OK, I suppose this is the best place to give feedback on the story so far...
Frankly I think you're much too modest about your talents. The mixture of Dawn's blind teenage romanticism and Spike being well-meaning but absolutely conscienceless is portrayed perfectly.
I think the best and creepiest scene of all was Dawn's teddy bears watching her lose her virginity - and I don't know if the parallel was deliberate, but it struck me that it would only need one small change to the scene to... well, maybe in a future episode Dawn will tie little blindfolds on all her teddies? ;-)
I'm guessing it certainly was deliberate to have the first chapter set on her 16th birthday. :) (Although I believe the age of consent in California is 18...)
With Dawn pleading with Spike to be hers forever and Spike now chipless and able to kill humans again, it's easy to see where this is leading... unless you've got a surprise up your sleeve? Either way, it certainly won't end well, especially considering what happened Spike tried something like this.
Oh, and a nice Catholic girl like you should be ashamed of writing something like this! Disgusting, that's what it is, writing 'ass' when 'arse' is a perfectly good British word... :)
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Frankly I think you're much too modest about your talents. The mixture of Dawn's blind teenage romanticism and Spike being well-meaning but absolutely conscienceless is portrayed perfectly.
I think the best and creepiest scene of all was Dawn's teddy bears watching her lose her virginity - and I don't know if the parallel was deliberate, but it struck me that it would only need one small change to the scene to... well, maybe in a future episode Dawn will tie little blindfolds on all her teddies? ;-)
I'm guessing it certainly was deliberate to have the first chapter set on her 16th birthday. :) (Although I believe the age of consent in California is 18...)
With Dawn pleading with Spike to be hers forever and Spike now chipless and able to kill humans again, it's easy to see where this is leading... unless you've got a surprise up your sleeve? Either way, it certainly won't end well, especially considering what happened Spike tried something like this.
Oh, and a nice Catholic girl like you should be ashamed of writing something like this! Disgusting, that's what it is, writing 'ass' when 'arse' is a perfectly good British word... :)