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Twilight (the movie) review.
I will never read the Twilight books, but I shall readily admit that I loved the movie to tiny, sparkly bits.
Anyway, the reason I can make the above statement is that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_royal_anna brought Twilight with her when she visited, and Monday night we settled down to watch. It was even better than I thought! :) 'Review' under cut, but I just wanted to put Darcy's reaction out here... When we'd finished, his comment was as follows:
"Stupid, but oddly compelling."
Which is pretty spot-on, I think. The next morning, he had this to say:
"You know, I'm rather annoyed that I enjoyed that as much as I did. I'd like to re-watch it when I'm sober and see what I think then."
PURE GLEE, that's what I felt, dear friends. PURE. GLEE.
Anyway, to the movie...
Firstly, I LOVED the beginning, and the fact that they've stayed so close to the book, because it is very, very funny how everyone is like 'OMG Bella, you are totally awesome and special and we ALL want to be your friends!' Especially because it is played completely straight.
Then the Cullens appear and I have to take a deep breath and flail about Edward. If I didn't know better, I'd say that RPattz sat down and studied S1 Angel in painstaking detail - the way he keeps trying to look deep and troubled, but only comes across as constipated, kept me greatly entertained throughout. *ruffles his hair* Although it has to be said that Angel's awkwardness *does* seem like someone old and socially backwards trying to fit in, whereas Edward strikes me as someone who has been 17, literally, for a hundred plus years. (Talk about Fate Worse Than Death!)
Oh and the sparkling is... unspeakably badly done. I mean, I knew people said it was bad, but... *shakes head* Also the 'I'm the most dangerous predator in the world' + 'This is the skin of a killer' (AND IT SPARKLES!) still makes no friggin' sense AT ALL. Still, it *is* entertaining, and most definitely original.
At the 'You're my own special brand of heroin' Darcy shot me and Anna a look (complete with raised eyebrow), and we both nodded v. enthusiastically - 'Yes, he did just say that!' *g*
The baseball thing was fabulous too, although in my head all I could see was Angelus laughing, and laughing, and laughing - and then setting fire to them all before laughing some more. (Angel, I think, would either sneer and/or be deeply embarrassed for his kind, and get Harmony to kill them.) (This might backfire somewhat, since I think she'd like the sparkliness...)
The thing that *irks* me though (even though the plot does appear near the start in the film, which is nice), is the fact that the Cullens outnumber the other vampires more than two to one and still they're all 'Run away! Run away!' Which makes NO SENSE, and makes them come across as total pansies. (Also their 'Grr Argh' stances when facing off is... well, ridiculous seems too tame word.)
Must take a moment to mention cute-as-a-button Jacob, who looks like an over-grown 2 year old. *pets him* I've been wondering about the casting, since an actual puppy would be more of a rival for Edward, but looking ahead I guess it makes Jacob/Nessie slightly less skeevy.
What else? Oh - two hot moments: One, Bella's dream where Edward bites her, (Damn, I wouldn't mind watching that film!) and Two, the flashback where Carlisle turns Edward. The story is pretty much *devoid* of slash, but that tiny moment was pretty neat. (Why does Carlisle turn Edward? My verdict: Pretty boy is pretty.) Also, I must mention that Carlisle is the only one of the vampires who is scary. And I mean, even when trying to act Mr Nice Family Doctor (or maybe because of it?) he gave me chills. The paleness really works for him, and he totally has the look of a serial killer.
However, my favourite thing of all, the thing that had me cracking up completely, and that I've not seen anyone mention anywhere, was - Jasper!
In the film, one of the kids describes him as 'pained-looking', but that isn't quite right - he looks more like a startled rabbit who's just had his foot stepped on. And he has that exact same look on his face in [almost] every scene he's in. I have NO IDEA what the director was thinking, but I could kiss her! It's *amazing*!
And... that's all for now. I have that whole family thing to do... (Only two more weeks, only two more weeks. *keeps repeating mantra*)
ETA: I forgot to mention that I (who have not read the books, but *have* devoured endless Twilight mockage online), knew the answer to something that puzzled Anna (who HAS read the books). I am deeply shamed.
Anyway, the reason I can make the above statement is that
the_royal_anna brought Twilight with her when she visited, and Monday night we settled down to watch. It was even better than I thought! :) 'Review' under cut, but I just wanted to put Darcy's reaction out here... When we'd finished, his comment was as follows:"Stupid, but oddly compelling."
Which is pretty spot-on, I think. The next morning, he had this to say:
"You know, I'm rather annoyed that I enjoyed that as much as I did. I'd like to re-watch it when I'm sober and see what I think then."
PURE GLEE, that's what I felt, dear friends. PURE. GLEE.
