A thought about Willow.

[elisi]

Don't know why, but this has been going round in my head recently. It's very obvious, but it gave me insight into Willow (which is a good thing), and how she grows etc.

The thing I noticed was this:

WILLOW: ...the only thing I had going for me ... were the moments - just moments - when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. (grimly) And that will never happen again.

Now I like Willow/Tara very much, but Willow's statement here seems to me to say that she's really very immature when it comes to love. What she says is all about how Tara made *her* feel... Contrast for a moment with Spike in 'Touched':

I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.

Then I began wondering about Willow/Kennedy - it starts with plain, ordinary attraction, but Kennedy is soon made to realise that Willow isn't 'wonderful'. And Willow is careful that she doesn't forget her lesson. Kennedy doesn't try to ignore the darkness for the sake of keeping peace, she makes herself Willow's link out of it.

*re-reads*

Does that make sense all? I'm not really used to Willow meta, or exploring her character. How much growing up did she do in S7? Did Kennedy help? What did Willow learn about love?

Thoughts? Comments? Anything? Please come bringing insights, because I'm flailing.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

I guess it could've been the stint at the covern in England, or that she didn't care too much what Kennedy thought of her. It was Kennedy that did all the running, there never seemed to be much of an attraction from Willow's side.

Then the series did tend to be a little young with all the relationships, perhaps because the characters were supposed to be very young. So a little immaturity would be expected. They did age from 15-22 from start to finish, so they would have to do a lot of growing up during that time.

*goes off before saying anything about season 8*

[2maggie2.livejournal.com]

One of these days I'm going to rewatch season 7 for the sole purpose of tracking Willow's story. Cause as of now, my feeling is that they sent her off to England, somebody went 'poof' and she was all growed up now, and so we get the new wise and wonderful Willow of seasons 7/8. I'm hoping that's wrong, of course. But once they loused up her arc with the magic-is-crack stuff, it seems like they cut out the foundation from which to do a credible rehabilitation story. I'm not sure how else to explain it. She got a lot of air time in season 7. I think I read somewhere that it was second only to the time given to Buffy. But I have zero interest in the character or her story... and since I used to find her quite interesting, I want to argue that the Willow who came back from England just isn't related to the Willow who went off the deep end. So I no longer care about her. BTW, I further wonder if part of the problem people are having with season 8 is that it shows no signs of recognizing that the weaknesses of season 7 need to be redressed.

[debris4spike]

I have often wondered about Willow/Kenendy - that mabe it was a bit like Biyffy used Spike to feel alive in S6. Willow wanted to know that she could cope with a relationship - but maybe didn't want to be hurt - so chose someone not looking at the long term. Both Oz and Tara were hard choices for her - and as Buffy had suffered they both left her.

Don't know whether what I am trying to say makes sense - but that has always been at the back of my mind when I have thought of the relationship - Kennedy was someone to help her escape and get through the next day

[lusciousxander.livejournal.com]

I don't really expect Willow, or her friends really, to know what love really meant. I mean they're 21, they're kids. I'm 23 and I still see love in a selfish way, I see it as something that should make me comfortable and happy regardless of what the other person feels. It's stupid, but I won't lie, that's how I feel when engaging into a romantic relationship with someone. I'm still learning. Spike, on the other hand, is way older than Willow, more experienced, saw more, knew more. Of course, he'll sound more mature about love than Willow or her friends.

As for Willow/Kennedy, I've always seen it as a one sided attraction. Kennedy is fascinated by Willow, has a crush on her, probably on her way to fall in love with her. I don't see Willow returning Kennedy's feelings though, it was very obvious that Willow's heart isn't in the relationship (which is why I'm glad she and Kennedy are taking a break, it's bad to lead Kennedy on when Willow isn't feeling the same way as Kennedy). Kennedy felt like a step for Willow to move on and get more confident about herself.

