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Fic: Dating the Cleverest Boy in the World. Chapter 25.
And more... (The song I'm listening to is very, very beautiful by the way. You can listen to it here: Boxes.)
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. Also on AO3 and The Teaspoon.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Autumn 2028
Characters (this chapter): Allison, Matt.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 4100 words approx.
Feedback: Makes my world go round... No really. You have no idea.
Chapter 25
She seemed to cry forever. She had always wondered about women in books (like Elizabeth Bennet), who could apparently sit down and cry for half an hour straight - she now found out that this was no exaggeration. Matt (always-there, dependable Matt) held her gently, clearly not caring that she was soaking his jumper. When she finally seemed to run out of tears, she realised that they were far closer than they’d ever been, and maybe it was a tad uncomfortable...
(Well, no, it was very comfortable, but that was possibly part of the problem; oh god, what she wouldn’t do for some TLC right now... Something, anything, to take her mind off the pain. Which is why things like this were too clichéd for words, she supposed. And she didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.)
Pulling back, she gratefully took the tissues he had found, and tried a wobbly smile as she did her best to recover the merest smidgen of dignity.
“Thank you... I needed that. Although I hope you’ve not had a secret crush on me all this time, because you’re not really my type.”
He shook his head.
“No. Really not. But... if you want to talk about it, I could make some tea?”
Looking around at the boxes that populated the flat, he added, tentatively: “If there’s any tea things still out that haven’t been packed away...”
When she nodded confirmation he went into the kitchen, and she tried to somehow wrap her head around what had happened rather than just reacting...
Three years, and suddenly it was all over.
Three years of lies, of pretense... How was she supposed to sort through it? Which parts had been real? She’d thought she knew him, thought they had a future, thought one day they might even get married, have children...
In a single day, all her dreams, all her hopes - ruined. The betrayal of it stung her, and she struggled to understand why. What had he wanted with her, why the lies, why... everything?
Looking up, she saw Matt enter with two cups.
“You knew,” she said - not a question, a statement. “You and Josh - you knew. And you helped him lie to me.”
Matt sighed, carefully setting down the cups on the table.
“Yes. Josh wanted him to tell you - you and Jamie both, back when you all first started dating - and he and Alex had a major row over it.”
Allison vaguely recalled the tail-end of an argument once, way back when, but it was so long ago that the details were lost to her, so she focussed on the main issue:
“But - you never told.”
Matt blew on his tea, thoughtfully studying the distance and avoiding her eyes.
“No. After all... it was his relationship, not ours...”
“But didn’t you think I had a right to know?”
She was directing her anger at Matt now, which was deeply unfair, but she needed someone to shout at. And he was taking it well.
“That’s exactly what Josh said. But Alex wanted...” He studied her for the longest moment, and she braced herself for what might come.
“He wanted to be normal, just once. To have an ordinary relationship. One where you could be more or less equals?”
Her tea forgotten, things finally began to slot together and make sense. Not that it made for a nice picture...
“And I was his ‘ordinary’ girlfriend,” she said bitterly. “His taste of normality. I never knew that ‘Common People’ was our song.”
Matt reached out, put his hand on hers.
“He was in love. People do stupid things when they’re in love. And I think - I mean I’m guessing here - but I presume he was worried about losing you if he told the truth...”
She almost laughed at this (the sort of laughter that would probably turn to tears again) because oh, the crazy absurdity - the horrible, ironic catch-22 of it all. And he must have known how she’d take it. No wonder he’d been so reluctant to commit...
“Besides - it’s not like we had much of a choice,” Matt added, and the laughter died on her lips.
“I don’t suppose you did,” she said, picking up her cup, needing something to stabilise her as dread shot through her again- a heavy, sharp feeling in the middle of her chest that came and went, but hadn’t left her since-
“Allie,” Matt said gently. “Don’t be too hard on him.”
“Don’t- are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what he did? What he could do? What-”
She bit off the sentence before she could say anymore, but Matt didn’t flinch.
“I’ve seen him threaten a whole horde of heavily armed, dangerous aliens with nothing but his name and his heritage. And seen them fold.”
Her eyes widened. So many things she had never known...
“I’ve also seen him spellbound by magic tricks and balloon animals when we were four years old... I - can’t really separate the one from the other. He’s just Alex to me. Josh... had a lot more issues, as I’m sure you’ve guessed.”
“Nevermind Josh, go back to the part with the aliens. When was this? What happened?”
“We were abducted by aliens. The summer we were sixteen.”
And the crazy just kept coming...
“Are you serious?”
“I can tell you the story if you like? It’s... how we found out he wasn’t human.”
She nodded, and, as she slowly drank her tea, listened carefully as Matt relayed their adventures on the Glattian ship. Now and again he’d hesitate, but she forced him to tell everything, even the parts that made her shiver all over again.
No wonder he’d not told her.
And here, finally, was the original cause of all the friction between him and Josh... As well as the reason they never talked about his father. It was the only point when Matt really struggled, searching for words.
“It’s one thing to have been told that someone is ‘evil’ and ‘insane’, but to see it is...”
He pressed his lips together, deliberating.
“It was the fact that he was so casual about it, I think. It’s not what he says - although that’s part of it - it’s how. I - I can’t explain it. But if you’re unfortunate enough to ever meet him, you’ll see. The other thing was that Alex was just so resigned...”
Her tea gone, Allison studied the bottom of her cup, as he continued:
“I can’t imagine growing up with that kind of parentage. I know Alex is far from normal, but compared to his father...”
This was not a subject she was quite ready to delve into just yet. ‘Brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent’ he’d said once. It had seemed like a glib line, something to brush off responsibility. But if taken seriously, to its logical deduction... what did it mean?
