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Fic: ClaraToo (parody)
So, I found this buried in a folder. It is VERY silly. If you are a Ten/Rose shipper, approach with caution. Probably won't post it to AO3, cause... it's not kind.
Ahem.
Title: ClaraToo
Characters & pairings: Eleven, Clara, TenToo/Rose, River
Setting: S7b, pre-Name of the Doctor (which is also when it was written)
Rating: Um. Gen, but...
Dedication: For Owls, and anyone else who misses Moffcest
Word count: 711
Notes: Remember this is a parody - although if you like 'Five Times the Doctor Tried to Get Rid of Rose Tyler' you should love this. Basically this is a draft that hasn't even been beta'd, so. :)
I also found THIS which was clearly the inspiration. I had ZERO recollection of this. But isn't it neat?
(x)
ClaraToo
*knock on TARDIS door*
Eleven opens it, to be faced with TenToo & Rose. Momentary speechlessness all around.
TenToo: "New face! And ooooh, I like the coat. Didn't we get that from-"
Rose: "I can't believe you! All this way, and all you can talk about is yourself! When the life of your daughter is in peril!"
TenToo: "Our daughter!"
Rose: "Funny how often you forgot that. 'Oh Rose, I can't make tonight. Alien spaceship crashed in South America'."
TenToo: "I stopped World War 4! I prevented the assassination of the President! I saved the Gregorz spaceshuttle! I-"
Rose: "Because it's all about you, isn't it? Nevermind that you missed her first steps, her first words, her birthdays, her- No wonder she ran away!"
Eleven has been looking from on to the other, as if at a tennis match.
Eleven: "Um. Excuse me. What exactly do you want?"
Rose: "We are trying to find our daughter. She ran away. To this universe we think. Her name is Clara..."
Eleven (understanding slowly dawning): "Oh... Hang on." He calls over his shoulder: "Clara? I think your parents are here..."
At which point the TARDIS door abruptly shuts (with Eleven inside, and Ten & Rose outside) and the engines start grinding.
Eleven turns and goes to the central console, hands clasped together:
"Clara... Is there something you want to tell me?"
Clara busily pulls levers until they're off into the vortex.
Clara: "Sorry. I only just remembered who I am. Crossing the Void went a tiny bit wrong. I... sort of parcelled myself up, like an email-"
Eleven (excited): "And sent all the different bits separately, small enough to penetrate the skin between worlds without danger! That. Is. Genius!"
Clara: "I know. But it went wrong. I was supposed to come back together, but instead I ended up all... scattered. Of course I encoded all the different parts with all the necessary information, just in case any of them got damaged, so I think I'm OK. I just got clones and a heavy dose of amnesia on top of everything else."
Eleven opens his mouth to speak then abruptly raises his hands in alarm, before covering his mouth in horror.
Eleven: "You kissed me! Well one of the other Claras! You're practically my daughter!”
Clara: "You're nothing like my father. Or my mother. And since I now remember who I am - lets go somewhere else!"
Eleven: "You can't just leave them there."
Clara: "Sure I can. They'll be happy arguing, and I'll be happy running." (beat) "I ran away for a reason!”
Eleven: "I think we should probably try to sort things out... Hang on."
He goes to the console and starts programming. A little later the TARDIS lands, and when he opens the door finds River outside in the middle of a dig. She looks up, smiling widely.
River: "Hello Sweetie, to what do I owe the pleasure? And Clara! Gosh, you look more adorable every time I see you."
Eleven: "River! Oh thank Rassilon, we need you. Listen, Clara's parents turned up, we could really do with some help-"
River, a fixed smile suddenly on her face as she takes a step backwards: "Her parents? Really. Gosh, would you look at the time, I should have been back in Stormcage weeks ago!"
She throws her trowel at a nearby helper and starts programming her wrist strap.
Eleven: "But they released you! Years ago!"
River: "Well, let's see if they'll put me up for old times' sake. I miss that cell you know, so quiet. And I should be safe there." A bright, insincere smile: "Good luck with it all. Find a younger me to help you, I'm off!"
*vanishes*
Eleven: ...
Clara (resigned): "She's met them alright. C'mon Doctor, let's just go to Space Florida! Unless you want a turn as marriage counsellor..."
Eleven: "But- but they were happy and kissing when I left them!"
Clara: "Abandoned them, you mean. Dad is forever overcompensating for not being the real you, and Mum is just... resentful, and really good at pushing his buttons. Please, can we just leave it?"
Eleven: "You can't run forever."
Clara (lifts eyebrow): "Says you!"
