I'm not sure what I'm "blaming Buffy outright for"
I apologize if my wording wasn't clear - I didn't mean that YOU were blaming Buffy. I meant Riley, Xander, Buffy herself and to a degree the show's writers (does Riley apologize to her in AYW?) I wasn't targeting you.
"All Caps Abusive" I'm not sure what you mean by that; I've grown up with and lived with all sorts of levels of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and I know that there are certainly levels of abuse, but I'm not familiar with that phrase. I do see his behavior as abusive, or at the least terribly disrespectful.
Buffy herself has blown off patrol many a time. And one could consider that she leaves the world exposed to tremendous risk every night she isn't out their doing her all. Multiple people have died on nights Buffy took off. But I think that's an unfair standard to hold anyone to.
I agree, and I'm not trying to address every incident in the show. I meant to be more specific but didn't look up the episode title, and still don't have to hand now, where Buffy is in the hospital with Joyce and tells her that she can stay because Riley is patrolling with the Scoobies, then cut to the cemetary and the Scoobs (most vocally Xander) are wondering where Riley is. So apparently he was expected there by all parties, or that's how I think it's meant to be interpreted. Certainly the characters are wondering why he's not there, so there's a sense of some sort of committment blow off. (It could have been a loose as "sure I'll be there" but we never see that scene.)
And as we know from the show itself, every time someone doesn't follow up on a duty or a committment, bad things happen (Buffy failing to kill Angel leading to Jenny's death is not an exact one-to-one example, but loosely in the ballpark I think.)
The real problem is that Riley blew off relationship space in order to meet needs he wanted from Buffy without ever communicating his problems to her. Maybe a different girlfriend somehow sees this coming and gets proactive to help them face their misaligned needs. But that is not Buffy Summers. I think Riley knows that. Through action and inaction, Riley is inviting a breakup.
See I agree with this entire paragraph 100%; so I don't think we disagree fundamentally, just in terms of semantics, or slight shift in viewpoints, like two neighboring facets on the same diamond.
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I apologize if my wording wasn't clear - I didn't mean that YOU were blaming Buffy. I meant Riley, Xander, Buffy herself and to a degree the show's writers (does Riley apologize to her in AYW?) I wasn't targeting you.
"All Caps Abusive"
I'm not sure what you mean by that; I've grown up with and lived with all sorts of levels of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and I know that there are certainly levels of abuse, but I'm not familiar with that phrase. I do see his behavior as abusive, or at the least terribly disrespectful.
Buffy herself has blown off patrol many a time. And one could consider that she leaves the world exposed to tremendous risk every night she isn't out their doing her all. Multiple people have died on nights Buffy took off. But I think that's an unfair standard to hold anyone to.
I agree, and I'm not trying to address every incident in the show. I meant to be more specific but didn't look up the episode title, and still don't have to hand now, where Buffy is in the hospital with Joyce and tells her that she can stay because Riley is patrolling with the Scoobies, then cut to the cemetary and the Scoobs (most vocally Xander) are wondering where Riley is. So apparently he was expected there by all parties, or that's how I think it's meant to be interpreted. Certainly the characters are wondering why he's not there, so there's a sense of some sort of committment blow off. (It could have been a loose as "sure I'll be there" but we never see that scene.)
And as we know from the show itself, every time someone doesn't follow up on a duty or a committment, bad things happen (Buffy failing to kill Angel leading to Jenny's death is not an exact one-to-one example, but loosely in the ballpark I think.)
The real problem is that Riley blew off relationship space in order to meet needs he wanted from Buffy without ever communicating his problems to her. Maybe a different girlfriend somehow sees this coming and gets proactive to help them face their misaligned needs. But that is not Buffy Summers. I think Riley knows that. Through action and inaction, Riley is inviting a breakup.
See I agree with this entire paragraph 100%; so I don't think we disagree fundamentally, just in terms of semantics, or slight shift in viewpoints, like two neighboring facets on the same diamond.