How did you navigate a world where ‘punishment’ meant having your spaceship taken off you? Where your father would kill people with perfect insouciance, and it was nothing more than what you’d expected...
She shivered again. How had she become entangled in all these things, so much bigger than herself? She was absurdly grateful for Matt’s calm presence - he had to have gone through at least some of what she was experiencing. Then a thought occurred to her, and she studied him anew.
“Sorry, but- you live at least ten minutes away. How did you get here so quickly? You turned up, like, two minutes after Alex left...”
Matt replied slowly, clearly working things out in his head as he spoke.
“Well I got the message about fifteen-twenty minutes before Alex left you here... But then he’s a time traveller. He could have sent the message any time. I don’t know what happened between you, but at some point he obviously thought that you shouldn’t be alone...” A frown. “I was supposed to be at a meeting tonight, but it was cancelled last minute. Guess this was why.”
Alex was clearly still looking after her, moving events and people for her sake - she was simultaneously touched and disturbed.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked, unsure at Matt’s non-reaction. “The way he... manipulates everything?”
Scratching the back of his head he seemed rather flummoxed.
“I... I don’t know. He’s always done it, so maybe I’m conditioned? No really, even when we were four, five years old he’d get the other kids to get along, making sure everyone was happy. And later, when he was... eight I think, he’d start to do it with the teachers too - and everyone else. Never overt, but things would just always - or almost always - simply work out how he wanted them. He tended to call it good planning and the ability to predict outcomes...”
This was not in the least reassuring, but Matt didn’t seem to notice her increased discomfort as he continued.
“What gets me is how trivial it all is. The things he could do... Allie, do you know how many people die needlessly every day? How much he could help? We’ve argued about this over and over, and he never seems to understand that I don’t want him to fix everything. I just wish he’d do something. I’m sure the history of the world wouldn’t suffer all that much if he introduced a universal cure for cancer or AIDS a few years early. Or eliminated malaria. Or stopped a war in Africa. But he just hides behind non-interference mumbo-jumbo.”
In her mind, Alex was saying ‘I could do terrible things in the name of good...’ and she swallowed. She and Matt were really not on the same page. If only Josh were here... He’d understand where she was coming from.
Because she still had his vision sealed onto her mind. Golden and beautiful and impossible. Her shattered illusion, broken and fractured, the different parts mocking her with what couldn’t be, because it hadn’t been Alex’s vision, but the Seeker’s. And whoever ‘the Seeker’ was, he wasn’t her boyfriend.
(She’d lost him. Her Alex. She’d given him her heart, but had he ever been real? It was almost worse than if he’d died... What had she fallen in love with? A mirage? A shadow? A lie?)
Like an iceberg - had she been thinking that earlier on? - she’d only seen one part of him, the rest hidden in the dark, under the water... Unseen, unknown, waiting.
Did that make her the Titanic?
Then Matt’s voice intruded and she tried to pay attention to what he was saying.
“Listen, Allie - you’re going to Manchester tomorrow. Would you like me to come with you? To help when the removal guys come for all the boxes and that?”
Manchester. She’d managed to blank that whole part out, even though she was surrounded by boxes. The thought of having to be organised and talk to people and work out what was happening when seemed like an effort she couldn’t even contemplate. Everything hurt so much she just wanted a pause button.
(He could that - step out of time, literally...)
“Yes. Yes, please, if you’d do that I would be forever in your debt. I can’t...”
(Don’t cry again. Not yet, at least. There are limits to what you can ask of him.)
“Hey. What are friends for?” Matt smiled, and she tried an answering smile. It made her face feel all wrong.
***
Matt left a little later, as he needed to get some sleep and she assured him she'd be OK until morning, but Allison herself didn’t even contemplate going to bed. The thought of sleeping alone in their bed was inconceivable, the sheer loneliness almost too much to grasp. Her every instinct, every behavioural pattern built up over three years, made her want to turn to Alex. And he wasn’t there. Would never be there, ever again. She could, in theory, go back to him, but it would be a Time Lord waiting for her.
Desperate for something to keep her occupied - something to stop her going over things again and again, her mind determined to go in circles and generally behaving like a demented boomerang - she picked up her laptop and decided to be pro-active.
She ended up staying awake best part of the night, editing her online profiles and home sites. She started by changing her relationship status to ‘None of your damned business’, and from then went on to create, and then run, a programme that found and made private everything associated with Alex - every picture, every update, every casual message - so at least she could start with something approaching a clean slate when she got to Manchester.
Halfway through she saw a message pop up, and tentatively opened it.
‘Hiya darling, have you split up from Mr Perfect? Tell me all about it when you can, yeah? I’m in Kuala Lumpur atm - take off in 10 minutes - so I’ve got to log off, the boss is giving me the evil eye. The Capitano xxxx’
She couldn’t help but smile. Jess Capitano, one of the friends who’d turned up that first Christmas and had met Alex... Crazy Jess who’d always been flaunting the rules where Allison had been careful to study. Jess who’d on the spur of the moment had decided to become an air hostess, and taken to it like a duck to water.
Allison really wished Jess wasn’t halfway across the world. Wished that their friendship hadn’t become sporadic and almost-lost as they’d both pursued their different lives. Jess would take her out on the town, get both of them too drunk by far, and tell her all about how there were plenty more fish in the sea, before demonstrating this by ensnaring a whole gaggle of eager lads.
She sent back a message saying that yes, they needed to catch up, then with a sigh clicked on Alex’s home site (he only ever had the one page), and blinked as she realised he’d been doing exactly what she had done.
