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Fic: Dating the Cleverest Boy in the World. Chapter 10.
You'd have gotten this chapter yesterday, if it hadn't been for the fact that we went for a 5 hour walk in the mountains... (My legs!) Also, this is so much longer than it was supposed to be. Sorry, it grew. And many thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kathyh for the look-through! (Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up. And on AO3 here.)
Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: 2026 (AU post-Sound of Drums)
Characters: OCs (Alex, Allison, others)
Rating: PG-13.
Wordcount: 6500+ words
Chapter 10
New Year’s Eve proved as magical as expected, but it was the start of the new term that brought the real surprise.
Alex, of course, didn’t turn up for the first lecture of the term, but he didn’t appear afterwards either, and it was only later in the afternoon - when it was nearing evening - that she got a text:
‘Come to Dolans Butchers. S.’
Knowing better than to start asking questions, she wrapped up warm and (with a little help from Google maps) made her way to the place in question, just in time to see a rotund man (the very image of a butcher), rolling down the metal blinds in front of the window and locking up, as Alex pulled on his duffle coat next to him.
“Allie!” he said, features lighting up at the sight of her, and the butcher turned.
"This is the girlfriend, eh? Student, I take it?"
"Indeed," Alex confirmed. "Astrophysics."
The butcher raised an eyebrow. "A brainbox, eh? Your funeral..."
"Oh yeah, I like them smart," Alex said, smiling proudly, before making proper introductions, after which the butcher shook his hand, thanking him for the day's work and - with a brief aside to Allison about how her boyfriend was the most talented young man he'd ever met, never had he come across someone who had picked stuff up like that - and then reminded Alex about what time he was supposed to start the next morning, and Alex nodded solemnly and promised to be there on the dot.
"He takes time keeping very seriously," Allison added, and Alex laughed.
"She knows me well..."
As soon as the butcher had left, however, Allison held up a hand.
"Explain. Now."
Alex smiled beatifically.
"I'm training to be a butcher, I thought that was pretty obvious."
"But... why?"
Of all the millions of things he could be doing, this would not even have made her list.
"Well - it's twofold..."
Taking her hand he started walking, and she followed, listening.
"You might remember that I told my Uncle that I had thought of stuff to keep me occupied, and this is essentially it: I'm just going to learn stuff. Anything and everything. Butchery, bookbinding, cartography, flower arranging, millinery... I've got a proper list and everything. If I spend approximately a week on each craft or trade, I should have amassed a fair collection of useful skills by the end of my stint here. I started with butchery because of Mowgli."
"Mowgli," she repeated, once more impressed with his off-the wall non sequiturs.
"In the Jungle Book," he began, in full lecturing mode, "after Mowgli kills Shere Khan, he skins him, and then spreads his hide on the Council Rock and dances on it... But. To quote the book: 'A boy trained among men would never have dreamed of skinning a ten-foot tiger alone, but Mowgli knew better than anyone else how an animal's skin is fitted on, and how it can be taken off.' I can't begin to tell you how much I begged my uncle to teach me how to do that when I was little - and to let me have my own knife, just like Mowgli did... I rather over-identified with Mowgli back then. However, it is very good to finally learn how to do it. Of course tigers are different from cows and pigs, but I figure the underlying principle is the same. If I ever kill a tiger, I'll know how to skin it myself. Wouldn't mind a tiger rug..."
She listened to this with growing bafflement.
"Are you planning on killing any tigers then?" she finally asked, and he frowned pensively.
"Not really. But you never know. You see that's the thing about this whole venture - I love learning things, and I want to know everything. And part of the reason for that is that you never know what life will throw at you. I hate not being prepared."
For a moment a shadow passed across his face, but she wasn't sure whether it was just the actual shadow of passing under a streetlight, or something deeper. When he spoke again - asking her how her day had been - there was no hint of hidden emotions, and she decided not to pursue it.
***
At the first available opportunity, however, she got together with Matt and Josh and told them about what had happened before Christmas.
"You... took him to a Planetarium?" Matt asked slowly, as Josh leaned forward, eyes narrowing.
"How did he take it?"
She bit her lip. "Not very well. I was hoping maybe you could explain why?"
A moment, then they both shook their heads.
"Sorry," Matt said apologetically, "He'll tell you in his own time."
Josh, however, looked oddly pleased.
"Nice to know that Mr Always Knows Best isn't coping as well as he said. Best thing his uncle ever did, sending him here - seems the cure is working, at least a little."
"What do you mean?" Allison asked, puzzled, but Josh suddenly clammed up completely and only said "You'll see", with a significant look that Allison didn't like at all. Matt however rolled his eyes, and Allison thought 'Boys' and decided to ignore the remark for the time being.
***
With Alex busy with his different projects, and she herself busy with her studies, the months seemed to fly by as they settled into a comfortable routine, Alex seemingly determined to keep hold of his title of Perfect (if eccentric) Boyfriend; being attentive, yet never crowding her, and above all always brilliant company.
He also proved himself a continually considerate and thoughtful lover, with just the right amount of adventurousness and inventiveness. (Allison more than suspected that he got tips from Jack, but didn’t dare ask as she was 99% sure that the answer would be a nonplussed: ‘Well of course’.)
So the oddness of Christmas (and other instances of peculiarity) slowly receded beneath a wave of pleasant (although never dull or predictable) relationshipness, and if she ever thought of them she put them down to 'General Alex Weirdness' - besides, she was his girlfriend, not his therapist.
Then came May Day.
Afterwards she sometimes wondered if things had gone differently - if they hadn't gone to the Fair, say - events would not have taken such a decisive and dark turn. But then, Alex was Alex - and sooner or later things would probably have come to a head, no matter what. Alex's summation a week later (he sometimes had a downright spooky ability to guess what went through her head) was the very brief and simple: "It happened, and I'm not letting it go. There's no point in pondering could-have-beens. All I want to know is - where do you want to go from here?"
***
Friday 1st May 2026
It was a small noise - somewhere between a sigh and a whimper - and Allison looked up from her text book to see Alex, head resting heavily in his hands, staring at his laptop screen with quiet misery.
The flat was quiet, intermittent sunbeams playing across the table between when them when the clouds lost the ongoing battle of trying to keep the sun hidden, the afternoon stretching out in front of them full of delightfully empty hours.
She’d fallen into the habit of Friday afternoon study sessions in Alex's flat, as Matt and Josh were usually elsewhere so it was quiet. Alex would more often than not join her at around 3 pm, making a pot of tea and getting out his own laptop, and they'd sit in companionable silence until they got hungry and decided it was time for some kind of dinner.
Winding down the week by going over all the new things she’d learned was something she’d started several years before, and she now found it an integral part of how she worked, happy to be able to incorporate it into her university life.
Today Alex had arrived at 1 o'clock, having finished early at a boat builders (oddly enough he'd seemed to get more and more maudlin as the week went on - she half suspected he was coming down with something), and they'd already spent more than hour in silent study. (Although what exactly Alex was studying Allison wasn't sure of.)
“What’s the matter?” she asked - surprised, and vaguely concerned - and he closed his eyes.
“Slowly going mad out of frustration....”
As she didn’t answer he looked up, and elaborated.
“Sorry. Don’t want to break into your study time, just to state the obvious. But... OK, so I'm keeping busy, and I'm learning things, and I'm doing pretty well, all told. But there's still all the things I was planning to do before I was shipped off to this deadend, and it's just sitting there, useless, as theory is no good without being able to do proper tests. I have all this work-” he held out his hands towards the laptop, features getting animated, “Good work, important work, possibly vital work, and it’s utterly useless because I can’t build or test or implement single thing.”
