Thoughts about 'Amends'.

[elisi]

Firstly, just to get it out of the way - Frivolous Thoughts:

- Buffy really doesn't look great this season. It's all pastel colours, unflattering trousers and skirts and a whole regiment of cardigans. Not to mention the hair. It's not that she's ugly or anything, she's just so... twee. I guess it's to set her apart from Faith, but still - I keep expecting her to bake apple pies or something. She just looks so *wholesome*. (Or as Darcy put it last night: She looks like an '80s TV presenter.)

- Watching with Darcy is... entertaining. He finds Angel pathetic and B/A utterly mock worthy. F.ex.

Angel: "Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!"
Buffy: "What about me? I love you so much..."
Darcy (deadpan): "*I* want you gone!"

************


OK, onto the 'clever' bit:

Settling down to watch this last night, I thought something like "Yay. Bangel cheesefest, let the fun commence!"

But as the episode started (Dublin, 1838) something dawned on me: I wasn't watching Buffy - I was watching Angel. Literally - Amends isn't a BtVS episode, it's an AtS one. AtS of course didn't exist yet, but I think this is Joss trying out the format, seeing how well it works to have Angel as the main character.

See until then, whenever we've seen flashbacks to Angel's past, it's always been tied into the Buffy story. Most of the flashbacks were in 'Becoming', but they were all necessary for the show and the story: Darla's "Close your eyes", Drusilla's torment, the souling, Whistler's rescue.

The flashbacks in Amends are all Angel specific and have nothing to do with Buffy. As she said "I was in Angel's dream." Yes there are bits with the rest of the cast - Buffy and Xander reconcile, Willow and Oz make up, Giles helps out. But it could just as well have been the Fang Gang who helped out try to work out what was wrong. ETA: Just thought I'd point out that of course story wise this ep has to have the characters and events it does. But thematically it's all AtS. And the focus is solely on him - Buffy runs around trying to help, the way she always does. But she doesn't win.

Of course the whole thing revolves around The First tormenting Angel, trying to make him use Buffy to lose his soul. And this is where it gets really interesting. Pretty much everything it says ties into Angel's struggles on his own show:

Angel: You're not here.
Jenny: I'm always here.
Angel: Leave me alone.
Jenny: I can't. You won't let me.
[...]
Angel: I am sorry... for what I've done. What else can I say to you?
Jenny/Daniel: I don't wanna make you feel bad.
Daniel: I just want to show you who you are.


Angel: It wasn't me.
Jenny: It wasn't you?
Angel: A demon isn't a man. I was a man once.
Jenny: Oh, yes, and what a man you were.
Margaret: A drunken, whoring layabout, and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
Angel: I was young. I never had a chance to...
Margaret: To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were *ever* a monster.
Angel: Stop it! Stop...
Jenny: I don't wanna hurt you, Angel, but you have to understand. Cruelty's the only thing you ever had a true talent for.
Angel: That's not true.
Jenny: Shh. Rest. You mistake it for a curse, Angel, but it's not. It's your destiny.

Now this is an interesting sentence. The First goes on to claim to have brought him back, just so he could kill Buffy and lose his soul ("Take her. Take what you want. Pour all that frustration and all that guilt into *her*, and you'll be free."), but I think it's lying. I think it was (inadvertently) speaking the truth before: The soul *is* Angel's destiny. As he'll find out once he discovers the Shanshu prophecy. He's a player in the Apocalypse, and *that* is why he was brought back - by TPTB. That's my guess anyway. But The First - the very incarnation of an opportunist - jumps at the chance of causing destruction in any shape. And isn't it interesting that Angel has this innate tendency to give up? Oh he doesn't sleep with Buffy - he just sits around waiting to burn. But 2 years later his despair is so much greater, because by then he's really tried to do good - to fight the fight, and yet it all seems to be for nothing. So he goes to Darla to do what he couldn't with Buffy now...

Anyway, here is another bit that's worth pondering:

Angel: I'll never hurt her.
Jenny: You were born to hurt her. Have you learned nothing? As long as you are alive...

It seems like Angel was born to hurt pretty much *everyone* he ever cared about. Poor guy.

It's easy to miss amidst the tears, but Buffy manages to impart *one* very important lesson, one that'll be a driving force on AtS:

Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together.