(Although when was of course a moot point... She wondered where he was now, what he was doing. He could go anywhere, do anything...)
The page had been cleared of everything except a few lines, which she read, a frown forming on her forehead.
Alexander Saxon, B.Sc., M.Sc., Sc.D.
Independent Researcher
If you wish to contact Mr Saxon, please send an email to a.saxon@archangel.org
They were awarding him a higher doctorate, rather than a normal PhD? Having looked into the subject in some depth, she knew that no one became a Doctor of Science without demonstrating ‘a substantial and sustained contribution to scientific knowledge’, over the course of a career... Just the vetting could take more than a year.
What the hell had he done?
(She remembered asking him on the day, and he’d just smiled at her, that perfect Saxon grin that should have unsettled her so much more than it had. “I took the Natural Sciences and turned them inside out and upside down and made them dance a little jig!” he’d replied, and when she had mock-slapped his arm he had laughed: “No really. A jig!”)
A jig then. After all he’d created a planet, a human PhD was clearly a walk in the park...
Then, at the very bottom of the page, she discovered a link she had never seen before which said simply ‘Hermits United’.
For a long moment she sat looking at it, debating with herself. She’d noticed the email address and figured the whole thing was probably carried on the Archangel Network, which made her want to shut everything down and run a virus check. Yet she was well aware that if he wanted to invade cyber space - or her computer, her life - there was no way she could stop it. This was not a comforting thought, but she couldn’t deny the logic. ‘Archangel’ indeed. Always watching?
Despite her father’s endless talk about feminism and the way society was geared towards male power she had never felt vulnerable or powerless before. She was smart and capable, and besides she lived in 21st Century England where there were laws and rules in place to ensure equality and all the rest. Except Alex (the Seeker, a Time Lord) could bypass the whole thing. Could make all of NASA dance to his tune and launch a rocket just for her sake, or cancel a friend’s meeting so he could send him round to look after her. Like- like an alien Big Brother figure. Able to see everything, influence everything, change it to fit his desires...
(And there was that feeling in her chest again.)
She remembered going round to Josh’s after the incident with the photographer, incredulous at Alex’s attitude, and Josh’s response had been much more blunt than she’d anticipated. There hadn’t been any of the apologeticness that Matt had exhibited...
Unable to recall the exact wording, Josh had confirmed that his friend could indeed ‘do anything he wanted’, the rules not applying. And then said something about this being the central thing she needed to accept if she wanted a relationship with Alex.
She’d thought him a little flippant at the time, and not exactly as helpful as she’d hoped, but now realised that he’d been trying to warn her. If only she’d listened more carefully. But then she’d never imagined how literally she needed to take... everything.
Staring at the page, and the new link, she eventually decided that above all she wanted more information. Wanted to know as much as she could about what was actually going on behind all the lies. (And anyway, it wasn’t as if she could sleep...)
Clicking on the link, she immediately found herself on a completely blank page.
As she stared at it, puzzled, a pop-up appeared, bearing the words ‘Visitor privileges pending’, a small swirly circle slowly turning until the words dissolved and ‘Visitor privileges granted’ appeared in their stead.
The pop up itself then vanished and the page now bore writing. The start date was a few weeks after the alien invasion in the summer...
And that was all.
She looked at it for along moment, realising that Alex (no the Seeker, she kept forgetting the name thing) must have set it up as a precaution after the invasion - as always creating something useful in response to a problem. And he still signed things with only the ‘S’ - it clearly didn’t stand for Saxon, as he’d told her, but Seeker...
Or both.
She buried her head in her hands. Behind everything, a different truth. Like fractals, every single thing dissolved into smaller component parts, half-truth, half-lie, nothing - nothing as it seemed...
The past three years slipping through her fingers like sand, leaving only emptiness behind.
***
Eventually she fell asleep on the sofa, not stirring until there was a knock on the door. For the briefest moment she wondered why she was on the sofa, and how come Alex hadn’t put a blanket on her (he was always so conscientious) - and then remembered, the crushing reality of her life swallowing her up all over again.
It was only Matt at the door, and he (kindly, but authoritatively - he’d be a great doctor one day she was sure) forced her to have a shower, find clean clothes and have some breakfast. (She was certain she couldn’t eat a thing, but it was easier to do as he said than to find the willpower to argue.)
He also called up Toby to make sure that her brother would be there to meet them, and explained about the break-up as briefly as he could; and she was stupidly happy to have him there, sorting everything out for her.
(She didn’t dare look at her inbox. By now people would have woken up and be bombarding her with questions. And she had nothing to tell them except that it was all over. There was no way she could tell the truth...)
As Matt talked to the removal men she merely sat on the sofa, probably looking as unwell as Matt was making out. “Don’t worry Pet, we’ll get it all sorted!” one of them remarked with a fatherly air as he walked past with a box, and she tried to smile.
(Inside she was screaming, hurting so much that the fact that she’d only had a 3 hours’ sleep barely registered - had it only been 24 hours since he’d told her?)
But Alex had (of course) arranged everything meticulously, and before she knew where she was they were on the road.
(Where was he now? What was he doing? Would he try to win her back, would he try... something? He could out-stalk Edward Cullen without even breaking sweat... But he wasn’t like that, was he? She’d sent him away, surely he’d respect that. Right?)
She tried to take a deep breath, calm herself down. He’d set her up with a new life, everything she needed at her finger tips (and that in itself spoke of planning and forethought that was downright creepy - he’d expected her to break up with him?), but surely that also meant that he’d leave her alone. Except he’d never had a girlfriend before. Maybe even he didn’t know how he’d react. He’d been so quiet...