Letting his hands fall into his lap, dejection once more claimed him.
“I miss my lab,” he added, voice small and wistful, and the words at the tip of Allison’s tongue were forgotten.
“You... have a lab?” she asked, watching him across the kitchen table in astonishment, but he just nodded, still looking forlorn and uncommunicative.
“Why did you never tell me this? A lab? Like a science lab?”
A wisful sigh, complete with the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
“Everything - anything - lab. The most beautiful thing you can imagine.”
“Alex!”
Looking up he seemed to focus on her properly for the first time.
“Alex! You have a lab and you never told me?”
He shrugged, the wistfulness of the smile turning bitter.
“Doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t get to it. I’ll show you one day, but for now it might as well not exist.”
Taking a deep breath he leaned on his hands again, studying the laptop.
“I’m wasting my time. Time is... slipping through my fingers. Drip drip drip. Second by second by second and I hate it. Hate this... forced suspension of my life. Locked up, shut away, with only pointless distractions to keep me occupied..."
Eyes darkening, the smile vanished.
"They did it to him, you know. My Uncle. Exiled him and curtailed him and tied him down to one place. He knows exactly how I feel, that’s the rub. He chose the punishment that would hurt the most - so goddamn twisted."
Trying to sort through the barrage of new information, she tried to remember what had started it all and focus on that, because he was far too good at getting sidetracked.
“But if it’s important work, can’t you tell your uncle...”
Her voice trailed off at the look he sent her.
“The whole reason I was looking forward to getting proper freedom was the fact that I’d be able to do stuff without him breathing down my neck... I’d have somewhere to do stuff in private, without lectures.”
A sigh, far too cynical for someone that young.
“Heck if this punishment has taught me anything it’s to lie as much as possible - the truth only gets you in trouble.”
“I’m not sure I like what you’re implying,” she said slowly, and he studied her candidly, his smile suddenly back to its normal self.
“I’m a lying liar who lies?”
“That’s not funny,” she admonished, and the smile vanished.
“No it isn’t, I suppose... I guess I just want to find some kind of upside to this place - other than you. Forcing me to stay here isn’t about teaching me anything - or rather, any lessons are incidental. It’s about making me pay. If they can’t make me apologise or change my mind, at least I can be made to suffer. And it’s working far too well.”
Catching her eyes, he sighed.
“I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. But there’s two years left and I... I thought I was good at adapting and make the best of things. But I’m reaching my limits and I don’t know what to do.”
For a long moment she studied him, then put her book firmly down. The diagnosis was now clear: 'Acute Attack of Self-Pity-itis'. Usually he snapped out of it fairly quickly, but obviously something at this boat builders had done a number on him. Thankfully she knew a cure.
“Let’s go see what the May Day Fair is like - I know it’s there all weekend, but I think you need a proper distraction.”
“Um... alright,” he answered, still oddly lifeless, but she closed his laptop and took his hand.
“Come on, you clearly need something else to focus on. Besides - I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to show off.”
And finally he laughed.
***
As she suspected, the Fair proved to be just the thing. It was big and noisy and full of people, and Alex visibly blossomed. Already the place had that peculiar fair ground smell - popcorn and hotdogs and sugar all coalescing in the spring warmth - and, although there were 14 year old in skimpy outfits and parents with young children and dons in impeccable tweed and everything in between - the normal fairground clientele - they were all far outnumbered by students. Seemingly the whole of Cambridge had decided to check out the fair at the same time.
Allison looked for any one she knew, but it was hopeless, so they bought some candy floss, went on the tea cups and Allison was contemplating the bumper cars when Alex grasped her arm.
"Look! A shooting tent!"
"Is that legal?" she asked, but he just said "Oh who cares," and dragged her into the tent, where they promptly had to undergo various checks to verify their age.
Happily studying the prizes, Alex immediately focussed on the top prize - and giant purple teddy bear, about 4 foot tall - and turned to her, beaming.
"I'm going to get you that one!"
Without waiting to hear whether she wanted a giant purple teddy bear, he waltzed up to the stall keeper and proceeded to talk shop.
Inspecting the - to Allison's eyes - rather lethal weapon he was handed ("It's only an air rifle!"), he turned it this way and that before declaring it the worst gun he'd ever seen.
"And I've been partridge shooting with my Grand Uncle Arthur, who uses a musket that he swears dates from the Civil War..."
The stall holder clearly didn't know what to say to this, and Alex just grinned, saying "Lord Cole - twice removed - sends his compliments," before lifting the air rifle, aiming carefully, and then - swiftly reloading after each shot, as the rifle could apparently only hold one little metal ball at a time - with perfect precision destroying row upon row of the moving little targets, the stall holder's mouth slowly falling further and further open.
Laying down the rifle on the counter, mission accomplished, Alex once again managed to out-smug anyone within at least ten miles.
"Teddy bear please?" he said, and mere moments later they were outside again, Allison's arms full of purple fur.
"Alex-" she said, trying to shift the plush giant to one side, "I appreciate the effort, but what am I supposed to do with this?"
"Anything you want!" he replied, unconcernedly. "It'll make a lovely thing for snuggling up to at night for example."
"I suppose," she said slowly, and he proceeded to take the bear out of her arms, burying his face in it.
"Just image all this softness next to you all night... Like a big cat, all soft and furry and warm. Mmmmmm, cats."
She lifted an eyebrow.
"And how long have you had this secret crush on our feline friends?"
"Oh I luurve cats," he answered, voice practically a purr, "so gorgeous and mysterious and slinkily self-contained. I'm very fond of you, but you'd understand if I left you for a cat, right? You only have fur on the head, after all..."
"Alex..." she started, biting her lip to try to stop herself from giggling, "stop it."
"Stop?" he echoed, as though this was an entirely new and strange concept. "You have finally exposed my true leanings and appetites, I can't turn back now. Someone bring me a tabby this instant to snog!"
"Alex!" she said again, this time shaking with laughter as he did a good imitation of snogging the teddy bear, "Please! People are looking at us!"
"Well it's not every day you see someone kissing a bear pretending it's a cat - people are bound to find it fascinating..."
His eyes narrowed, scanning the crowd with sudden seriousness, and she determinedly took the bear out of his arms and walked towards the bumper cars.
"Allie - I saw-"
"I don't care. I want to do some driving. I was going to share a car with you, but I think that instead I shall have the bear as a partner - I'll see if we can get you to drive aggressively."
A wicked smile immediately lit up on his face.
"Oh you're on!"
Never a dull moment, and she loved it. Loved the way he could tip any situation (no matter how dull) to somehow becoming mad and fun, could weave entertainment out of thin air and sheer boundless imagination. He was unlike anyone else, and it still caused a thrill that he was hers. That all the showing off, and the thoughtful gestures and all that knowledge, all tailored for her - for the two of them - and not anyone else. The cleverest boy in the world... and she was dating him.
Come evening they ended up in a fish and chip shop, eating the still too-hot fish with relish and washing it down with tea, which was perfect on account of them being very thirsty. The chips were fat and soggy with vinegar (and delicious), and the colour of the mushy peas had Alex making comments about nuclear waste... If Allison had been forced to choose between this meal and the one at the Ritz, it'd have been a close thing.
"This," Alex declared as they walked out, still trying to clean his greasy fingers with a napkin, "has been a marvellous day. Hey - I think this is a shortcut!" And he dived into a side street, the whole thing of course being nothing more than a ploy to get her away from 'people' so he could kiss her.
Something which Allison approved of very much.