AtS is *all* about the fight, about keeping going always. At the end of BtVS Buffy earns a respite - a choice to do what she wants. Angel never does. As long as he lives, he'll always fight, and (Buffy got this a little wrong) he'll always lose those he fights with (except for Spike. But that's another point), but he still needs people to keep him grounded, attached to the world. It's all being set up here. And yes that last scene is awfully soppy, but the thing is - Buffy can't help Angel. They had their moment, but they're now moving past each other. They're not connecting:

Buffy: "I know everything that you did, because you did it to me."

This illustrates it perfectly - she knows what he did, but only from the other side. Only as the victim. There is a difference between knowing and understanding, and this is why she can't get through. Maybe she would have, later, when she knew the other side of the coin. Maybe.

But of course then comes the snow. The fight goes away. The Powers obviously decided that they didn't trust Buffy to bring Angel round, so the fixed the problem for now. Preserved their Champion and in the process made Buffy and Angel think that maybe their love was meant to be after all. ::shakes head sadly::

Anyway, I have tons to do, so I'll leave you with this. I hope that was interesting. (*is totally too addicted for own good*)

ETA: Something just occurred to me. Buffy is Angel's weakness. (And vice versa) Their love can be used as a tool of destruction.

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support.

This is all terribly obvious I know. But it just struck me.

Comments

[lusciousxander.livejournal.com]

lol, you want the cheasiest Bangel scene, try watching that scene in Helpless when he gives her her birthday gift. It's so cheasy!! I lost myself in giggles.

I'm not a big fan of Amends, I only watch it for the Oz/Willow reunion, and Xander helping Buffy save Angel (Awww, supportive!Xander, plus Xander/Bufy friendship has me more than Xander/Willow or Willow/Buffy) and to have my heart squeaze at the sight of poor Xander alone sleeping outside on Christmas, I wish Buffy asked him to spend the night at her place, especially after she heard *why* Xander actually slept outside.

[elisi]

Oh I'll look forward to that when we get to 'Helpless'. The B/A is fun to mock. ;)

And poor Xander sleeping outside! *pets him*

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

I agree with you, it was the first Ats episode, not a BTVS one! If there's any clue it's the miracle snow. The PTBs are an Ats thing, they were never mentioned on BTVS, there was never any Power from above on BTVS. The Power was The Slayer.

I've been saying for years that "Amends" was actually the episode that put Angel on the road to L.A.

I can't stand that episode btw...I really dislike Bangel there. But I like your husband! :- )

[elisi]

The PTBs are an Ats thing, they were never mentioned on BTVS
::nods:: The snow was a very obvious ATS trick!

I've been saying for years that "Amends" was actually the episode that put Angel on the road to L.A.
I've obviously not been listening... Sorry! :)

I really dislike Bangel there.
I was surprisingly OK with it (except for the sob fest at the end). The thing is, they don't really interact at all. The First uses Buffy to get to Angel (much like W&H will later use Darla). She's a tool, running around in crlces and actually doing very little. The whole thing shows how far apart they really are, and how she fails to understand him.

But I like your husband! :- )
He's wonderful. :)

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

Angel: "Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!"
Buffy: "What about me? I love you so much..."
Darcy (deadpan): "*I* want you gone!"
Bwah! I think I love Mr. Darcy.

[elisi]

He's a fine, fine man. And he has a lovely line in saying "Buffy - I wuv you," that cracks me up every time. :)

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

My unreasoning hatred for the Magic Snow makes me never, ever rewatch this episode; perhaps now I should. Great insights!

Buffy is Angel's weakness. (And vice versa) Their love can be used as a tool of destruction.

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support.

Oooh. Profound.

[elisi]

perhaps now I should. Great insights!
Thank you! :) The way to cope with the snow is to mock. A LOT! Darcy was watching with increasing scepticism: "It just started snowing and suddenly there's 3 inches of it?" Me: "It's magic snow!" Heh.

Oooh. Profound.
Squee! Thank you - I was waiting for 'Obvious'! ;)

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

*nods* I prefer Buffy's style in seasons 5-7. In seasons 1 and 2 it was over the top with the mini skirts. Season 3 was too many cardigans. And season 4 was too weird and hippish. I mean even the WAH commentary made fun of the hankerchief around her head *giggles*

Season 3 did have red leather pants though, so points for that. And she dressed decently in Bad Girls, until the final blue Sunday School outfit to confront Faith with. Oh and the purple flowery outfit at the beginning :P

[elisi]

Season 3 did have red leather pants though, so points for that.
Oh yes, it's not all bad. It's just that usually in the later seasons I keep saying "I want that outfit!" Here in S3 I keep saying "What *is* she wearing?"