Great, now she was going to go crazy from paranoia and heartbreak. Although at least it was justified.
***
When she said goodbye to Matt that afternoon, her new flat full of half-unpacked boxes and Toby and Troy busily trying to create order out of chaos, she realised she had one final question. Despite herself, she kept going over the vision in her mind, and one thing stuck out.
“Matt, sorry - can I ask something? What’s so special about Adelaide Brooke?”
Matt looked at her blankly.
“Who?”
"Adelaide Brooke? We worked with her at NASA. Why was Alex so... taken with her?”
He shook his head, puzzled, although he was probably thinking that this might have played into the break-up. Which she wouldn’t mind... It was a rumour she could live with.
After giving Matt a final hug she waved goodbye, before turning back to face her new flat and her new life. Except she had a sinking feeling that it would be far harder to escape the past three years than just moving to a different city.
If only- if only she didn’t still love him so much it made her feel all hollow.
Chapter 26
Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up, or just follow the tags. Also on AO3 and The Teaspoon.
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: Autumn 2028
Characters (this chapter): Allison, Matt.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 4100 words approx.
Feedback: Makes my world go round... No really. You have no idea.
Chapter 25
She seemed to cry forever. She had always wondered about women in books (like Elizabeth Bennet), who could apparently sit down and cry for half an hour straight - she now found out that this was no exaggeration. Matt (always-there, dependable Matt) held her gently, clearly not caring that she was soaking his jumper. When she finally seemed to run out of tears, she realised that they were far closer than they’d ever been, and maybe it was a tad uncomfortable...
(Well, no, it was very comfortable, but that was possibly part of the problem; oh god, what she wouldn’t do for some TLC right now... Something, anything, to take her mind off the pain. Which is why things like this were too clichéd for words, she supposed. And she didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.)
Pulling back, she gratefully took the tissues he had found, and tried a wobbly smile as she did her best to recover the merest smidgen of dignity.
“Thank you... I needed that. Although I hope you’ve not had a secret crush on me all this time, because you’re not really my type.”
He shook his head.
“No. Really not. But... if you want to talk about it, I could make some tea?”
Looking around at the boxes that populated the flat, he added, tentatively: “If there’s any tea things still out that haven’t been packed away...”
When she nodded confirmation he went into the kitchen, and she tried to somehow wrap her head around what had happened rather than just reacting...
Three years, and suddenly it was all over.
Three years of lies, of pretense... How was she supposed to sort through it? Which parts had been real? She’d thought she knew him, thought they had a future, thought one day they might even get married, have children...
In a single day, all her dreams, all her hopes - ruined. The betrayal of it stung her, and she struggled to understand why. What had he wanted with her, why the lies, why... everything?
Looking up, she saw Matt enter with two cups.
“You knew,” she said - not a question, a statement. “You and Josh - you knew. And you helped him lie to me.”
Matt sighed, carefully setting down the cups on the table.
“Yes. Josh wanted him to tell you - you and Jamie both, back when you all first started dating - and he and Alex had a major row over it.”
Allison vaguely recalled the tail-end of an argument once, way back when, but it was so long ago that the details were lost to her, so she focussed on the main issue:
“But - you never told.”
Matt blew on his tea, thoughtfully studying the distance and avoiding her eyes.
“No. After all... it was his relationship, not ours...”
“But didn’t you think I had a right to know?”
She was directing her anger at Matt now, which was deeply unfair, but she needed someone to shout at. And he was taking it well.
“That’s exactly what Josh said. But Alex wanted...” He studied her for the longest moment, and she braced herself for what might come.
“He wanted to be normal, just once. To have an ordinary relationship. One where you could be more or less equals?”
Her tea forgotten, things finally began to slot together and make sense. Not that it made for a nice picture...
“And I was his ‘ordinary’ girlfriend,” she said bitterly. “His taste of normality. I never knew that ‘Common People’ was our song.”
Matt reached out, put his hand on hers.
“He was in love. People do stupid things when they’re in love. And I think - I mean I’m guessing here - but I presume he was worried about losing you if he told the truth...”
She almost laughed at this (the sort of laughter that would probably turn to tears again) because oh, the crazy absurdity - the horrible, ironic catch-22 of it all. And he must have known how she’d take it. No wonder he’d been so reluctant to commit...
“Besides - it’s not like we had much of a choice,” Matt added, and the laughter died on her lips.
“I don’t suppose you did,” she said, picking up her cup, needing something to stabilise her as dread shot through her again- a heavy, sharp feeling in the middle of her chest that came and went, but hadn’t left her since-
“Allie,” Matt said gently. “Don’t be too hard on him.”
“Don’t- are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what he did? What he could do? What-”
She bit off the sentence before she could say anymore, but Matt didn’t flinch.
“I’ve seen him threaten a whole horde of heavily armed, dangerous aliens with nothing but his name and his heritage. And seen them fold.”
Her eyes widened. So many things she had never known...
“I’ve also seen him spellbound by magic tricks and balloon animals when we were four years old... I - can’t really separate the one from the other. He’s just Alex to me. Josh... had a lot more issues, as I’m sure you’ve guessed.”
“Nevermind Josh, go back to the part with the aliens. When was this? What happened?”
“We were abducted by aliens. The summer we were sixteen.”
And the crazy just kept coming...
“Are you serious?”
“I can tell you the story if you like? It’s... how we found out he wasn’t human.”
She nodded, and, as she slowly drank her tea, listened carefully as Matt relayed their adventures on the Glattian ship. Now and again he’d hesitate, but she forced him to tell everything, even the parts that made her shiver all over again.
No wonder he’d not told her.