And then... one moment she was losing herself in a kiss (soft lips, gentle touches, the world vanishing around them) - the next her arms held nothing but a teddy bear, and when she opened her eyes she saw that Alex was several yards down the road, pinning a non-descript man to the wall by his throat.
Forcing her legs to move, she ran down to them, getting close enough to hear Alex's coldly furious dressing down.
“Now you listen to me, parasite: I realise that I’m public property. But my girlfriend isn’t. So trust me when I say, that if you in any way impinge on her life, I will make your useless existance not worth living. Understood?”
The man, seemingly frozen in place (which wasn’t surprising), attempted a nod, and Alex smiled grimly.
“Good.”
At which point Allison managed to find her voice.
“Alex - what the hell are you doing?”
He frowned, then turned his head, looking at her with annoyance.
“You made me lose my concentration! Now I might have to do it again!”
“Do what again? Threaten people? How is that OK?”
Tilting his head, he seemed almost confused.
“And what do you suggest I do? Just let him go? Do you want your picture all over the tabloids with a filthy pun across it? Oh, or should I punch him and break his camera? That’s the ‘normal’ behaviour in these circumstances, isn’t it? Told you I saw someone... Have been waiting all day to catch him.”
“But... Look at you. This guy is probably just trying to make a living.”
She gestured with the hand that wasn’t full of giant teddy bear, and Alex slowly turned his head and looked the paparrazi photographer over.
“Hm. My girlfriend seems to think that you’re more human than I give you credit for.”
Abruptly letting go - to such an extent that the man staggered and coughed, trying to find his balance - Alex then studied him, eyes narrowing.
“So go on then - what’s your excuse? And don’t even think about making a run for it.”
The man glared as Alex held his camera aloft, impotent fury and loathing visible in the orange glow from the lamps, and his reply was a barely concealed sneer.
“Like your girlfriend said not all of us were born into piles of money and privilege. I’ve got a wife on incapacity benefit - which is about 3 pence a month - and two kids that need educating, and I’m not sending them to local comp, trust me. And that’s before we get to the rent and the bills. I’m not proud of what I do, but it allows us to make ends meet.”
Alex, slowly turning the camera over in his hands, shook his head.
“Like I said, I know I’m public property. I’m every inch the rich spoiled brat you think I am. But she isn’t. And she’s not dating me for the privileges. I won't allow you ruin things for her.”
The photographer clearly didn't care in the least, but stayed silent as Alex seemed to mull something over.
“Tell me - if you could do anything... What would you do? If money wasn’t an issue?”
“What?”
The disgust was giving way to confusion, but Alex pressed his case.
“What are your dreams? What did you want to become when you grew up?”
“I...” he looked from one to the other, and Allison felt as confused as the man looked. Thakfully he decided to speak, still angry enough to want to somehow get back at Alex.
“I wanted to be a wildlife photographer. Won a couple of competitions, but there’s no money in that field. And if could do anything I wanted? I’d be off to Australia faster than you can blink. This country is going to the dogs, and I’d like to give my kids and nice bright start in life. Shame that’s never going to happen.”
“Australia...” Alex said thoughtfully, “Well, that would get you out of my way.”
Tossing the camera back to its owner, he folded his arms.
“Right then. Here’s the deal. You’ve got a choice: You can go home and do the right thing. You delete those photos, and you tell all your little vulture friends that my friends - and especially my girlfriend - is off limits, and maybe the gods will smile on you. Or you can go home, cash in those pictures for a quick buck, and watch as calamity descends.”
Holding the camera tightly to his chest, the guy seemed to literally have little cogs turning in his brain.
“So... you’re, like, paying me off?”
Alex stared at him with illconcealed horror and disgust.
“Just how thick are you? You think I want all your grubby little colleagues running along hoping for a fat cheque? As if.”
Stepping closer, he looked deep into the other’s eyes.
“I meant what I said. Go home, do what’s right, and pray.”
The man nodded, something like fear or awe on his face, and then he scrambled away.
Allison, holding on more tightly to the teddy, could only look at Alex, as he stood looking after him, head held high and eyes blazing, smiling to himself.
“Well... it’ll be interesting to see which way he goes. I hope he goes the right way - creation is so much more enjoyable than destruction. Especially considering the wife and kids etcetera.”
“Alex... what just happened? Are you seriously going to...”
He turned to her, perfectly pleasant, yet still with that hint of steel under the surface. She'd never been more unsettled by him, and he'd never seemed more thoroughly content.
“Well... yes. I’m not one for making empty threats.”
“But you can’t... you can’t play God with people’s lives.”
“Says who?”
“Says I!”
He shrugged.
“So you're higher in the moral universe? Interesting. Should have seen that coming I suppose. But before you get all outraged, remember that he’s got free will - I just gave him a head’s up. Made the stakes a little easier to see.”
She stared at him, unable to believe what she was hearing.
“Listen to yourself. In what world is what you’re doing acceptable behaviour?”
Infuriatingly he remained perfectly calm, looking at her with only the cool attentiveness she was much too familiar with.
“I was brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent. That’s the world I’m familiar with, and that’s the world I do my best to navigate every day.”
“Oh... shut up! Don’t start bringing in your father or whoever you want to blame for being screwed up. This is a real person with a real life and you’re treating it as some kind of game...”
She finally seemed to have hit a nerve, except not the one she was expecting. He looked genuniely taken aback, and when he spoke it was with deep seriousness - almost anger:
“Allie... The one thing I’ve known for as long as I can remember, is this: It’s always real. I’ve no problem with you disagreeing with my methods or my moral values or my behaviour. But don’t ever think that I’m not fully aware of my actions, or unwilling to take responsibility for them. Why do you think I’m so frustrated being here? I have nothing in common with all these children, playing at being grownups, but without a shred of responsibility except for managing a timetable.”
“Well it’s nice to know what you think of me,” she said, knowing that she was being childish and speaking out of anger and hurt, but she couldn’t help herself.
She expected him to rush in with caveats, assurances that of course he hadn’t been talking about her, but of course he was Alex...
“I don’t have much in common with anyone,” he said carefully. “And I never will. I hoped that you and I would be able to bridge the gaps... Was I wrong?”
And it was like arguing with quicksand...
"It... would really have helped if you'd explained the specific gaps that needed bridging," she said, and he tilted his head.
“Well... I’ve never done this before. I don’t presume to know your limits by intuition alone. And morals are hard. Morals are the hardest thing in the world to work out. Which is why I guess we both like numbers - hard facts that can’t lie. If only the world was composed of facts alone...”
“Alex...” she said, stepping forwards, because she wasn't sure what was happening, only she didn't like it, and he reached out, a gentle hand on her arm.
“Allie - the reason I’m here is because I refused to distance myself from, or apologise for, what the Doctor saw as a moral decision. Life never gives us straightforward good and evil, black and white... It’s always endless shades of grey, and all we can do is try to work out a choice that we can live with - something that won’t make us wake up in the middle of the night with regrets. Being here is endlessly frustrating, but not a fraction as bad as I would feel if I went against my better judgement. Ditto that idiot photographer - I can’t think of a better choice to have given him, so even if he chooses the wrong way, it won’t make me lose any sleep.”
And somehow he still didn’t get it.
“That’s not my point. That kind of decision is not yours to make, all on your own. If you don’t want him to take photos then drag him to court, but this... this vigilantism...”
At which he actually smiled.
“Like I said: Brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent. And this is the one thing they all agree on: Never follow the rules.”
No wonder he was so messed up, if this was genuinely what he'd been taught. Still, it didn't magically get him off the hook.
“So you’re just... special.”