[zimshan.livejournal.com]

This is quite exactly why despite everyone's hate of the ep and the magic snow, I'll always kind of love 'Amends'. Because it really does begin to perfectly set up Angel and his own series. And suddenly, after two and a half years of not caring about the guy, he's suddenly interesting to me. And on repeat, I definitely saw the split of Buffy and Angel here. From this point on, their lack of understanding of each other just keeps being more and more evident. As Angel starts getting more time away from Buffy, suddenly I find myself loving the character. It's like night and day comparisions, really. On my last repeat, I even found myself shamefully running as quickly through the rest of S3 as possible just so I could start S1 of Angel. I had forgotten how much I loved that show...

[elisi]

suddenly, after two and a half years of not caring about the guy, he's suddenly interesting to me.
*nods* He's kinda pathetic in 'Amends', but then he has no reason to fight that he can think of - the only thing he has going for him is Buffy, and her he can't lean on, it's too dangerous.

on repeat, I definitely saw the split of Buffy and Angel here.
She has no idea what he's going through, and he can't explain it. Just like you, I love him more and more the further he gets from Buffy! :)

[thesuthernangel.livejournal.com]

Agreed on Buffy's s3 wardrobe. It does seem quite incongruent with her wardrobe in the rest of the show. Much, much too wholesome. Not that she ever really dressed like Faith or anything, But she was generally at least a *little* more edgy. It does get back to more of her normal attire towards the end of the season...a la red leather pants.

Her early s3 wardrobe was probably to set her apart from Faith, but also possibly she was trying so hard to prove she wasn't a trouble-maker. Trying to make up for leaving, for getting kicked out of school, etc. She was trying to prove herself to her mother and the school...so maybe she was trying to look the part as the dutiful daughter and student.

BTW, I would kill to have just her jackets. Seriously. And I wouldn't mind having her sweater collection from s5 on.

[elisi]

also possibly she was trying so hard to prove she wasn't a trouble-maker.
Ah now that's a good point! I hadn't thought of that. Thank you.

And I agree on the jackets - actually most of her clothes from S5 onwards! *covets Chosen!Jacket*

[molly_may]

Hee! My unpopular fannish opinion: I love the hilltop scene between Buffy and Angel. I've been known to cry. And I'm completely forgiving of the Magic Snow.:) But I'm watching from the viewpoint that it's All. About. Buffy., which is why I get emotionally invested in that scene. It's about Buffy's pain, and how much she cares for Angel, and how much she's been hurt by him. When she says that she tried to stop loving him, that "I killed you, and it didn't help", my heart breaks for her.

All of that said, I think you're exactly right about this being the first episode of Angel. In fact, I think I've read where Joss or Greenwalt say something very similar. It figures that in an episode where I should be feeling the most for Angel, it's still Buffy's journey that I care about.

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support

"Sleeper" is the next episode I'm writing about (someday...), and I think what you say here is one of the keys to that episode, and to S7.

[elisi]

It's about Buffy's pain, and how much she cares for Angel, and how much she's been hurt by him.
Oh I can definitely see that. I can also see how hopeless it all is from Angel's POV. Maybe if I watched it alone I could get into it more (it's very hard to do with Mr Mocking saying cutting things next to you.). Although for me I think the real tragedy is how they talk past each other. They're both so caught up in their own pain that they can't understand the other one. I want to pet them and tell them that it'll be OK - someday they'll find other people to love, and it'll be nice.

In fact, I think I've read where Joss or Greenwalt say something very similar.
Really? I feel all clever and stuff now. :)

I think what you say here is one of the keys to that episode, and to S7.
You know my head is going to explode soon! ;) Although Buffy and Spike being each other's strengths is not exactly a new idea, I know that.

[thesuthernangel.livejournal.com]

Whoa! Did your layout just change in the middle of me typing my last comment?? Weird. B/C I was just about to comment on that header. That was yours that had the "silhouettes" header, right? Am I going crazy? Maybe I had just looked at someone elses.

[elisi]

Hee! Yes I changed it. :) The 'silhouettes' one was by awmp - still trying to work out all the green with this new one.

[samsom.livejournal.com]

I did like Amends - didn't enjoy it, but it was Btvs and I never really disliked a Buffy ep until As You Were - until the hilltop angstfest. It wasn't just the convenient snow, but the Bangel talk that showed they were on completely different levels. Angel was asking if he was worth anything, begging for some shred of belief that he had something to contribute to the world, and Buffy took his question and made it about how *she* felt about him, and how he hurt *her*.