And here, finally, was the original cause of all the friction between him and Josh... As well as the reason they never talked about his father. It was the only point when Matt really struggled, searching for words.
“It’s one thing to have been told that someone is ‘evil’ and ‘insane’, but to see it is...”
He pressed his lips together, deliberating.
“It was the fact that he was so casual about it, I think. It’s not what he says - although that’s part of it - it’s how. I - I can’t explain it. But if you’re unfortunate enough to ever meet him, you’ll see. The other thing was that Alex was just so resigned...”
Her tea gone, Allison studied the bottom of her cup, as he continued:
“I can’t imagine growing up with that kind of parentage. I know Alex is far from normal, but compared to his father...”
This was not a subject she was quite ready to delve into just yet. ‘Brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent’ he’d said once. It had seemed like a glib line, something to brush off responsibility. But if taken seriously, to its logical deduction... what did it mean?
How did you navigate a world where ‘punishment’ meant having your spaceship taken off you? Where your father would kill people with perfect insouciance, and it was nothing more than what you’d expected...
She shivered again. How had she become entangled in all these things, so much bigger than herself? She was absurdly grateful for Matt’s calm presence - he had to have gone through at least some of what she was experiencing. Then a thought occurred to her, and she studied him anew.
“Sorry, but- you live at least ten minutes away. How did you get here so quickly? You turned up, like, two minutes after Alex left...”
Matt replied slowly, clearly working things out in his head as he spoke.
“Well I got the message about fifteen-twenty minutes before Alex left you here... But then he’s a time traveller. He could have sent the message any time. I don’t know what happened between you, but at some point he obviously thought that you shouldn’t be alone...” A frown. “I was supposed to be at a meeting tonight, but it was cancelled last minute. Guess this was why.”
Alex was clearly still looking after her, moving events and people for her sake - she was simultaneously touched and disturbed.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked, unsure at Matt’s non-reaction. “The way he... manipulates everything?”
Scratching the back of his head he seemed rather flummoxed.
“I... I don’t know. He’s always done it, so maybe I’m conditioned? No really, even when we were four, five years old he’d get the other kids to get along, making sure everyone was happy. And later, when he was... eight I think, he’d start to do it with the teachers too - and everyone else. Never overt, but things would just always - or almost always - simply work out how he wanted them. He tended to call it good planning and the ability to predict outcomes...”
This was not in the least reassuring, but Matt didn’t seem to notice her increased discomfort as he continued.
“What gets me is how trivial it all is. The things he could do... Allie, do you know how many people die needlessly every day? How much he could help? We’ve argued about this over and over, and he never seems to understand that I don’t want him to fix everything. I just wish he’d do something. I’m sure the history of the world wouldn’t suffer all that much if he introduced a universal cure for cancer or AIDS a few years early. Or eliminated malaria. Or stopped a war in Africa. But he just hides behind non-interference mumbo-jumbo.”
In her mind, Alex was saying ‘I could do terrible things in the name of good...’ and she swallowed. She and Matt were really not on the same page. If only Josh were here... He’d understand where she was coming from.
Because she still had his vision sealed onto her mind. Golden and beautiful and impossible. Her shattered illusion, broken and fractured, the different parts mocking her with what couldn’t be, because it hadn’t been Alex’s vision, but the Seeker’s. And whoever ‘the Seeker’ was, he wasn’t her boyfriend.
(She’d lost him. Her Alex. She’d given him her heart, but had he ever been real? It was almost worse than if he’d died... What had she fallen in love with? A mirage? A shadow? A lie?)
Like an iceberg - had she been thinking that earlier on? - she’d only seen one part of him, the rest hidden in the dark, under the water... Unseen, unknown, waiting.
Did that make her the Titanic?
Then Matt’s voice intruded and she tried to pay attention to what he was saying.
“Listen, Allie - you’re going to Manchester tomorrow. Would you like me to come with you? To help when the removal guys come for all the boxes and that?”
Manchester. She’d managed to blank that whole part out, even though she was surrounded by boxes. The thought of having to be organised and talk to people and work out what was happening when seemed like an effort she couldn’t even contemplate. Everything hurt so much she just wanted a pause button.
(He could that - step out of time, literally...)
“Yes. Yes, please, if you’d do that I would be forever in your debt. I can’t...”
(Don’t cry again. Not yet, at least. There are limits to what you can ask of him.)
“Hey. What are friends for?” Matt smiled, and she tried an answering smile. It made her face feel all wrong.
Matt left a little later, as he needed to get some sleep and she assured him she'd be OK until morning, but Allison herself didn’t even contemplate going to bed. The thought of sleeping alone in their bed was inconceivable, the sheer loneliness almost too much to grasp. Her every instinct, every behavioural pattern built up over three years, made her want to turn to Alex. And he wasn’t there. Would never be there, ever again. She could, in theory, go back to him, but it would be a Time Lord waiting for her.
Desperate for something to keep her occupied - something to stop her going over things again and again, her mind determined to go in circles and generally behaving like a demented boomerang - she picked up her laptop and decided to be pro-active.
She ended up staying awake best part of the night, editing her online profiles and home sites. She started by changing her relationship status to ‘None of your damned business’, and from then went on to create, and then run, a programme that found and made private everything associated with Alex - every picture, every update, every casual message - so at least she could start with something approaching a clean slate when she got to Manchester.
Halfway through she saw a message pop up, and tentatively opened it.
