake her. Also:
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: (without thinking) Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy) That's a good point.
It's a grey area! I don't think that Spike is right in your story necessarily, but he isn't wrong either.

How much do I love this 'verse... *happy sigh*

Thank you so much for sharing! :)

I remember being stunned by the entire lack of chemistry with SMG.
Hee! The chemistry kicked in later, but at the start? He's just bizarre stalker guy.

the whole sequence with the vampires heading towards the Bronze with Darla leading the way. Very cool.
Oh yeah! Just the way she walks... *happy sigh*

I think they're an excellent introduction to the series
Absolutely. :)

::is distracted by icon::

Um, you were saying? Heh. Seriously though, that's an excellent bit of fanon! Thank you. :)

Ah! See, now I'd totally repressed that the dancing scene is from "she"
That would seem like a very logical thing to do. I still remember showing the dancing scene to Darcy once and when it was finished he wanted to watch the rest of the episode. I told him that he absolutely did not want to do that! *g*

but it's almost as much fun!
Oh yes!

*offers more Darla prettiness*

You're welcome.

Hmmm, I can see what you mean, but his comment about wanting to be at home with a book and a cup of Bovril definitely puts him in the 'too old' branch. Also she's such a child still, bless her little cotton socks, and I adore the father/daughter relationship so much, that anything else squicks me out!

Pymalion? I somehow can't imagine that! *g*

Heh. I'd forgotten that! And also I loooooove your icon! ::is mesmerised::

Oh, shiny! If I didn't love Spuffy so muh I'd have SO many Darla icons...

*tempts*

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