I always thought that they were having two different conversations and not listening to each other at all.

[elisi]

I never really disliked a Buffy ep until As You Were
Hey - I'm planning to write something about AYW when I get some time! (Not something positive though! *g*)

Angel was asking if he was worth anything, begging for some shred of belief that he had something to contribute to the world
Oh I know - it's awful. (I wrote a comparison with 'Never Leave Me' here - there is also a link to a more indepth post by c4j.)

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

It's been a while since I watched Amends. I love Angel, but I have to admit that the over the top emotionalism makes me roll my eyes. It's probably pretty true to being 17, but thank the lord I never have to be 17 ever again! And don't even get me started on the magic snow!

I see what you mean about it's being an AtS rather that BtVS episode. I've been slowly re-watching AtS (mid season 3 at the moment-- just before it all goes horribly wrong, which is probably why I'm stalled) My personal Angel epiphany is that Angel and his soul is a metaphorical look at alcoholism and/or substance abuse. With his soul he can (to borrow a quote about the other souled vampire) be a good man but when it's gone he gleefully destroys those he loves. I hadn't thought through the conversations with the First in that context, but it really does follow...

clearly I'm going to have to pull out the season 3 BtVS DVDs. I think I need to re-watch Amends and see if it works with my theory!

[elisi]

thank the lord I never have to be 17 ever again! And don't even get me started on the magic snow!
Hee hee! In a way I don't mind it - as I said, I used to just think of it in B/A terms, but actually it's not at all. Buffy *doesn't* convince him to stay alive. The snow *doesn't* mean that they're destined for each other - the opposite in fact. It means that Angel's path is going to diverge from Buffy's. It's the beginning of the end.

My personal Angel epiphany is that Angel and his soul is a metaphorical look at alcoholism and/or substance abuse.
Oh - I remember reading something somewhere where they talked about it, and said that this was definitely a metaphor they worked into the show. Not as blatantly as they were going to originally (which is probably good), but it's there. And the way he focusses on Buffy's neck in Amends is... quite something. As is the way the FE keeps urging him to drink!

[treacle-a.livejournal.com]

ETA: Something just occurred to me. Buffy is Angel's weakness. (And vice versa) Their love can be used as a tool of destruction.

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support.

Not so obvious...that hadn't really occurred to me before and it's a very good point :)

[elisi]

Yay! I shall be all big headed soon! *g*

[frimfram.livejournal.com]

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support.
Oooh, I dunno - I reckon a lot of S6 is written to suggest that they're very much one another's Achilles heel. Spike's the one thing that can hurt Buffy (or do anything else to her), the one person he can hurt. She's the one thing that can really get under his skin, drive him to change, turn him from Big Bad into ... something else. Yeah, they can rely on each other. I think that's always true, and it's extraordinary. But they bring each other low, too.

[elisi]

Oh I was definitely thinking about S7! :) In S6 they drag each other down, but (as someone cleverer than I once said):

Here's another thing: the issues in this relationship are inherent. They’ve always been there; they always will. When it works in Season 7, it works for the same reasons it doesn't work in Season 6. Their dependency on one another is as much a strength in Season 7 as it is a weakness for much of Season 6. It's about the way they deal with the issues, not the issues themselves.

What I meant in my very shorthanded way was that the FE uses people's weaknesses against them - in Angel's case Buffy. And it works beautifully. When it tries the same trick on Spike, it doesn't work at all.

[sp23.livejournal.com]

Trying to look back through the veil of a kagillion years, I'm trying to remember what my initial impression of Amenda was, and I'm pretty sure I got all choked up at the end when they were walking through the magic snow because I'm a sap and at the time, a Bangel shipper. :) Now if I watch it I winch at the cheesy hilltop dialogue.

Buffy is Angel's weakness. (And vice versa) Their love can be used as a tool of destruction.

This is the exact opposite to Spike/Buffy: They're each other's strength. They can rely on each other, and their love acts as support.

Yes, and in both cases, it's the First Evil that brings this to the fore. In Amends, Angel wallows in his soul-guilt and decides to sunbathe. In the Bring on the Night/Show Time arc, Spike (who is still half nucking futs and suffering his own soul-guilt) uses his love for Buffy to help him fight off the FE's vicious words.