“Yes. I am.”
“And the normal rules just don’t apply to you?”
“No they don’t.”
She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t have a single clue how to deal with this.
Cupping her face, he studied her solemnly.
“Told you that you wouldn’t leave because I got in your way...”
“Who says I’m leaving?” she finally asked, and he slowly shook his head.
“I’m not changing. I can’t change. Not in any way that would satisfy you at least... Can you accept that? Accept me?”
She remembered her impression from when they’d first met, the way he seemed to float above all the rules and regulations. It had been ‘just an Alex thing’. Having it confirmed as fact didn’t help at all.
“I... don’t know,” she said softly, and he closed his eyes momentarily.
“I’m not asking you to agree with me. Or approve of me or... anything like that. Just to accept that I do things my way.”
“You expect that to work?”
“Allie-” he let his hand drop, and just looked utterly helpless. “I don’t know how to do this. What are you thinking?”
She was silent for a moment, then looked him straight in the eyes.
“I think your uncle was right in sending you here.”
His eyes narrowed.
“You don’t know what I did...” he said lightly, and she shook her head.
“Doesn’t matter. For all I care you could have been rigging the lottery to help blind orphans, but that still doesn't mean that the end justifies the means.”
“Miles off the mark, although that’s a lovely idea...”
“Don’t you see? That’s the problem. It’s not a ‘lovely idea’, it’s breaking the law. And if this is the way to try to teach you some kind of restraint, then I’m all behind it. Because I think I can finally see how you resemble your father.”
“Oh,” he said tonelessly, going completely still, eyes suddenly dark and lost. “I... can’t do anything about that. Is that it then?”
"I've no idea."
Reaching out again, she laid a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the T-shirt, as a slight tremor passed through him.
“Remember that thing about you being like a jigsaw? I think I just found a large piece. And I'm going to need a bit of time..."
"OK," he said softly; and they went their separate ways.
***
The next morning however, Allison made her way to Jamie's. She needed to talk to someone, and Josh was bound to be at Jamie's. Also she quite simply loved Jamie's cosily cluttered flat, and the fact that beneath the brusque exterior sie was perfectly pleasant - a discovery which had been a long time coming, but once understood had made everything much simpler.
Although when Josh opened the door, wearing only a purple silk kimono, she felt more than a little awkward.
"Sorry... I was hoping I could maybe talk to you... But if this isn't a good time..."
"No no, come in," he said, opening the door further to let her in, and she saw Jamie (in a green kimono which matched hir hair) waving from the kitchen.
"Hi Allie. Not sure I've got enough breakfast for four, but I'll try my best."
"Um, Alex isn't with me. Last night..."
Her voice trailed off, and Josh tilted his head, the drowsy morning sun caressing perfect cheekbones.
"You finally fell out?"
"I don't know, it's - complicated."
"Grab a seat and tell me what happened," he said, and she slowly told the whole story, right from the afternoon's partial meltdown to the final argument, as Jamie brought toast and scrambled eggs and tea.
Josh listened to everything without any kind of overt reaction, and when she'd finished nodded to himself.
"The treatening part - that's totally his dad. Giving the guy a choice, that's the Doctor. But the last part... the manipulation..."
His eyes narrowed and he took a sip of his tea.
"That's a bit Jack and Torchwood, but Jack would never get that elaborate, I don't think. Torchwood tends to just retcon people. Hmmm. It's very him, though. Total control freak, and he does, on occasion, believe that the sun actually revolves around him..."
Allison rubbed her eyes - she'd not slept well, and she could swear that a headache was now creeping up on her.
"But... He can't just... do that..."
Josh smiled an eery echo of Alex's smile.
"Oh but he can. That's the thing. He really can. He might never do it again, but he could."
"So..."
"It's up to you. If you can live with that, go back to him. If you can't, don't."
She sighed.
"You make it sound so simple..."
"It is, in a manner of speaking."
Allison leaned back in the comfy armchair, and wondered at how something so simple could simultaneously be so difficult. Looking at Josh and Jamie, now snuggled up like a pair of cats - beautiful and perfectly content - she couldn't help feeling a stab of jealousy. There were clearly no problems in this little household.
***
She spent the following week trying to work things out in her head, and utterly failing. She was distracted during her lectures, but more or less managed to keep up pretenses around the other students - Alex's habit of not being around for once being a plus.
But come Friday she realised that she'd not even managed to get hold of their new text book, something she would need to familiarise herself with before Monday. Making her way into the Library, she decided to not even bother trying to find it on her own, but to ask for help. Knowing where her head was at, she'd probably walk out with Don Quixote instead...
But as she stepped up to the counter and began speaking, she suddenly faltered as she saw Alex's pleasantly helpful face in front of her.
"This is the book you're after, right?" he asked, handing it over (of course he knew) and she just stared.
"So you're a librarian now? Does it help with masterminding other people's lives?"
Clearly the argument hadn't gone away at all, they were just going to continue it right where they'd left it.
"Not really... But speaking of masterminding, then, as it happens, a couple of weeks ago our mutual friend's wife entered him into a photography competition. He's quite good, so he's going to win that. The prize will be a trip to Australia to illustrate an article. His wife - or possibly his mother - feeling lucky, will buy a lottery ticket, and they'll win just enough money for wife and kids to go with him. Whilst there-"
"Alex!"
He sighed.
"It happened, and I'm not letting it go. There's no point in pondering could-have-beens. All I want to know is - where do you want to go from here?"
She lowered her eyes.
"I don't know. I really don't know."
"Because I've been thinking..."
Lifting her eyes again, she realised that he was now leaning forward on the counter.
"I miss you. A lot. So... what do you say that we become friends with benefits, rather than a couple? Both Matt and Josh argue with me endlessly about my attitudes, but they're still my friends. So we could do the same, but just keep the sex - because that part's nice. And you wouldn't have to worry about my morals and we'd be fine."
She almost burst out laughing, because it was so him it was ridiculous... Instead she tried her best not to smile, something she didn't suceed at very well.
"To me it sounds like you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
"Well of course I do - who doesn't?"
"Excuse me, I believe this is a Library, not a relationship help desk. If you wouldn't mind?"
Startled and embarrassed, Allison turned to see a middle aged woman - clearly a professor of some kind - looking at them with great annoyance, but, turning back to Alex, intending to excuse herself and leave the matter until later, she found him staring at the woman fixedly.
"Modern Classics. That way," he said, pointing, and the woman walked off without another word.
"How did you know what she wanted?" Allison asked, and he shrugged.
"Didn't. But she should leave us alone for a while. So - what do you think to my proposition?"
"I have no idea. But... I've missed you too. Can we just - try to work out what to do together? Because I'm not getting anywhere on my own."
"Absolutely," he replied, and for the remainder of the term they existed in limbo. It was a strange neither on-nor-off kinda thing, and Allison wondered how long she'd end up not-dating Alex for, as she was getting 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' vibes after a while. Or maybe it was Ross and Rachel and 'being on a break'... Although, thankfully, he was the least likely person to cheat, like, ever.
The problem being that no amount of discussions led anywhere. He was utterly unapologetic (especially as masterminding the photographer's new life became his primary focus for a short while - doing everything from halfway across the world proving to be an irresistible challenge), but as Allison refused to let him off the hook, it seemed like they'd reached a stalemate that looked unlikely to ever be broken. Alex said something about it being a perfect Catch-22 of stubbornness, and she wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She missed him like crazy, even though he was right there, and the thought of spending two years with him right there, but unable to be with him, was nearly driving her mad.
But then came the summer holidays, and everything she thought she knew about Alex was turned upside down all over again.
