See, I don't know if I'm anti-Angel really so much as I don't really see how his actions add up to how they're presented. If his story was left at S3, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but the more they added to his story, the more cynical I see him in regards to Buffy. Ret-Con or not, it's still Con.

As far as manipulative goes... Well, I'm not sure the word isn't too strong. He sees her as a little girl, obviously. Yet he plays up the dark, brooding stranger that is a common fantasy in youngsters of both genders, doesn't tell her he's a vamp and flat-out lied about killing people. If any of the last two had been brought up in the first few eps of S1, B/A is nowhere and I think he's aware of that. I'd buy that he was in love with her except that we're led to believe that he knew it was doomed from the start... I don't know. I just really don't.

Angel was desperate to know that their relationship wasn't broken - or rather, that her love hadn't gone away.

Exactly. It was the perfect opportunity for an out and he didn't take it. Not that different than, as you said, his refusal to accept her opinion in Lover's Walk. To me, that withering ending on somewhat mutual ground would've been better than 'Your sacrifices mean nothing, I'm leaving. That's it.'