Terrific food for thought. I think you contrasted the relationships very nicely, and it clarifies the world of difference between what Riley and Spike ultimately had to offer in a relationship.
I think a nonSpuffy fan would point to the Bronze scene in Dead Things, however, and say, "Well, what about 'You belong here in the dark with me'? How is that not all about Spike?" As a devil's advocate, I would argue that at an early point in both relationships (once Spike fell for Buffy), Riley was a much better choice than Spike. He represented the normal, stable relationship that Buffy needed and I don't think there's anything wrong with that idea. Ironically, by the time Spike made that declaration of love, he had become, in many ways, the steady, reliable "go-to guy" (both in love and in a fight) that Buffy really did need in her life.
The problem with Riley not being the long haul guy for Buffy was not so much because she literally "needed a little monster in her man", but because he couldn't understand Buffy outside of her role as his girlfriend. (I think his request that Buffy take him and their relationship seriously--because she really didn't--was reasonable, but what I see as his implicit expectation that she needed to change to fit the relationship was not.) In addition, what passed for stability with Riley was, in my opinion, an inability to change in any significant way. Spike, on the other hand, grew and changed over the course of his relationship with Buffy, both in how he loved Buffy and what he expected from her, but also in the person he became.
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Riley and Spike ultimately had to offer in a relationship.
I think a nonSpuffy fan would point to the Bronze scene in Dead Things, however, and say, "Well, what about 'You belong here in the dark with me'? How is that not all about Spike?" As a devil's advocate, I would argue that at an early point in both relationships (once Spike fell for Buffy), Riley was a much better choice than Spike. He represented the normal, stable relationship that Buffy needed and I don't think there's anything wrong with that idea. Ironically, by the time Spike made that declaration of love, he had become, in many ways, the steady, reliable "go-to guy" (both in love and in a fight) that Buffy really did need in her life.
The problem with Riley not being the long haul guy for Buffy was not so much because she literally "needed a little monster in her man", but because he couldn't understand Buffy outside of her role as his girlfriend. (I think his request that Buffy take him and their relationship seriously--because she really didn't--was reasonable, but what I see as his implicit expectation that she needed to change to fit the relationship was not.) In addition, what passed for stability with Riley was, in my opinion, an inability to change in any significant way. Spike, on the other hand, grew and changed over the course of his relationship with Buffy, both in how he loved Buffy and what he expected from her, but also in the person he became.