Chapter 11.
kathyh for the look-through! (Fic index here if anyone wants to catch up. And on AO3 here.)Summary: Allison had always thought that university would be an adventure. But she'd not imagined that she'd end up dating Harold Saxon's son.
Setting: 2026 (AU post-Sound of Drums)
Characters: OCs (Alex, Allison, others)
Rating: PG-13.
Wordcount: 6500+ words
Chapter 10
New Year’s Eve proved as magical as expected, but it was the start of the new term that brought the real surprise.
Alex, of course, didn’t turn up for the first lecture of the term, but he didn’t appear afterwards either, and it was only later in the afternoon - when it was nearing evening - that she got a text:
‘Come to Dolans Butchers. S.’
Knowing better than to start asking questions, she wrapped up warm and (with a little help from Google maps) made her way to the place in question, just in time to see a rotund man (the very image of a butcher), rolling down the metal blinds in front of the window and locking up, as Alex pulled on his duffle coat next to him.
“Allie!” he said, features lighting up at the sight of her, and the butcher turned.
"This is the girlfriend, eh? Student, I take it?"
"Indeed," Alex confirmed. "Astrophysics."
The butcher raised an eyebrow. "A brainbox, eh? Your funeral..."
"Oh yeah, I like them smart," Alex said, smiling proudly, before making proper introductions, after which the butcher shook his hand, thanking him for the day's work and - with a brief aside to Allison about how her boyfriend was the most talented young man he'd ever met, never had he come across someone who had picked stuff up like that - and then reminded Alex about what time he was supposed to start the next morning, and Alex nodded solemnly and promised to be there on the dot.
"He takes time keeping very seriously," Allison added, and Alex laughed.
"She knows me well..."
As soon as the butcher had left, however, Allison held up a hand.
"Explain. Now."
Alex smiled beatifically.
"I'm training to be a butcher, I thought that was pretty obvious."
"But... why?"
Of all the millions of things he could be doing, this would not even have made her list.
"Well - it's twofold..."
Taking her hand he started walking, and she followed, listening.
"You might remember that I told my Uncle that I had thought of stuff to keep me occupied, and this is essentially it: I'm just going to learn stuff. Anything and everything. Butchery, bookbinding, cartography, flower arranging, millinery... I've got a proper list and everything. If I spend approximately a week on each craft or trade, I should have amassed a fair collection of useful skills by the end of my stint here. I started with butchery because of Mowgli."
"Mowgli," she repeated, once more impressed with his off-the wall non sequiturs.
"In the Jungle Book," he began, in full lecturing mode, "after Mowgli kills Shere Khan, he skins him, and then spreads his hide on the Council Rock and dances on it... But. To quote the book: 'A boy trained among men would never have dreamed of skinning a ten-foot tiger alone, but Mowgli knew better than anyone else how an animal's skin is fitted on, and how it can be taken off.' I can't begin to tell you how much I begged my uncle to teach me how to do that when I was little - and to let me have my own knife, just like Mowgli did... I rather over-identified with Mowgli back then. However, it is very good to finally learn how to do it. Of course tigers are different from cows and pigs, but I figure the underlying principle is the same. If I ever kill a tiger, I'll know how to skin it myself. Wouldn't mind a tiger rug..."
She listened to this with growing bafflement.
"Are you planning on killing any tigers then?" she finally asked, and he frowned pensively.
"Not really. But you never know. You see that's the thing about this whole venture - I love learning things, and I want to know everything. And part of the reason for that is that you never know what life will throw at you. I hate not being prepared."
For a moment a shadow passed across his face, but she wasn't sure whether it was just the actual shadow of passing under a streetlight, or something deeper. When he spoke again - asking her how her day had been - there was no hint of hidden emotions, and she decided not to pursue it.
At the first available opportunity, however, she got together with Matt and Josh and told them about what had happened before Christmas.
"You... took him to a Planetarium?" Matt asked slowly, as Josh leaned forward, eyes narrowing.
"How did he take it?"
She bit her lip. "Not very well. I was hoping maybe you could explain why?"
A moment, then they both shook their heads.
"Sorry," Matt said apologetically, "He'll tell you in his own time."
Josh, however, looked oddly pleased.
"Nice to know that Mr Always Knows Best isn't coping as well as he said. Best thing his uncle ever did, sending him here - seems the cure is working, at least a little."
"What do you mean?" Allison asked, puzzled, but Josh suddenly clammed up completely and only said "You'll see", with a significant look that Allison didn't like at all. Matt however rolled his eyes, and Allison thought 'Boys' and decided to ignore the remark for the time being.
With Alex busy with his different projects, and she herself busy with her studies, the months seemed to fly by as they settled into a comfortable routine, Alex seemingly determined to keep hold of his title of Perfect (if eccentric) Boyfriend; being attentive, yet never crowding her, and above all always brilliant company.
He also proved himself a continually considerate and thoughtful lover, with just the right amount of adventurousness and inventiveness. (Allison more than suspected that he got tips from Jack, but didn’t dare ask as she was 99% sure that the answer would be a nonplussed: ‘Well of course’.)
So the oddness of Christmas (and other instances of peculiarity) slowly receded beneath a wave of pleasant (although never dull or predictable) relationshipness, and if she ever thought of them she put them down to 'General Alex Weirdness' - besides, she was his girlfriend, not his therapist.
Then came May Day.
Afterwards she sometimes wondered if things had gone differently - if they hadn't gone to the Fair, say - events would not have taken such a decisive and dark turn. But then, Alex was Alex - and sooner or later things would probably have come to a head, no matter what. Alex's summation a week later (he sometimes had a downright spooky ability to guess what went through her head) was the very brief and simple: "It happened, and I'm not letting it go. There's no point in pondering could-have-beens. All I want to know is - where do you want to go from here?"
Friday 1st May 2026
It was a small noise - somewhere between a sigh and a whimper - and Allison looked up from her text book to see Alex, head resting heavily in his hands, staring at his laptop screen with quiet misery.
The flat was quiet, intermittent sunbeams playing across the table between when them when the clouds lost the ongoing battle of trying to keep the sun hidden, the afternoon stretching out in front of them full of delightfully empty hours.
She’d fallen into the habit of Friday afternoon study sessions in Alex's flat, as Matt and Josh were usually elsewhere so it was quiet. Alex would more often than not join her at around 3 pm, making a pot of tea and getting out his own laptop, and they'd sit in companionable silence until they got hungry and decided it was time for some kind of dinner.
Winding down the week by going over all the new things she’d learned was something she’d started several years before, and she now found it an integral part of how she worked, happy to be able to incorporate it into her university life.
Today Alex had arrived at 1 o'clock, having finished early at a boat builders (oddly enough he'd seemed to get more and more maudlin as the week went on - she half suspected he was coming down with something), and they'd already spent more than hour in silent study. (Although what exactly Alex was studying Allison wasn't sure of.)
“What’s the matter?” she asked - surprised, and vaguely concerned - and he closed his eyes.
“Slowly going mad out of frustration....”
As she didn’t answer he looked up, and elaborated.
“Sorry. Don’t want to break into your study time, just to state the obvious. But... OK, so I'm keeping busy, and I'm learning things, and I'm doing pretty well, all told. But there's still all the things I was planning to do before I was shipped off to this deadend, and it's just sitting there, useless, as theory is no good without being able to do proper tests. I have all this work-” he held out his hands towards the laptop, features getting animated, “Good work, important work, possibly vital work, and it’s utterly useless because I can’t build or test or implement single thing.”