Anyway, to the movie...
Firstly, I LOVED the beginning, and the fact that they've stayed so close to the book, because it is very, very funny how everyone is like 'OMG Bella, you are totally awesome and special and we ALL want to be your friends!' Especially because it is played completely straight.
Then the Cullens appear and I have to take a deep breath and flail about Edward. If I didn't know better, I'd say that RPattz sat down and studied S1 Angel in painstaking detail - the way he keeps trying to look deep and troubled, but only comes across as constipated, kept me greatly entertained throughout. *ruffles his hair* Although it has to be said that Angel's awkwardness *does* seem like someone old and socially backwards trying to fit in, whereas Edward strikes me as someone who has been 17, literally, for a hundred plus years. (Talk about Fate Worse Than Death!)
Oh and the sparkling is... unspeakably badly done. I mean, I knew people said it was bad, but... *shakes head* Also the 'I'm the most dangerous predator in the world' + 'This is the skin of a killer' (AND IT SPARKLES!) still makes no friggin' sense AT ALL. Still, it *is* entertaining, and most definitely original.
At the 'You're my own special brand of heroin' Darcy shot me and Anna a look (complete with raised eyebrow), and we both nodded v. enthusiastically - 'Yes, he did just say that!' *g*
The baseball thing was fabulous too, although in my head all I could see was Angelus laughing, and laughing, and laughing - and then setting fire to them all before laughing some more. (Angel, I think, would either sneer and/or be deeply embarrassed for his kind, and get Harmony to kill them.) (This might backfire somewhat, since I think she'd like the sparkliness...)
The thing that *irks* me though (even though the plot does appear near the start in the film, which is nice), is the fact that the Cullens outnumber the other vampires more than two to one and still they're all 'Run away! Run away!' Which makes NO SENSE, and makes them come across as total pansies. (Also their 'Grr Argh' stances when facing off is... well, ridiculous seems too tame word.)
Must take a moment to mention cute-as-a-button Jacob, who looks like an over-grown 2 year old. *pets him* I've been wondering about the casting, since an actual puppy would be more of a rival for Edward, but looking ahead I guess it makes Jacob/Nessie slightly less skeevy.
What else? Oh - two hot moments: One, Bella's dream where Edward bites her, (Damn, I wouldn't mind watching that film!) and Two, the flashback where Carlisle turns Edward. The story is pretty much *devoid* of slash, but that tiny moment was pretty neat. (Why does Carlisle turn Edward? My verdict: Pretty boy is pretty.) Also, I must mention that Carlisle is the only one of the vampires who is scary. And I mean, even when trying to act Mr Nice Family Doctor (or maybe because of it?) he gave me chills. The paleness really works for him, and he totally has the look of a serial killer.
However, my favourite thing of all, the thing that had me cracking up completely, and that I've not seen anyone mention anywhere, was - Jasper!
In the film, one of the kids describes him as 'pained-looking', but that isn't quite right - he looks more like a startled rabbit who's just had his foot stepped on. And he has that exact same look on his face in [almost] every scene he's in. I have NO IDEA what the director was thinking, but I could kiss her! It's *amazing*!
And... that's all for now. I have that whole family thing to do... (Only two more weeks, only two more weeks. *keeps repeating mantra*)
ETA: I forgot to mention that I (who have not read the books, but *have* devoured endless Twilight mockage online), knew the answer to something that puzzled Anna (who HAS read the books). I am deeply shamed.
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Oh yes! I haven't read the books either (and doubt I ever will), but loved the movie for what it was - cheesy, sparkly...and fun! :D
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http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP
Dare you to look :)
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Best part - the scenes where they forgot to put makeup on Our Heros ears. So there he was, all pale and constipated with those pink, pink ears sticking out. FAB!
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You and me both. Even early Buffy makes me want to pet her. ;)
So there he was, all pale and constipated with those pink, pink ears sticking out. FAB!
I KNOW! :D
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Haven't seen the movie, but I heart your review!
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I'm going to have to see the second one; some of my coworkers are planning a big party for opening day. ::sigh::
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I did have one objection to the movie that most people probably missed. In the "OMG they're actually meeting!" biology class scene, when I was supposed to be thinking "OMG, look at how he's avoiding her! Isn't is romantic!?!" I was criticizing their understanding of mitosis. (You don't just stick a new slide down and go "metaphase" and then move on to the next slide! There are thousands of cells on each slide, and they aren't coordinated -- sure, one or two cells may be in metaphase, but you have to point them out. Then, you have lots more cells there, so why move to the next slide?)
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Ha! I haven't seen the film but I enjoyed the honesty of that review. There have been things I've felt the same about.
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::runs away::
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Your place or mine? *g*