Nice review, and I too fell just a little in love with Mr. Darcy & his comment o'clever. *g*

[elisi]

Now if I watch it I winch at the cheesy hilltop dialogue.
Sometimes Joss should have better editors... although as someone said above, it's very true to a 17 year old!

and in both cases, it's the First Evil that brings this to the fore.
::nods and points to icon::

I too fell just a little in love with Mr. Darcy & his comment o'clever. *g*
Hee! :)

[shapinglight]

I haven't watched Amends for a long time and am pretty sure that when I last did the hilltop scene made me wince with its over-emoting. However, as someone said above, Buffy's behaviour does seem pretty much what one would expect from a 17 year old (have no idea what Angel's excuse is).

I don't much care for the episode but I see you're quite right to say it's an AtS episode rather than a BtVS one. Very good point.

Also, at least in the party scene featuring Angelus's awful moustache, everyone is dressed correctly, unlike the party scene in FFL.

[elisi]

have no idea what Angel's excuse is
Having watched the whole episode from Angel's POV it's obvious that he's desperate. His reason to fight (Buffy) is also his downfall. He's near catatonic and *thisclose* to losing it. He begs for a reason to live, and Buffy doesn't have one. My heart breaks for him (even though he *is* pathetic).

I think I was going to say more, but got distracted by your icon. Darcy had several cutting remarks re. Angel's hair... :)

[ibmiller.livejournal.com]

Nice analysis - though I actually love Amends. It easily makes my top ten episodes list. But then again, my number one favorite is Chosen, and I seem to have a high tolerance for deus ex machina plots. Or maybe it's just a tolerance for deus in general :-).

But very humorous.

[elisi]

It's in your top ten? Wow. If I ever made a list, I doubt any episode without Spike would even make the top 20.

It's not that I dislike it, although the last scene is rather over the top, more that it doesn't do that OMG! thing that other episodes do. :)

[ghostyouknow27.livejournal.com]

Thanks for directing me to this post!

Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together.

Oh, yes. That's almost as AtS as "Let's get to work." Only there's certain death instead of Christmas snow.

The Christmas snow drives me crazy. One, because it's Christmas snow. Two, because, it emphasizes Angel's dependence on the divine. He gets a carrot dangled in front of him (first snow that tells him he's meant for something, then the Shanshu prophecy).

Which is why I love it when he signs that shit away. That stuff tells him that he WILL be redeemed; thinking that redemption isn't possible, but that there are things worth fighting for – that the fight is worth fighting for – strikes me as a far more powerful take-away. But I am generally impatient with miracles, etc.

[elisi]

Thanks for directing me to this post!
My pleasure! (I'm forever reccing things, partly because it's much easier than trying to compress a complex issue into something short. I'm not good at short.)

Oh, yes. That's almost as AtS as "Let's get to work." Only there's certain death instead of Christmas snow.
*nods a lot* Also it shows very well how Buffy helps Angel grow. He talks about it in the next ep:

Angel: Buffy, you know, I'm still figuring things out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you.
Buffy: But we never...
Angel: We never win.
Buffy: Not completely.
Angel: We never will. That's not why we fight. We do it 'cause there's things worth fighting for. Those kids. Their parents.
I love it when the show sums something up in a few paragraphs, and this is totally the forerunner for 'If nothing we do matters...'

The Christmas snow drives me crazy. One, because it's Christmas snow. Two, because, it emphasizes Angel's dependence on the divine. He gets a carrot dangled in front of him (first snow that tells him he's meant for something, then the Shanshu prophecy).
I sorta find the Christmas snow hilarious. I can't help it. But as for the whole destiny thing, it's very much a two-edged sword - yes, he's important, but otoh he's just a tool, a piece on the board, something for the Powers to use. And I think he chafes against that a lot, and (in the words of Anna, again) when it comes to NFA:

'Once upon a time I said that Buffy was character-driven where Angel is theme-driven, that sometimes in Angel it felt like the characters were subservient to the story. And now I start to see that that was the point of Angel; that it was about characters trying to be bigger than the story they were in. It was a battle, character versus story, and the answer was always that you could only fight your story so far. That in the end you'd have to seize your story, whichever point of that story you'd find yourself at, and make it yours. I think that's what Angel leaves with me. It's your story. Tell it.'

Which is why I love it when he signs that shit away. That stuff tells him that he WILL be redeemed; thinking that redemption isn't possible, but that there are things worth fighting for – that the fight is worth fighting for – strikes me as a far more powerful take-away.
And yes, I love that aspect of the ending too - that he stops playing along to the game of others and starts making the rules himself. Plus, he embraces his vampire side (I adore the showdown with Hamilton), acknowledging the importance of what he is. Being a vampire really is his destiny, just like The First said.

(Oh look at me ramble... *g*)