Letting his hands fall into his lap, dejection once more claimed him.
“I miss my lab,” he added, voice small and wistful, and the words at the tip of Allison’s tongue were forgotten.
“You... have a lab?” she asked, watching him across the kitchen table in astonishment, but he just nodded, still looking forlorn and uncommunicative.
“Why did you never tell me this? A lab? Like a science lab?”
A wisful sigh, complete with the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
“Everything - anything - lab. The most beautiful thing you can imagine.”
“Alex!”
Looking up he seemed to focus on her properly for the first time.
“Alex! You have a lab and you never told me?”
He shrugged, the wistfulness of the smile turning bitter.
“Doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t get to it. I’ll show you one day, but for now it might as well not exist.”
Taking a deep breath he leaned on his hands again, studying the laptop.
“I’m wasting my time. Time is... slipping through my fingers. Drip drip drip. Second by second by second and I hate it. Hate this... forced suspension of my life. Locked up, shut away, with only pointless distractions to keep me occupied..."
Eyes darkening, the smile vanished.
"They did it to him, you know. My Uncle. Exiled him and curtailed him and tied him down to one place. He knows exactly how I feel, that’s the rub. He chose the punishment that would hurt the most - so goddamn twisted."
Trying to sort through the barrage of new information, she tried to remember what had started it all and focus on that, because he was far too good at getting sidetracked.
“But if it’s important work, can’t you tell your uncle...”
Her voice trailed off at the look he sent her.
“The whole reason I was looking forward to getting proper freedom was the fact that I’d be able to do stuff without him breathing down my neck... I’d have somewhere to do stuff in private, without lectures.”
A sigh, far too cynical for someone that young.
“Heck if this punishment has taught me anything it’s to lie as much as possible - the truth only gets you in trouble.”
“I’m not sure I like what you’re implying,” she said slowly, and he studied her candidly, his smile suddenly back to its normal self.
“I’m a lying liar who lies?”
“That’s not funny,” she admonished, and the smile vanished.
“No it isn’t, I suppose... I guess I just want to find some kind of upside to this place - other than you. Forcing me to stay here isn’t about teaching me anything - or rather, any lessons are incidental. It’s about making me pay. If they can’t make me apologise or change my mind, at least I can be made to suffer. And it’s working far too well.”
Catching her eyes, he sighed.
“I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. But there’s two years left and I... I thought I was good at adapting and make the best of things. But I’m reaching my limits and I don’t know what to do.”
For a long moment she studied him, then put her book firmly down. The diagnosis was now clear: 'Acute Attack of Self-Pity-itis'. Usually he snapped out of it fairly quickly, but obviously something at this boat builders had done a number on him. Thankfully she knew a cure.
“Let’s go see what the May Day Fair is like - I know it’s there all weekend, but I think you need a proper distraction.”
“Um... alright,” he answered, still oddly lifeless, but she closed his laptop and took his hand.
“Come on, you clearly need something else to focus on. Besides - I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to show off.”
And finally he laughed.
As she suspected, the Fair proved to be just the thing. It was big and noisy and full of people, and Alex visibly blossomed. Already the place had that peculiar fair ground smell - popcorn and hotdogs and sugar all coalescing in the spring warmth - and, although there were 14 year old in skimpy outfits and parents with young children and dons in impeccable tweed and everything in between - the normal fairground clientele - they were all far outnumbered by students. Seemingly the whole of Cambridge had decided to check out the fair at the same time.
Allison looked for any one she knew, but it was hopeless, so they bought some candy floss, went on the tea cups and Allison was contemplating the bumper cars when Alex grasped her arm.
"Look! A shooting tent!"
"Is that legal?" she asked, but he just said "Oh who cares," and dragged her into the tent, where they promptly had to undergo various checks to verify their age.
Happily studying the prizes, Alex immediately focussed on the top prize - and giant purple teddy bear, about 4 foot tall - and turned to her, beaming.
"I'm going to get you that one!"
Without waiting to hear whether she wanted a giant purple teddy bear, he waltzed up to the stall keeper and proceeded to talk shop.
Inspecting the - to Allison's eyes - rather lethal weapon he was handed ("It's only an air rifle!"), he turned it this way and that before declaring it the worst gun he'd ever seen.
"And I've been partridge shooting with my Grand Uncle Arthur, who uses a musket that he swears dates from the Civil War..."
The stall holder clearly didn't know what to say to this, and Alex just grinned, saying "Lord Cole - twice removed - sends his compliments," before lifting the air rifle, aiming carefully, and then - swiftly reloading after each shot, as the rifle could apparently only hold one little metal ball at a time - with perfect precision destroying row upon row of the moving little targets, the stall holder's mouth slowly falling further and further open.
Laying down the rifle on the counter, mission accomplished, Alex once again managed to out-smug anyone within at least ten miles.
"Teddy bear please?" he said, and mere moments later they were outside again, Allison's arms full of purple fur.
"Alex-" she said, trying to shift the plush giant to one side, "I appreciate the effort, but what am I supposed to do with this?"
"Anything you want!" he replied, unconcernedly. "It'll make a lovely thing for snuggling up to at night for example."
"I suppose," she said slowly, and he proceeded to take the bear out of her arms, burying his face in it.
"Just image all this softness next to you all night... Like a big cat, all soft and furry and warm. Mmmmmm, cats."
She lifted an eyebrow.
"And how long have you had this secret crush on our feline friends?"
"Oh I luurve cats," he answered, voice practically a purr, "so gorgeous and mysterious and slinkily self-contained. I'm very fond of you, but you'd understand if I left you for a cat, right? You only have fur on the head, after all..."
"Alex..." she started, biting her lip to try to stop herself from giggling, "stop it."
"Stop?" he echoed, as though this was an entirely new and strange concept. "You have finally exposed my true leanings and appetites, I can't turn back now. Someone bring me a tabby this instant to snog!"
"Alex!" she said again, this time shaking with laughter as he did a good imitation of snogging the teddy bear, "Please! People are looking at us!"
"Well it's not every day you see someone kissing a bear pretending it's a cat - people are bound to find it fascinating..."
His eyes narrowed, scanning the crowd with sudden seriousness, and she determinedly took the bear out of his arms and walked towards the bumper cars.
"Allie - I saw-"
"I don't care. I want to do some driving. I was going to share a car with you, but I think that instead I shall have the bear as a partner - I'll see if we can get you to drive aggressively."
A wicked smile immediately lit up on his face.
"Oh you're on!"
Never a dull moment, and she loved it. Loved the way he could tip any situation (no matter how dull) to somehow becoming mad and fun, could weave entertainment out of thin air and sheer boundless imagination. He was unlike anyone else, and it still caused a thrill that he was hers. That all the showing off, and the thoughtful gestures and all that knowledge, all tailored for her - for the two of them - and not anyone else. The cleverest boy in the world... and she was dating him.
Come evening they ended up in a fish and chip shop, eating the still too-hot fish with relish and washing it down with tea, which was perfect on account of them being very thirsty. The chips were fat and soggy with vinegar (and delicious), and the colour of the mushy peas had Alex making comments about nuclear waste... If Allison had been forced to choose between this meal and the one at the Ritz, it'd have been a close thing.
"This," Alex declared as they walked out, still trying to clean his greasy fingers with a napkin, "has been a marvellous day. Hey - I think this is a shortcut!" And he dived into a side street, the whole thing of course being nothing more than a ploy to get her away from 'people' so he could kiss her.
Something which Allison approved of very much.