‘Hiya darling, have you split up from Mr Perfect? Tell me all about it when you can, yeah? I’m in Kuala Lumpur atm - take off in 10 minutes - so I’ve got to log off, the boss is giving me the evil eye. The Capitano xxxx’
She couldn’t help but smile. Jess Capitano, one of the friends who’d turned up that first Christmas and had met Alex... Crazy Jess who’d always been flaunting the rules where Allison had been careful to study. Jess who’d on the spur of the moment had decided to become an air hostess, and taken to it like a duck to water.
Allison really wished Jess wasn’t halfway across the world. Wished that their friendship hadn’t become sporadic and almost-lost as they’d both pursued their different lives. Jess would take her out on the town, get both of them too drunk by far, and tell her all about how there were plenty more fish in the sea, before demonstrating this by ensnaring a whole gaggle of eager lads.
She sent back a message saying that yes, they needed to catch up, then with a sigh clicked on Alex’s home site (he only ever had the one page), and blinked as she realised he’d been doing exactly what she had done.
(Although when was of course a moot point... She wondered where he was now, what he was doing. He could go anywhere, do anything...)
The page had been cleared of everything except a few lines, which she read, a frown forming on her forehead.
Independent Researcher
If you wish to contact Mr Saxon, please send an email to a.saxon@archangel.org
They were awarding him a higher doctorate, rather than a normal PhD? Having looked into the subject in some depth, she knew that no one became a Doctor of Science without demonstrating ‘a substantial and sustained contribution to scientific knowledge’, over the course of a career... Just the vetting could take more than a year.
What the hell had he done?
(She remembered asking him on the day, and he’d just smiled at her, that perfect Saxon grin that should have unsettled her so much more than it had. “I took the Natural Sciences and turned them inside out and upside down and made them dance a little jig!” he’d replied, and when she had mock-slapped his arm he had laughed: “No really. A jig!”)
A jig then. After all he’d created a planet, a human PhD was clearly a walk in the park...
Then, at the very bottom of the page, she discovered a link she had never seen before which said simply ‘Hermits United’.
For a long moment she sat looking at it, debating with herself. She’d noticed the email address and figured the whole thing was probably carried on the Archangel Network, which made her want to shut everything down and run a virus check. Yet she was well aware that if he wanted to invade cyber space - or her computer, her life - there was no way she could stop it. This was not a comforting thought, but she couldn’t deny the logic. ‘Archangel’ indeed. Always watching?
Despite her father’s endless talk about feminism and the way society was geared towards male power she had never felt vulnerable or powerless before. She was smart and capable, and besides she lived in 21st Century England where there were laws and rules in place to ensure equality and all the rest. Except Alex (the Seeker, a Time Lord) could bypass the whole thing. Could make all of NASA dance to his tune and launch a rocket just for her sake, or cancel a friend’s meeting so he could send him round to look after her. Like- like an alien Big Brother figure. Able to see everything, influence everything, change it to fit his desires...
(And there was that feeling in her chest again.)
She remembered going round to Josh’s after the incident with the photographer, incredulous at Alex’s attitude, and Josh’s response had been much more blunt than she’d anticipated. There hadn’t been any of the apologeticness that Matt had exhibited...
Unable to recall the exact wording, Josh had confirmed that his friend could indeed ‘do anything he wanted’, the rules not applying. And then said something about this being the central thing she needed to accept if she wanted a relationship with Alex.
She’d thought him a little flippant at the time, and not exactly as helpful as she’d hoped, but now realised that he’d been trying to warn her. If only she’d listened more carefully. But then she’d never imagined how literally she needed to take... everything.
Staring at the page, and the new link, she eventually decided that above all she wanted more information. Wanted to know as much as she could about what was actually going on behind all the lies. (And anyway, it wasn’t as if she could sleep...)
Clicking on the link, she immediately found herself on a completely blank page.
As she stared at it, puzzled, a pop-up appeared, bearing the words ‘Visitor privileges pending’, a small swirly circle slowly turning until the words dissolved and ‘Visitor privileges granted’ appeared in their stead.
The pop up itself then vanished and the page now bore writing. The start date was a few weeks after the alien invasion in the summer...
‘Hermits United’
Meeting up every 10 years to discuss caves
28.06.2028
Members: Captain Jack Harkness, the Doctor, the Master, the Seeker
Moderator: the Seeker
Membership by invitation only.
[Two memberships pending.]
15.07.2028
> Master, stop holding up the process you dick!
CJH
> Doctor, will you be so kind as to keep your pet humans in better check? You’d have thought this one would have learnt his place by now.
The Master
> My trigger finger is getting itchy. How would you like a new face?
CJH
>Vulgar, crude and unoriginal. What a surprise.
The Master
16.07.2028
[Pending memberships have been processed]
[New members: Doctor River Song, the Redjay]
> If you lot don’t stop arguing I’m taking the whole thing down. Good grief! Jack - you should have said dad was messing around. It’s all fixed now. And dad? Do _not_ harass the ladies.
S.
> Oh I would _love_ to see him try...
Prof. Song
> River, don’t encourage him! Plus, you’re crossing your time line. Again.
The Doctor
> You’re no fun.
Prof. Song
> Sorry if I misunderstood, but I thought this was a forum for serious messages, to be used in emergencies - like the Subwave network, but more reliable?
Redjay
> It is, Roda. Ignore them.
CJH
25.08.2028
> So, that giant spaceship parked in the Welsh valleys with the invisibility shield to turned up to maximum?
The Doctor
> A friend of mine! Sorry. Been busy catching up.
CJH
> Oooh, can I join? I’m very fond of catching up.
Doctor Song
> By all means...
CJH
> _Serious_ messages! Oh who am I kidding, you’ll all just use it to flirt/insult each other. Why am I even trying? The Earth is clearly doomed.
S.
And that was all.