Eleven: "... Good point. Where do you want to go?"
~the end?~
(I have another snippet written but it's going nowhere)
Ahem.
Title: ClaraToo
Characters & pairings: Eleven, Clara, TenToo/Rose, River
Setting: S7b, pre-Name of the Doctor (which is also when it was written)
Rating: Um. Gen, but...
Dedication: For Owls, and anyone else who misses Moffcest
Word count: 711
Notes: Remember this is a parody - although if you like 'Five Times the Doctor Tried to Get Rid of Rose Tyler' you should love this. Basically this is a draft that hasn't even been beta'd, so. :)
I also found THIS which was clearly the inspiration. I had ZERO recollection of this. But isn't it neat?
(x)
*knock on TARDIS door*
Eleven opens it, to be faced with TenToo & Rose. Momentary speechlessness all around.
TenToo: "New face! And ooooh, I like the coat. Didn't we get that from-"
Rose: "I can't believe you! All this way, and all you can talk about is yourself! When the life of your daughter is in peril!"
TenToo: "Our daughter!"
Rose: "Funny how often you forgot that. 'Oh Rose, I can't make tonight. Alien spaceship crashed in South America'."
TenToo: "I stopped World War 4! I prevented the assassination of the President! I saved the Gregorz spaceshuttle! I-"
Rose: "Because it's all about you, isn't it? Nevermind that you missed her first steps, her first words, her birthdays, her- No wonder she ran away!"
Eleven has been looking from on to the other, as if at a tennis match.
Eleven: "Um. Excuse me. What exactly do you want?"
Rose: "We are trying to find our daughter. She ran away. To this universe we think. Her name is Clara..."
Eleven (understanding slowly dawning): "Oh... Hang on." He calls over his shoulder: "Clara? I think your parents are here..."
At which point the TARDIS door abruptly shuts (with Eleven inside, and Ten & Rose outside) and the engines start grinding.
Eleven turns and goes to the central console, hands clasped together:
"Clara... Is there something you want to tell me?"
Clara busily pulls levers until they're off into the vortex.
Clara: "Sorry. I only just remembered who I am. Crossing the Void went a tiny bit wrong. I... sort of parcelled myself up, like an email-"
Eleven (excited): "And sent all the different bits separately, small enough to penetrate the skin between worlds without danger! That. Is. Genius!"
Clara: "I know. But it went wrong. I was supposed to come back together, but instead I ended up all... scattered. Of course I encoded all the different parts with all the necessary information, just in case any of them got damaged, so I think I'm OK. I just got clones and a heavy dose of amnesia on top of everything else."
Eleven opens his mouth to speak then abruptly raises his hands in alarm, before covering his mouth in horror.
Eleven: "You kissed me! Well one of the other Claras! You're practically my daughter!”
Clara: "You're nothing like my father. Or my mother. And since I now remember who I am - lets go somewhere else!"
Eleven: "You can't just leave them there."
Clara: "Sure I can. They'll be happy arguing, and I'll be happy running." (beat) "I ran away for a reason!”
Eleven: "I think we should probably try to sort things out... Hang on."
He goes to the console and starts programming. A little later the TARDIS lands, and when he opens the door finds River outside in the middle of a dig. She looks up, smiling widely.
River: "Hello Sweetie, to what do I owe the pleasure? And Clara! Gosh, you look more adorable every time I see you."
Eleven: "River! Oh thank Rassilon, we need you. Listen, Clara's parents turned up, we could really do with some help-"
River, a fixed smile suddenly on her face as she takes a step backwards: "Her parents? Really. Gosh, would you look at the time, I should have been back in Stormcage weeks ago!"
She throws her trowel at a nearby helper and starts programming her wrist strap.
Eleven: "But they released you! Years ago!"
River: "Well, let's see if they'll put me up for old times' sake. I miss that cell you know, so quiet. And I should be safe there." A bright, insincere smile: "Good luck with it all. Find a younger me to help you, I'm off!"
*vanishes*
Eleven: ...
Clara (resigned): "She's met them alright. C'mon Doctor, let's just go to Space Florida! Unless you want a turn as marriage counsellor..."
Eleven: "But- but they were happy and kissing when I left them!"
Clara: "Abandoned them, you mean. Dad is forever overcompensating for not being the real you, and Mum is just... resentful, and really good at pushing his buttons. Please, can we just leave it?"
Eleven: "You can't run forever."
Clara (lifts eyebrow): "Says you!"
Eleven: "... Good point. Where do you want to go?"
(I have another snippet written but it's going nowhere)