And then... one moment she was losing herself in a kiss (soft lips, gentle touches, the world vanishing around them) - the next her arms held nothing but a teddy bear, and when she opened her eyes she saw that Alex was several yards down the road, pinning a non-descript man to the wall by his throat.
Forcing her legs to move, she ran down to them, getting close enough to hear Alex's coldly furious dressing down.
“Now you listen to me, parasite: I realise that I’m public property. But my girlfriend isn’t. So trust me when I say, that if you in any way impinge on her life, I will make your useless existance not worth living. Understood?”
The man, seemingly frozen in place (which wasn’t surprising), attempted a nod, and Alex smiled grimly.
“Good.”
At which point Allison managed to find her voice.
“Alex - what the hell are you doing?”
He frowned, then turned his head, looking at her with annoyance.
“You made me lose my concentration! Now I might have to do it again!”
“Do what again? Threaten people? How is that OK?”
Tilting his head, he seemed almost confused.
“And what do you suggest I do? Just let him go? Do you want your picture all over the tabloids with a filthy pun across it? Oh, or should I punch him and break his camera? That’s the ‘normal’ behaviour in these circumstances, isn’t it? Told you I saw someone... Have been waiting all day to catch him.”
“But... Look at you. This guy is probably just trying to make a living.”
She gestured with the hand that wasn’t full of giant teddy bear, and Alex slowly turned his head and looked the paparrazi photographer over.
“Hm. My girlfriend seems to think that you’re more human than I give you credit for.”
Abruptly letting go - to such an extent that the man staggered and coughed, trying to find his balance - Alex then studied him, eyes narrowing.
“So go on then - what’s your excuse? And don’t even think about making a run for it.”
The man glared as Alex held his camera aloft, impotent fury and loathing visible in the orange glow from the lamps, and his reply was a barely concealed sneer.
“Like your girlfriend said not all of us were born into piles of money and privilege. I’ve got a wife on incapacity benefit - which is about 3 pence a month - and two kids that need educating, and I’m not sending them to local comp, trust me. And that’s before we get to the rent and the bills. I’m not proud of what I do, but it allows us to make ends meet.”
Alex, slowly turning the camera over in his hands, shook his head.
“Like I said, I know I’m public property. I’m every inch the rich spoiled brat you think I am. But she isn’t. And she’s not dating me for the privileges. I won't allow you ruin things for her.”
The photographer clearly didn't care in the least, but stayed silent as Alex seemed to mull something over.
“Tell me - if you could do anything... What would you do? If money wasn’t an issue?”
“What?”
The disgust was giving way to confusion, but Alex pressed his case.
“What are your dreams? What did you want to become when you grew up?”
“I...” he looked from one to the other, and Allison felt as confused as the man looked. Thakfully he decided to speak, still angry enough to want to somehow get back at Alex.
“I wanted to be a wildlife photographer. Won a couple of competitions, but there’s no money in that field. And if could do anything I wanted? I’d be off to Australia faster than you can blink. This country is going to the dogs, and I’d like to give my kids and nice bright start in life. Shame that’s never going to happen.”
“Australia...” Alex said thoughtfully, “Well, that would get you out of my way.”
Tossing the camera back to its owner, he folded his arms.
“Right then. Here’s the deal. You’ve got a choice: You can go home and do the right thing. You delete those photos, and you tell all your little vulture friends that my friends - and especially my girlfriend - is off limits, and maybe the gods will smile on you. Or you can go home, cash in those pictures for a quick buck, and watch as calamity descends.”
Holding the camera tightly to his chest, the guy seemed to literally have little cogs turning in his brain.
“So... you’re, like, paying me off?”
Alex stared at him with illconcealed horror and disgust.
“Just how thick are you? You think I want all your grubby little colleagues running along hoping for a fat cheque? As if.”
Stepping closer, he looked deep into the other’s eyes.
“I meant what I said. Go home, do what’s right, and pray.”
The man nodded, something like fear or awe on his face, and then he scrambled away.
Allison, holding on more tightly to the teddy, could only look at Alex, as he stood looking after him, head held high and eyes blazing, smiling to himself.
“Well... it’ll be interesting to see which way he goes. I hope he goes the right way - creation is so much more enjoyable than destruction. Especially considering the wife and kids etcetera.”
“Alex... what just happened? Are you seriously going to...”
He turned to her, perfectly pleasant, yet still with that hint of steel under the surface. She'd never been more unsettled by him, and he'd never seemed more thoroughly content.
“Well... yes. I’m not one for making empty threats.”
“But you can’t... you can’t play God with people’s lives.”
“Says who?”
“Says I!”
He shrugged.
“So you're higher in the moral universe? Interesting. Should have seen that coming I suppose. But before you get all outraged, remember that he’s got free will - I just gave him a head’s up. Made the stakes a little easier to see.”
She stared at him, unable to believe what she was hearing.
“Listen to yourself. In what world is what you’re doing acceptable behaviour?”
Infuriatingly he remained perfectly calm, looking at her with only the cool attentiveness she was much too familiar with.
“I was brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent. That’s the world I’m familiar with, and that’s the world I do my best to navigate every day.”
“Oh... shut up! Don’t start bringing in your father or whoever you want to blame for being screwed up. This is a real person with a real life and you’re treating it as some kind of game...”
She finally seemed to have hit a nerve, except not the one she was expecting. He looked genuniely taken aback, and when he spoke it was with deep seriousness - almost anger:
“Allie... The one thing I’ve known for as long as I can remember, is this: It’s always real. I’ve no problem with you disagreeing with my methods or my moral values or my behaviour. But don’t ever think that I’m not fully aware of my actions, or unwilling to take responsibility for them. Why do you think I’m so frustrated being here? I have nothing in common with all these children, playing at being grownups, but without a shred of responsibility except for managing a timetable.”
“Well it’s nice to know what you think of me,” she said, knowing that she was being childish and speaking out of anger and hurt, but she couldn’t help herself.
She expected him to rush in with caveats, assurances that of course he hadn’t been talking about her, but of course he was Alex...
“I don’t have much in common with anyone,” he said carefully. “And I never will. I hoped that you and I would be able to bridge the gaps... Was I wrong?”
And it was like arguing with quicksand...
"It... would really have helped if you'd explained the specific gaps that needed bridging," she said, and he tilted his head.
“Well... I’ve never done this before. I don’t presume to know your limits by intuition alone. And morals are hard. Morals are the hardest thing in the world to work out. Which is why I guess we both like numbers - hard facts that can’t lie. If only the world was composed of facts alone...”
“Alex...” she said, stepping forwards, because she wasn't sure what was happening, only she didn't like it, and he reached out, a gentle hand on her arm.
“Allie - the reason I’m here is because I refused to distance myself from, or apologise for, what the Doctor saw as a moral decision. Life never gives us straightforward good and evil, black and white... It’s always endless shades of grey, and all we can do is try to work out a choice that we can live with - something that won’t make us wake up in the middle of the night with regrets. Being here is endlessly frustrating, but not a fraction as bad as I would feel if I went against my better judgement. Ditto that idiot photographer - I can’t think of a better choice to have given him, so even if he chooses the wrong way, it won’t make me lose any sleep.”
And somehow he still didn’t get it.
“That’s not my point. That kind of decision is not yours to make, all on your own. If you don’t want him to take photos then drag him to court, but this... this vigilantism...”
At which he actually smiled.
“Like I said: Brought up by a hero, a villain and a secret government agent. And this is the one thing they all agree on: Never follow the rules.”
No wonder he was so messed up, if this was genuinely what he'd been taught. Still, it didn't magically get him off the hook.
“So you’re just... special.”
“Yes. I am.”