She looked at it for along moment, realising that Alex (no the Seeker, she kept forgetting the name thing) must have set it up as a precaution after the invasion - as always creating something useful in response to a problem. And he still signed things with only the ‘S’ - it clearly didn’t stand for Saxon, as he’d told her, but Seeker...
Or both.
She buried her head in her hands. Behind everything, a different truth. Like fractals, every single thing dissolved into smaller component parts, half-truth, half-lie, nothing - nothing as it seemed...
The past three years slipping through her fingers like sand, leaving only emptiness behind.
Eventually she fell asleep on the sofa, not stirring until there was a knock on the door. For the briefest moment she wondered why she was on the sofa, and how come Alex hadn’t put a blanket on her (he was always so conscientious) - and then remembered, the crushing reality of her life swallowing her up all over again.
It was only Matt at the door, and he (kindly, but authoritatively - he’d be a great doctor one day she was sure) forced her to have a shower, find clean clothes and have some breakfast. (She was certain she couldn’t eat a thing, but it was easier to do as he said than to find the willpower to argue.)
He also called up Toby to make sure that her brother would be there to meet them, and explained about the break-up as briefly as he could; and she was stupidly happy to have him there, sorting everything out for her.
(She didn’t dare look at her inbox. By now people would have woken up and be bombarding her with questions. And she had nothing to tell them except that it was all over. There was no way she could tell the truth...)
As Matt talked to the removal men she merely sat on the sofa, probably looking as unwell as Matt was making out. “Don’t worry Pet, we’ll get it all sorted!” one of them remarked with a fatherly air as he walked past with a box, and she tried to smile.
(Inside she was screaming, hurting so much that the fact that she’d only had a 3 hours’ sleep barely registered - had it only been 24 hours since he’d told her?)
But Alex had (of course) arranged everything meticulously, and before she knew where she was they were on the road.
(Where was he now? What was he doing? Would he try to win her back, would he try... something? He could out-stalk Edward Cullen without even breaking sweat... But he wasn’t like that, was he? She’d sent him away, surely he’d respect that. Right?)
She tried to take a deep breath, calm herself down. He’d set her up with a new life, everything she needed at her finger tips (and that in itself spoke of planning and forethought that was downright creepy - he’d expected her to break up with him?), but surely that also meant that he’d leave her alone. Except he’d never had a girlfriend before. Maybe even he didn’t know how he’d react. He’d been so quiet...
Great, now she was going to go crazy from paranoia and heartbreak. Although at least it was justified.
When she said goodbye to Matt that afternoon, her new flat full of half-unpacked boxes and Toby and Troy busily trying to create order out of chaos, she realised she had one final question. Despite herself, she kept going over the vision in her mind, and one thing stuck out.
“Matt, sorry - can I ask something? What’s so special about Adelaide Brooke?”
Matt looked at her blankly.
“Who?”
"Adelaide Brooke? We worked with her at NASA. Why was Alex so... taken with her?”
He shook his head, puzzled, although he was probably thinking that this might have played into the break-up. Which she wouldn’t mind... It was a rumour she could live with.
After giving Matt a final hug she waved goodbye, before turning back to face her new flat and her new life. Except she had a sinking feeling that it would be far harder to escape the past three years than just moving to a different city.
If only- if only she didn’t still love him so much it made her feel all hollow.
Chapter 26
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Dammit, Alex!! You'd better not give up, wtf!!
*CRIES*
*CLINGS TO YOU*
MOAR.
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Yes, it's a difficult situation... And there really isn't an ideal way to have done anything. Especially because she is so very independent, and she needs a lot of time to process everything. (I hope I illustrated how confused she is, how jumbled her thoughts.)
Dammit, Alex!! You'd better not give up, wtf!!
Well, the next chapter is from his POV again... (I'll keep switching back and forth for a while, so we get both sides.)
*HUGS YOU TIGHT AND PROMISES YOU MORE SOON*
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Alison needs to decide if he's worth the effort. And if she is willing to handle the truth. He is still that amazing man. Now, she just knows why.
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Poor Alex. I don't know how he'd handle it better. He is a god and mere mortals are confusing. He wanted to be normal and succeeded for three years.
*nods* Although he's been pretending to be human his whole life. It's not surprising that he defaults to that given the opportunity. (And the fact that he's stuck.) Plus, throughout he's been battling with the knowledge that he'll lose her sooner or later. And which is worse?
Alison needs to decide if he's worth the effort. And if she is willing to handle the truth. He is still that amazing man. Now, she just knows why.
There was never going to be an easy solution, and right now Allison needs a lot of time, just to sort through everything. She reacted more out of instinct than anything else, but she's a very rational person. Maybe she'll come round... Because she was thoroughly dazzled for that whole day. He *is* wonderful and incredible and all the rest. She just needs to understand how it all fits together.
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On the pretending to be human ... he doesn't really have any choice. If he "pretends" to be Time Lord, it could get him killed or vivisected. There is no winning for him. What's bad is that the Doctor and the Master won't always be there to back him up. His bigger issue may be whether to continue to blend in most of the time or whether to become frightening enough to carry his own reputation as a shield.
Alex will lose everyone sooner or later. At this rate, he will truly be the last of the Time Lords. He will need to decide whether being a lonely god with big brother Jack is enough for him. Serial companions doesn't work out for the Doctor. He still ends up hurt. And, it takes a special type of sociopath to handle the Master's lifestyle.
I can picture Allison and Alex working on their pro and con lists. Why they should stay together and why they should stay apart. Issue number one will always be species and issue number two will always be longevity. The question is whether the rest of their lists weigh out better.
