Why did Spike not go to Buffy? (again)

[elisi]

You know, for the longest time I intended to write a follow-up post to my initial thoughts (since they were mostly ranty and not very well thought through), but in all honesty I can't be bothered.

So molly_may, swsa, jamalov29 and all the rest of you who felt all betrayed for Spuffy, what I'll do instead is to direct you to a ficlet I wrote a good while ago: Self Reflections. It's set just after the fade-to-black in 'Harm's Way' and is me trying to get inside Spike's head. I think you should like it, even if it's rather downbeat. (And yes of course self-pimping is bad form and all that, but sometimes fic can just tackle issues far better than meta.)

(This post brought to you by my boredom and avoidance of housework...)

Comments

[elisi]

I really did enjoy your story , it was very nicely done and rang true. You did a beautiful job at peeking through Spike's mind.
Thank you! :)

The only objection I would raise comes from the fact that , as much as I can believe that Spike might have been in this state of mind at that time , just when he gave up on the idea to take a plane to Rome , I can't and won't believe he remained in this mindset for long.
Ah well, the fic obviously only concerns itself with a particular moment in time. As for later... well first there is Doyle/Lindsey who gives him a purpose. And after that there are only 2 episodes before Fred dies, which is of course the other major decision making moment. Angel offers to fund him leaving, and although he says that he doesn't have anywhere to go, it's quite possible that if he was driving around the world he'd end up meeting Buffy sooner or later. But - he chooses to join Angel's fight.

That imagery was beautiful and heart- breaking.
Aw, thank you. The whole fic is very heartbreaking.

But you know it.. since we discussed it a lot. Trying to find her again wouldn't diminish his glory -IMO
Well we can't help the fact that sometimes he's an idiot... ;)

In the way I see things , he would have made up his mind and decided to seek out Buffy. I don't see him accepting the situation and simply putting Buffy in the past . He achieved something extraordinary in the hellmouth , it's true and in my world he's willing to share this with the woman he loves.
Did you ever read my fic Play It Again, Sam? It's like a 'missing episode' set between TGiQ and Power Play, and Riley and Sam turn up in LA. This proves a catalyst for something else... it really is my best attempt at looking inside Spike's mindset re. Buffy that I've ever written I think.

And also... for me the story of Spike is *more* than just a lovestory... if Chosen really was the end of my golden couple I would be OK with that. Buffy and Angel proved that just because you love someone more than life itself doesn't mean that you're supposed to be together.