“And the normal rules just don’t apply to you?”
“No they don’t.”
She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t have a single clue how to deal with this.
Cupping her face, he studied her solemnly.
“Told you that you wouldn’t leave because I got in your way...”
“Who says I’m leaving?” she finally asked, and he slowly shook his head.
“I’m not changing. I can’t change. Not in any way that would satisfy you at least... Can you accept that? Accept me?”
She remembered her impression from when they’d first met, the way he seemed to float above all the rules and regulations. It had been ‘just an Alex thing’. Having it confirmed as fact didn’t help at all.
“I... don’t know,” she said softly, and he closed his eyes momentarily.
“I’m not asking you to agree with me. Or approve of me or... anything like that. Just to accept that I do things my way.”
“You expect that to work?”
“Allie-” he let his hand drop, and just looked utterly helpless. “I don’t know how to do this. What are you thinking?”
She was silent for a moment, then looked him straight in the eyes.
“I think your uncle was right in sending you here.”
His eyes narrowed.
“You don’t know what I did...” he said lightly, and she shook her head.
“Doesn’t matter. For all I care you could have been rigging the lottery to help blind orphans, but that still doesn't mean that the end justifies the means.”
“Miles off the mark, although that’s a lovely idea...”
“Don’t you see? That’s the problem. It’s not a ‘lovely idea’, it’s breaking the law. And if this is the way to try to teach you some kind of restraint, then I’m all behind it. Because I think I can finally see how you resemble your father.”
“Oh,” he said tonelessly, going completely still, eyes suddenly dark and lost. “I... can’t do anything about that. Is that it then?”
"I've no idea."
Reaching out again, she laid a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the T-shirt, as a slight tremor passed through him.
“Remember that thing about you being like a jigsaw? I think I just found a large piece. And I'm going to need a bit of time..."
"OK," he said softly; and they went their separate ways.
The next morning however, Allison made her way to Jamie's. She needed to talk to someone, and Josh was bound to be at Jamie's. Also she quite simply loved Jamie's cosily cluttered flat, and the fact that beneath the brusque exterior sie was perfectly pleasant - a discovery which had been a long time coming, but once understood had made everything much simpler.
Although when Josh opened the door, wearing only a purple silk kimono, she felt more than a little awkward.
"Sorry... I was hoping I could maybe talk to you... But if this isn't a good time..."
"No no, come in," he said, opening the door further to let her in, and she saw Jamie (in a green kimono which matched hir hair) waving from the kitchen.
"Hi Allie. Not sure I've got enough breakfast for four, but I'll try my best."
"Um, Alex isn't with me. Last night..."
Her voice trailed off, and Josh tilted his head, the drowsy morning sun caressing perfect cheekbones.
"You finally fell out?"
"I don't know, it's - complicated."
"Grab a seat and tell me what happened," he said, and she slowly told the whole story, right from the afternoon's partial meltdown to the final argument, as Jamie brought toast and scrambled eggs and tea.
Josh listened to everything without any kind of overt reaction, and when she'd finished nodded to himself.
"The treatening part - that's totally his dad. Giving the guy a choice, that's the Doctor. But the last part... the manipulation..."
His eyes narrowed and he took a sip of his tea.
"That's a bit Jack and Torchwood, but Jack would never get that elaborate, I don't think. Torchwood tends to just retcon people. Hmmm. It's very him, though. Total control freak, and he does, on occasion, believe that the sun actually revolves around him..."
Allison rubbed her eyes - she'd not slept well, and she could swear that a headache was now creeping up on her.
"But... He can't just... do that..."
Josh smiled an eery echo of Alex's smile.
"Oh but he can. That's the thing. He really can. He might never do it again, but he could."
"So..."
"It's up to you. If you can live with that, go back to him. If you can't, don't."
She sighed.
"You make it sound so simple..."
"It is, in a manner of speaking."
Allison leaned back in the comfy armchair, and wondered at how something so simple could simultaneously be so difficult. Looking at Josh and Jamie, now snuggled up like a pair of cats - beautiful and perfectly content - she couldn't help feeling a stab of jealousy. There were clearly no problems in this little household.
She spent the following week trying to work things out in her head, and utterly failing. She was distracted during her lectures, but more or less managed to keep up pretenses around the other students - Alex's habit of not being around for once being a plus.
But come Friday she realised that she'd not even managed to get hold of their new text book, something she would need to familiarise herself with before Monday. Making her way into the Library, she decided to not even bother trying to find it on her own, but to ask for help. Knowing where her head was at, she'd probably walk out with Don Quixote instead...
But as she stepped up to the counter and began speaking, she suddenly faltered as she saw Alex's pleasantly helpful face in front of her.
"This is the book you're after, right?" he asked, handing it over (of course he knew) and she just stared.
"So you're a librarian now? Does it help with masterminding other people's lives?"
Clearly the argument hadn't gone away at all, they were just going to continue it right where they'd left it.
"Not really... But speaking of masterminding, then, as it happens, a couple of weeks ago our mutual friend's wife entered him into a photography competition. He's quite good, so he's going to win that. The prize will be a trip to Australia to illustrate an article. His wife - or possibly his mother - feeling lucky, will buy a lottery ticket, and they'll win just enough money for wife and kids to go with him. Whilst there-"
"Alex!"
He sighed.
"It happened, and I'm not letting it go. There's no point in pondering could-have-beens. All I want to know is - where do you want to go from here?"
She lowered her eyes.
"I don't know. I really don't know."
"Because I've been thinking..."
Lifting her eyes again, she realised that he was now leaning forward on the counter.
"I miss you. A lot. So... what do you say that we become friends with benefits, rather than a couple? Both Matt and Josh argue with me endlessly about my attitudes, but they're still my friends. So we could do the same, but just keep the sex - because that part's nice. And you wouldn't have to worry about my morals and we'd be fine."
She almost burst out laughing, because it was so him it was ridiculous... Instead she tried her best not to smile, something she didn't suceed at very well.
"To me it sounds like you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
"Well of course I do - who doesn't?"
"Excuse me, I believe this is a Library, not a relationship help desk. If you wouldn't mind?"
Startled and embarrassed, Allison turned to see a middle aged woman - clearly a professor of some kind - looking at them with great annoyance, but, turning back to Alex, intending to excuse herself and leave the matter until later, she found him staring at the woman fixedly.
"Modern Classics. That way," he said, pointing, and the woman walked off without another word.
"How did you know what she wanted?" Allison asked, and he shrugged.
"Didn't. But she should leave us alone for a while. So - what do you think to my proposition?"
"I have no idea. But... I've missed you too. Can we just - try to work out what to do together? Because I'm not getting anywhere on my own."
"Absolutely," he replied, and for the remainder of the term they existed in limbo. It was a strange neither on-nor-off kinda thing, and Allison wondered how long she'd end up not-dating Alex for, as she was getting 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' vibes after a while. Or maybe it was Ross and Rachel and 'being on a break'... Although, thankfully, he was the least likely person to cheat, like, ever.
The problem being that no amount of discussions led anywhere. He was utterly unapologetic (especially as masterminding the photographer's new life became his primary focus for a short while - doing everything from halfway across the world proving to be an irresistible challenge), but as Allison refused to let him off the hook, it seemed like they'd reached a stalemate that looked unlikely to ever be broken. Alex said something about it being a perfect Catch-22 of stubbornness, and she wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She missed him like crazy, even though he was right there, and the thought of spending two years with him right there, but unable to be with him, was nearly driving her mad.
But then came the summer holidays, and everything she thought she knew about Alex was turned upside down all over again.
Chapter 11.