[flake-sake.livejournal.com]

Hm,ok,here are my sixpence:
To me the season six magic addiction thing was Willow behaving much less controlled/mature, than we ever saw her before. I think it fits, because especially intelligent people, who spent there actual teen years reading way to much Virginia Woolf, often get a bit of a relapse in there twenties and need a trip on wild side.

What I´m trying to say is, stable Willow in S7 might be more a continuation of S5 Willow (but with a dark streak and real knowledge about what having been evil means(Love the dialog she has with Wesley in S4 of Angel)).

So on the love front, I think, she has lost the ability to just enjoy. She always was a bit of a control freak, but never when her feelings were concerned. When Willow let herself go in S6, everything turned very dark for her. Now, I´d figure, she must have a hard time falling in love without planning and turning around possibilities in her head. Has good and bad sides, I guess. She might never again rely so much on a lover, as she did on Tara. But then it might be good for her relationships, if she doesn´t have to loose herself in the other person.

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

This would be why I've always thought Willow/Kennedy was a much more healthy relationship than Willow/Tara.

Willow always had big self-esteem issues, but season 4 is when the balance tipped and she started to become much more self-confident - more so than Buffy, even. (And of course it went to her head and she over-compensated. She's always had an arrogant streak about her capabilities, but after Season 4 she felt no need to hide it.)

As for Tara - she enabled her. She boosted Willow's ego and self-satisfaction at her new life to stratospheric levels, and never once* challenged her or pushed back. Compare that to Oz, even, where Willow was never quite sure where she stood. With Tara, she knew exactly: she was worshipped and loved.

* 'never once' is an exaggeration for the sake of dramatic effect.

By season 6, they were both growing up. Tara was able finally to stand up for herself against Willow, at least in a limited way - if she hadn't died, thier relationship might have matured into something much healthier - but it neber got chance. As for Willow, she got her nose rubbed into her character failings during the Smashed-Wrecked arc, going from a sulky disbelief that she could possibly be in the wrong to a hesitant admission that maybe, yes she was. Which, of course, was brought home to her even more conclusively later on.

Like I said in my very first piece of LJ meta, Kennedy was good for Willow because she wouldn't stand for any of her crap; she was perfectly willing to push back - but it's also clear that she was in love with her. I agree with your thoughts, that at first it was just attraction, but after The killer In Me and Get It Done Kennedy came to a new appreciation of Willow's depths, and a more genuine feeling for her. It may well be Kennedy's first 'real' relationship, as opposed to dating and going out with people.

As for the other way around - I do tend to agree that Willow wasn't as much in love with Kennedy as she was with her, but not to the extent that she didn't care for her at all. In fact, knowing Willow I suspect she would feel really guilty about this imbalance. I think she was rather bemused by Kennedy; she just sort of fell into her relationships with Oz and Tara, so somebody actively coming on to her must have been a peculiar (flattering, scary) experience for her.

Also, of course, her self-image - constructed so carefully over the last few years - had been utterly shattered by the events of Seeing Red-Grave; discovering that she was still worthy of being loved was something she had to ease herself into slowly.

Has she got over her selfishness in relationships? I think it's notable that she warns Kennedy away from her several times, presumably for Kennedy's own good; and she wonders aloud what K could possibly see in her (in a genuine, rather than fishing for compliments way). But I don't recall ever seeing her boosting and supporting Kennedy herself, rather than accepting her support, so maybe she does still have more growing up to do.


(It's been a while since I read or wrote meta that wasn't about season 8. It's fun! :-) )

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

Interesting. That puts me in the position of having to say good things about Kennedy, and as she's the only character in the Buffy-verse I actively dislike...

I will say that I never thought Tara was especially good for Willow. A strong personality like Willow needs someone who is able to stand up to her to have balanced, healthy relationship. Oz (for example) was interested in Willow in season two, but won't kiss her just to make Xander jealous-- which is when she suddenly becomes interested in him. Tara was starting to stand up for herself in season 6, but in Seeing Red she wants to skip all the painful parts And just be kissing me (or something like that) so who knows how it might have gone!