Also, love the Time Lord chat board. Another location for bickering. *chuckles* ... I just suddenly pictured Eleven, Ten, Nine, etc getting in on the bickering. As long as there aren't spoilers, it's all fun and games. Right?
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Heeee! LJ is my home and where I always default to. So I was thrilled when I discovered you had an LJ. <3 (Also I can just do more here. Like point out which songs go with every chapter. No really, most chapters have their own song. It's become a thing.)
On the pretending to be human ... he doesn't really have any choice. If he "pretends" to be Time Lord, it could get him killed or vivisected. There is no winning for him.
Indeed. Which is one reason he created his own planet, so he's got somewhere he can just be himself & not worry about anything.
What's bad is that the Doctor and the Master won't always be there to back him up. His bigger issue may be whether to continue to blend in most of the time or whether to become frightening enough to carry his own reputation as a shield.
Uh-huh. And he's very aware of this, having already had people (the Glattians) ready to risk their lives to capture him.
Alex will lose everyone sooner or later. At this rate, he will truly be the last of the Time Lords. He will need to decide whether being a lonely god with big brother Jack is enough for him.
Stop being insightful!
Serial companions doesn't work out for the Doctor. He still ends up hurt. And, it takes a special type of sociopath to handle the Master's lifestyle.
Yes, he has no interest in becoming his father. And he can see how much it hurts both the Doctor & Jack to constantly lose people. How he deals with losing (and maybe regaining? *teases*) Allison will say a lot about how he copes.
I can picture Allison and Alex working on their pro and con lists. Why they should stay together and why they should stay apart. Issue number one will always be species and issue number two will always be longevity. The question is whether the rest of their lists weigh out better.
This is brilliant, and pretty accurate. (Once they're gotten over the initial shock.) Both of them are very scientific after all. :)
Also, love the Time Lord chat board. Another location for bickering. *chuckles* ...
I'm so glad you mentioned that! It's like crack though, I could write it forever...
I just suddenly pictured Eleven, Ten, Nine, etc getting in on the bickering. As long as there aren't spoilers, it's all fun and games. Right?
This.
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A part of me wants to you to fix it, but at the same time I can't quite figure out how it can be fixed. No matter what happens, I can't wait to see where you take things next.
PS: I totally caught that Buffy reference. "The Earth is doomed." indeed.
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I am so glad you feel like that - I've been vaguely worried that people wouldn't quite get it (Doctor Who the show does have a tendency to make everything turn around how wonderful a Time Lord is), and I've very deliberately tried to pull everything down to earth. Would you really want a relationship with someone like that?
A part of me wants to you to fix it, but at the same time I can't quite figure out how it can be fixed.
Welcome to my world! There quite simply are no easy answers.
No matter what happens, I can't wait to see where you take things next.
I really really hope you like what I do... *crosses fingers*
ETA: PS: I totally caught that Buffy reference. "The Earth is doomed." indeed.
You know, that was a last minute addition, and I didn't even twig why it sounded so right. I am now hitting myself over the head, although clearly Buffy has now entered my subconscious on a whole new level...
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1. Roda cameo!
2. Matt/Alison could have been interesting.
3. I like that she's clever enough to poke around and find things out and not just accept it.
4. Sad, but nice chapter.
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1. Roda cameo!
Indeed. I think you'd seen it already, but even so. Good times. :)
2. Matt/Alison could have been interesting.
They're 'the normal ones', yet that on its own doesn't make them similar - their outlooks are very different. Matt is very idealistic, where Allison is driven by scientific goals.
3. I like that she's clever enough to poke around and find things out and not just accept it.
Combating fear by knowledge. And she's still curious... She just needed to take a huge step back and disassociate herself from being personally involved.
4. Sad, but nice chapter.
Thank you. And I want the whole thing to feel... weighty. If you know what I mean. It's not a lovers' tiff, it could be the end of them for good.
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Catching up with comments…
Chapters 22-23:
WAW!
… Hey, that's going pretty well.
… ish.
… outch x_x
Chapter 24:
Wstfgl.
Chapter 25:
*wants to give hugs to everyone involved*
… Hermits United, though: Wstfgl, I just couldn't stop giggling =D
I'm glad the chapters are coming more regularly, because AAAAAGH how are they going to deal with this now??
*sits there until next chapter arrives*
/D.
PS: I went "wstfgl" at your and the_redjay's propostion of beta reading… the thing gained a few hundred words after that, but is going nowhere at the moment though. One day, maybe… Thanks again for your interest :)
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WAW!
… Hey, that's going pretty well.
… ish.
… outch x_x
Ah yes. It's sort of taken from the Joss School of Writing - if they're too happy, TERRIBLE things are about to happen. Mind you, this wasn't one of them randomly getting killed, I hope I've set things up so (with hindsight) it seemed rather inevitable...
Chapter 24:
Wstfgl
!!! (I hope that means you liked it! *g*)
Chapter 25:
*wants to give hugs to everyone involved*
They sure need it!
… Hermits United, though: Wstfgl, I just couldn't stop giggling =D
Dual purpose - makes for an amusing break, and also gives Allison an insight into the other side of his life. :)
I'm glad the chapters are coming more regularly, because AAAAAGH how are they going to deal with this now??
Yeah, I've got the next... 3 all lined up. (There's more, but those are more or less done.) As I'm on holiday, I'm not sure if I can get the next one out on Friday (internet connection like TREACLE!), but I'll try.
PS: I went "wstfgl" at your and the_redjay's propostion of beta reading… the thing gained a few hundred words after that, but is going nowhere at the moment though. One day, maybe… Thanks again for your interest :)
Well, just say the word! We're happy to help. <3